My Big Fat Drabble Collection
by Ulquiorra9000
Summary: A series of snippets of life from the Soul Society, Hueco Mundo, Karakura Town, and maybe even the Wandenreich! Wide variety of characters, too!
1. Chapter 1: Muse

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **A/N:** Hi, everyone. This story is going to be more new territory for me. After finishing _**Karakura Days and Nights**_ **,** I decided to get into "flash fiction", so here we are! I'm not sure yet how many drabbles I'll come up with. Maybe ten, maybe a hundred! My drabbles will usually be over 100 words, but I'll keep them under 150! Promise!

 **Chapter 1: Muse**

Rukia Kuchiki slammed her head on Ichigo's desk and groaned. Her empty essay paper mocked her, and she felt tomorrow's due date weighing down on her. She felt stuck, like a mastodon in a tar pit. Made sense, since this was a biology essay: "Write about nature. Five pages."

Rukia sauntered down the stairs of the Kurosaki house and sank onto the couch. She fired up the TV and found Animal Planet, where lionesses took down a gazelle, then sharks hunted seals near the coast. Rukia was stunned. Then she got the perfect idea!

She bolted upstairs, put pen to paper, and started scribbling. Her essay topic: rabbits!

They weren't the scariest, but they were cutest thing in the animal kingdom, after all!


	2. Chapter 2: Experiment

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 2: Experiment**

The last week had gone by in a sleepless haze, and Captain Kurotsuchi stalked into his air-conditioned lab, a knot of tension in his gut. He had to unlock the secret to victory against the Wandenreich Quincies fast, or... he didn't even want to think about it.

But then he beheld Lieutenant Yachiru Kusajishi's _own_ experiment: a baking soda and vinegar volcano! She waved. "Hi! Watch this!"

"No!" the captain shouted, but too late: the giggling Lieutenant fired it up, and a blast of red-dyed goop went everywhere.

"How did I do?" Yachiru asked. "Am I scientist now?"

Captain Kurotsuchi merely sighed. This girl would be the death of him...


	3. Chapter 3: Sovereign

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 3: Sovereign**

Hueco Mundo's nighttime vista never changed, but the hollow world seemed a little brighter to Halibel Tier's eyes. Even when she held a badly injured Adjucha-class arrancar in her hands.

Injured by _her_ hands, when the rogue had ambushed her.

"Are you gonna kill me?" the Adjucha demanded.

Halibel shook her head. "That is not the law here anymore," she told him. Her voice was cold like a chilled sword blade, but not as sharp. "I'm queen now. Aizen doesn't own us. You live... and spread the word."

She let him go and watched him scamper over a dune, his wounds slowing but not stopping him.

"Are ya sure about lettin' him go?" Apacci asked.

Halibel sheathed Tiburon. "Yes. I'm sure."

Very.


	4. Chapter 4: Distraction

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 4: Distraction**

Nozarashi. The name of his sword. "Weather beaten."

Kenpachi was still sitting behind the Squad 11 barracks. He vaguely heard the clang of clashing blades as his men sparred, but all he really heard was the scrape of him sharpening his sword far past the necessary amount. He watched the sparks fly, his face like a mask. He heard one other thing, too, in his mind: the wet, horrible _squelch_ of Nozarashi slicing Captain Unohana apart to buy his victory.

Highest damned price he ever paid. He prayed that Yachiru Kisajishi wouldn't find herself paying it. Or Ikakku, that chrome-dome buffoon. Or his 5th seat, Yumichika. Hell, all Yumichika paid for was his stylish accessories.

The sun set. Kenpachi kept sharpening.


	5. Chapter 5: Childhood

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 5: Childhood**

Yoruichi Shihoin liked her alone time.

The noblewoman leaped from tree branch to tree branch on the Shihoin estate. She had been at it all day.

Yoruichi spotted the same old creek that ran along the estate. Her favorite fishing spot since she was little! Fishing bare-handed, that is. She beamed and landed at the creek with a flash step, and her practiced hands plunged into the water to catch a big fat fish.

Missed!

This used to be easier...

Again and again Yoruichi leaped, cat-like, after all the fish she spotted. Then her foot caught on a loose rock as she lunged for another fish, and she toppled into the cool water.

"Madam Yoruichi?"

One of the retainers had come over.

Yoruichi held out her squirming catch. "Want a fish?"


	6. Chapter 6: Someday

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 6: Someday**

Tetsuzaemon Iba was a man's man. A man's man's man! Today, while his captain was patrolling, the lieutenant took a bold step: into Captain Komamura's office, where he found...

A spare captain haori! Perfect condition!

Iba hummed "Eye of the Tiger" to himself as he threw on the haori coat, turning around to admire himself in a tall vanity mirror.

"Gonna be mine one day," Iba told himself in his macho Hiroshima accent. His manly shades glinted.

Heavy footsteps entered the office.

A dog-headed man slammed Iba to the floor and pinned him there.

"C-Captain! You're back already?" Iba gasped.

Komamura's yellow eyes glared, then softened. The captain tugged on the fabric of Iba's "borrowed" haori. "One day, Tetsuzaemon," he said. "I know. But until then, _take it off_!"

Iba obeyed at once and scampered off as manly as possible. Which is to say: not very.


	7. Chapter 7: Brother

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 7: Brother**

Karin Kurosaki held Isshin's umbrella kendo-style and brought it down on an invisible foe before her. She swung the "sword" in a wide sweep, then stabbed the empty air. She heard crickets chirp outside and a wall-mounted clock tick.

"Hey, Karin, have you seen where dad - oh." Ichigo descended the stairs and stared. "Whatcha doin'?"

"Nothing. I'm fine." Karin hastily set aside the umbrella. "I-I haven't seen dad. Sorry."

Her brother shrugged and went back upstairs.

Karin glanced at the umbrella. Yet again, she had seen Ichigo in those strange black robes today, fighting those... _things_... with a sword. She didn't know why. Even imitating swordplay hadn't given her any ideas.

What was her big brother hiding?


	8. Chapter 8: Editorials

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 8: Editorial**

Shuhei Hisagi wrote the last stroke of his angry editorial, then sat up in his office's desk and scanned the text. He scowled, then crumpled the paper up and tossed it aside. Distant thunder rumbled and lightning flashed outside Squad 9's barracks windows.

Shuhei ground his teeth. Didn't he owe the Gotei 13 an indigant rant of Captain Tosen's blatant betrayal? Siding with Aizen... the ex-Captain deserved it, didn't he?

But Hisagi couldn't get the words straight.

So, why not different words?

Hisagi got a fresh sheet and this time, wrote as though Tosen would see these words and be inspired to return to Squad 9. It would never happen. But it felt good to pretend.

The rain started to fall.


	9. Chapter 9: Gift

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 9: Gift**

Lieutenant Omaeda sighed as he found his gift package to Soi Fon returned. The poor woman had been so distraught since fighting Yoruichi Shihoin, and then Sosuke Aizen's departure... she really didn't want any Omaeda clan jewelry?

New strategy.

Omaeda ignored the "good mornings" of the squad 2 members as he made his way to Soi Fon's office. He knocked.

"Enter," the captain called.

Omaeda lumbered in and set a breakfast tray on Soi Fon's lap as she lay in bed.

"Lieutenant -!" Soi Fon snapped.

Omaeda bowed. "I cooked it myself, Captain. Please, enjoy it."

Soi Fon stared, then her face softened and she picked up her chopsticks. "Thank you, Lieutenant. Now get the hell out."

Omaeda obeyed, a satisfied grin spread across his wide face.


	10. Chapter 10: Petal

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 10: Petal**

Byakuya Kuchiki's haori coat billowed behind him as he took his nightly stroll across the Kuchiki estate garden. Almost absent-mindedly, he picked a pink blossom petal from a tree and tossed it toward the biggest pond.

The petal drifted away and landed on the shore.

Byakuya froze. For years, every night, he'd gotten a petal into the water. His late wife's favorite pond. This had always been a particular tribute to her.

Now imperfect.

Should he toss another?

Byakuya moved on, listening as the crickets chirped. The moon shone bright as a tiny part of his mind wailed at him, demanding that he fix this problem.

No need, really. There would be tomorrow night. But he couldn't fully silence that voice...


	11. Chapter 11: Cuisine

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 11: Cuisine**

It was high noon, and Lieutenant Chojiro Sasakibe knew what _that_ meant!

Like clockwork, the same for the past millenium, Captain-General Yamamoto strode from his office and into his private lunch room for a traditional Japanse lunch, but today, Chojiro was ready and waiting for him.

Yamamoto stared at what Chojiro had done. "Sasakibe... what _is_ this?"

Chojiro, already seated, beamed. "I recommend this Western variety lunch today, sir. Crepes! Lasagna! Yorkshire pudding! Sauerkraut! And most of all... a whopper of a cheeseburger!"

Chojiro's heart raced. Surely his boss would be delighted!

Yamamoto humphed and stalked off, muttering to himself.

Chojiro hung his head like a berated dog as he dug into the lunch himself. Better not let it go to waste.

Nothin' beat a classic burger...


	12. Chapter 12: Treat

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 12: Treat**

Captain Ichimaru... Gin... had turned his back on the Soul Society to follow Aizen's madness. And Izuru Kira had fought blindly for him!

And hurt a friend...

These dark thoughts dissolved as Izuru crossed the sunny courtyard and to Squad 5's barracks. He summoned a certain someone.

"Oh... Kira." Momo Hinamori tried to smile, but she still looked distraught. Her lower lip trembled. "I..."

"Look. I, uh... brought you a nice fruit basket! See?" Kira presented a wicker basket of ripe plums, decorated with red lace.

Momo went red. "B-but I... _plums_?"

"Yeah. Like your name!" Kira said brightly.

Momo finally smiled. "You big doofus. They're my _least_ favorite food! Yuck!"

Kira hung his head. "I wish I could say this was my first time making that mistake..."


	13. Chapter 13: Blade

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 13: Blade**

Ikakku felt his sweat-soaked soul reaper uniform clinging to him as his spar with Captain Zaraki stretched into its third hour. Most of Squad 11 had gathered to watch the furious match behind the barracks.

"And... _break_!" Kenpachi leaped back and holstered Nozarashi. "Damn fine work, Madarame."

Ikakku broke into a wide grin. "I'm gonna beat you one day, sir." He pointed at himself with his thumb. "Never even scratched me!"

Kenpachi humphed and wandered off, his tattered haori billowing.

 _I'm the luckiest man alive!_ Ikakku sheathed Hozukimaru and hummed to himself.

Then he felt a sting.

He rolled back his left sleeve and found a tiny cut on his forearm. It had just oozed a single red droplet.

Ikkaku went cold.

 _Unlucky!_


	14. Chapter 14: Rematch

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 14: Rematch**

Lord Aizen was now gone. But not Grimmjow's hunger.

Twilight was spreading across Karakura Town as the ex-Espada vaulted high over yet another hollow, a bull-shaped beast with three whip-like tails. It tried to swat the arrancar aside. It missed.

"Hyah!" Grimmjow swung Pantera in a vicious arc and cleaved the hollow into perfect halves. It dissolved into lifeless mist, its soul utterly destroyed.

Grimmjow wiped his brow and scanned the horizon, hoping against hope... but no. That orange-haired kid... Ichigo Kurosaki... had once again failed to show himself. Even when Grimmjow was practically screaming his presence!

With an angry sigh, Grimmjow sheathed Pantera and shuffled off down an empty street.

 _One day, Ichigo... you gotta show yourself one day...!_


	15. Chapter 15: Strike

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 15: Strike**

Rukia ached from her last sparring session with Kaien, but the Lieutenant was nowhere to be found! This wasn't over yet! Rukia dashed through the sunlit forest, hands tight on Sode no Shirayuki.

A familiar soul reaper lounged on a creekbed, hands folded behind his head. "Hey there, Rukia," he said without turning to look.

Rukia's heart raced in fury. How dare that smug Lieutenant act so casual?! She had to land just one blow today. _One!_

"Defend yourself, Lieutenant Shiba," Rukia warned him, zanpakuto poised to strike.

"I'm on a break. Do what you like," Kaien said simply, still lounging.

Rukia tried to bring her zanpakuto down. Her muscles were willing, but her mind... her pride...

She lowered the sword. "No. Not like this."


	16. Chapter 16: Doppelganger

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 16: Doppelganger**

Aaroniro Arruruerie stepped out of his garganta and across the lamplit street of Karakura Town. It was near midnight, and his stolen soul reaper robes fit perfectly. Good.

Then he spotted his test subjects.

"What the..." One of the two Squad 13 soul reapers stared in shock. "L-Lieutenant Shiba...?"

"But you died!" The other, a clearly excitable woman, pointed an accusing finger. "Where did you come from?! Captain Ukitake didn't say anything -"

Aaroniero sighed. Not good enough, huh?

The Noveno Espada thrust his zanpakuto through the woman's throat and silenced her in a red spray. The man soon followed.

Test failed. _Damn it._

Aaroniero superimposed Kain Shiba's memories over his vision. He saw a smiling Rukia Kuchiki in a sunlit training field.

He'd need a better cover story if he ever met her...


	17. Chapter 17: Thorns

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 17: Thorns**

A pleasant breeze picked up as Retsu Unohana continued her monthly flower arrangement class in Squad 4's barracks. Two dozen young ladies knelt in a semi-circle around her, watching the lesson.

"The rose," Retsu said, gently tapping the red petals. "The flower of passion and desire. Remember that. It's a strong symbol, so a little goes a long way. Like a hot sauce, I suppose."

A few girls chuckled as Retsu picked up two more roses from her basket of flowers. Her left index finger stung as a rose thorn scraped her.

"Oh." Retsu held the finger to her face as two red droplets oozed out.

Instantly, she remembered her old days, when Yachiru Kenpachi of Squad 11 swept her zanpakuto in bloody arcs -

"Captain? Ma'am?" Isane asked tentatively.

Retsu shook her head. The memory vanished. "It is nothing."

It wasn't.


	18. Chapter 18: Visit

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 18: Visit**

Captain Isshin Shiba, now Isshin Kurosaki, hadn't alwasy been Rangiku's _best_ friend. But he'd always been... well...

After setting down her third empty sake bottle, the Lieutenant felt like taking a little trip! She traipsed to the world of the living and to the Kurosaki home. There, Isshin was home alone, stereo cranked on high, the man singing horribly but happily.

Rangiku stood in the corner and had a good chuckle. "I can't believe you were my captain once!"

Isshin halted. He merely stared at the wall across from him as he grouchily said, "I heard that, Matsumoto..."

Rangiku went cold.

 _He can still see spirits?!_


	19. Chapter 19: Perils

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 19: Perils**

Being part of the Hitsugaya Advance Team, especially in gigai bodies, had plenty of surprises.

"This blasted town," Yumichika said in his lofty accent that evening. He dusted off his school uniform. "We nearly got run over by a truck, that massive dog chased us down the block, and we nearly fell into that manhole in the street!"

"Yeah. I need a break." Ikakku put a 100 yen coin into a vending machine, but the blasted thing got stuck.

"No!" Ikakku seized the machine and shook it. "Gimme that! C'mon!"

The machine tipped over and flattened the 3rd seat.

"Ikakku!" Yumichika strained, then lifted the machine off his companion. "You okay?"

Ikakku, who was flat as a pancake, groaned. "Mortals suck!"


	20. Chapter 20: Fool

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 20: Fool**

Momo Hinamori stood with Captain Kuchiki on the Kuchiki clan grounds on a pond's shore. The lieutenant finished packing a small, heavy wooden box crammed with everything Captain Aizen had given her, and everything she had made for him.

"Ready?" Byakuya asked. His slate eyes were fixed on the package.

Momo nodded, then tossed the box underhanded. The Aizen tribute box splashed and sank right to the bottom, out of sight.

"There. You'll never have to think of him again. The arrancar war is over," Byakuya said. He walked off.

Momo kept staring at the water. She was glad that Byakuya hadn't seen the guilty tears in her eyes.

This was supposed to give her closure. Why didn't it?

Was she still a fool?


	21. Chapter 21: Idol

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 21: Idol**

"Soi Fon! You bought that for _me_? Thank you so much!"

Without warning, Yoruichi threw herself onto Soi Fon in a big hug and nuzzled the captain's cheek.

"M-madam Yoruichi! I mean, yes, I did, but..." Soi Fon yelped. She was numb with shock as Yoruichi swiped the expensive black cat necklace that Soi Fon had just bought here in the marketplace.

Yoruichi tried it on and beamed. "Perfect! It's so beautiful!"

"Y... you're welcome, ma'am!" Soi Fon's face warmed as she bowed.

Just as Yoruichi pranced off, Tetsuzaemon Iba wandered over, holding a new pair of manly shades. He stared.

"You saw nothing, lieutenant," Soi Fon snapped.

Iba shrugged and moved on. "Whatever. Besides, I don't blame you. You can't choose your idols."


	22. Chapter 22: Stars

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 22: Stars**

"Okay, I'm gonna wish upon a star," Rukia said, pointing. She lay beside Ichigo on the Kurosaki home's roof late that night as crickets chirped. A dog barked a few houses down. "I wish -"

"Hey, you can't say it out loud, or it'll never come true," Ichigo cut in. He grinned and looked over at Rukia. "C'mon..."

Rukia went red. "Well, excuse _me_! I'm still getting used to human traditions, you know."

Ichigo looked back up at the star-studded sky and chose a really bright one. _Hey, little star... gimme one wish, okay?_

He glanced over at Rukia again and thought back on his daring rescue of her in the Soul Society. He made up his mind.

 _Don't let her get taken away from me again._


	23. Chapter 23: Hado!

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 23: Hado!**

"Hado 31: Shakkaho!"

On Squad 6's training grounds, Renji Abarai crouched a bit and thrust out his flaming palms. The scene glowed red as he fired yet another flame kido.

 _My kido sucked in the Hueco Mundo mission. Gotta get better...!_

"Hey there, Renji. What's - yikes!"

Rangiku yelped and barely leaped out of the way just as she emerged from behind a wall. She tore off her flaming outer robe and stamped on it.

Renji ran over. "Rangiku! I'm sorry! I was practicing -"

"I was just gonna say hello!" Rangiku pouted. Then she beamed. "Hey, even if your aim is lousy, you can make it up to me."

"Really? How?"

Rangiku jabbed her thumb over her shoulder. "Buy me ten rounds at the bar. Let's get going!"

Renji groaned but dutifully followed.


	24. Chapter 24: Fabric

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 24: Fabric**

Uryu's hands trembled as he knocked on Orihime's front door and he felt himself blush. He tried to stay cool, but could hardly contain himself.

Orihime swung open the door and waved. "Uryu! Hi! Come right in!"

"Thank you." Uryu smiled as he unfolded the newly-sewn sundress under his arm to present as a gift, but he tripped over the scuffed-up welcome mat and toppled right into Orihime's living room. Worse: his shoe caught on the sundress's hem, and the gartment tore into shreds!

"Oh, no. I'm sorry! I..." Uryu fumbled to gather up the pieces.

"Don't worry about it. Look!" Orihime knelt and tied a piece around her head like a bandana. "See? It fits, and looks chic! Thank you!"

Uryu wearily gave her the thumbs-up.


	25. Chapter 25: Nag

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 25: Nag**

" _So_ , Rukia... did you get me anything?" Ichigo asked smoothly in class on February 14th.

Next to him, Rukia scowled and went pink. "No, and stop asking!" she hissed. "Seruiously!"

Ichigo scowled back. "Jeez, fine!" He tried to ignore the pink, red, and white decorations on the classroom wall and how Uryu, Chad, and Mizuiro had gotten stuff from girls.

Bummer!

But later at home, Ichigo found a nicely-wrapped tin of homemade cake with pink frosting waiting on his desk. The note: _It's worth the wait, Ichigo. Happy V-Day! -R_

Ichigo got a fork, dug in, and felt the chunky, underbaked cake's awkward flavor hit his tongue.

He took another bite. He didn't mind at all!


	26. Chapter 26: Awe

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 26: Awe**

Deep in his palace in las Noches, Nnoitora Gilga cursed as his spar with Halibel reached its second hour. His bony arms were aching and he was cut all over. Finally, Halibel knocked Santa Teresa from Nnoitora's grip.

"Dammit!" Nnoitora cursed. He bared his large teeth. "I almost had you! Come at me again!"

Halibel's cool green eyes glared back. "I'm done for now. Settle down."

"You -!" Nnoitora spat. "Come on, I'll get you this time! Don't be such a bitc -"

Halibel grazed Nnoitora's cheek with a lightning-fast sword thrust.

"Next time you talk like that, I take your head off. Count on it," she said. She stalked off.

Nnoitora stared. _She's got more spunk than I thought!_

Then he grinned widely. _I like that._


	27. Chapter 27: Challenge

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 27: Challenge**

Arrancar #103, Dordoni, pointed his stylish zanpakuto at Szayelaporro's face. "Duel me, _senor_!" he said with glee. "Should I best you, I shall reclaim a seat among the Espadas!"

Szayelaporro grinned and drew his sword. "Fascinating."

Inside of five minutes, though, Dordoni was bleeding and on his hands and knees. _"Dios mios!"_

Szayelaporro leaned closer, and he tapped the rim of his eyeglasses-like mask fragment. "I've been meaning to experiment on you. You're coming with me... _to my lab_!"

Only one option left...!

Dordoni brought his head up and poked one of Szayelaporro's eyes with his pointy hairstyle, then scampered off in dignified retreat. He didn't stop until he waltzed into his private chambers.

 _I'll reclaim my title one day... but it won't be this day!_

His victory dance would have to wait.


	28. Chapter 28: Priorities

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 28: Priorities**

The primera Espada, Stark, yawned as he stepped out of his garganta and onto Karakura Town's streets. An assassination mission on Ichigo Kurosaki, huh? He scratched his short goatee and sauntered off. This really wasn't his kind of gig!

And damn, this human settlement was huge! Stark had to parkour his way through crazy traffic and mingle through foot traffic as well. Everyone looked so... busy!

Heck, why not take a breather?

Stark stopped by a Mattress Firm store, found the biggest, most expensive king-size bed, and flopped onto it. Bliss!

Comfort!

Sleep...

Zzzzzzzzzzz...

Stark didn't wake up 'till it was sundown. Whoops! It was time for bed back in Las Noches! Well, there was always tomorrow to get this mission done. Or the next day. Or next week. Or...


	29. Chapter 29: Trick

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 29: Trick**

 _What a long day!_ Kisuke Urahara kicked back in his candy shop's private office and opened a box of cookies. He hummed to himself and opened his mouth to take a bite.

A familiar black cat hopped past him and snatched the cookie away.

"Thanks, Kisuke!" Yoruichi said past the cookie wedged in her mouth.

"Why, you!" Kisuke dashed after the rogue kitty and followed her into a dimly lit alley, and he lunged. His hands nearly closed on her...!

In a blink, Yoruichi was atop a gutter, and she trotted off. "Sorry. But I'm hungry!"

Kisuke panted and leaned against a brick wall. Was it a trick of the light? Was he getting old? That had to be it... no way could Yoruichi perform a flash step and get away from him so easily!

Yeah, it was just one big trick.


	30. Chapter 30: Replacement

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 30: Replacement**

Five minutes before the book club was to convene, Shunsui Kyoraku tiptoed into the room. With a wide grin, he swapped out Nanao Ise's featured book on the table with a copy of _Fifty Shades of Gray_. The book was extraordinarily awful, but hey, kinky was kinky!

The door slid open and Nanao Ise stepped in. "Captain?" she blurted. "I didn't expect -"

Shunsui got one look of his lieutenant's air of excited glee for books, and the tome under her arm, and swapped the books back. "Gotta go!" Then he booked it, so to speak, and left the bewildered lieutenant behind.

Maybe he oughta give her a break. A hardworkin' gal like her needed it!


	31. Chapter 31: Burden

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 31: Burden**

Barragan Luisenbarn perked up as Sosuke Aizen stepped into the doorway of his palace. "It is time," Sosuke said confidently. "Gather your fracciones, and we march to Karakura Town."

The segunda Espada grunted the affirmative, seated on his bone-plated throne. He watched as Sosuke marched off to tell Stark and Halibel the same news.

 _You don't know, Sosuke._ Barragan turned over a pendant in his hand, a relic from his time as Hueco Mundo's king. _What a burden being a god is. I'll be watching, boy. Don't take kingship lightly..._

With a huff, Barragan rose and dissolved his chair. He pocketed the pendant for old time's sake, when he bore that weight on his shoulders.

... _Or it will break you._


	32. Chapter 32: Close

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 32: Close**

"And _that_ 's how you do it," Tatsuki told Keigo after school in the gym. She threw another practice punch, her white karate robes rustling.

Keigo mimed the move and panted after the workout. "I swear... I'll never get mugged... again!"

"Great," Tatsuki said shortly. "Come on, practice an attack and I'll show you the right counter." She gave the classic come-on boxer motion.

"Okay - oops!" Clumsy from fatigue, Keigo lunged but toppled into Tatsuki, and he lay upon her, their faces so close...

He could smell her sweet perfume, and see the shock in her eyes... His heart raced.

"N-n-no!" Kiego blubbered, and he ran off, hands over his face.

But he couldn't help a big, fond grin spreading across his face.


	33. Chapter 33: Zen

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 33: Zen**

Tetsuzaemon stood atop a pole on Squad 7's training grounds, hands clasped, balanced on one foot as the breeze rustled by. His manly shades glinted in the sun.

He had to stay balanced and meditate like Captain Unohana had told him. He'd unlock the furthest heights of manly power if he kept this up...!

His stomach growled.

Food. _Now_.

Iba hummed to himself as he visited the nearby market and left a snack vendor with a plate of ribs. Perfect -

Retsu Unohana looked over at him from the other side of an herb cart. Her eyes flashed and she pursed her lips.

 _No!_ Iba gasped and sprinted back to Squad 7's barracks. He'd faced down horrible hollows before... but not Captain Unohana's motherly glare of anger!

At least the meat was still good!


	34. Chapter 34: Homework

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 34: Homework**

''...and that will be all. Good work, class."

Sosuke Aizen stood up from behind his desk, setting down his calligraphy pen as his students, mainly girls, bowed and departed the classroom.

Sosuke was collecting his things when Momo Hinamori approached him. "Captain?"

 _Her..._ Sosuke forced a smile. "Yes, Momo?"

Momo swallowed. "Sir, if I may... you've seemed so... distracted lately. I just..." She twisted her hands together. "... wondered if everything's all right."

Sosuke nodded fractionally. "I've been behind on my paperwork. Late nights, you see," he invented. He patted Momo's head. "Why don't you jump ahead a lesson and practice advanced strokes?"

"I will! Yes, Captain!" Momo beamed and ran off eagerly.

Sosuke's eyes flashed as he, too, left. His scheme... his rise to glory... was so close. Better to keep Momo's nose buried in busywork.

Better to keep her blind.


	35. Chapter 35: Palace

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 35: Palace**

Keeping her adult form together despite the fatigue, Nelliel stepped into Karakura Town dressed in her old rags and stepped into Ichigo Kurosaki's room.

This world... so noisy! Those crickets, rumbling cars, barking dogs... and the sights! Ichigo's room was a palace compared to Nelliel's old lodgings. Las Noches had never been a real home to her like this was to Ichigo. This place lodged his _heart._

Nelliel admired Ichigo's rock 'n roll wall poster, his laundry hamper, and his scattered textbooks before she knelt near the boy. She watched his chest rise and fall.

There was no trace that he was this world's savior. That he'd been _her_ savior. She still remembered how he had stood between her and Nnoitora Gilga.

Even in this bedroom, Nelliel felt so far away from him.

But she was still a friend.

She smiled weakly.


	36. Chapter 36: Share

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 36: Share**

"Rangiku! _There_ you are! We have to resume training, you know. No breaks!"

Izuru Kira stalked over to an apple tree atop a hill, where lieutenant Matsumoto lounged with her hands behind her head.

Rangiku motioned. "I will. But for now, join me," she said warmly.

"We can't! The arrancars have already attacked Karakura Town three times. What if -"

Under Matsumoto's imploring look, Izuru reluctantly sat next to her.

Rangiku passed him a fallen apple. "My aunt used to take me to this tree as a break from the world," she said gently. "She even named it after me. It's still standing. Consider that."

Izuru opened his mouth to respond but instead turned over the apple in his hands, studying it. He let out a sigh.

"You've got a point," he admitted. He managed a smile. "Thanks."


	37. Chapter 37: Faith

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 37: Faith**

It was a time of triumph, of mourning, of rebuilding, and remembrance.

And fresh new swagger!

Lieutenant, no, _captain_ Iba whistled the heaviest hard rock song he knew as he strutted along Squad 7's barracks grounds, barking orders at the soul reapers training nearby.

"Take it easy, captain," Ikakku Madarame piped up, watching as he sat on a low wall. He held a sake gourd in one hand.

"Squad 7 ain't got time to mourn," Iba said, puffing out his chest. "We're gonna make Gotei 13 history as the best squad!"

Ikakku took a drink. "Keep dreamin', bud."

Deep down, Iba felt a flicker of fear. What if he was wrong? His haori coat felt so untested on his shoulders.

He wasn't aware of the brown-furred dog watching fondly from across the training grounds.


	38. Chapter 38: Update

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 38: Update**

In the seclusion of his bedroom in the Kuchiki manor, Byakuya unrolled a fresh sheet of paper, dipped his pen in ink, and wrote.

 _Beloved Hisana,_

 _Peace has returned. Permanently, this time. The Gotei 13 paid a high price for it, and I would pay it again. I could do no less._

Byakuya narrowed his eyes. Then he put the pen back onto paper.

 _There is a new captain of Squad 13: your sister. I can't imagine your look of incredulity and pride at the thought, Hisana. But I like to think that I can see it._

 _She has done us all proud._

Byakuya rolled up the paper and put it away with the other monthly letters. He pretended not to see the single teardrop drying at the bottom of his letter.


	39. Chapter 39: Progress

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 39: Progress**

"Hurry up, you punk! Damn, I thought you were supposed to be good!"

Hanataro Yamadas didn't know the Squad 11 soul reaper's name, but the man didn't quiet snarling until the boy finished mending his wounds while the captains clashed with the Sternritter.

The soul reaper grunted and shuffled off, flexing his healed arm. "Captain Zaraki would cave in your skull for takin' so long!"

Hanataro merely smiled and waved. "You're welcome! Please be safe!"

Then the boy rejoined Lieutenant Kotetsu, and she stared in awe. "Whoa, you really kept your cool, Hanataro. I'm impressed. Your gentle disposition is a perfect example for the rest of Squad 4!"

Hanataro breathed hard and clenched his fists. Then he threw a punch in the air. "That... son of a bitc-!"

Lieutenant Kotetsu clapped a hand over Hanataro's mouth and sighed. "You've got a ways to go, kiddo."


	40. Chapter 40: Pitcher

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 40: Pitcher**

Ichigo's eyes widened when, while digging through his closet, he found his old baseball equipment from middle school. Why not dust 'em off?

"And here's Kurosaki with the wind-up. It's lookin' pretty good..." Ichigo imitated a sportscaster as he prepared a throw in the front yard. He superimposed a stadium packed with fans all around him, complete with the "take me out to the ballgame" organ song.

"...and here's the pitch!"

Ichigo hurled the baseball with all his might.

The maniacal sphere went way off course, headed right for the front window! _No!_

Rukia's arm shot out and she caught it.

Ichigo gasped. "Where did _you_ come from?"

Rukia grinned and tossed the ball back. "I won't tell your dad. But in exchange, you gotta do all my homework for me this week."

Ichigo hung his head. Fair was fair.


	41. Chapter 41: Smudged

**My Big Fat Drabble Colle ction**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 41: Smudged**

"Well now, _that_ can't be right..."

Shunsui Kyoraku scratched his head as he read the grocery list Nanao Ise had handed him for the Squad 8 Annual Feast. Nanao had smudged the last line of her instructions! "Needed: 100 ripe Sdfilh$eBs%x..."

He trotted over to Squad 10's barracks and found Rangiku lounging in the shade. He gently shoved the directions in her face. "I'll pay you 100 kan to help me out. What d'you say?" Shunsui said kindly.

Rangiku squinted at the smudged word, then snapped her fingers. "I got it!" She leaped to her feet and dragged Shunsui along toward a public garden.

That evening, Shunsui and Rangiku brought in several heavy wheelbarrows loaded with... pumpkins!

Nanao gasped. "Hey! I asked for 100 _squashes_! What am I supposed to do with those?"

"My mistake. Sorry." Beaming, Shunsui borrowed a steak knife. "Let's get carving! It's almost Halloween, right?"


	42. Chapter 42: Grasp

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 42: Grasp**

"Come on, just one more!" Marechiyo Omaeda panted to himself as he shakily brought himself up for another chin-up in Squad 2's training grounds.

Captain Soi Fon happened by. "Lieutenant!" she said. "I've never seen you actually _training_ before. Explain yourself."

"The Wandenreich... won't rest! Neither can I!" Omaeda puffed, red in the face. He finished the hellish chin-up.

"Really. How many reps was that?" Soi Fon asked coolly.

"Th-three!"

Soi Fon leaped over and navigated through all the equipment like an acrobat. She landed lightly on a wooden pole. "That's how it's done."

Omaeda let go and fell on his rear. "I-I can't!"

Soi Fon patted his shoulder as she walked past. "Sure you can. Step one: I'm replacing your evening steaks with a salad."

Omaeda gulped. _Okay. I've gotta beat the quincies... one salad at a time!_


	43. Chapter 43: Seep

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 43: Seep**

Rangiku trotted to Squad 10's gym when she stepped on a wide puddle of water seeping out from under the door. "Eeeek! What the -?!"

Cautiously, Rangiku slid open the door and found Captain Hitsugaya slumped face-down, his bankai half-melted around him.

"Captain!" Rangiku hurried over and gently propped him up. "Are you all right?"

Hitsugaya blearily opened his eyes. "L-Lieutenant. I'm fine."

"Are _not_. You gave me a scare!"

"I..." Hitsugaya coughed. "Up all night... training. War isn't over... against the Wandenreich. When I saw that quincy knock you out... the bastard who used my bankai for a while..."

Rangiku gasped as she saw the protective fury in Hitsugaya's eyes. "You pushed yourself like this for _me_?" She beamed, relieved. "I'm flattered!"

Hitsugaya went pink. "No, wait -"

"That's so sweet!" Rangiku kissed his forehead.

"Nooooooooo!" Hitsugaya scampered off.

Rangiku chuckled. He was still a child after all!


	44. Chapter 44: Amber

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 44: Amber**

"Uryu! Look at this!"

Orihime's date with Uryu at the science museum had been fun, and in the gift shop, she waved Uryu over and showed him the piece of replica amber in her hands, and the fake wasp trapped inside.

Uryu nodded and checked the shelf's label. "This represents an insect that was trapped in amber 210 million years ago." He smiled. "Can you imagine the stories a bug like that could tell us now?"

Orihime closed her eyes. "It's a relic," she murmured. "Trapped in time, unmoving."

She remembered her big brother on the stretcher and the ambulance nearby.

And Ichigo's zanpakuto cleansing Sora's hollow spirit.

 _She_ had moved on. Even after the horror of her confinement in Las Noches.

"Orihime? Are you all right?" came Uryu's tentative voice.

Orihime opened her eyes and they stung a bit. "Never better."


	45. Chapter 45: Callous

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 45: Callous**

"No! Nooooooo! This can't be!"

In the Squad 11 barracks dojo, Yumichika howled and held up his right hand in his left, and the other reapers of Squad 11 shuffled past, totally unconcerned.

Then Ikakku joined him. "Hey, keep it down, pal," he said grouchily. He rubbed an eye with his fist. "It's too early for this."

"Look! _Look_!" Yumichika held his hand palm-out to Ikakku, tears in his eyes. "My perfect skin... ruined!"

Ikakku chuckled. "What, a callous? Just means that your trainin' is paying off! A badge of honor!"

Yumichika swelled his chest. "Never! I shall apply flesh-tone powder and erase this horror!"

Ikakku's face fell as he clapped Yumichika on the shoulder. "Sure. But don't forget... only blood, sweat and tears are gonna help us defeat the Wandenreich."

Yumichika nodded grimly. He hadn't forgotten, either.


	46. Chapter 46: Moonrise

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 46: Moonrise**

"Rukia, look!"

Orihime bounced up and down on her heels as Rukia joined her on the Kurosaki front lawn that night. The other members of the Hitsugaya Advance Team were in bed, but Orihime couldn't sleep, and Rukia was still up, too.

Rukia put her hands on her hips as she admired the huge, crater-speckled moon glowing on the horizon, just over the forest of rooftops. "It's lovely."

"It reminds me of you for some reason," Orihime said kindly. "I dunno why, though."

Rukia's violet eyes softened. "There was a big moon like that on the night I met Ichigo."

Orihime nodded. "I remember that night too. It was such an ordinary evening for me. If I had known different..."

Rukia patted Orihime's back. "Let's focus on the here and now."

Orihime fell into silent agreement.

But later in bed, she kept thinking... _What if?_


	47. Chapter 47: Crumpled

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 47: Crumpled**

It was done! At last! Gin had savored the assembled Captains' shock and horror as the Menos had brought the defecting Captains from the execution hill to Hueco Mundo.

Aizen was halfway into some speech as he escorted Gin and Kaname across the bone-white dunes. Gin didn't take in a word; instead, his fingers traced the spot on his neck where Rangiku Matsumoto's zanpakuto had been pressed to his skin.

"Are you listening, Gin?" Kaname asked, probably sensing Gin's distraction.

Gin put on his usual clever grin. "Why not?"

Which wasn't a lie in itself.

Then he drew a crumpled piece of paper from his pocket. He'd nearly forgotten it.

Rangiku's handwriting said: _Gin, don't forget to join me for sake later! We haven't talked enough lately!_

Gin's tongue dearly missed the taste of the sake and Rangiku's voice.

He didn't dare let it show.


	48. Chapter 48: Dragon

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 48: Dragon**

"Hey, Toshiro, I've meant to ask you... what kind of dragon is Hyorinmaru? Eastern or Western? Or something else?"

Ichigo casually tossed the question to Captain Hitsugaya that evening as the Advance Team filled his bedroom yet again to goof off.

Hitsugaya sighed. "It's _Captain_. And what does it matter?"

"It totally does!" Rangiku piped up, ruffling Toshiro's snowy hair. "C'mon, be a sport!"

Toshiro went pink. "Mind your own business!" he snapped.

"If you don't decide, I'll declare it a bunny dragon," Rukia declared. "I'll make it so!"

Toshiro caved to the pressure. "I... saw a movie yesterday about a tamed black dragon..."

"Yeah?" Rukia said.

"And..." Toshiro glanced away. "It was excellent. In it. that trainer kid loved and trusted his little black dragon. It's the same for me. Hyorinmaru is... that kind of parner dragon to me. For all time."


	49. Chapter 49: Karma

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 49: Karma**

Nanao Ise looked up irritably from her desk and scowled at Yachiru. "No, you can't keep that! Give it back to its proper owner right now!"

"No way! Wolf-man wears this. Now I feel big and strong too," Yachiru proclaimed. The Women's Association meeting had been ended early so the chairwoman would run an "errand".

Nanao should have known!

"It's too big for you," Nanao added. "You can't just _wear_ Captain Komamura's helmet."

"Can too." Yachiru tried to slip it over her head. It fell past her shoulders and completely enveloped her down to the floor.

"I'm stuck," came her muffled voice.

Then Captain Komamura peeked inside. "I think someone stole my helmet," he admitted. "Yachiru seems the most likely one, given all her pranks around here."

Nanao shrugged. "Sorry."

Komamura left.

Besides, having Yachiru trapped in there for a while would be a fitting punishment!


	50. Chapter 50: Doorstep

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 50: Doorstep**

 _Ring!_

Ichigo bolted out of bed when the doorbell went off. "What the hell!" He hurried downstairs.

Early morning must hung over the grass as Ichigo picked up the large package on his doorstep. He checked the sloppily-written note: _Our thanks for puttin' Aizen down for good. -Shinji H._

Ichigo sat and opened up the package. First, a tracksuit from Love Aikawa, then a box of candy from Mashiro.

 _This is really cool of them,_ Ichigo thought. He dug in and found a _Maxim_ issue from Lisa Yadomaru (better not let Yuzu see that), and then a stack of Finnish metal CDs from Rojuro Ohtoribashi.

Finally, a small gift in pink wrap. Ichigo opened it.

"Aaaaaargh!" a stink bomb inside went off, and once Ichigo recovered, he found a polaroid of Hiyori flipping him off.

Ichigo groaned. Good old Visoreds...


	51. Chapter 51: President

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 51: President**

"... so, I'm stepping down as Soul Reaper Men's Association's president to make time for Captain-duty paperwork," Iba said reluctantly at the Association's latest meeting one sunny afternoon. His shades glinted sadly.

"This sucks, man," Izuru Kira moaned. He ran his hands over his face. "Does this mean we're dissolving the club?"

Iba thumped a fist over his chest. "Hell no! Buck up; the group lives on! The next name I state shall be the new president, as is tradition!"

Omaeda, Shuhei, Akon, and Renji (the newest member) all perked up and held their breath.

Iba opened his mouth -

A new man kicked open the door. "All hail _me_!" he roared.

"C-Captain Zaraki?!" Iba blurted. Then he winced. "Congrats... you're the new president! Apparently..."

"Damn right." Kenpachi pointed. "Twenty pushups, you worms! Then fifty situps! _Now_!"

It was going to be a long day.


	52. Chapter 52: Spirit

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 52: Spirit**

"This it, Kurosaki. Do whatever you can." Nanao Ise led Ichigo into a decrepit library near Squad 8's barracks. Spiderwebs, dust, and wreckage made for a miserable scene.

Ichigo rolled his eyes. "I was called to the Soul Society to check out a haunted _library_?"

Ise whomped him on the head with an encyclopedia. "Get moving, please!"

Ichigo slouched through the place, unsure what to look for. Then, a horrible white figure leaped down from a bookshelf and right onto him with a horrible howl!

"Noooooo!" Ichigo wrangled with the figure, and his fingers tore off the... white sheet?

Yachiru Kusajishi giggled. "Whoops! You busted me! Teasing Nanao as the Great Library Ghost is over now, huh?"

She ran off.

Ise sighed. "Thank you."

"Next time you need work done," Ichigo snapped, "I'm calling in sick!"


	53. Chapter 53: Avalanche

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 53: Avalanche**

"I never would have married you if I'd have known you were a total... well, slob!" 25-year-old Ichigo teased his wife.

Rukia stamped a foot and went red. She stood surrounded by dirty clothes, empty bowls and cups, books, and a pair of skis. "Sorry. But you know I'm busy with work!"

Ichigo scratched his head. "Fair enough. But it kinda smells, too..."

Rukia shooed him to the door. "Have a good day at the office, okay?"

When Ichigo returned at sunset, the house was spotless!

"Like it?" Rukia beamed.

"I do! Thanks, hon." Ichigo swung open the hallway closet to put his suit coat away.

The whole house's worth of stuff came crashing down and buried him.

"I... might need a longer-term solution," Rukia said with an embarassed giggle.

"I'll lend you a hand with that," Ichigo moaned, "once I'm free."


	54. Chapter 54: Borrow

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 54: Borrow**

Renji's hands trembled as he closed the book. He felt his face warm as he quickly looked this way and that on Squad 6's barracks grounds, hoping no one knew that he had picked up a book that contained... well...

It had to be Captain Kyoraku's. "XXX" was not enough X's for _this_ thing's lustful content!

Renji whistled nonchalantly as he ever-so-casually made his way to Squad 8's barracks to return it. Rukia intercepted him.

"Hey, Renji. Feel like sparring?" she offered. Then she saw the book cover.

"You... _pig_!" she shrieked, swiping the book and hitting Renji on the head with it.

Renji snatched for the book but accidentally sent it flying away. It landed right at Captain Kyoraku's feet.

"Thanks for finding that for me," the Captain said, waving. He walked off.

Rukia saw Renji's expectant look. "Sorry, I guess. Whatever."

Renji sighed wearily.


	55. Chapter 55: Target

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 55: Target**

Lille Barro lowered his rifle on the training field around Silbern when Candice Catnipp came waltzing over.

"Hey there!" Candice said, waving. "Let's make this more fun, okay? Try and hit the target!"

"What the..." Lille stared as Candice stood some distance away, an apple poised on her head. She struck a pose like a 1940s pinup girl.

"Oh, why not?" Lille took careful aim down the sights and squeezed his trigger.

 _BLAM!_

Haschwalth appeared and knocked the rifle's muzzle away. "That's dangerous, Barro," he said sternly.

"Hey, an apple!" Lilotto Lamperd joined the party and gobbled up Candice's apple target. "Thanks!"

"Well, this is typical..." Lille muttered.

Candice stomped her foot. "That wasn't yours, Lilotto! You cow!"

Lilotto stuck out her tongue and skipped away.

Candice pouted. "No one knows how to have fun around here..."


	56. Chapter 56: Feud

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 56: Feud**

 _ **(Turn Back the Pendulum)**_

"Okay, Grandfather. I'm ready this time!" the teenaged Byakuya declared on the Kuchiki manor's training field. He swished his wooden sword a few times to warm up.

Ginrei chuckled. "Byakuya, do you _need_ to harass Captain Shihoin every time she visits?"

"Of course!"

Byakuya heard a familiar _swish_ of shunpo.

"Here I come!" Yoruichi appeared right behind Byakuya and lunged.

Byakuya ducked and rolled. "Ha! You won't steal my hairstring _this_ time!" He swung his sword at Yoruichi's midriff.

Yoruichi suddenly appeared behind Byakuya. "Gotcha!"

Byakuya leaped away. "I've still got my string!"

Yoruchi pointed.

Byakuya felt his ponytail and untied an odd new ribbon. He held it in his hand: the girliest, silliest thing to ever touch his hair! _"No!"_

Yoruichi giggled. "You look so pretty today!"

Byakuya scampered off and didn't stop until he hid under his bedcovers. Such shame!


	57. Chapter 57: Hero

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 57: Hero**

 _ **(Turn Back the Pendulum)**_

"Huh? _You?_ I don't even remember you, kid!"

Young Shuhei Hisagi winced as the wild Lieutenant of Squad 9 poked and prodded him at the Academy recruitment hall.

"I said just want to sign up!" Shuhei barked. "Do you even teach here?"

"Well... no. But I like to meet potential recruits. I'm Mashiro Kuna," the girl said with a slight bow.

"Shuhei Hisagi."

"Be warned, kid: Captain Muguruma is a tough guy!" Mashiro said. "He'll chew your head off!"

"I know. He's the fire who will forge my soul into a blade."

Mashiro blinked. "How d'you know?"

Shuhei bared his chest to show the fresh "69" tattoo. "Because I will _not_ let this tribute be in vain."

Mashiro beamed and clapped Shuhei on the shoulder. "Great! Good luck, kid!"

"Shuhei Hisagi!"

"Sure, kid. Hisagi. Whatever."

Baby steps...


	58. Chapter 58: Test

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 58: Test**

 _ **(Turn Back the Pendulum)**_

"I hear that you're the Academy's brightest graduate in a long time. My name is Sosuke Aizen, Lieutenant of Squad 5."

Aizen bowed, and the silver-haired boy did the same. "Gin Ichimaru."

"How about a game of shogi?"

They were halfway through their game on Squad 5's barracks' porch when Aizen first mentioned the word "hollowfication".

Gin's head came up. "Sounds... fun."

Aizen moved his pieces as he explained. The afternoon sun poked out from a cloud and crept across the porch as the afternoon wore on.

Gin deliberated before moving a piece. "It's true. The Gotei 13... they don't have true _vision_."

"I do?" Aizen prompted politely. He made a move.

Gin moved another piece. "Show me what you can do, Lieutenant Aizen."

Aizen realized that Gin had checkmated him. He slowly smiled. _This is a perfect day._


	59. Chapter 59: Fussy

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 59: Fussy**

 _ **(Turn Back the Pendulum)**_

Captain Ohtoribashi of Squad 3 frowned in front of his bedroom's mirror as his fingers fiddled with his stylish robes.

Today was the welcome ceremony of Squad 12's new captain. Rose had to look his best! Mashiro and other girls had often complimented Rose's immaculate styles with a wink and smile, after all.

"Dammit!" Rose threw off his robes, huffing. What if Squad 12's new captain thought him a boor?

Someone knocked.

"Yo, you're gonna be late," Captain Muguruma said, barging right in.

Rose pointed to his overflowing wardrobe. "I need the perfect outfit!"

"Say no more." Kensei chose a robe at random and threw it. Then a few more.

The robes draped over Rose's head. "You're a man of many talents, Kensei," came his muffled voice. "But this is _not_ -!"

Kensei shrugged. "You'll live."

"In poor taste, that is..."


	60. Chapter 60: Rain (I)

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 60: Rain (I)**

Ichigo yawned as he wandered into the kitchen one morning as rain drummed gently on the windows. "G'morning, Yuzu," he said.

Yuzu set out everyone's breakfast just as Rukia came in too, also in her school uniform. "Good morning, brother," she said brightly. "What a stormy morning, isn't it?"

"Good thing I have a big umbrella," Ichigo commented, settling down to eat. He and Rukia often shared that umbrella on the walk to school...

"Where's your dad?" Rukia asked Ichigo as she picked up her chopsticks. "Normally he'd try to kick your face by now."

Yuzu gasped. "Wait. He went on a jog before the rain started -"

The front door crashed open and a sodden Isshin stumbled in. "G-guys! It's raining!" he wailed before he collapsed, soaking the carpet. He shivered and groaned.

Karin rolled her eyes. "Thanks for the forecast."


	61. Chapter 61: Rain (II)

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 61: Rain (II)**

"So, you liked the Karakura Town Mall?" Ichigo asked his guest as they waited at the bus stop.

Nelliel beamed. "It was so... crowded! And colorful! And the shops... I haven't even heard of most of those things they sold!"

"Not too many iPods or DVDs in Hueco Mundo, I bet." Thunder rumbled in the clouds overhead.

"Humans are so much fun." Nelliel held out a hand. She gasped.

"Huh?" Ichigo grunted.

"Water... from the sky!" Nelliel breathed. A few more raindrops fell, then the rain came in earnest.

Ichigo opened his umbrella, but Nelliel skipped and danced in a growing puddle, her damp green hair whipping around.

"Water! Everywhere! It tickles!" Nelliel giggled.

Ichigo couldn't help a grin. Growing up in a desert had certainly deprived Nelliel of some things...

A truck rumbled by and splashed Nelliel.

She kept dancing.


	62. Chapter 62: Rain (III)

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 62: Rain (III)**

"Oh no! Do you hear that?!"

Orihime leaped off the couch of her living room once she heard a horrible clattering sound mix into the morning rain.

Uryu sat up, eyes wide. "Is that hail?"

"It's gotta be! My home garden!" Orihime slid open the door to her porch, opened her umbrella, and brought in her potted cherry tomato and pea plants. The weary plants were bowed by water.

"They were close to bearing fruit, right?" Uryu asked, kneeling by Orihime on the floor to check the plants.

Orihime nodded. "I'll put them out when the hail stops... oh!" Her fingers found a single, ripe cherry tomato.

"The first," Uryu commented.

Orihime picked it and gently fed it into Uryu's mouth. "Is it good?" she asked, smiling.

Uryu chewed and swallowed. "Very!"


	63. Chapter 63: Rain (IV)

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 63: Rain (IV)**

Izuru Kira looked up from his afternoon tea in Squad 3's barracks when Rangiku Matsumoto knocked.

"I've got a pretty neat idea," she said slyly. "You're a good artist, right?"

Kira set down his mug. "I suppose. Momo coached me."

"Then join me outside!"

Kira sat on the porch under an awning as a light drizzle fell. Flowers in the grass bobbed as raindrops touched them.

Then he started sketching as Rangiku waltzed among the damp flowers, a carefree spirit in the open air. Kira smiled to himself; Rangiku's good cheer was infectious!

Rangiku spun slowly in place, her face to the heavens as she spread her arms wide. Her hair fell in half-damp coils. "Are you gettin' this, Kira?"

"I am." Kira hadn't had this much fun since... well, before Captain Ichimaru's betrayal.

For all her goofing off, Rangiku was so wise.


	64. Chapter 64: Rain (V)

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 64: Rain (V)**

"I'm tellin' you, Rukia, it's still too early to go see Christmas movies for a date," Ichigo said off-handedly as he and Rukia exited the theater after their movie.

"Not true," Rukia said, swatting Ichigo's shoulder with a teasing smile. "Come on, Grinch, I know that deep down you wanna get in the spirit!"

Thunder rumbled as they got onto the sidewalk. "We'll see, hon," Ichigo said with a grin. "Did you feel a raindrop?"

Rukia held out a hand. "Two, actully."

Then the rain came down hard and furious!

"Nooooooooo!" Rukia seized Ichigo's hand and scampered back into the theater lobby with him.

Ichigo checked his watch. He felt an amused grin tug on his lips. "While we're stuck here... let's get tickets for another Christmas movie."

Rukia clapped. "Hooray!"

Ichigo suddenly hoped that the heavy November rain would pour all day.


	65. Chapter 65: Rain (VI)

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 65: Rain (VI)**

"Well, shoot!" Orihime had _just_ finished prepping herself for a nice picnic date with Uryu when the rain started. The steady pitter-patter on the roof, sidewalk, and parked cars was charming enough... but...

What about the date?!

Uryu smiled apologetically as he stepped inside. "I'd hoped that the rain would come later."

Orihime sighed theatrically. "The heavens don't want us to go on that picnic, do they?"

Then she saw the helpless, sad-puppy look on Uryu's face. She brightened. "We can still have fun! Sit down!"

Uryu settled on the couch as Orihime set up... her brother's old Atari console! She powered up the TV and console and sat next to Uryu. She smiled and nudged him. "So, have you ever played classic games?"

"I haven't."

"Then today you learn. Game on!"

It rained all afternoon. Orihime didn't mind anymore.


	66. Chapter 66: Rain (VII)

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 66: Rain (VII)**

Ryuken Ishida had barely sat at his kitchen table to have tea and read the paper when his sort-of friends Isshin and Kisuke barged right inside, both grinning. Behind them, heavy rain fell in sheets.

Ryuken frowned. "I don't like those grins, fellas."

Kisuke folded up his umbrella. "Not much to do on a rainy day like this," he said dramatically. "Ideas, anyone?"

"I vote for -" Isshin started with an excited clap of his hands.

Ryuken held out a hand. "Don't even finish that sentence. How about we go to a local sake tasting party?"

So Ryuken drove them to the party at the local brewery. But Isshin and Kisuke chugged way too much and started loudly singing what sounded like viking war songs. Everyone else stared, aghast.

Ryuken retreated to a corner. _Pretend you don't know them,_ he advised himself.


	67. Chapter 67: Rain (VIII)

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 67: Rain (VIII)**

"Man, it got cloudy so fast!" Keigo complained as Ichigo and his friends set up their umbrellas, blankets, and volleyball nets for a day at the beach.

"Cool it, man. I'm sure it'll clear up," Ichigo said as he and Chad set up a volleyball net and Rukia provided the ball.

"I spent two weeks planning this," Uryu added. "I hope that -"

'Hey, lightning!" Tatsuke pointed at the horizon.

Thunder rumbled.

Everyone got soaked! They screamed in horror and retreated to the cabin.

"Bummer," Keigo said. Then he finished his Coke and offered the glass bottle. "In the meantime, spin the bottle! Get in a circle! Every dare is French kissing or hand stuff! Let's do this!"

Rukia and Tatsuki seized him, opened the door, and tossed him into the rain.

"Come back when your mind is washed clean," Tatsuki told him.

Keigo groaned.


	68. Chapter 68: Rain (IX)

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 68: Rain (IX)**

Hisana Kuchiki smiled as she stood up from the dinner table. "I'm stuffed," she said. "Dear, why not join me outside?"

Byakuya returned his wife's smile as she led him by the hand through a sliding wooden door of the Kuchiki mansion and into a garden lit by dancing fireflies.

"Mmmmm. Smells like rain," Hisana breathed as they slowly danced in place.

Byakuya felt a few drops hit his head. "Perhaps we should go back inside?"

Hisana laughed lightly. "Not yet!" She laughed again as she sped up, and the rain started falling in earnest. Then, whether on purpose or not, she "tripped" and fell upon her husband in the neatly-tended flowerbeds.

"I'm getting my robes muddy -" Byakuya started, until Hisana kissed him deeply.

"This was fun," Hisana said eagerly, a gleam in her eyes. "Whenever the rain falls, we shall dance."

Byakuya kissed her back. "Always."


	69. Chapter 69: Rain (X)

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 69: Rain (X)**

Captain Rukia Kuchiki popped open her bamboo-and-paper umbrella as she stepped out of Squad 13's barracks and into the rain. It had been pouring all day, but on a nearby creek's banks, officers were making the most of it.

"The water is makin' the creek go fast," Renji explained as Rukia joined him. "We're sendin' prayers and memories along."

Like the others, he was folding up water-resistant paper into a boat covered in writing, then set it adrift. In a staggered line, the boats rushed away.

Rukia couldn't even imagine what Mayuri or Kenpachi or Ikakku had written, but still, she accepted a sheet, and wrote to Kaien about _everything_. No one noticed her fond teardrop in the rain.

"Okay, here's mine." Rukia set her boat adrift and watched it go.

"Cool, isn't it?" Renji commented.

Rukia nodded. Her throat was tight.

Kaien had always loved rain.


	70. Chapter 70: Endurance

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 70: Endurance**

Uryu felt himself getting drowsy during the weekly movie night with Orihime, but darn it, he'd stay awake for _Gone With the Wind_ no matter what! He glanced over at Orihime in her darkened living room. "Hey, hon, I was thinking - huh?"

Orihime was slumped over next to him on the plush leather couch, fast asleep.

Just as one of the best make-out scenes came on, Uryu gently shook his girlfriend awake. "Orihime, you're missing it! Look what Rhett and Scarlet are doing!"

"I can do it!" Orihime blurted, bolting upright. Then she giggled and blushed. "Sorry... I'll finish the movie with you. For sure!"

Uryu smiled. "That's great." He draped an arm over Orihime's shoulders.

A minute later, Orihime sprawled across Uryu's lap, totally conked out.

Uryu shrugged. _Next week... a shorter movie!_


	71. Chapter 71: Online

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 71: Online**

Keigo Asano always found the computer science class in school pretty fun, even if he screwed up all his typing lessons and couldn't remember the difference between a JPEG and a GIF. Today, the lesson was about "basic Internet navigation".

Uryu, Chad, and Rukia looked totally serious about the lesson, but darn it, Keigo was not some sheep in the herd! While the teacher blathered on, he flexed his fingers and typed in "beach babes" into the Google image search.

And the safe search was off! Woo hoo!

Tatsuki leaned over to peek. "Watcha doin'?"

Keigo hastily searched for "science news daily".

"Oh, just getting smart, that's all."

Then his pinkie hit the Back button, and the beach models returned in their full glory.

Tatsuki blushed and whacked Keigo hard on the head. "You freak!"

Keigo rubbed his aching skull. The Internet was a perilous place!


	72. Chapter 72: Lost

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 72: Lost**

Giselle Gewelle: the feared Sternritter Z, master of blood and corpses, agent of His Majesty Yhwach.

Where the heck was her hat?!

"Where are you? Come back!" Giselle wandered the dorm wing of Silbern, calling out to her wayward apparel with her hands cupped around her mouth.

Candice Catnipp stuck her head out from her room's doorway. "What's the fuss?"

Giselle felt comical tears well in her eyes. She sniffed. "I can't find my hat!"

"So?"

"So, it's unique, and it looks so cute on me!" Giselle patted her bare head.

Then, Masc de Masculine happened by with his tiny minion James... _who wore the hat!_

"Move it, Sasquatch!" Giselle shoved aside Sternritter S and reclaimed her hat.

At last!

"What the hell?" Masc blurted as Giselle hummed to herself and skipped away.

Candice made a face. "Don't ask."


	73. Chapter 73: Break

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 73: Break**

"Hey, Rukia, that smells pretty good," Keigo said in class one day, sniffing the air.

Rukia went pink and clutched her backpack to her chest. "Forget it, Keigo."

Ichigo knew that tone _and_ lovely scent: Rukia had brought him homemade chocolate to share during their private lunch! He couldn't wait!

But Keigo's puppy eyes worked their magic, and Rukia broke off and lent him a piece. Then Uryu asked politely, and he got a piece, too. Then Chad! And Mizuiro!

Ichigo bolted to the roof at lunchtime to his usual spot with Rukia. When she joined him, he perked up. "Any dessert?" he asked nicely.

Rukia made an embarassed giggle and knelt next to her boyfriend. She offered just a tiny corner piece. "I just can't say no when I'm asked nicely..."

Ichigo added another reason into his mental list to kick Keigo's sorry butt.


	74. Chapter 74: Red

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 74: Red**

Byakuya roamed restlessly around the Kuchiki manor's front gardens. Lieutenant Abarai had been pestering him nonstop for more bankai training ever since the Arrancar War, and if he showed his face in public, he'd be assailed yet again by that pineapple-haired punk.

 _Well... a quick excursion to the market may be in order._ Byakuya nodded to himself and strode off, his haori billowing behind him.

He spotted familiar red hair peeking from behind a well-trimmed hedge.

"Leave, Abarai!" Byakuya pointed and fired Hado 4: Byaku Rai.

Lieutenant Isane Kotetsu leaped out of harm's way, holding a Renji wig on a stick. "Careful!" she cried. "You're so stressed out lately..."

"What is the meaning of this?" Byakuya barked.

Isane winced. "To test whether you were ready to hash things out with your lieutenant." She pointed at the burnt Renji wig. "Apparently not."


	75. Chapter 75: Update

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 75: Update**

Birds tweeted in the fruit orchard on the Kuchiki family manor as Rukia sat on a stone bench in the garden, sipping tea to start her day. She felt another thrill in her stomach as she reminded herself: _I'm a captain now!_

Something rustled. It sounded wrong.

Rukia set her tea aside and drew her zanpakuto. Her violet eyes swept the pristine garden.

Another rustle.

Rukia manifested shikai and released a wave of ice. "Tsugi no Mai: Hakuren!"

Then she found Byakuya's grandfather, Ginrei, half-trapped in the ice!

"I... just meant to check in on my favorite granddaughter," he explained. "Congratulations on your captaincy!"

Rukia bowed. "Thank you."

Ginrei shivered and winced. "Now... could you _please_ release me?"

Rukia blushed with embrassment and undid the ice. She also made sure to offer him hot tea afterwards!


	76. Chapter 76: Chef

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 76: Chef**

"Keigo... how _cute_ that you brought your girlfriend over!"

Keigo Asano went red and shushed his sister. "It isn't a date! I just invited her over... to study..."

"And now you're making her dinner, too?" Mizuho asked with a knowing smile.

"N-no!"

Mizuho sniffed. "A _burning_ dinner, at that."

Keigo scrambled into the kitchen; sure enough, his Super Asano Recipe hamburger patties were charred to hell and back! He seized his head in his hands and fought down a wail. If Tatsuki saw this...!

Tatsuki joined him. "How's it going, master chef?"

"Uh..."

Tatsuki had a knowing smile just like Mizuho's.

 _Oh, no._ Keigo shamefully showed her the burgers.

Tatsuki patted his shoulder. "It's okay. We'll just order something!"

Keigo fumbled for his wallet. "Sure. Anything you like," he mumbled.

One day... he would definitely impress her...!


	77. Chapter 77: How

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 77: How**

"I... can't get these needles... to work!"

Nelliel growled as she fought to knit a proper holiday sweater, but even with Orihime's help, her yarn wound up making a mass of... well, tangled chunks of fabric!

Orihime finished her own sweater and held it up. "It's okay if you need more practice, Nelliel. You'll see!"

"No, I've gotta do this right!" Nelliel narrowed her eyes and wrangled with the stubborn yarn and needles as Orihime watched in awe.

Later, when Ichigo visited, Nelliel presented to him... the same tangle of yarn as before!

"I'm sorry I messed it up," Nelliel said, bowing sadly.

"It's soft, though." Then Ichigo's eyes widened. "I'll stuff a pillow with it, we can take turns napping on it. Okay?" He beamed.

Nelliel nodded. "Deal!"


	78. Chapter 78: Fork

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 78: Fork**

"No, it's gotta be _this_ way, doofus!"

On her vacation day, Rangiku had brought along Kira on a hiking trip to a wildlife park, and now they stood at a fork in the dirt road.

Kira hefted his hiking pack on his back. He pointed. "I've been around here before. That way."

Rangiku pouted. "I wanna see the legendary Shining Rock, too! It's gotta be this way! Or else I'll never share my sake again!"

Kira booked it along Rangiku's path.

But no magical rock. The myth would remain a mere story, wouldn't it?

Then, while taking a water break, Rangiku's eyes widened as a rare, gorgeous deer crept into sight. "Look!"

Kira looked up just as the deer bolted in fright. "That's a rare species. It brings good luck."

Rangiku smiled. "Worth it."


	79. Chapter 79: Combust

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 79: Combust**

"So, this is the Sunidagawa Fireworks Festival? It's kind of... uh..." Bambietta put her hands on her hips and stared up at the fantastic pyrotechnic displays in the night sky over Tokyo.

"What?" Giselle asked.

"Amateurish!" Bambietta declared. "Follow me, Gigi!"

Giselle followed her fellow to a box of fireworks and she winced. "This could go badly..."

"Relax!" Bambietta prepared her Explode power to infuse into the fireworks. "This will give them a real show!"

But then a burly staff member came along and the Sternritter girls hid behind a wall. Then, green, gold and red fireworks made the character for "prosperity" overhead. The crowd cheered.

Bambietta's jaw dropped. "That was..."

"Wonderful!" Giselle squealed, hopping up and down.

Bambietta smiled. "You know what, the humans are doing just fine."


	80. Chapter 80: Fright

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 80: Fright**

"Okay, As. I think you'll really like this movie!"

Candice Catnipp had invited As Nodt to the library, where she set up an old TV and VCR to watch _Monsters, Inc._ She loved it, but afterwards, As Nodt shook his head. "That was silly," he said.

"But you like fear and terror and stuff!" Candice cried. "It's a movie about _monsters_!"

As was unimpressed.

So, Candice popped in _Toy Story_. "I think you'll like this one better."

But halfway through, As shut it off. "This... frightens me."

Candice stared. "Huh?"

"That doll... Woody... he was discarded as useless," As said in horror. "What if His Majesty does the same to me?"

"Relax," Candice told him. "It's just a movie!"

How could anyone find _Toy Story_ scary?!


	81. Chapter 81: King

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 81: King**

Jugram Haschwalth, Sternritter B, sighed and ran a hand through his hair as he finally retreated into his private chambers. Such stressful times! Invading the Soul Society, Yhwach's impending announcement of who will be named his successor...

Jugram fired up his VCR (it was the latest Silbern trend) and put on _The Lion King_. He fast-forwarded to one particular song, one that truly spoke to him in these dramatic times.

 _"Oh, I just can't wait to be kiiiiing!"_ Jugram sang his heart out with the little lion cub on the TV (Simba, he recalled), and he felt his heart swell. Surely, His Majesty would choose him as the knew Quincy King...!

The door creaked open and Yhwach himself stood in the doorway. "Turn the volume down, if you please."

"Y-yes, Your Majesty!" Jugram hurried to obey, and Yhwach walked off.

Jugram waited, then cranked it back up to full.


	82. Chapter 82: Reflection

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 82: Reflection**

Mornings were a time for reflection and tradition where Byakuya Kuchiki was concerned. One Sunday morning, he was already up and in his private bathroom, leaning on the sink with his hands, staring at the nobleman who watched him back. His hair was not yet tidied up, but he oddly savored his bed hair. Hisana... she used to tease him for it, actually.

Byakuya allowed himself a small smile at the memory, how he'd awake next to her, and she'd giggle and run her hands through his messy locks.

He snapped back to the present.

Byakuya tidied himself up, then reached over for his kenseikan... but they were gone! _What?!_

Then Byakuya found Rukia, who wore them. "Sorry!" she said lightly. "I just wanted to... well... how do I look?"

In that morning light, Byakuya saw his late wife smiling at him. "Like a Kuchiki."


	83. Chapter 83: Perfection

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 83: Perfection**

"Hang on, Kira! I've nearly got this!"

Rangiku had a nervous sweat on her forehead as she reached over across the low table in Squad 10's barracks. Slowly, carefully, she slid out the small brick of wood.

The Jenga tower stayed upright!

"Whoo hoo!" Rangiku cheered. "Beat that!"

Izuru Kira licked his lips and cracked his neck. Then he reached for an opportunistic piece... but he changed his mind and took hold of another one.

"Careful!" Rangiku teased.

"Don't... distract me...!" Kira slid the wood piece halfway out, and the tower started to lean dangerously far -

A certain young Captain stalked over and flipped the table. Jenga bricks went everywhere.

"Back to work, Lieutenant!" Toshiro snapped.

Rangiku took comfort thinking that Kira was about to lose. Yet again.

Perfect!


	84. Chapter 84: Seek

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 84: Seek**

Momo Hinamori decided that there was only one way to celebrate Toshiro's graduation into the Gotei 13: their childhood game of hide and seek!

Toshiro was pretty good at it, though. During down time in the Seireitei, Momo hummed to herself as she checked every tool shed, behind every tree and bush, and in every shop for her friend. She wasn't worried, though. Eventually, he would turn up.

"Gotcha!" Momo smiled and pointed as she found Toshiro crouched behind a hedge.

"Nicely done," Toshiro said. "Now, we -"

A Captain appeared suddenly. "I found you, too," he said. "Captain Sosuke Aizen. Just so you know: nothing escapes a Captain's eyes." He smiled politely, then walked off.

Momo shrugged. "Captain Aizen is like that."

"I see." Toshiro scowled at the departing Captain. "I'll be watching him back..."

Momo shivered. This didn't feel like a game anymore...


	85. Chapter 85: Concert

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 85: Concert**

"It's time! It's _time_ guys! Let's go!"

Captain Ohtoribashi grinned like a maniac as he rounded up Tetsuzaemon Iba and Ikakku from their drinking session, then Renji from his training, and Shuhei from his editorial work.

"This is gonna be good," Renji said, rubbing his hands together as Rose opened up a Senkaimon gate.

"Best of the year!" Iba agreed.

But when the guys stepped into the world of the living in Helsinki, Finland, it was pouring rain at the concert venue! Disappointed crowds were being guided away by staff.

Rose sighed. "I was looking forward to this _Insomnium_ show!"

Later, at Squad 3's barracks, he rounded up the guys again and held out his electric guitar. He beamed. "Well, let's just jam out and make our own concert!"

Rock on!


	86. Chapter 86: Magic

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 86: Magic**

"Step right up, ladies and gents, to the Super-Duper Magic Show!"

Shuhei Hisagi, wearing a collared blue cape over his black robes, spread his arms wide to welcome the gathering crowd. Momo, his lovely assistant, bowed.

"First: the hat! What's inside?" Shuhei held out a top hat, waved his wand, and drew a live snow rabbit. He tossed it into the crowd.

Rukia plowed over six people, including Kenpachi, to catch it.

Next, Shuhei guessed Izuru Kira's card from a deck of 52. Then the big event: "sawing" Momo in half while she lay in a box. Shuhei lowered his saw and prepared to cut.

"WAIT!" Rangiku hurried over and opened the box. "This is the wrong prop! You were gonna split Momo in half for real!"

Shuhei gasped. "Crap! Momo, I'm sorry -"

Momo climbed out and handed over the deck. "Stick with the cards, Houdini."


	87. Chapter 87: Wind

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 87: Wind**

"Nice kite, Captain!"

Omaeda waddled across Squad 2 barracks' grounds, where Soi Fon flew a tradtional Japanese kite in the afternoon's strong winds. It was simply beautiful up there! So colorful!

"It was handed down to me from my grandmother. A family heirloom," So Fon explained. "Strength and control are needed to fly it."

"Can I try?"

"Omaeda -"

"Pleeeeease?"

Soi Fon reluctantly handed over the strings. Then, the powerful kite dragged the wailing Omaeda across the grounds with impunity, and he crashed into Squad 3's barracks, right into a stunned Kira.

Omaeda offered the strings. "W-want to... take over?"

Soi Fon snatched back the strings. "That's why this is a family- _only_ tradition!"


	88. Chapter 88: Soap

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 88: Soap**

Captain Toshiro Hitsugaya: child prodigy. Also: utterly befuddled by Bath and Body Works!

"I've gotta cheer her up somehow..." Toshiro awkwardly wandered the fresh-scented shop in the Karakura Town Mall in a gigai. So many options! Why couldn't humans stick with basic soap?

"Toshiro? Hi!"

Toshiro jumped and found Momo in her own gigai, beaming. "I was curious, so I followed you here!"

"I..." This was even more awkward! Toshiro froze.

"Is this your lady friend?" a sales associate asked. She offered an expensive soap and shampoo basket. "Give her this!"

"No, _this_ one!" Another basket from another lady, with different scents.

"This one! For sure!" a third, then a fourth, then fifth. Everyone crowded around Toshiro, pressuring him...

"H... here," Toshiro wheezed later. He handed over the five expensive baskets of goodies he'd bought.

Momo threw her arms around him. "Thank you, Shiro!"

 _Soap..._


	89. Chapter 89: Thrift

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 89: Thrift**

"Welcome back, Ichigo. Thanks for visiting!"

Rukia beamed as Ichigo stepped into the Kuchiki manor one evening, but Ichigo noticed something strained about that smile.

"What's the matter?" Ichigo asked.

Rukia went pink. "Uh... nothing."

"Okay. Anyway... you look wonderful, Rukia." Ichigo grinned and tried to look casual as Rukia twirled around in her expensive new blue and gold kimono with carp and crane patterns on it. She had a pink silk sash, too, and a hairclip.

"Thank you! Classy, isn't it? Now, time for dinner."

Rukia led Ichigo into the dining hall, where they sat at the low table... to instant ramen and toast! Ichigo raised his eyebrows.

"Unfortunately..." Rukia made an embarassed giggle. "This kimono... it cost me my allowance for months! Hope you're hungry."

Ichigo picked up his chopsticks. "Worth it."


	90. Chapter 90: Revelation

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 90: Revelation**

"Ichigo, I need your help."

Renji didn't look pleased to ask that, but Ichigo saw the determination in Renji's eyes as he looked up from his nap under a tree.

"What's going on?" Ichigo asked.

"I can't beat Ikakku in our sparring!" Renji cried. "I wanna become Squad 6 captain one day. It's all I can think about!" He seized his head in anguish.

Ichigo stood and drew Zangetsu. "Come at me."

Swords clashed, and Ichigo soon knocked Zabimaru aside and held Renji at swordpoint. "Got you."

Renji snarled. "Why is this happening?! I've gotta defeat Captain Kuchiki sometime -"

Ichigo rested a hand on Renji's shoulder. "That's your problem. You've got to relax and focus on the now. _The future will come when it's ready_. Take a nap sometimes, for example, and recharge."

Renji lay, and soon conked out.

He looked like he needed it, poor chump.


	91. Chapter 91: Midnight

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 91: Midnight**

"Okay, girls," Candice Catnipp told Lilotto, Giselle, and Meninas as they gathered outside a certain bedroom door at 11:59 PM in Silbern. "Three... two... one!"

Meninas kicked the door open and Candice flipped on the lights. "SURPRISE!" they all shouted. "Happy bir -"

Bambietta let out a terrified shriek and accidentally blew up half her room.

Candice fanned away the smoke. "Hey! We just wanted to wish you a happy birthday! What the hell!"

Bambietta dusted off her nightgown. "Did you have to scare me to death?!"

"Makes it more memorable!" Giselle pointed out. "Anyway, here's your stuff."

She handed over a bag of presents: _Bambi_ on VHS, a large stuffed doll of Bambi, a wall scroll of Bambi, and a cake... with Bambi the deer drawn on it.

Bambietta made an amused noise. "Thanks. I'm sensing a theme here..."

"Or Candice's lack of imagination," Lilotto pointed out.

Candice pouted.


	92. Chapter 92: Summer

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 92: Summer**

"What?! You've gotta be kidding!"

Ikkaku was not impressed when, at a gathering of bros at the Squad 11 barracks, Renji had tried to show off how far he could spit a watermelon seed. Summer heat washed over them and cicadas buzzed.

"Fine, you try," Renji retorted.

Ikakku took a bite of cold watermelon and spat a seed. It went much further, and the other guys cheered.

"Me, too!" Shuhei said, but he fell way short.

"Tough luck." Kira went next, but he barely beat Shuhei's distance.

Renji folded his arms. "This is dumb, anyway."

"Don't be a sore loser, pal." Ikakku showed off and spat another seed... right as Kenpachi happened along. The seed struck the Captain's uncovered eye.

Ikakku scrambled to his feet. "RUN!"

"GET BACK HERE SO I CAN CARVE YOU UP!" Kenpachi roared, chasing the guys across the lawn.

Renji snorted. "Thanks a lot, Ikakku."


	93. Chapter 93: Breakfast

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 93: Breakfast**

"Huh? Kira?"

Toshiro was surprised, and a bit embarassed, when Izuru Kira showed up at Squad 10's barracks one morning.

Kira winced. "I convinced Rangiku to drink too much last night, so I'm gonna repay her by making breakfast. Oh!"

He realized that Toshiro was halfway through making a breakfast for Rangiku as well!

Toshiro narrowed his eyes. "She's my lieutenant. Let me handle this."

"No, me!"

They elbowed each other and growled as they cooked side by side in the cramped kitchen, tempers flaring. But they somehow made two decent breakfasts and took them to Rangiku's door. Kira knocked.

A zombie-like Rangiku cracked the door open, snatched away both breakfast tray, mumbled "thanks, guys", and slammed the door.

Toshiro bowed his head. "I suppose we're even."

Kira nodded. "Yup."


	94. Chapter 94: Echoes

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 94: Echoes**

Shuhei Hisagi waved over a few of his friends. "Hey, look. A cave! Want to explore it?"

Renji shivered. "No thanks. Tight spaces freak me out."

Ikakku scoffed. "Sissypants."

Instead, Shuhei cupped his hands around his mouth and cried, "Echo!" into the cave. And he got a nice, rich echo.

"Me next!" Kira cried, "I'm the best lieutenant in the world!" And his echo agreed.

Shuhei elbowed him. "Not true."

"Aizen can go eat slugs!" Renji hollered into the cave, asnd the bros chuckled at his echo repeating the sentiment.

Then Ikakku took a deep breath. "Captain Kuchiki is a big dumb metrosexual wimpy princess psycho -"

Renji scowled. "That's my Captain!"

"Indeed," came a new voice, and Byakuya did a flash step to join them. "Lieutenant Madarame, you'll be the Kuchiki manor's janitor for the next month. Enjoy that."

Then he left.


	95. Chapter 95: Answers

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 95: Answers**

"Come on, try it!" Giselle urged As Nodt one evening at Silbern.

Sternritter F scoffed. "Foolish toy..."

Giselle made puppy eyes. _"Please?"_

As sighed and sat cross-legged with Giselle, Bambietta, Masc, and Bazz-B around a Ouija board. They all put their hands on it.

"Am I the strongest man alive?" Masc said confidently.

As scowled as the tracker moved to "YES." "You made it go there," As said.

"Will Bambi and Candi and Minni be my friends forever, even in death?" Giselle asked happily, and once again: "YES."

"Whose ass am I gonna kick next?" Bazz-B asked. Everyone moved the tracker to spell U-R-Y-U, and Bambi burst out laughing.

"Kick his sorry butt!" she declared. "But ever so gently, okay? Don't break his lovely face!"

"This is nonsense," As muttered.

"Indeed." Yhwach entered the room, frowning in disapproval.

Giselle drew a deep breath. "RUN AWAY!"


	96. Chapter 96: Tradition

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 96: Tradition**

"This is... kinda boring," Nelliel complained, smiling widely after an uneventful afternoon at a secluded lake. She sat on a fold-out chair next to Ichigo, fishing rod in hand.

Ichigo winced. "My dad took me here all the time. It's special to me."

Nelliel's eyes widened. "Oh! I'm sorry. I like it, too," she said hastily. She went red.

Ichigo chuckled. "It's okay, Nelliel. I was mostly entertained back then by my dad's jokes and pranks while waiting for a bite. We got away from the world for an afternoon."

"And now you're sharing that tradition with me?"

Ichigo smiled. "It's ours now. Like it?"

Nelliel tackle-hugged Ichigo to the ground and nuzzled him. "I love it! Even if I don't catch a fish."

"We sure won't, down here," Ichigo commented dryly. His fishing line had tangled up in the fall.

Oh, big deal!


	97. Chapter 97: Fire

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 97: Fire**

"Okay, I've practiced all this morning. I'm ready!"

Kira took a seat with Byakuya in Squad 5's barracks. "Good luck!"

"Thanks, Izuru." Momo smiled, then rested the wand on the strings. She took a deep breath. "Channel your creative fire... burn with passion..." she muttered.

Then Momo's eyes indeed blazed with that passion, and she ground her wand across the strings.

Kira was reminded of angry stray cats yowling while fingernails on a chalkboard got married to a banshee's wail.

Byakuya muttered an invisible kido to shield his ears by the time Momo was done. "What did you think?" Momo asked brightly.

"It was... great!" Kira croaked.

Momo looked downcast. "Was it bad?"

"Well..."

Momo sighed and lowered the wand. "Violins are hard to play, anyway. I'll switch to the harmonica."

 _Yes,_ Kira thought. _No offense, but please do that!_


	98. Chapter 98: Character

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 98: Character**

"Now presenting..." Ichigo said dramatically from the next room, "the one... the only..."

Then he burst into Orihime's living room, his black cape fluttering. "The Caped Crusader: _Batman_!"

Orihime clapped and cheered in her Little Red Riding Hood costume. "It's wonderful, Ichigo! Like in those movies you had me watch."

Ichigo put on his Batman voice. "Christopher Nolan is the best. Well, I'm ready to go to Keigo's costume party. You ready, too?" He offered Orihime his gloved hand. Orihime smiled and reached to take it -

Something swooped in from the open back door, something leathery and squeaking. It ran right into Ichigo's face.

"Noooooooo!" Ichigo covered his face with his hands and retreated to the bathroom, where he shut himself in.

Orihime knocked. "Ohhhhhh, is Batman scared?"

"N-no!" Ichigo cried.

The bat lingred all evening.


	99. Chapter 99: Falling

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 99: Falling**

Rukia felt vaguely guilty about forgetting exactly what year this was in the world of the living. She knew that it had been decades, though. Since she first met that carrot-haired kid in Karakura Town's downtown. It had only been last year, though, when she last saw his face.

Here. In this gazebo, in this time of year. Orange and red leaves fell in the park, and kids laughed and played as their moms watched. Rukia sat alone, invisible in her Captain's robes, on a bench under the gazebo's roof.

This time last year, Ichigo had shown her photos of his great-grandkids, newly born. She remembered the love and pride in Ichigo's time-worn face, his enduring smile.

Ichigo wouldn't be joining her this year, or the next. Or the next.

The leaves fell.

Rukia stayed.


	100. Chapter 100: Stopwatch

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 100: Stopwatch**

"Daddy, I can _definitely_ beat her this time! Watch me!"

Kazui Kurosaki bowed to his mom and dad in the Kurosaki vacation home's expansive backyard, then turned and drew his zanpakuto. "Come at me, Ichika!"

While her own parents watched, Ichika drew her sword in the evening-lit field and charged with a comical war cry.

Little sword clashed and clanged, and Ichigo kept time with an old-fashioned stopwatch Isshin had given him. Little Kazui wanted to defeat Ichika in record time... but he had yet to even beat her today! Just how did me manage it last time?

Ichika stood over Kazui in triumph. "Yes!" She pumped her fists as the adults chuckled.

The sun had long since set, and the four adults chatted away on the house's porch with wineglasses in hand, as the sound of the kids' clashing swords filled the night air.

 **A/N:** Happy 100 drabbles, everyone! And yes... more to come!


	101. Chapter 101: Getaway (I)

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 101: Getaway (I)**

It was early one spring evening when Ichigo and Rukia rode their bikes up to the public vacation house near Karakura Town. Only nature out here. And each other.

"Whew! I need to cool off," Rukia said, once she dismounted. She stepped onto the shore of the lake near the house.

"Going for a dip?" Ichigo asked.

"Look away."

Ichigo obeyed, and when he turned back, Rukia was already in the water, all her clothes in a pile by her bike.

Rukia gave him an inviting smile.

Ichigo stripped down and joined her, and gave her a gentle splash.

"Hey!" Rukia yelped.

Ichigo chuckled. "Whoops."

"You're on, Ichigo!" Rukia splashed him back with gusto, and Ichigo splashed her back. And on and on, all evening.

 **A/N:** Credit to **mbravesgirl7** for inspiring this particular drabble!


	102. Chapter 102: Getaway (II)

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 102: Getaway (II)**

It was high noon in summer, and Candice and her fellows jumped into the vacation house's lake one at a time, all in brand-new swimwear. Cicadas buzzed and frogs croaked as a breeze rattled the trees' leaves.

"We should play water polo," Bambietta said eagerly. "Does anyone know how to play?"

Meninas looked nervous. "I don't do well at sports..."

"It's easy," Bambietta told her. "C'mon!"

"Yeah. Or we could just play Water Shark," Giselle added.

Lilotto looked skeptical. "What is _that_?"

"You do _this_!" Giselle snuck up on Candice and tackled her right into the water. "Shark attack!"

Candice gasped as Giselle forced her violently underwater. _Nooooooo!_

She let out a blast of instinctive lightning.

When Candice surfaced, she found the other girls floating face-down, shocked into submission.

"Uh... I guess I win," Candice said with a shrug.


	103. Chapter 103: Getaway (III)

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 103: Getaway (III)**

It was late autumn by the time Mayuri Kutostuchi made his way to the lakeside vacation house, lugging a huge, water-tight tank on wheels with Nemu. "At last, I can get this little project done," the captain said, rubbing his hands together. "Nemu, prepare to deploy the subject!"

"Yes, Captain." Nemu brought the tank to the lake's edge and slid open a door. From inside, a tiger shark flowed into the lake and it swam around.

"Perfect. Specimen insertion complete," Captain Kurotsuchi said, shielding his eyes from the afternoon sun. "Now we can clear out those invasive species the Captain-General told us about."

"Yes, sir."

Then:

 _"Noooooooo! Whyyyyy?!"_ came a new voice.

Renji Abarai swam at lightning speed from the pursuing shark, and he collapsed, safe and sound, on the beach.

"Look at that. Our first catch," Captain Kurotsuchi noted.

Nemu nodded. "Yes, sir."


	104. Chapter 104: Getaway (IV)

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 104: Getaway (IV)**

In ressurecion at the lake house, Grimmjow pounced, clawed at the air, leaped from an imagined attack, and ran in laps around the lake to boost his endurance. The whole time, he saw that punk Ichigo's face in mind. Must... defeat... Ichigo!

Then he realized that _another_ carrot-head was here: Orihime Inoue!

Grimmjow froze as Orihime approached him curiously. His tail swished side to side. Should he retreat?

Then Orihime smiled and took a ball of yarn from her pocket, and threw it. Grimmjow scampered after it, batting it with his paws. So much fun!

He chased the ball around and around, until it rolled into the lake and he was too late to stop himself. He tumbled in.

 _My fur!_ Grimmjow climbed out and shook himself dry. "You haven't beaten me yet, Orihime," he told her.

Orihime waved. "Win or lose, it's still fun!"

True...


	105. Chapter 105: Getaway (V)

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 105: Getaway (V)**

"I can't wait, Stark! We're gonna have so much fun!"

Lilynette Gingerbuck skipped to the lake house with her backpack and hiking boots already on. "We'll catch bugs, go fishing, look for bears, carve our initials into trees... I really can't wait!"

"Sure, sure." Stark scratched his head and suppressed a yawn. Flannel and jeans weren't really his thing. "Hey, Lilynette... what d'you say I catch a nap before we start?"

Lilynette pouted. "Fine. But make it a quick one!"

In the rustic cabin, Stark lay on the wide, oak-framed bed and rolled over. What a comfy bed...

It was late evening when he awoke. _Oh no! Lilynette..._ Stark hurried to the door to find her, but then he caught his reflection in a hanging mirror. Lilynette had drawn crude things all over his face as revenge!

He needed an alarm clock for sure.


	106. Chapter 106: Getaway (VI)

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 106: Getaway (VI)**

To celebrate their college graduation, Uryu took his longtime girlfriend Orihime to the lake house in early December (Orihime's favorite month). Uryu admired the frosty beauty, the still snow, the icicles on the cabin's eaves, the frozen lake.

Uryu held a small box in his parkas's pocket and smiled to himself. He could think of one _really_ good way to warm Orihime's heart. Today was the day!

"I remember Sora taking me here," Orihime said fondly as she trekked through the shallow snow. Her cheeks were pink. "I... I think this was the last vacation spot we visited together. Thanks for taking me here, Uryu."

Then she brightened and threw out her arms. "Let's go sledding! And make a snowman! And go ice skating!"

"Sure, hon. I can't wait." Uryu meant every word, but the ring would have to wait a bit...


	107. Chapter 107: Getaway (VII)

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 107: Getaway (VII)**

Uryu put the finishing touches on his snowman as Orihime skated along the frozen lake. He made sure his girlfriend wasn't looking, then loosely tied the ring's box to the snowman's right arm. He felt his heart doing a drumroll in his chest.

"Honey! Come look at this snowman I made!" Uryu hollered. He cupped his mittens around his mouth, his breath steaming the afternoon air.

"Coming!" Orihime skated over to him with gusto... too much, actually! She lost control and plowed right into the snowman, and snow got everywhere in a confusing heap.

Uryu helped Orihime up. "Are you all right?"

Orihime dusted herself off and beamed. "Sure I am. Let's get hot chocolate, okay?"

 _I'll get the ring later._ Uryu followed Orihime to the cabin. He'd find a way to make this work out... somehow...!


	108. Chapter 108: Getaway (VIII)

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 108: Getaway (VIII)**

It snowed that evening, and Uryu sprinted out of the cabin and to the ruined snowman, digging with his mittens, kneeling in the snow. _Darn it... it's got to be in here somewhere!_ But the pile had grown into a huge snowdrift.

Orihime joined him, concern on her face. "What's going on?"

Uryu wiped his brow. "N-nothing. I just... lost something."

"Let me help." Before Uryu could protest, Orihime dived into the snowdrift and dug like a mole. Then she popped up, ring box in hand.

Uryu gently took it and opened it. "Orihime, will -"

"Yes!" Orihime laughed happily. "I will!"

Uryu chattered his teeth, soaked from the snow. "C-can we... do the kiss in the cabin by the fire?"

"Of course, silly!" Orihime took his hand and led him back to the warmth.


	109. Chapter 109: Getaway (IX)

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 109: Getaway (IX)**

Renji opened up his electric guitar in the lake cabin one autumn afternoon with his bandmates. "Okay, guys. Ready to jam?" They all wore crazy studs, black leather boots, torn-up leather jackets, and patched-up skinny jeans.

Shuhei, Ikakku, and Kira prepared their instruments: bass, drumset, and secondary guitar. They were The Skullbangers, the Soul Society's top punk band! They'd be big after a few more gigs. For sure!

Just as Renji was warming up, Shuhei looked umcomfortable. "Be right back, guys," he said, and he retreated outside.

After an hour of jamming without Shuhei, Renji snarled and stomped outside. "Shuhei! Get your arse back here!"

But Shuhei was napping on a pile of leaves. Loser!

Renji kicked him awake. "Skullbangers don't rest, dude! Let's jam!"

Shuhei looked apologetic. "Sorry, bro."

What was his deal, anyway?!


	110. Chapter 110: Getaway (X)

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 110: Getaway (X)**

"What?! Now?!"

Shuhei stared as Nanao Ise and the ladies of the Soul Reaper Women's Association filed into the lakeside cabin for a meeting.

Nanao nodded. "We reserved this cabin."

"So did we," Izuru Kira put in. "We've been looking forward to this." He and The Skullbangers had set up their instruments to jam out, all punk'ed up.

Nanao glanced at the other ladies, then held up her index finger. "One hour, okay? Then we'd like the cabin to ourselves, please."

Kira gave her the thumbs-up. "Deal. Okay, boys, let's rock!"

But after the ladies left, Rukia hung back. She grabbed a spare guitar. "Me, too!" she said.

"For real?" Renji asked.

Rukia did a power chord. "This is more fun than a meeting."

"You're in," Renji said with a grin.


	111. Chapter 111: Getaway (XI)

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 111: Getaway (XI)**

The Gotei 13 Super Cookout Weekend was coming along great, and among the chefs was Byakuya Kuchiki, who labored over the cabin's hot stove all afternoon while other officers and Soul Reapers swam in the lake, chased birds (Yachiru), hiked, or went fishing. Then evening fell, and it was chow time.

Soi Fon had prepared some classy sushi dishes ("It'll fill your tummy", Lieutenant Omaeda promised), Sajin had grilled some massive steaks, and Byakuya served a zesty Italian pasta dish with many sauces and herbs... and _other_ flavors!

"Let's dig in!" Renji declared, and everyone tried Byakuya's dish first.

Byakuya grunted in surprise when everyone went red in the face and scrambled for their cold water, fanning their mouths. "I'm... dying!" Momo wailed.

"Too hot!" Rukia cried.

"Even for me!" Iba agreed.

Byakuya calmly took a bite of his mega-spicy dish without complaint. "Peasants," he muttered.


	112. Chapter 112: Getaway (XII)

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 112: Getaway (XII)**

"Oh gosh, it's getting pretty dark, lil' Shiro." Momo Hinamori hefted her hiking pack up her back and trudged further along the untamed autumn forest as the shadows lengthened. An odd mist was rising.

Momo whirled around and realized that Toshiro wasn't there.

"Oh no... SHIRO!" Momo sprinted along, but she didn't recognize a thing around here. Which way was the cabin? Or the lake?! An owl hooted; it sounded like a taunt.

Momo's heart raced. How could she get lost out here? Where did that jerk Toshiro go?

Then she rememered her kido, and launched a fireball into the sky.

Five minutes, there was Toshiro. "These woods are pretty nasty," he admitted. "I lost track of you. Sorry."

Momo pouted. "This was _your_ idea. Next time we visit the cabin, we play board games inside! _Not_ out here!"

Toshiro could only agree.


	113. Chapter 113: Relief

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 113: Relief**

"Darn it. Didn't think the air conditioner would break!" Ichigo complained one scorching afternoon. His group had taken a day trip to a rustic town, but the motel was a bit shoddy. Ichigo fanned himself while sitting on the queen-size bed.

"Cheer up, Ichigo," Orihime said kindly. She wore a thin yellow sundress and fanned herself, but she was sweating, too. "At least we're not snowed in. That happened to me once."

"Well, _I_ find the heat invigorating!" Nelliel twirled happily in place in the room, her arms out, her white sundress fluttering.

Ichigo groaned. "I could use a swimming pool..."

"Water? We'll be back!" Orihime took Nelliel's hand and scampered off.

An hour later, they came back with... a goldfish in a big glass bowl, brimming with water!

Ichigo grinned. "Close enough."


	114. Chapter 114: Trains

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 114: Trains**

Ichigo sat on a hill overlooking an abandoned train yard, Rukia next to him. "Funny to think," Ichigo commented as the sun set, "how those trains used to go all over Japan, and now they're sitting there. Dormant."

"Mmmmmmm." Rukia stretched her arms as a breeze picked up.

"If that train could run one more time," Ichigo said, "where would you go?"

"I... dunno. There's no trains in the Soul Society."

"Well, duh."

"And you?"

Ichigo sighed. "Oh, I dunno, either. I couldn't take a train to Italy, for example. I wanna see the world."

Rukia laced her fingers between Ichigo's, and she smiled. "Then imagine a fantastical trip on that train. Something magical. _Then_ where would you go?"

Ichigo returned the smile. "You first. Take a vacation, Kuchiki. Where would you go? Anywhere you can imagine..."


	115. Chapter 115: Pieces

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 115: Pieces**

"This game is so _stupid_!"

Nelliel threw up the shogi board in the Kurosaki living room in a rage, the pieces scattering everywhere, the board landing awkwardly on the carpet. Ichigo stared as Nelliel panted, red in the face, until she calmed down.

"You... okay?" Ichigo asked.

Nelliel made an embarassed giggle. "Sorry, Ichigo. But every time I visit, you kick my butt in these games!"

"No games in Hueco Mundo?"

Nelliel shook her head. "Nope! There's endless tag, and... uh..."

"I've got an idea." Ichigo got out an older game box and set it up: Connect Four!

"I'll learn these games one day and kick _your_ butt," Nelliel promised as she slid in a game piece. "You'll see!"

Connect Four, checkers, and backgammon were right up Nelliel's alley, and Ichigo smiled. But he decided against showing her the endless depth and complexity of Go...

 **A/N:** Happy New Year!


	116. Chapter 116: Introduction

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 116: Introduction**

"...and this is my little brother, Ganju. I don't think you two've met?"

Kukaku Shiba did her best to help her brother at the noble family mixer at the Kuchiki estate, but damn, it reminded her of "mule in a horse's harness"!

"My lady! Hi! I mean, good evening! You look nice, and stuff!" Ganju bowed awkwardly to the well-dressed young lady, a bad fit in his navy men's yukata. The poor thing was tearing at the seams. "Have you met Bonnie?"

"Uh... who?" the lady asked, backing up a step.

"Here!" Ganju whistled, and the giant boar came crashing in. Everyone scattered and screamed.

Kukaku bopped Ganju on the head. "Nex time, we're using Internet dating from the world of the living!"


	117. Chapter 117: 33

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 117: 33%**

"Whaaaaaat?! That can't be right! Stupid computer!"

Keigo whacked his laptop with his fist once he finished a well-reputed compatibility test with Tatsuki, and he got handed a lousy 33% match! Not after all they've been through!

"Settle down, Keigo," Tatsuki scoffed. She had just come back from karate practice, and come to visit Keigo before dinner. "Take a deep breath."

"I can't! This computer thinks we don't belong together!" Keigo stormed around his living room, throwing random stuff. "Now I'm scared!"

"Stop it!" Tatsuki roared.

"But...!"

Tatsuki stopped Keigo, held his head in her hands, and leaned forward and kissed him. She smoothed Keigo's shirt. "Okay, what did _that_ feel like?"

Keigo made a wide grin. "100%."

 **A/N:** Feel free to submit reviews if you liked my last few drabbles! There will be at least 150 total. My unofficial new goal is 200.


	118. Chapter 118: Complicated

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 118: Complicated**

Try as he might, Ichigo couldn't get Orihime's rather old TV to work. Uryu, Orihime, Rukia, and Tatsuki were waiting impatiently on the couch with all their snacks ready, but darn it, _The Wizard of Oz_ was a long way off at this rate!

"I can't do it, guys," Ichigo conceded, wiping his brow and rapping on the TV with his knuckles. "This thing is totally busted. I dunno how to fix it."

"That's why we don't have such things in the Soul Society," Rukia commented idly.

Tatsuki rolled her eyes. "So, now what?"

"I've got it." Uryu went into the other room and returned with ana old paperback of _The Wizard of Oz_. "I'll be the bard of the evening, if no one objects."

Ichigo was about to, but the look on Rukia's and Orihime's faces changed his mind. He grabbed a snack and listened.


	119. Chapter 119: Hair

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 119: Hair**

"Bro, I am _not_ wearing that thing! No way! Screw it!"

Ikakku held out his hands in denial as Renji offered him an 80s-rocker glam wig for tonight's gig at the Squad 11 barracks.

"We need a new look," Renji insisted. "C'mon, give it a shot."

Ikakku smoothed his leather jacket and pointed with his biker-gloved hands and his skull earrings. "The Skullbangers are punk, not some glam band like Poison or Van Halen!"

The crowd outside was getting impatient, and Ikakku wasn't budging. Renji sighed and gave up.

Then, Shuhei took the outrageous wig, crammed it onto his head, and stepped onstage to wild cheering, his arms held wide.

Kira stared. "That guy can do _anything_ , huh?"

Ikakku looked horrified. "He'll get all the action from the girls! I should've worn it!"

"Told you," Renji said dryly.


	120. Chapter 120: Sensitive

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 120: Sensitive**

"I-I'm sorry, Captain-General, but I cannot come in for my duties today," Captain Rukia Kuchiki groaned from behind the door of her bedroom in the Kuchiki manor.

Shunsui knocked on the door again. "I came all the way to escort you to the Captains' meeting! Please? And where is the other Captain Kuchiki?"

"Leave, sir!" Byakuya barked from behind his own door.

Shunsui couldn't resist; he threw open Rukia's door. "What's going - oh!"

Poor Rukia was red from sunbathing as she lay feebly on her bed. "I-I talked Byakuya into tanning with me, just for fun," Rukia whimpered. "We overdid it Sorry, sir. We can't carry out our duties with sensitive skin like this..."

"So, Byakuya, your skin is also -?" Shunsui started to slide open Byakuya's door.

Senbonzakura's shikai ensured that Shunsui was sent fleeing all the way to Squad 1's barracks.


	121. Chapter 121: Profanity

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 121: Profanity**

 _"I'm a god-damned son of a bitch, kickin' ass from here to hell -!"_

Renji was halfway through practicing The Skullbangers' newest song with Shuhei, Kira, and Ikakku on the Squad 11 barracks' front lawn when Yachiru wandered by. The tiny lieutenant jumped and cheered. "Yay! Music! Hey, what's a god-damned son of a bitch, anyway? Can you eat it?"

"Uh..." Shuhei ran a hand through his gelled green hair, confused. "Should we ask her to leave?"

"Dunno, bro," Kira said, stumming his bass. "Let's keep going."

Renji resumed with the next line: _"I'm a god-damned demon inside, cruisin' the streets like a motherfuc -"_

Kenpachi appeared on the scene and kicked all the Skullbangers to the curb, and he covered Yachiru's ears. "She has delicate ears, punks."

Renji groaned in the pile of debris.


	122. Chapter 122: Kleptomaniac

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 122: Kleptomaniac**

Kisuke Urahara waved as two customers wandered into his shop. "Welcome, welcome! Is there anything you're looking for today?"

Kensei shrugged. "Just a little present for Lisa. It's her birthday."

"I can help you look!" Ururu skipped over and led Kensei through the aisles.

The other, Mashiro Kuna, slinked her way through the shop, then to the exit, alone...

Jinta pounced, and they both grappled on the floor. Jinta held up an expensive box of chocolates. "Boss! The green-haired girl was gonna steal this!"

Mashiro bowed. "I'm sorry! But I struggle with kleptomania! Please don't get me arrested!"

"I won't," Kisuke assured her. He handed over an apron, broom, and a plunger. He grinned. "Just work it off, and we're square!"

Kensei fought hard to keep a grin off his face.


	123. Chapter 123: Mob

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 123: Mob**

Bazz-B was simply blown away by the time he, Giselle, Masc de Masculine, and Candice finished watching _The Godfather_ on VHS in Giselle's room in Silbern. "Wow!" Bazz-B said. "Those Italian guys are so tough and cool. Why aren't we all more like that?"

"Fine the way I am!" Masc flexed his guns, and little James cheered.

"Where are you going?" Giselle asked when Bazz-B headed for the door.

Bazz-B didn't stop until he kicked open As Nodt's door. He strolled in, chomping a cigar, snapping his fingers. "As, I'll make you an offer you can't refuse! I'm a powerful man, y'see? Capice?" He puffed out his chest.

As scowled, then flung a fear dart at Bazz-B's heart.

"Nooooooooooo!" Bazz-B fled in terror, waving his arms.

As turned away. "Not so tough now, are you, Don Bazz-B?"


	124. Chapter 124: Leisure

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 124: Leisure**

Rangiku was right; Izuru Kira _did_ need a break! He set aside an old storage room in Squad 3's barracks, and he stretched out on a stuffed couch, while smooth jazz played and a fountain bubbled and Kira picked at fruit in a bowl. He hired a few unseated Soul Reapers to fan him with giant palm leaves like the Romans of old!

Momo soon discovered Kira's leisure den, and she had another couch brought in, and she stretched happily. "This is great!" she exclaimed, as more Reapers fanned her.

Then Shuhei joined in, then Rukia, and even Nanao Ise!

 _This is fantastic,_ Kira thought. _All my stress is going away -_

"Ohhhhhhh, would you look at _that_! Oh, my!" Captain Gin Ichimaru strutted in and lounged on a spare couch.

Kira gave everyone else one look and led the retreat. It was Gin's room now!


	125. Chapter 125: VCR

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 125: VCR**

Candice Catnipp put her hands on her hips. "Okay, can anyone tell me why we don't have DVDs or something?" She motioned to the old VCR set and cassette tapes that the Sternritters shared.

"Dunno." Bazz-B shrugged.

"Then I'll get the newest gizmo! Be right back!" Bambietta declared, and she marched off.

She came back with some super-expensive Blu-Ray/Tivo/augmented reality game machine, but neither she nor Candice could hook it up to their old cathode ray TV.

"It doesn't fit in!" Candice snarled as she jammed a cord awkwardly into a slot.

"That's what she said!" Bazz-B hollered from across the room.

Candice tried, but to no avail. "Dammit!" She let out a blast of lightning and fried the whole thing... and Bambietta, too.

"You're paying for that," Bambietta muttered.


	126. Chapter 126: Ring

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 126: Ring**

"Thanks for taking me out on the town, Ichigo. It was wonderful," Nelliel said as she and Ichigo stood over a bridge in Karakura Town one evening, watching the river flow under them.

"Hey, it was nice of you to visit," Ichigo said kindly. "I haven't seen you much lately."

"Yeah. It's cause I was thinking of... um..." Nelliel nervously toyed with her fingers.

"Yes?"

Nelliel got on one knee and held out a gold ring in a tiny box. "Ichigo, will you marry me?" she said in a rush, blushing.

"Whoa whoa! It's the boy who proposes!" Ichigo blurted.

Nelliel gasped. "What?!"

"How about this." Ichigo slid the ring onto Nelliel's finger. "One day, I'll ask _you_ that. Keep the ring for me until then, okay?"

Nelliel nodded. "Okay!"


	127. Chapter 127: Likelihood

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 127: Likelihood**

"This is buffoonery," Byakuya said dismissively as he watched Ikakku, Shuhei, Kira, and Renji gamble away their hard-earned kan at the Rukongai District's finest casino. " _This_ is what you wanted to show me?"

"Try it, Captain! It's fun," Renji suggested.

Byakuya approached the roulette table. "Interesting layout of outcomes and payoffs. Let us try it."

The lesser officers placed safe bets, like Red or 1-12 or Even, but Byakuya piled 10,000 kan on the 6 space. "Six for my squad," he explained.

A young lady in nice robes spun the wheel.

It landed on 6!

"What was the likelihood of _that_?!" Shuhei cried as Byakuya collected his massive payout.

"This isn't fair!" Ikakku grated.

"Never doubt a Kuchiki," Byakuya said, and he was gone in a flash-step.


	128. Chapter 128: Shaking

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 128: Shaking**

Half the Gotei 13's officers had convened at the new fruit orchard (a project launched last year), but getting the fruit was tricky. Apples, oranges, pears, cherries... it was hard work! Bankai and flashy kido spells wouldn't help, either.

"Stupid... thing!" Kenpachi kicked a tree's trunk. "Gimme your apples, bastard!"

"Now, you have to do this correctly," Sajin Komamura said. He braced himself, then shook the tree really hard.

Apples rained on everyone like hail, and a few were knocked out!

Rukia used her wicker basket as a helmet and collected a few apples. "Renji, you okay?"

Renji had been stunned by an apple, and he lay on the ground with a bruise on his forehead. He groaned.

Rukia smiled and picked up a fruit. "I'll make an apple pie, and you can have the first slice. Okay?"

"You're the best."


	129. Chapter 129: Clutch

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 129: Clutch**

"Hey! Give it _back_ already!" Kazui Kurosaki hopped up and down in his backyard, flailing his arms as Ichika stood on her tip-toes, with Kazui's soccer ball held tight in her hands. But he couldn't knock it out of her grip.

Ichika stuck out her tongue. "Nyah nyah, carrot boy! Gonna cry?"

"Mommy gave me that ball for my birthday! Come here before she -"

"What's she gonna do?" Ichika held the ball tighter. "Bake a cake at me?"

Kazui was close to tears. "Come on!"

Then a gray-haired man with a big grin came along.

"Grandpa!" Kazui cried. "Help me!"

"Fight harder, my boy," Isshin said grandly. "I know you can do it! Be a man's man!"

"I bet you can't," Ichika taunted him.

Kazui sighed. What he wouldn't give for some _real_ friends...


	130. Chapter 130: Hypocrisy

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 130: Hypocrisy**

Lieutenant Omaeda thought that his soul would break after grueling months of obstacle courses, salads, and sparring at the Squad 2 barracks, but at last, the leaner and meaner Marechiyo proudly knocked on the Captain's door. She bid him to enter.

"Look at me now! Someone you can be proud of - _what?!_ " Omaeda stared at Soi Fon, who lounged on a couch, halfway through a box of chocolates.

Soi Fon hastily shut the box, going pink in the face. "Yoruichi sent them! Who am I to refuse a gift?"

Omaeda pointed. "Captain! How could you be such a hypocri -"

Soi Fon bolted out the door. "Say nothing of this to anyone!" she cried over her shoulder.

Omaeda shrugged and took a chocolate. Hell, he'd earned it!


	131. Chapter 131: Narcissist

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 131: Narcissist**

"Heh heh... I'm the god-damned best." Kenpachi sat on the pier of a large pond on Squad 11's barracks, zanpakuto across his lap, a feral smile on his face as he studied his reflection. Not a scratch on him from his last sparring session with a reluctant Sajin Komamura! Excellent!

"Be careful, Captain Zaraki," came a man's soft voice. Captain Aizen wandered by, his glasses glinting. "Do you know the Greek legend of Narcissus?"

"No, and who cares?" Kenpachi retorted.

Aizen shrugged. "You'd do well to learn it." And he walked off.

"Whatever." Kenpachi stared again at his reflection, but in the water, his face rotted and bled, his bones crumbling to dust as the character for "war" appeared in strokes of blood.

Kenpachi scrambled back in horror. Was it Kyoka Suigetsu... or an omen?


	132. Chapter 132: Waste

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 132: Waste**

"Dammit, Keigo! You gotta recycle!"

Ichigo pointed an accusing finger after Keigo had casually tossed a soda can into the regular trash during lunch at school instead of the green recycling bin.

"Who's it gonna hurt?" Keigo said with a shrug. And he did the same thing... for a week.

Ichigo formed a task force: he and Uryu distracted the school staff while Chad carried several heavy bags over his shoulder and delivered them to a certain house after school.

Then, after a long day, Keigo swung open his bedroom door to collapse on his bed... only to find a huge pile of soda cans all over it! A paper note read: "This'll teach you to be wasteful, Keigo! -IK"

Keigo groaned. "Lesson learned."


	133. Chapter 133: Hood

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 133: Hood**

Ichigo confirmed the worst when he raised the hood of his and Rukia's borrowed car in the sweltering American Southwest desert by the road. "Engine's shot," Ichigo said, wiping his brow. "It'll take a while for a tow truck to get here. Crap..."

Rukia gently took her boyfriend's hand in hers and tugged as she led him along the roadside, wearing her usual wide-brimmed hat and sundress. "So, in the meantime, we can explore Route 66's other sights and features," she said brightly. "Right? We can reach that town in what, fifteen minutes?"

"Okay." Ichigo let Rukia take the lead. "Maybe it has the world's biggest ball of string, or a giant rabbit statue, or a rare doll collection! Who knows out here?"

Ichigo didn't know, either. Time to find out!


	134. Chapter 134: Curl

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 134: Curl**

"Come _on_ , Goro! Move it! Now!"

Tetsuzaemon Iba stomped a food and clapped his hands, but the stubborn dog wouldn't get off his expensive futon! The beast just sat there curled up, growling and flattening its ears as Iba waved his arms aggressively.

Dog-sitting was such a bother! But it was a lieutenant's duty while Captain Komamura was out training to fight the Wandenreich.

"Here! Fresh beef! Come and get it!" Iba resorted to his kitchen's wares, and at last, Goro came bounding over... maybe a little too eagerly! The great dog bowled him over and took the beef in its jaws, then sat curled up on Iba's chest as it chewed.

Iba gave up. "I need a raise..."


	135. Chapter 135: Soup

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 135: Soup**

Ichigo had no idea that arrancars could fall ill, but during her latest visit, Nelliel caught the flu and was restricted to a room in the Kurosaki Clinic. Yuzu and Isshin had eagerly offered to help out, but with a blush on his face, Ichigo had insisted on doing it solo.

"So, uh... I made... this..." Ichigo grimaced as he stepped into Nelliel's room, wearing one of Isshin's aprons, his oven mitt-clad hands holding a simmering pot.

Nelliel peeked up from under the covers. "What is that?"

"It's... Carrot Top's Super Random Desperate Soup of Healing Powers," Ichigo invented, his face hotter than the soup. He set it down and ladled some into a bowl with a spoon. "Here."

Nelliel tried it.

"Perfect!" she declared, smiling. "More, more!"

She went through the whole pot!


	136. Chapter 136: Flip

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 136: Flip**

As dealer in the Texas Hold 'Em game, Renji flipped over the second face-down card in the Skullbangers' game at the Squad 11 barracks. "There's the turn," he said. "Place your bets, bros."

All decked out in their punk rocker duds, Renji, Kira, Shuhei, and Ikakku shoved more chips into the betting pool. "You chumps might as well scoop up your cards," Shuhei said cockily.

"Eh, shut yer trap," Kira said with a gentle elbow jab. His black leather jacket creaked.

Then the River was flipped over, and Ikakku bet everything he had left! But when the hands were revealed, Shuhei won!

"No! Dammit! What the hell!" Ikakku bolted to his feet and flipped the whole table over, scattering the cards and chips.

Kenpachi, who happened by, gave the thumbs-up. "That's the spirit!"


	137. Chapter 137: Ticket

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 137: Ticket**

Ichigo finally convinced Keigo to come with him and Uryu and Chad to a Kabuki performance in some high-roller part of town, but once the guys bought their tickets, he realized that Keigo hadn't bought one.

"Show's about to start," Ichigo reminded him. "Hurry up."

"I've got an idea to get me in for free. Go ahead, and I'll see ya inside," Keigo said with a sly grin, his eyes on Uryu's ticket.

So Ichigo and Chad took their seats, and he soon saw two beefy security guys dragging out a wailing, thrashing Keigo.

"He tried to use my ticket stub to act like he'd already bought a proper ticket," Uryu explained once he joined them. Onstage, the show started.

Ichigo leaned back in his seat. "That crap never works."


	138. Chapter 138: Cozy

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 138: Cozy**

Uryu decided that Orihime had a point, he thought, as he lounged on her couch, stroking Orihime's orange locks as she lay across his lap. He heard cricket chirp outside, and he had class early the next morning.

'It's, uh... getting late," Uryu said with a bracing smile. "I've got a lecture in the morning at seven -"

Orihime groaned. "No, Uryu! I haven't seen you in two weeks. Just a little more?"

Uryu felt the scales between Orihime and class reach a deadlock in his mind. "I'm not sure -"

Orihime pointed. "Tsubaki!"

Her hairclip materialized into a tiny fairy, who fetched another fudge piece and wedged it into Uryu's mouth.

"Wanna stay longer?" Orihime asked coyly.

"Mmmmmmm!" Uryu nodded in spite of himself.


	139. Chapter 139: Frame

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 139: Frame**

"It's like a castle, Ichigo. A castle across time, locked in a sliver of a second. Narrow, but infinitely wide."

"Huh... what?" Ichigo perked up from his homework as Nelliel lay across his bed, a framed photograph in her curious hands.

Nelliel smiled. "This photo of your family when you were little. I've been reading human books, y'know, and I get... ideas... about stuff." She kissed the frame's glass. "One moment, sealed away."

Ichigo grinned. "Yup." He turned back to his work, but then Nelliel got his attention an hour later with a new framed photo. He looked.

"Whoa!" Comical blood gushed from Ichigo's nose and he collapsed. "That photo... you're...!"

Nelliel giggled. "Now I'm in a castle in time, too!"

Ichigo groaned. "Nude art, I see..."


	140. Chapter 140: Debt

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 140: Debt**

"You drunken fools owe me a certain debt," Captain-General Yamamoto declared, thumping the end of his cane onto the floor. "For your destruction of Squad 1, 3, and 6's barracks, you will repair and clean each one, starting now."

Renji and the Skullbangers nodded. "Yes, sir."

Then he got an idea!

Rangiku, who'd been drinking with them, joined the clean-up party at Squad 1's barracks, and in no time, the five of them sang their favorite show songs and improvised a few more workman songs, scrubbing, wiping, hammering nails, gluing things together!

 _"I'm just a workin' man, oh yeah, makin' a workin' man's paaaaayyyy..."_ Renji sang into a mop that doubled as a mic. Everyone else sang backup vocals.

Yamamoto slammed the door open. "Less singing! More work!" he demanded. Then he stalked off.

Renji soon began the second verse.


	141. Chapter 141: Fame

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 141: Fame**

"You're _Ichigo Kurosaki?!_ That's so... coooooool!"

Ichigo recoiled as a group of unseated Soul Reaper girls suddenly surrounded him on the pathway to the Kuchiki Manor to visit Rukia one spring afternoon, totally out of nowhere. "Uh... hi," he said, starting to sweat. _This can't be good!_

"You're the one who defeated Yhwach!" one girl cried.

"And the traitor Sosuke Aizen!" another added.

 _"We love you!"_ the rest cheered, and they pressed in closer, reaching out to touch him -

"Leave!" a man's voice cried. Byakuya Kuchiki had arrived in a flash. "This is private property."

 _"Captain Kuchiki!"_ At once, the girls swarmed him instead, showering him in love.

"Fun being famous, isn't it?" Ichigo asked wearily.

Byakuya couldn't even manage a response.


	142. Chapter 142: Game

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 142: Game**

"Ugh. This is _hard!"_ Candice Catnipp cried on the baseball diamond.

"That's what she said," Bazz-B said automatically.

"Shut up!" Candice retorted. "This bases-ball thing is weird!"

The Wandenreich First Annual Baseball League's opening game was off to a rough start. Bambietta, Masc, Askin, Giselle, and Gerard were more interested in goofing off with the equipment than playing for real. Meanwhile, As Nodt sat in the distance, watching like the creepy emo punk that he was.

Lille Barro wound up the pitch and threw the ball.

Candice finally knocked it the hell outta there... right into a window!

Quilge Opie was on the scene at once. "That was _my_ window! Time out, missy!" the hunt commander barked. He locked Candice into a Jail.

"You can't keep a Quincy in here for long, y'know!" Candice cried.

Quilge smiled slyly. "Well, I've made some modifications, you see..."


	143. Chapter 143: Vintage

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 143: Vintage**

"Hey there, Ichigo, I... what is _that_?" Rukia blinked as she visited Ichigo's bedroom and lay eyes on his newest treasure.

Ichigo got up from his desk chair and proudly ran his hands along the box. "Mint condition in box! Can you believe it?"

Rukia squinted. "But what _is_ it?"

Ichigo sighed. "Only a super-rare collector's edition model of the _Enterprise_ from 1969!" he cried. "Y'know, from the original _Star Trek_? It cost me... a lot of yen, okay?"

"Oh." Rukia smiled. "As long as you're happy. By the way..."

"I'm here too! Let's party!" Rangiku burst into the room, already tipsy, and she curiously reached for the box with crazed fingers.

Ichigo snatched it away. "Don't you dare!"

Then another pair of hands took the box and opened it up. "Hey, cool model," said Toshiro Hitsugaya, toying around with the _Enterprise._

Bummer!


	144. Chapter 144: Parade

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 144: Parade**

Ichigo was sure that the Soul Society didn't have St. Patrick's Day... so he sent out a few invites to Karakura Town's latest tradition!

"Best parade ever!" Ikakku and the other Skullbangers declared, all raising mugs of cold beer in the crowds as the parade marched down the street. They all wore green top hats with gold buckles and shamrocks, and chugged their beer mugs empty.

"I don't see the point of this," Byakuya said loftily, watching as a giant leprechaun float went by.

Then the people on a float tossed fake cold coins everywhere, and everyone happily scrambled to get them.

"It's fun, big brother!" Rukia hollered. She accepted a mug from Rangiku and pressed it into Byakuya's hands. "Try it!"

Byakuya took a drink as everyone watched anxiously.

The Squad 6 Captain raised his mug. "Today is a great day!"

Everyone cheered.


	145. Chapter 145: Waterfall

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 145: Waterfall**

"I feel like I've read a poem about this before," Rukia commented when Ichigo brought her, Uryu, and Orihime to Niagra Falls, watching the water from behind a safety railing.

"Or several," Ichigo joked. "Anyway, like it?"

"I do!" Rukia beamed. "Is it true that people go down the waterfall in barrels?"

"Dunno. _I'd_ never do that," Ichigo said, scoffing. "I'll be right back. Bathroom break..."

But when he came back, Rukia was rolling an empty barrel to the water's edge. "No!" Ichigo dragged her back. "What was that?"

"A distraction," Rukia said craftily. She pointed.

Orihime had crammed herself and a terrified Uryu into a barrel, and they flowed down the stream and right over the edge! Uryu's screams were lost in the din of roaring water.

Ichigo hung his head. "Well played."


	146. Chapter 146: Horizon

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 146: Horizon**

"I've got a new idea for our sparring," Renji told Ikkaku early one morning at the Squad 6 barracks. He pointed at the rising sun. "I'll race you to the horizon. First to fall, loses."

Ikakku punched the air. "Haul ass, Abarai!"

So they ran. And ran. Cool morning mist faded and the dew was slick under their feet as they sprinted through the plains near a forest. Renji swore not to fall... but his lungs burned, his legs ached, he couldn't keep it up...!

He collapsed. As did Renji.

"This has gotta be a metaphor," Renji panted, laying there. "We try for the infinite, but both being falliable beings, we can't."

Ikakku uncorked his sake gourd, took a sip, and passed it. "Don't overthink it, bro."

Renji shrugged and took a drink. He still had lingering thoughts, though.


	147. Chapter 147: Skip

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 147: Skip**

"Eh... not that one, either."

Rangiku lounged on the couch at the Squad 10 barracks, and she pressed the boom box's "skip" button as another song came on. She bit her lower lip, made a dismissive noise, and pressed it again.

"Lieutenant!" Captain Hitsugaya threw open the door, his turquoise eyes flashing. "If you skip out on training again... what is that?"

"A CD Ichigo lent me," Rangiku said idly, "but I don't like some of the songs. I'll skip this one too..."

Toshiro got an idea. He drew Hyorinmaru and, in a flash step, was right behind Rangiku, slashing downward -

Haineko was suddenly drawn and blocked the blow with a metallic _clang_. Toshiro stared in shock.

"I skipped some songs," Rangiku said smugly, "but I didn't skip any ofmy training sessions."


	148. Chapter 148: Project

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 148: Project**

By some cruel twist of fate, Ms. Misato had assigned the whole class to a "personal project" to finish by the school year's end. Without it, there was no moving on to senior status!

"I tried everything!" Keigo cried, crumpling up another ruined paper in Tatsuki's living room. "I'm gonna get held back at this rate! Poems, drawing, math..."

"I know," Tatsuki said soothingly, rubbing Keigo's shoulders. "Look, I'll take a quick run, and give you some peace -"

Keigo stood. "I'll come too!"

So he jogged... and collapsed after two city blocks!

"Out of shape, huh?" Tatsuki said as she helped Keigo up.

Keigo dusted himself off, all smiles. "But it was fun. New project: run a million miles on the school track! While playing 'Eye of the Tiger'!"

Tatsuki slapped Keigo's back. "Best project ever."


	149. Chapter 149: Age

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 149: Age**

"Hey... how old _is_ the Captain-General, anyway?" Momo asked one day, looking up from her tea on the Squad 5 barracks' front porch overlooking a garden.

Izuru Kira blinked and lowered his cup. "Say what?"

"He founded all this," Momo said, sweeping an arm to encompass the Seireitei. "Right? So when was _he_ a kid?"

Kira smiled. "Let's find out."

So they slipped into Yamamoto's office and rifled through his filing cabinets. But no birth certificate showed itself!

"What, did he _always_ exist?" Kira complained.

"I'm old enough to value my privacy," came a cross voice.

Momo winced as the Captain-General seized her and Kira by their uniform collars and tossed them out like recycling bags. The door slammed shut.

Momo rubbed her head and made an embarrassed smile. "I guess we're just nosy, good-for-nothing young'uns after all."


	150. Chapter 150: Leaves

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 150: Leaves**

Nelliel was happy to help Ichigo rake the front yard, but she couldn't stop playing with the damp brown and orange leaves.

"Woo hoo!" Nelliel tossed aside her rake and dove right into the biggest leaf pile. She popped her head out and spat one out. "Ichigo! Come jump in!"

Ichigo kept raking and grinned. "It's not a swimming pool. Just dead leaves."

"Yeah..." Nelliel's face fell as she held a leaf to her face. "The trees in Heuco Mundo never change. Not even after a century. Here, things change so fast. And are gone."

Ichigo nodded. "It's called 'mono no aware', the sadness of knowing the transience of things."

Nelliel climbed out and gently wrapped her arms around Ichigo, standing behind him. "Promise that _you_ won't change?" She rested her chin on Ichigo's shoulder.

Ichigo patted a hand on Nelliel's mask fragment. "Deal."


	151. Chapter 151: Five

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 151: Five**

"Shinji -"

"Don't call me that."

Momo swallowed. "Okay, mister Hirako... _please_ fill in as Squad 5's new Captain? No one else is suited for the job."

Shinji lounged on a couch in the Visored warehouse. "I dunno..."

Momo clenched her fists in determination. She stalked off, then returned with a men's fashion catalogue and tossed it into Shinji's lap. "I'll buy you anything in there if you'll change your mind."

A week later, Momo stood proudly as Captain Shinji Hirako swaggered into Squad 5's barracks in his haori coat of office.

"See? We needed you," Momo said, clapping her hands.

Shinji made a face. "I did it for the new duds! Now hush!" And he stalked off.

But Momo saw the fond grin on Captain Hirako's face before he slammed the door shut behind him.


	152. Chapter 152: Quote

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 152: Quote**

If the Hitsugaya Advance Team was going to stick around, Ichigo might as well make it interesting. "Hey, guys," he said one afternoon in his bedroom, "what's your favorite quote? What moves you?"

Rangiku raised her hand. "Mine's 'be the change you wish to see in the world', by Gandhi."

Renji nodded. "Good one. Mine's 'we will never surrender' by Churchill. Well, it's _part_ of a quote. Still. the Gotei 13 ain't afraid of anything!"

Hitsugaya grunted by the window, arms folded. "I follow JFK's words: 'ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country'."

Rangiku ruffled Hitsugaya's white hair. "You're so smart!"

Keigo, the special guest, leaped to his feet. "Mine's 'Lee -!'"

Ichigo conked Keigo on the head. "Don't you dare say 'Leeeeeeroy Jenkins!'"


	153. Chapter 153: Nerves

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 153: Nerves**

Hanataro Yamada could hardly believe that Ichigo had a board game based on medicine... or how challenging it was!

"Nice and easy, bud," Ichigo urged Hanataro halfway through their game of Operation. "Don't touch the metal."

"I-I know," Hanataro said, his voice shaking even more than his hand. He swallowed and reached for a piece -

 _Buzz!_

"N-noooooooo!" Hanataro leaped to his feet and threw the game right into Ichigo's face by accident. He had now lost three times in a row.

Ichigo recoiled. "What the hell!"

Hanataro bowed. "I'm sorry! But I haven't been able to improve my medical skills... and now I can't win this medical game, either!" He sank back into his seat, hands over his face.

Ichigo scratched his head. Had this game hit a nerve?


	154. Chapter 154: L'Amour (I)

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 154: L'Amour (I)**

"Ichigo! There you are!"

Nelliel felt herself blush when Ichigo finally arrived for the picnic Nelliel had arranged, and once she saw Ichigo's radiant smile, an idea popped into her head.

"Hey there," Ichigo said modestly. "Sorry I'm a bit late -"

Nelliel took Ichigo's hand and led him through the park, not stopping until they took a bus to the edge of town and to a hiking path on the nearby hills.

"Nelliel, what -" Ichigo started.

"Hold on!" Nelliel couldn't help a giggle as she hurried along the path, the lunch basket in one hand, Ichigo's warm hand in the other. Finally, she spread out the blanket atop the largest hill and sat with Ichigo.

"I thought we'd have an adventure," Nelliel explained. She fidgeted and smiled coyly as her heart raced. "Did you like it?"

Ichigo held up a rice ball and nodded. "Yup!"

*o*o*o*o*

 _Love is:_

 _an adventure._


	155. Chapter 155: L'Amour (II)

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 155: L'Amour (II)**

"Tatsuki, d'you have to get on my back about _everything_?" Keigo cried as he sauntered into their shared apartment, tossing his backpack to one corner after class.

Tatsuki huffed, arms folded, eyes flashing. "Yes! Because you're gonna flunk out of college at this rate, Keigo! And you've been so... spaced-out, and moody lately!"

Keigo stiffened. "I have _not_ -!"

"Have too!"

"I..." Keigo sighed and retreated into his room. He didn't answer when Tatsuki knocked, and she soon left him alone.

That evening, when Tatsuki finished her post-workout shower, she found Keigo waiting at the dinner table, with an excellent dinner and lit candles waiting.

Tatsuki gasped. "Keigo...?"

Keigo beckoned. "You were on to me, hon. I needed that wake-up call. And if the need comes, I'll do the same for you."

Tatsuki smiled and took her seat, hand over her heart. "Oh, I'm counting on it."

*o*o*o*o*

 _Love is:_

 _a battle._


	156. Chapter 156: L'Amour (III)

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 156: L'Amour (III)**

Rukia cracked her eyes open as she felt Ichigo get out of bed next to her. She could barely see in the early morning twilight. "Ichigo?" she mumbled.

"It's nothing," Ichigo blurted out, halfway through getting dressed.

"Where are you going? It's so early."

"I... just a little trip."

"I'll come with you."

So Ichigo drove Rukia to the local cemetery, the sun fully risen by now. He placed flowers and a handwritten note on Masaki Kurosaki's headstone.

"It's her birthday," he explained. "And she was such a morning person..." His eyes were distant as he studied Masaki's name carved in stone.

Rukia was respectfully quiet as they paid their respects.

Then she made him a big breakfast at home, and it Ichigo cheered right up. It was Masaki's favorite recipe.

*o*o*o*o*

 _Love is:_

 _a family._


	157. Chapter 157: L'Amour (IV)

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 157: L'Amour (IV)**

Kira elbowed Renji. "Bro. There she is again."

Halfway through the Skullbangers' outdoor jam session at the Squad 11 barracks, Renji felt himself go red as Momo Hinamori happened by yet again. Actually, that was the fourth time this morning!

"Looking for something?" Ikakku asked Momo in a teasing tone, from behind his drum set.

Momo jumped and blushed. "N-no!" she yelped. "I just..."

"It's cool, we know why you keep passing us, pretending to have errands," Shuhei said slyly. He twanged a string on his bass.

"It starts with 'R' and ends with 'enji'," Kira added.

Momo swallowed and squared her shoulders. "I love how you're in a band, Renji!" she declared loudly and clearly. "P-please play me a song!"

Renji felt a grin cross his face as he toyed with the strings on his electric guitar. "Any song you want, babe."

*o*o*o*o*

 _Love is:_

 _music._


	158. Chapter 158: L'Amour (V)

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 158: L'Amour (V)**

"I can't believe this, Uryu!"

Orihime bolted to her feet as soon as Uryu came back home to their apartment that evening, and she held out an official paper. "I was rejected for a grant! See?"

Uryu set down his bag and folded up the paper. "It's your dream to study abroad and see the world, right, honey?" he said gently.

Orihime nodded. "Yeah. But now how can I afford to study all the way in Norway?"

Uryu hesitated, then pulled out his cell phone. "I'll make a few calls. I'll make sure you can go, even if I have to eat instant ramen for the next year."

"Wh-what?"

Uryu smiled. "Let me do this for you, Orihime. Enjoy Norway."

Orihime beamed. "I'll repay you one day. I promise!"

Even if it took her a _hundred_ years to pay back her beloved.

*o*o*o*o*

 _Love is:_

 _generous._


	159. Chapter 159: L'Amour (VI)

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 159: L'Amour (VI)**

Sosuke Aizen. Once beloved Captain of Squad 5, now traitor. And his made scheme had shaken the entire 13 Court Guard Squads, and had turned friend against friend.

Captain Soi Fon finally rose from sitting cross-legged on her futon at the Squad 2 barracks, her muscles sore, her mind still fogged by Aizen's betrayal. She trudged to the door and ignored her rumbling belly or thirsty mouth.

It took an hour to find _her_. Soi Fon bowed on her hands and knees to Yoruichi, who had just finished a huge dinner at the Shiba home. "Miss Yoruichi!" Soi Fon cried. "I have wronged you, and hurt you so deeply. I -"

Yoruichi knelt and embraced the Captain. "Hush," she said gently. "I understand. Just relax, okay? I'm here."

Soi Fon obeyed, and she closed her eyes and savored miss Yoruichi's warmth on her skin.

*o*o*o*o*

 _Love is:_

 _forgiveness._


	160. Chapter 160: L'Amour (VII)

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 160: L'Amour (VII)**

Moving across Japan had been an adventure... until a coastal storm had ravaged the home that Tatsuki had arranged for them!

"I heard it'll take weeks to repair, maybe months," Keigo said once he reunited with Tatsuki at their new coastal town home.

Tatsuki lowered her gaze. "This turned out worse than I could have imagined."

Keigo saw that look on his girlfriend's face and resolved to change it. By evening, he invited her from their motel to a small, older house at the town's edge.

"Keigo, this place is shabby," Tatsuki said warily.

Keigo started unpacking. "We just have to brighten the place up! Our couch, our TV, this framed photo of us in Fiji..." He hung up the photo, their favorite.

Tatsuki smiled and kissed him. "Thanks, Keigo. Even it it's just temporary. Let's unpack some more!"

They worked well into the night.

*o*o*o*o*

 _Love is:_

 _a home._


	161. Chapter 161: L'Amour (VIII)

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 161: L'Amour (VIII)**

 _I was stupid. I was stupid. I was so... STUPID!_

It was no use. Rangiku Matsumoto kept pacing her private quarters at the Squad 10 barracks that night, her strawberry blonde hair askew from her restless pillow, her eyes flashing with uncertainty. She heard a few tentative raindrops hit the roof.

She still couldn't forget that fox's smile, his teasing words, how he'd promised her that she'd always be "the one" for him. She'd been naive and taken that as something... well, something more than that traitor must really feel.

Rangiku toyed with a framed sketch on her wall. Momo had made it for her in bold brush strokes, the grinning man seeming to mock her, now that she thought about it. But she couldn't bring herself to take it down.

 _Gin Ichimaru,_ Rangiku thought. She turned away from the sketch.

 _Why did I give you my heart?_

*o*o*o*o*

 _Love is:_

 _pain._


	162. Chapter 162: L'Amour (IX)

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 162: L'Amour (IX)**

Keigo instantly sensed something... odd... when he came home from school that day. He sniffed the air. "Big sister, what's gotten into you?"

Mizuho Asano was all smiles as she hummed to herself in a lacy pink sundress, pacing as though waiting for someone.

Wait. _Was_ she?! Keigo dared to ask.

"Your friend, Ichigo, he promised to bring my beloved to reunite us!" Mizuho said fondly, spreading her arms wide. "I can't wait!"

"You mean..." Keigo remembered that bald Soul Reaper who'd slain that masked warrior. _"Whaaaaaat?!"_

Then he got a text from Ichigo: _"Sorry, Keigo, Ikakku can't make it today. He's gonna spar with Kenpachi, then Yumichika, then anyone else who breathes."_

Keigo shrugged. "He can't make it."

Mizuho giggled. "Tomorrow, then!"

*o*o*o*o*

 _Love is:_

 _patient._


	163. Chapter 163: L'Amour (X)

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 163: L'Amour (X)**

Only through sheer grit had the cuatro Espada survived his battle against Ichigo, and now, with the worlds at peace, Ulquiorra meandered through Karakura Town, watching, studying... _learning_ , with any luck.

He was there in the shadows by the street lamp's yellow light, or hidden in the twilight between the passing of cars with their bright headlights, and he was there when the clouds passed over the moon. Everywhere and nowhere.

Orihime Inoue was always in his sights... and Ulquiorra reviewed what he'd seen: her carefree laughter, her visits with Tatsuki Arisawa, her joy at cooking, sharing platters of cupcakes with her friends...

Remembering her deceased brother.

Was this why Ulquiorra felt himself drawn to this... undying spark in her? Her selfless ways, her ever-buoyed spirits?

Was this why he started to understand this thing humans called _love_?

*o*o*o*o*

 _Love is:_

 _kind._

 **A/N:** "Ulquiorra" is my screen name, and only _now_ did Ulquiorra himself appear in this collection! Funny how it took this long to include my favorite _**Bleach**_ character.


	164. Chapter 164: Angels

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 164: Angels**

"Ichigo! What the hell is this, man?!"

Renji and the Skullbangers had arrived at Karakura Town in December for their first concert here, and had stopped at Ichigo's house to say hi, but they found the carrot top and Rukia playing in the snow!

"Snow angels, Renji," Ichigo explained. "Come make one."

"Lame, dude," Ikakku scoffed. He smoothed his biker jacket. "Why should we?"

"Yeah. We're too cool, pardon the pun," Kira added, his hair dyed black and red, and skull earrings on his lobes.

Shuhei hedged, then flopped into the snow and made one, too. He got up and admired it. "It _is_ like a Western angel," he commented.

Renji shook his head. "You're losin' it, Shuhei."

Kira hesitated, then made one, too. Then Ikkaku!

Renji sighed. "Here goes. No one had better see us, or our career is ruined!"


	165. Chapter 165: Machine

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 165: Machine**

Jugram Haschwalth, Sternrittber B, grand master of the Sternritter squadron.

He had horrible bed hair when he threw on his robes and fuzzy slippers and slammed open his bedroom door. "What is that noise?!" he roared.

He got his answer when Giselle Gewelle raced down the hallway on a go-kart, with Candice, Bambietta, and Bazz-B riding on it, hanging on for dear life.

Jugram coughed on the foul exhaust. Those punks...!

He fired an arrow and punctured a tire, and the kart crashed into a wall. Jugram hurried over, livid. "Why do you lot keep getting into trouble?" he demanded.

Giselle saluted. "Don't be grouchy, sir! Why don't I get you one, too?"

Jugram bit his lip. That kart _did_ look like fun... "Okay," he relented. "But please don't tell His Majesty..."


	166. Chapter 166: Minion

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 166: Minion**

"Finally... finally!"

The noveno Espada, Aaroniero, held up his mismatched hands and threw back his new head in a roar of triumphant laughter. It rang out across the halls of his palace in Las Noches.

Aaroniero twirled Nejibana around, testing its weight. Yes... this was perfect. His place among the Espadas was secure forever with Kaien Shiba's power!

Then Aaroniero fell to his knees and clutched his new head as Kaien's spirit confronted him. _"I guess I'm a part of you now, freak,"_ he said grimly. _"But remember, you don't have my heart! That part of me is with others. And it's why you'll lose."_

"Shut up... shut your mouth!" Aaroniero flared his spiritual pressure, and the phantom was gone.

But he couldn't dispel the ominous thoughts that came with Kaien Shiba's words.


	167. Chapter 167: Thoughts

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 167: Thoughts**

Silent.

Dark.

Cold.

The 8th level of Muken, under the Squad 1 barracks, was indeed the ultimate confinement. The throne of Reio was at the opposite end of existence from here. Sosuke Aizen could feel the disparity.

But that was all over, wasn't it?

Squad 5... whose hands was it in now? Shinji Hirako's? The very thought! Aizen's mouth curled upwards as he pictured himself slashing Shinji in half, obliterating the pieces... and the same to Momo Hinamori, that useless brat. And Isshin Kurosaki! And the short-sighted Captain-General Yamamoto! And especially that damned Kisuke Urahara!

Aizen amused himself for a century like that. Then, in the second century, he healed and reconstituted them all in his mind.

They were still fine Soul Reapers and leaders. He found it in himself to give them a little credit.

Then, the third century started.


	168. Chapter 168: Factory

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 168: Factory**

Ichigo finally returned to Urahara's shop to say hi. When he arrived, however, he stopped in shock. A pair of chimneys belched smoke from the roof, and supply trucks were everywhere!

Ichigo burst into the shop and coughed at the smoke, and winced at the clank and whir of machinery and conveyor belts everywhere. "What the hell!" he cried.

Kisuke stumbled onto the scene. "H-help me, Ichigo!" Kisuke pleaded. "I tried to mass-production, but I can't sell a darn thing! I'll go broke!"

"What the..." Ichigo picked up an item from a conveyor belt: a Kisuke Urahara plushie doll! He pulled a string on the back, and it said something so crude and foul Ichigo threw it across the room. "No one's gonna guy that!" he snapped.

Kisuke hung his head. "Maybe I should just open a bakery instead... or a floral shop... or _anything_ , really..."


	169. Chapter 169: Tree

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 169: Tree**

Isshin Kurosaki led his new bride to the magnificent blossom tree in Karakura Town's northern park, and they both carved their names into the trunk. "Our kids will add their names someday," Isshin said proudly. Masaki agreed.

Ichigo Kurosaki led his new bride to the magnificent blossom tree in his favorite park, and he and Orihime carved their names into the trunk. Under Ichigo's name, he added "just a man". No more need for heroes. Orihime agreed.

Kazui Kurosaki led his new bride to the aging blossom tree in Karakura Town's best park and carved his and Ichika's names into the trunk, under the other two sets of names. "This tree sees everything, doesn't it?" Kazui remarked. "I wish it could talk, and tell me everything Grandfather Isshin and my dad have been through, without embellishments or judgments. I could listen all day and night to that."

Ichika agreed.


	170. Chapter 170: Distance

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 170: Distance**

Rukia yelped in terror as soon as she looked down at the gorgeous Japanese countryside gliding by. She seized Ichigo way too tightly. "O-okay, I think I changed my mind. That's a lot farther than I thought!"

Ichigo chuckled. "What's the matter? You're the one who wanted to fly in a hot air balloon! 'An authentic human experience', you called it!"

Rukia whimpered into Ichigo's shirt. "I changed my mind!"

"There's a story of a guy who circled the whole world in a balloon," Ichigo mentioned. "I forgot his name, though. Maybe we could just go as far as Okinawa or something."

"I'll kick your _butt_ around the world if you don't let us down!" Rukia roared.

Ichigo smiled and worked the controls. "That would make for a good book..."


	171. Chapter 171: Newcomers

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 171: Newcomers**

"Do we have to do this so early?" Izuru Kira said, yawning as he strummed his bass at the Squad 6 barracks' warehouse.

Renji nodded as he plugged in his electric guitar. "Yup. Captain Kuchiki's got a full work day ahead of me. This is my only chance to jam."

"Less yappin', Skullbangers! More jammin'!" Ikakku said, hitting his snare drum and a cymbal.

Then the door slid open!

"Rukia?!" Renji squawked.

Rukia, who carried a guitar case, frowned. "I thought you punk-rocker guys would be sleeping in! Awkward..." With her was Momo with another guitar case, Isane Kotetsu with drum pieces, and Rangiku with a mic.

Shuhei pointed. "What's going on here?"

Rukia grinned. "We're your new rivals in music."

"Yeah?" Kira challenged her. "What's your band name?"

Rangiku tossed her hair. "The Firebirds."


	172. Chapter 172: Knot

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 172: Knot**

"I don't think it's working, Ichigo," Tatsuki said frankly.

Ichigo, who knelt on the lake's pier, swore as he fumbled with the rope knot that bound the rowboat to a peg. "I'm gonna get it... eventually!"

"I'll just crack one of these open now..." Keigo said idly, reaching into the cooler for a beer. Tatsuki gently swatted his hand.

"This is supposed to be a nice double date," she reminded him.

Rukia sighed. "Step back, Ichigo."

Ichigo shook his head. "I've nearly got it -"

Rukia pointed her zanpakuto. _"Next Dance: Hakuren!"_

Ichigo scrambled out of the way like the Roadrunner as Rukia's tiny ice blast froze the stubborn rope knot and shattered it.

Rukia smiled and waved. "Hop in, Ichigo! Before we row off without you!"

 _Girls,_ Ichigo thought, and he climbed aboard.


	173. Chapter 173: Wrench

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **A/N:** Potential spoilers.

 **Chapter 173: Wrench**

Ichigo had just about had enough. "Dad!" he cried, throwing out his arms angrily. "I don't get this, okay?!"

Isshin Kurosaki wiped his brow and pointed at his son with his wrench. "Fixin' a Camaro or Chevy is always a rite of passage for a boy, Ichigo! What, afraid of getting motor oil stains on your oh-so-cool clothes?"

Baring his teeth, Ichigo dove back into the father-son work on that warm afternoon, laboring under the propped-up roof. But...

"Forget this!" Ichigo later cried, still frustrated.

"A man's gotta drive, you know," Isshin reminded him, taking a sip of his Budweiser. "How else are you gonna get around?"

Ichigo glared enviously as Uryu rocketed by on his Hirenkyaku in the middle of training. If only Ichigo had inherited more Quincy stuff from his mom...!


	174. Chapter 174: Saw

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 174: Saw**

Ichigo's manual labor woes weren't over. This time, he and Renji panted and sweated from sawing apart a tree to build a nice little tree house for Kazui and Ichika to play in, but damn, this was hard work!

"I'm beat," Ichigo huffed, gratefully accepting a cold lemonade from Orihime. "By the time we're done, Kazui and Ichika will be our age!"

"Makes me appreciate the hard work of whoever built the Gotei 13 Squads' barracks," Renji added.

"Oh, this is hopeless," a new voice said dismissively.

Ichigo threw up his arms for cover as Byakuya stepped in and split the tree into perfect boards with a flashy kido.

"No niece of mine will be denied a place to call her own," Byakuya explained simply.

Ichigo grinned. "Say, I also need some repair work done on my roof..."

Byakuya turned away and stalked off. "Forget it."

*o*o*o*o*

 **A/N: mbravesgirl7** submitted the 300th review to this story, so here is the reward drabble that was requested!

 **Bonus chapter: Energize**

Ichigo loved to pay visits to the Kuchiki manor to see his girlfriend... but as soon as he threw open the front doors, a petite rocket in Soul Reaper robes launched itself at him!

"Ichigo! You're here! Whoa, your hair's really orange! Has it always been that orange? Whoooaaaa!"

"Rukia! Slow down, will you?" Ichigo demanded. He untangled himself from her arms and dusted himself off. "You okay?"

"Okay? Why not? I'm great! Great!" Rukia rapidly paced back and forth, her face crazy, even for her.

Ichigo sniffed. "Is that espresso on your breath?"

"No! Why would I drink that?" Rukia was babbling even faster. "Hey, _you_ should -!"

A dart lodged itself into her neck, and she collapsed.

Byakuya stepped forward, holding a bamboo dart blower. "Good thing I keep this handy."

Ichigo rolled his eyes. "I don't wanna know why you usually keep _that_ in the manor..."


	175. Chapter 175: Strum

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 175: Strum**

Shuhei Hisagi put on his best punkish smirk as he warmed up his electric guitar. "You sure you wanna do this?" he challenged.

Rukia nodded and strummed her own axe. "Do your worst, Hisagi."

"Fine. Watch." Shuhei let loose with a rapid, improvised solo with a dash of Sex Pistols and AC/DC. Kira, Renji, and Ikakku whooped and clapped at Shuhei's blistering skills.

Rukia toyed with her strings. "Not bad. How about this?" And she unleashed a different solo, one mixing Bon Jovi with Avenged Sevenfold and Nirvana. Rangiku, Momo, and Isane clapped and whistled in appreciation.

Back and forth they went as the Skullbangers vied for punk-metal supremacy with the Firebirds. It was neck and neck...!

Shuhei's stomach growled. "Lunch break?" he offered.

Rukia smiled and giggled. "I was hoping you'd say that!" Her stomach growled, too.

It took a lot of energy, being a rock star!


	176. Chapter 176: Zingy

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 176: Zingy**

Renji swilled the fine red wine in his glass at the chandelier-lit restaurant in downtown Karakura Town. He smacked his lips. "Hmmmmmmm... a hint of apple?"

Ichigo rolled his eyes. "No." Around him, he heard stready chatter and the clinks of forks and knives on plates.

Izuru Kira sampled a white wine. "Oh, I know! Dry peach!"

"No," Ichigo repeated.

Shuhei tried a dark red wine. "Oak casket, aged fifty or more years, a dash of cranberry -"

Ichigo slammed his hands on the table. "You guys don't have to try and sound classy! Just eat!" He _knew_ it was a bad idea to invite the Skullbangers to try mortal cuisine.

Finally, Ikakku finished off his white wine and glanced up in thought. "I declare it..."

Ichigo sighed. "You guys are making fools of yourselves, y'know."

Ikakku grinned. "This wine is _zingy_!"

Everyone raised their glasses in agreement.


	177. Chapter 177: Window

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 177: Window**

Once again, showing the mortal world to his spirit friends backfired on Ichigo.

"Oooooooh, this is so fun!" Nelliel squealed from the passenger seat in Ichigo's car. She clapped her hands together. "Will I _really_ get a cheeseburger and French fries handed through a _window_?"

Ichigo smiled as he inched forward in the drive-thru. "Yup. Hungry?"

"Very!"

Ichigo paid at the first window, but at the second, the sales girl politely said that the food needed another minute to come out.

Nelliel pouted. "Not fast enough!" So, she climbed over Ichigo and squirmed her way into the fast food restaurant's window!

Ichigo tried to tug her back. "Fast food isn't _that_ fast!" But Nelliel wormed her way into the kitchen and out of sight. Ichigo sighed.

Maybe takeout would have been a better idea!


	178. Chapter 178: Vine

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 178: Vine**

"I-I'd rather not," Momo said timidly, during her friends' day-long vacation in the North Rukongai's wilderness.

Rangiku tossed her hair. "Fine. Then watch me!" Wearing her newest and hottest two-piece bathing suit, she seized a long vine that hung from a sturdy tree and swung in a wide arc over a calm river. She gracefully splashed into the water.

"Me next!" Isane Kotetsu took her turn, and Rukia after that. After weeks of song practice, the Firebirds needed a break from the studio!

Momo jumped when Hitsugaya arrived. "What's everyone up to?" he asked.

"Jump in, Captain!" Rangiku hollered.

Toshiro yelped in shock when Momo got impulsive and shoved him onto the vine. He hung on, swung over the river, and splashed in... where he froze the whole thing in shock!

"Uh," Momo said with a nervous giggle, "does this mean our vacation is over?"


	179. Chapter 179: Difference

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 179: Difference**

Renji panted for breath in the Squad 6 barracks, his mind frayed and muscles burning as he searched for Captain Kuchiki's next move. Zabimaru trembled in his sweaty hands.

 _There!_

Renji cried out and whirled around, his zanpakuto barely catching Senbonzakura's quick strike. Seated officers watched in awe as Renji and his captain clashed again, and with a deft stroke, Byakuya relieved Renji of his weapon. He poised his sword's cold tip at Renji's warm throat.

"The difference between us," Byakuya told him, "is clear."

This had now been proven for the fiftieth day in a row.

Renji swallowed. He didn't care that the movement caused Senbonzakura's tip to poke his skin. "The real difference between us is... I'm willing to fight you again tomorrow even though I'm the underdog and I know it."

Byakuya chuckled and drew back Senbonzakura. "Excellent."


	180. Chapter 180: Sidewalk

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 180: Sidewalk**

Ichigo scowled, hands in his skinny jeans' pockets. "Invisible hopscotch squares?"

Rukia giggled and skipped her way along a quiet neighborhood in Karakura Town, arms out wide, her feet making odd patterns on the concrete.

"You don't get it, carrot-head," Rukia told him, twirling in place.

"Get _what_?"

"This sidewalk... its shows its age. Every chip, crack, bit of vandalism, old stains..." Rukia kept skipping her way along, her feet caressing the surface. "It's not like this in the Seireitei, where everything's smooth and eternal. Here... the world wears its true face, and shows me who's walked here in every flawed detail. Like an open book I can walk in."

Ichigo opened his mouth, then nodded and grinned. He hopped over a broken patch of concrete. "Yeah, this town has a few stories to tell, all right..."


	181. Chapter 181: Envelope

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 181: Envelope**

Momo had just finished clearing off the last bookshelf in the captain's office of the Squad 5 barracks when she gasped. From the stack of old papers in her hands fell a small envelope, one with familiar handwriting.

Captain Hirako looked over from behind another bookshelf. "What's that?"

"I-it's..." With trembling hands, Momo picked up the envelope, which had "to Momo Hinamori" written with Sosuke Aizen's distinct calligraphy. That handwriting used to seem beautiful.

Shinji swiped it away. "Don't let that freak keep poisoning your mind." He prepared to tear it in half.

"No!" Momo tugged it free and felt her throat go tight. "We'll have it sent to... _his_ cell in Muken. He can read it himself for all time. I..."

Shinji nodded. "He always admired his own handwriting, that bastard."


	182. Chapter 182: Grow

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 182: Grow**

"Aaaaaaah! We concede!"

In his hollowfied state, Grimmjow Jeagerjaques wiped fresh hollow blood off his lips and glared up at the simpering, low-level Adjuchas around him. "Have I proven myself?" he asked harshly.

An Adjucha with twin horns on his forehead knelt. "We submit ourselves to you, Grimmjow. Around here, we know the rule of Hueco Mundo -"

"Follow the power," Grimmjow finished. King Barragan had lost his rule. Aizen had fallen. Halibel Tier had been taken by the Wandenreich. Who was left?

The panther.

"So, you're our king?" a snake-like hollow asked, bowing his head.

Grimmjow stood taller and clenched a fist. "Not until I know the power of a Vasto Lorde. I can keep growing as a Menos. I _have_ to."

Even Ichigo Kurosaki was gone from his life. What else was left in these white sands?

Tomorrow's growth.


	183. Chapter 183: Harmony

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 183: Harmony**

The crowd of Gotei 13 officers cheered and waved as Renji and Rangiku finished their duet cover of "Blitzkrieg Bop" at the Skullbangers-Firebirds dual concert, and what a hit! Ikakku and Rukia's fireworks and sparklers went off to wrap up the concert, and eager girls in the crowd were clamoring for Renji to sign their robes.

"Whew." Renji wiped his brow, his leather jacket creaking, his skull earrings feeling heavy after a long night. "I didn't know our voices would match _that_ well."

Rangiku beamed. "I've always known how to harmonize. I'm just glad that you Skullbangers chimps can keep up."

Kira froze. "The hell did she say?!"

Shuhei pointed. "Firebirds think they're better than us!"

Rukia, Momo, and Isane ruished to Rangiku's defense, and both punk bands stared each other down.

"All right!" Ikkaku cheered, twirling his drumsticks. "The passionate rivalry is back on!"


	184. Chapter 184: Anomaly

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 184: Anomaly**

"Look, lady, can you fix it or not?"

Candice Catnipp turned over the old SNES in her hands behind the counter, trying to buy some time. "When did you buy this, again?"

The customer huffed. "My uncle gave it to me, and I wanna restore it and play it. What's wrong with it?"

Candice popped the machine open and tried to tinker with its wires and circuit boards, but the stubborn electronics defied her. Then she got a cut on a sharp metal edge.

"Dammit!" Candice hurled the SNES against the wall.

"Catnipp!" the beefy manager roared. "You're fired!"

Candice hung up her work apron and slunk out the back door. Her quest to finally understand electronics had gotten her fired for the fourth time!

Maybe one day... technology would speak to her...!


	185. Chapter 185: Award

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 185: Award**

Captain-General Kyoraku had certainly added some _flair_ to the Gotei 13.

"And next up," Shunsui announced happily on the stage as game show music played, "the Worst Bankai Award goes to... Mayuri Kurotsuchi!"

The crowd clapped half-heartedly as Captain Kurotsuchi reluctantly accepted the framed certificate from an exasperated Nanao Ise. Every award seemed dumber than the last, including "Weirdest Riceball Recipe" and "Best at Sleeping In".

"And now," Shunsui said, "our next award was suggested by Ichigo Kurosaki. The Biggest Traitor Award goes to... Uryu Ishida! Come on up here, you back-stabbing son of a bitch!"

In the crowd, Uryu shoved Ichigo's shoulder. "What's the big idea?"

Ichigo shrugged. "Bro, you helped us rescue Rukia, then rescued Orihime and fought the arrancars by my side... then joined the stupid Wandenreich. You even shot at me!"

Uryu sighed. "You've always been a spiteful one."


	186. Chapter 186: Subjective

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 186: Subjective**

Rukia tried and tried, but she inevitably shook her head and looked up at Ichigo. "This still looks totally stupid."

"What!"

Rukia elbowed him. "It's just a bunch of shapes some artist puked onto the canvas."

" _Puked_ might not be literal," Ichigo said hastily.

"Might?"

"Modern art is weird." Ichigo mentally sighed. He had been _sure_ that this modern art museum would impress Rukia with his sophistication on their third date, but no! She just teased him, gallery after gallery.

"I never really 'got' subjective stuff," Rukia said idly, twirling her mini-purse on its string as she walked. "I mean, one 'sculpture' was just a stack of tires blow-torched together!"

"But -"

Rukia pointed. "Now _that_ looks amazing!"

Ichigo's heart raced. "Really? Which one?" Then his eyes followed Rukia's finger... to the museum cafe!

Rukia smiled. " _Everyone_ likes lunch."

Ichigo got out his wallet. "No kidding."


	187. Chapter 187: Roulette

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 187: Roulette**

Bazz-B grinned and spun the chamber of a Quincy revolver he'd stolen from Robert Accutrone. "One round. Let's see who wins!"

Gerard Valkyrie took the revolver, placed the barrel at his temple, and pulled the trigger. Click!

"Nice one." Bazz-B took it back, aimed at himself, and fired. Click!

Gerard aimed at himself. Click! "Bet you're gonna go down," he taunted, handing the revolver back. "No one bests Sternritter M!"

"You don't scare me!" Bazz-B prepared to fire at himself -

Cang Du swiped the revolver and fired at his own head. _BANG!_ The spirit bullet bounced off his Iron skin.

Bazz-B stared in awe as Cang Du handed back the smoking weapon. " _Both_ you guys scare me," Cang Du muttered.


	188. Chapter 188: Glasses

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 188: Glasses**

"... and _this_ one is from this secluded brewery in Bavaria," Ichigo told his guests while little Kazui napped in the next room. He held up one of many shot glasses on the living room table. "Expensive."

"And we got this one in Singapore," Orihime added, gently picking up a larger glass. "Hand-carved and very rare!" She smiled.

Ichigo showed Rukia and Renji the next few glasses. "...this one's from Texas, that one's from Iceland, we bought that one in Rome..."

Renji waved a hand. "Okay, that collection is impressive, Kurosakis. But..." He grinned devilishly.

Rukia got up. "I'll be right back."

She returned with a huge sack over her shoulder. She emptied the contents onto the floor: thousands of shot glasses!

"Rangiku's," Rukia said with a giggle as the Kurosakis stared. "You guys aren't the only collectors!"

Ichigo bowed his head. "She's a true master."


	189. Chapter 189: Cat

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 189: Cat**

"Look, sir, the Maine coons, Japanese bobtails, and Scottish folds are the best I have," the pet shop owner said, running his hands over his face. "That's the best I can tell you."

Sajin Komamura hesitated, while Lieutenant Iba looked uncomfortable next to him. "They all look the same," Sajin lamented. "Wouldn't miss Hinamori like a nice _dog_ instead?"

Iba grunted. "Cap, they make her sneeze and get hives."

"I... oh my word..." Sajin anxiously checked between all the cats that lounged in their spacious cages, chewing on his lower lip.

"Store closes in five minutes, sir," the shopkeep added.

Komamura made a snap decision.

"Happy birthday, Momo," Sajin said later, in Squad 5's barracks.

"Thank you, Captain Komamura!" Momo opened the kennel to find... a tortoise?!

"It seemed like a safe bet," Komamura admitted.

Iba edged his way out of the room.


	190. Chapter 190: Origami

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 190: Origami**

Kenpachi grunted in frustration as he folded colored paper. "I _still_ can't believe I got talked into this crap."

Rojuro Otoribashi looked up from his table, where he finished a crane model. "I can't believe you've never done this before. Fingers can do more than hold swords."

"Yeah, but why should they?" Kenpachi crumpled up his disaster and took another sheet.

"Well, _I_ love it," Momo said happily, folding shape after shape. Next to her, Rukia, Kira, and Nemu folded excellent models.

The door slid open and Captain-General Kyoraku stepped in. "How's everyone doing - AAAAAARGH!" he yowled.

Kenpachi had folded his paper into an airplane and tossed it, and it hit Shunsui squarely in his good eye. Momo gasped.

As Shunsui staggered around in agony, Kenpachi pumped his fists. "I won!"

Nanao glared. "You don't _win_ at origami!"

Kenpachi grinned. "Tell that to your boss."


	191. Chapter 191: Swallower

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 191: Swallower**

"I saw this cool thing on human TV once," Renji said excitedly after practice with the Skullbangers. "It's called sword swallowing!"

Kira packed up his bass. "Is that some magic trick?"

"It sounds fake," Shuhei added.

"No, really! Uh... I'll use someone else's sword..." Renji scampered off and came back with Senbonzakura (Byakuya was taking his afternoon nap). To everyone's awe, Renji tilted his head back and slid the zanpakuto down his throat... just like on TV! He did a flourish, and Kira, Shuhei, and Ikakku clapped.

There was a familiar swish of a hoari coat and Byakuya stood there with a slightly amused grin. "That's some trick, Abarai," he said. "Why not a grand finale? Scatter, Senbonzakur -"

Renji gagged. "Noooooooooo!" He yanked the sword out and threw it. Byakuya caught it.

"Lesson learned?"

Renji nodded mutely.

Ikkaku did a rim shot for good measure.


	192. Chapter 192: Drawing

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 192: Drawing**

"Ichika! _No!_ "

Captain Rukia Kuchiki had just thrown open Squad 13's dojo doors when she found her imp-like daughter scribbling all over the walls! Colorful panoramas of African safaris, jungles, cars, the planets of the solar system... all done with finger painting.

"Mama! Look!" Ichika waved, and flecks of paint flew from her fingers. "The dojo looked so dull... so I colored it up, see?"

Rukia's hand was already lifted to set off a restraining kido, but then she remembered her carefree husband, that baboon Renji, and his easygoing laugh and smile, and how everyone loved him...

She saw that gleam in the youngster's eyes.

Rukia sighed, smiled, and knelt by Ichika's palette. She dipped her fingers in paint. "If you're going to do this, Ichika, at least make something _beautiful_..."

She started to draw.


	193. Chapter 193: Woke

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 193: Woke**

Ichigo was _just_ getting into a dream about sushi with the queen of England when he felt something heavy throw itself onto his face. "Whoa! What...?!"

He blinked in morning sunlight and bolted upright in his king-size bed, and realized that Kazui had just glomped his face. Again.

"Wake up, daddy! It's my birthday!" Kazui hollered, jumping up and down. "Come on! Presents! Cake! Everything!"

Orihime turned over and made an exhausted noise. "I should have known," she mumbled.

"Mommy! Daddy! Follow me!" Like a true trooper, Kazui marched to the living room where the goodies waited.

Ichigo rubbed his head. "For _my_ birthday, all I want is a quiet morning. Maybe in some remote island off Hokkaido."

Orihime rubbed her husband's shoulders. "I'd like that, too."


	194. Chapter 194: Photo

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 194: Photo**

"Gigi, do _you_ know anything about that noise?" Candice Catnipp demanded.

Giselle glanced away innocently. "Well... _maybe_...?"

"Bet you do!" Bambietta lunged out and seized something from Giselle's uniform pocket: a bulky camera! And some photos!

Giselle shrugged with a smile. "I've taken up photography."

The girls put their heads together to look. The photos were all fancy tombstones and dead animals and skeletons in museums! And crows!

"I should have known," Candice muttered.

"Look!" Meninas held up a new photo. There was Yhwach, their majesty... reclined on an armchair by the fire, feet in fuzzy slippers propped on an ottoman, reading glasses on as he read _Le Monde._ He even had a pipe!

"Whoa," Bambietta said in awe. "His Majesty really _is_ father of the Quincies. He's the biggest, cheesiest dad I've ever seen!"

This photo would _definitely_ be their little secret.


	195. Chapter 195: Leadership

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 195: Leadership**

"Everyone, uh... please listen..."

Rukia couldn't make herself heard over the rabble of Squad 13 officers and non-seated Soul Reapers, not even when she hopped up and down and waved her arms. They just chatted and joked.

"I am your new Captain! Please listen!" Rukia kept hopping, but dammit, no one was even looking at her! She felt her face go red and she bared her teeth -

"LISTEN!" Rukia slashed Sode no Shirayuki's shikai through the air, and a blast of ice stunned everyone into silence. "I'm your Captain now! Get it?!" But no one saluted.

Shinji Hirako popped onto the scene and took Rukia aside. "Real leadership is settin' an example, y'know," he said. "Can't go around freezing your men."

Rukia sighed. "I know. But I have big shoes to fill. And I'm tiny!"

Shinji clapped her back. "Just be yourself. And get a literal soap box."


	196. Chapter 196: Mistletoe

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 196: Mistletoe**

Nelliel stood on her tip-toes to add her own flair to the office Christmas party: a fresh bough of mistletoe!

"There, it's perfect!" Nelliel put her hands on her hips and admired it. She smiled. "Ichigo, check how it looks from underneath."

A few people chuckled as Ichigo went pink. "Sorry, but I'll just admire it from here." And not just because Orihime was within earshot!

Then Keigo realized that he was under it. "Oh. Uh..." He scratched his head, until Tatsuki joined him.

"Perfect." Keigo got on one knee and presented a diamond ring in a box. "Tatsuki, will you marry me? Please?"

Everyone clapped as Tatsuki said yes and threw herself onto Keigo in an aggressive kiss-hug.

Ichigo patted Nelliel's back. "Nice work."

Nelliel beamed.


	197. Chapter 197: Beard

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 197: Beard**

Tetsuzaemon Iba gave Ikkaku a gentle shove. "No way, bro."

"Yeah, I could!" Ikkaku shot back.

Shuhei Hisagi happened by. "What's going on?"

Iba's shades glinted. "Cue ball thinks he can grow a better beard than me in a month!"

"I can grow a good one," Izuru Kira added, elbowing his way onto the scene. "Better than any of you guys'."

"Then it's on!" Shuhei pointed up. "Every interested man has one month to grow the best beard he can! May the manliest whiskers win!"

When they converged a month later, they all had decent progress, and Izuru sure hadn't been lying. But so far, Iba's was the best.

Then another man stepped onto the scene.

"I say, I am most disappointed in you all," said the newcomer. His full, luscious beard was a good three feet long! Like a wizard's!

Ikakku's jaw dropped. "Yumichika?!"


	198. Chapter 198: Aid

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 198: Aid**

Byakuya peeked from around a corner, his slate-gray eyes sharp as he watched Rukia sparring with her classmates at the academy, her red and white student robes fluttering. Byakuya's heart pounded as he watched. Surely, Rukia would prevail -

"Dammit!" Rukia winced as she fell flat on her rear, her opponent towering over her, sword in hand. Rukia scrambled to pick up her own wooden weapon, but the other student prepared to deliver the final blow to win the match.

Byakuya's hand was halfway into position to fire a quiet kido to reinforce Rukia's position when a familiar fire shone in her eyes.

Hisana's.

Byakuya lowered his hand as Rukia clashed swords and her fellows cheered her on.

She was doing fine.


	199. Chapter 199: Innovation

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 199: Innovation**

"I need something new... yes..."

Szayelaporro Grantz wasn't one to lapse into complacency, and he might lose his spot as the Octavo Espada if he slacked off. Now, the human world had all kinds of brilliant innovators and craftsmen. Surely, inspiration would strike...?

He ended up at the local junior high school's science fair, and he frowned in disappointment at the exhibits... save one! The Espada stared in awe at the devastating power, and raced off to Hueco Mundo.

"Lord Aizen! With this new weapon, I will crush your enemies!" Szayelaporro promised in Sosuke Aizen's throne room.

Aizen lifted his eyebrows. "Show me."

Szayelaporro mixed his ammo: Mentos and a two-liter of Coca-Cola. But he couldn't aim, and Aizen yelped as he was soaked in fizzy soda.

Szayelaporro bowed his head. "I'm sorry!"

"Next time," Aizen said, "I'd rather have tea."


	200. Chapter 200: Mountain

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 200: Mountain**

Rangiku had _just_ woken up from her latest night of drinking when she found a hand-written note on her desk: _"Lieutenant Matsumoto, your pay will be withheld until you climb the nearest mountain. I will wait for you there. -TH"_

Intrigued (and wanting her paycheck), Rangiku threw on a nice hiking outfit and labored her way up the slope. But at the summit was only another note: _"Tomorrow. -TH"_

So she did it the next day, and the next, and the next! Only notes, but no person waiting for her. Until after a month, there waited Captain Hitsugaya.

"Well done, Lieutenant," he said with a rare smile. He handed over an envelope. "Here's all your pay. How do you feel?"

Rangiku realized what a workout this had all been. She stretched. "I feel great! Like I can lift this mountain!"

Toshiro nodded. "That's the real reward."

*o*o*o*o*

 **A/N:** Happy 200 drabbles, everyone! Will there be more? Of course! Will my next goal be 300? Well... we'll see about that! Thanks for all your support so far!


	201. Chapter 201: Towering

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 201: Towering**

Captain-General Kyoraku's birthday party was a big hit, and the Soul Reaper Women's Association ladies had outdone themselves with decorating Squad 1's barracks for the occasion. Shunsui was treated to a massive cake (alas, minus a girl popping out), streamers, the Skullbangers performing live, and expensive gift of all kinds. But most of all...

"Limbo!" Shunsui bent over backwards and marched under the bamboo rod that Shinji and Byakuya held up, and everyone clapped as he cleared it. Momo and Rukia easily made it, even with the bar set low, and even Mayuri Kurotsuchi made it through.

Until...

Sajin Komamura grunted as he bent to pass under the rod, but the wolf-like Captain lost control and sprang to his feet... and he sent the rod flying like a missile. It pierced the wall and quivered from the sheer force.

Sajin hung his head. "Being big has its costs."


	202. Chapter 202: Bell

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 202: Bell**

Tetsuzaemon Iba made an aggravated noise as he looked up from his endless paperwork in his office. That blasted dog Goro! She had a new collar, one with a big fat brass bell whose clanging was like nails being driven into his head!

 _Clang, clang, clang!_ Goro panted happily as she raced into Iba's office, ready to play fetch or whatever. Iba tried to ignore her, but his pen impaled his paper in anger and he bolted to his feet.

"Cut that out!" he roared.

Goro responded by scratching her head with a paw. Her bell jingled. _Clang, clang, clang!_

Iba unfastened Goro's collar and ran off with it, suddenly inspired. He found Rangiku Matsumoto passed out on a couch, and he gently fastened it around her neck.

She would never sneak up on him again!


	203. Chapter 203: Icy

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 203: Icy**

Ichigo cursed under his breath, his gloved hands tight on the steering wheel. His car's tires spun uselessly on his neighborhood road, no matter what he did! His breath steamed in the car's cold air.

"We're stuck, hon," Ichigo said dejectedly. "We'll never make it to the restaurant. Stupid ice storm!"

Rukia smiled and tossed her hair. "Relax, I control ice! Let me take a shot at this." She drew her shikai and murmured a few words.

Thick sheets of glittering ice encased the entire car. Maybe it would all melt by July...

"Whoops." Rukia settled back in her seat with an embarrassed grin. "I think I did it wrong... cuddle for warmth?"

"S-sure." Ichigo chattered his teeth as he held his girlfriend close. "I hope you don't mind spending all evening in here..."


	204. Chapter 204: Premium

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 204: Premium**

"What d'you mean, I can't get in yet?"

Renji stamped a foot at the doors of Karakura Town's hottest nightclub, his arm around Rukia's waist. They both looked great, but...

The burly, bald bouncer shook his head. "You ain't got a premium membership card, do you?"

Renji shook his head.

"Back of the line, buddy. But the lady can come in."

Rukia patted Renji's cheek. "Let me... _borrow_ from the Kuchiki treasury. Be right back!"

And, by gum, she bribed the hell out of the bouncer and they got in. Renji grinned at the booming music, cool lighting, and fancy people chattering in comfortable booths. But among them was...

Rukia gasped. "Hanataro Yamada?!"

Surrounded by smokin' babes, Hanataro lowered his shades. "Hey, guys. Turns out I'm pretty hot when I tell everyone that I save lives for a living!"

Renji sighed. "Lucky you."


	205. Chapter 205: Crate

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 205: Crate**

Rangiku stopped in her tracks when she saw a sealed wooden crate sitting there right outside Squad 10's barracks. She ran her hands over it, knocked on it, even tasted it. But no clues presented themselves, and there weren't any markings, either. She tried to lift it; way too heavy!

"Hey, guys. Look!" Rangiku rustled up Renji, Shuhei, and Momo to check it out, but none of them could pry it open or break it. Renji even kicked it, but that was useless.

"Everyone, stand back." Momo clapped her hands onto the crate and unleashed a powerful bakudo of unsealing. The lid broke right off.

Foul smoke erupted from the box's innards, and Rangiku coughed. "A stink bomb?!"

Captain Kurotsuchi appeared. "You all failed the test," he said. "Couldn't control your curiosity, relied on blunt force... a shame."

Shuhei growled. "Next time, we're sending _you_ a mysterious box!"


	206. Chapter 206: Quarter

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 206: Quarter**

Ichigo motioned to the pinball machine. "Go ahead, put in a quarter."

Nelliel pouted. "But I like these coins! They're so shiny and cool..." She and Ichigo had taken a trip to the United States, and much more than the Statue of Liberty or huge hamburgers, Nelliel was enamored with... coins?!

"Well, I guess I'll play first," Ichigo said kindly, and he reached for a quarter in Nelliel's hand. She drew back, rubbing the quarters on her face with a delighted giggle.

"No! My quarters! I like how they sound..." She poured them back and forth between her hands, ignoring the nearby people staring.

"Are you even gonna spend them on Burger King later or something?"

"Nope! I'll never spend my little treasures! They even have faces on them!"

Ichigo sighed. "I should have gotten you dollar bills instead..."


	207. Chapter 207: Pencil

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 207: Pencil**

Momo Hinamori shook her head as she set down the pencil. "I'm sorry, Ichigo, but I don't want to draw with this thing."

Ichigo picked up the mechanical pencil he'd lent her. "Why not? It doesn't wear down! You just have to replace the lead, see?" He popped off the eraser and stuck in another thin rod of pencil lead.

"Silly boy." Momo smiled and held up her sketchbook, and the stubby pencil she'd been using. "See this?"

"See what?"

"My pencil shows its age. Its short size marks how I've wrung art from it, Ichigo. It's... palpable. And the same will happen with the next one I buy." She made a fond sigh. "There's no substitute."

"Sure there is! Mechanical pencils! They're cool!" Ichigo offered the pencil back.

Momo handed it back. "I've made my decision."

Ichigo shrugged. _Artists..._


	208. Chapter 208: Humorous

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 208: Humorous**

"... and so I say, don't talk to me 'bout that unless you've got a proper _duck_!"

Ikakku provided the obligatory rim shot, but Renji's stand-up routine was falling flat, and the red-head grinned and glanced around nervously as the expected laughs failed to come. Somone coughed.

Renji gestured. "Y'know, it's a comment on modern -"

"Get this guy outta here!" Shinji hollered from the comedy club's rear tables.

"Yeah! Let's kick his ass!" Kenpachi added.

Renji started to sweat and he paced on the roughly-hewn stage. "N-no, that's not what I... whoa!"

Everyone gasped as Renji tripped on a loose floorboard and toppled right into a table, knocking it over and spilling everyone's drinks. Nearby patrons scrambled out of the way.

Renji groaned in a heap as everyone burst out laughing. _Look at that,_ he thought. _I'm a funny guy after all!_


	209. Chapter 209: Expansion

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 209: Expansion**

Kenpachi skidded to a halt when he saw the construction crews working hard on an addition to Squad 11's barracks. He grabbed a workman by the collar. "Hey, what's this crap all about?" he demanded.

"S-special commission, sir," the man yelped. "Captain-General Yamamoto signed it into action."

Kenpachi shrugged and wandered off. But one morning, he woke up to find the expansion complete, and Yumichika stood proudly in the new room.

A hair salon?!

"It's big business for Squad 11's profits, sir!" Yumichika said excitedly as patrons continued to pour in. He practically glimmered with pride. "Like it?"

Kenpachi paused. Then he drew his zanpakuto and started chopping at the walls. "I'll take this place down... piece by piece!"

So much for Squad 11's treasury...


	210. Chapter 210: Puny

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 210: Puny**

At last, the dreaded topic had arrived at the Captains' meeting one sunny afternoon, one that brand-new Captain Rukia Kuchiki feared.

"Hmmmmmm," Captain Muguruma said, rubbing his chin. "Ain't Rukia Kuchiki a bit... short for a Captain? Kinda puny, like?"

Rukia opened her mouth to protest, but realized Kensei's point; she had to look way up just to address him!

What to do?

The next morning, Captain Rukia drew everyone's eyes and inspired gasps of shock, amazement, and delight, for she walked to today's Captains' meeting... on stilts! She couldn't stop smiling.

Until she reached the doors, and realized that she was now... too tall!

Shinji rolled his eyes as he stepped under the towering Rukia and into the meeting. "Guess you'll have to find a middle ground, huh? Good luck."

Rukia groaned. "Being a Captain is more challenging than I thought."


	211. Chapter 211: Abrupt

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 211: Abrupt**

Uryu groaned as he turned over in his bed, in the foggy purgatory between sleep and wide awake. He was having these weird dreams about something tickling him... spider?! No, centipedes? More like... a breeze, or someone whispering? He felt oddly tense -

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, URYU!"

"Whoa!" Uryu flared to life and fell out of his bed in a confused, indignant tangle of sheets and limbs as colorful sparklers went off all over his room and Tatsuki started playing a one-man-band ensemble.

"It's your birthday, silly! November 6th!" Orihime knelt by her boyfriend and smiled. "Did you forget?"

Uryu could only mumble and sputter vague words, his head still aching from the birthday surprise.

Orihime held a cupcake to Uryu's mouth. "Here. For your birthday!"

Uryu took a grateful bite.

Totally worth the jump scare!


	212. Chapter 212: Digestion

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 212: Digestion**

"Oh, dear me!" Isshin Kurosaki groaned as Ichigo and Orihime helped walk him into the Kurosaki Clinic's living room, with Renji and Rukia right behind them. It had been a nice get-together at the local restaurant, but...

"I'm still hungry, darn it!" Ichika pouted. "Daddy, get me some cake!"

Renji made a face. "What, _now_?"

Meanwhile, Isshin half-day on the couch, hands on his belly. "I'm gonna get indigestion," he groaned.

Kazui jumped up onto his grandfather. "Don't worry, grampa! I'll help!" He jumped up and down on Isshin's stomach, apparently to push the food along. And once little Ichika joined him, Isshin jolted.

"I.. gotta go!" Isshin scrambled for the bathroom, hand over his mouth.

Ichika turned to her parents. "Did we do good?"

Rukia huffed. "If you and Kazui got him sick, _you're_ both gonna take care of him! Forever!"


	213. Chapter 213: Advertisement

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 213: Advertisement**

Ichigo was just coming back with a hot bowl of popcorn when Nelliel bolted upright from her slouching position on the couch. She excitedly pointed at the TV. "Hey! Is that an advertisement?"

Ichigo nodded. "Sure. Ready for the movie?"

"Not yet!" Nelliel sat forward, enraptured by an ad for a riding lawn mower. "Hey, that looks like fun!"

"But..." Ichigo started.

Then Nelliel squealed in delight at an ad for toothpaste that will give you "a pearly, radiant smile every time!" And an ad for car insurance, an expensive hotel in Yokohama, kitchen knife sets...

Nelliel returned the next day... riding the lawn mower, with cutlery, a beer hat, and paperwork for car insurance. "Look at this cool stuff I needed!" she hollered.

Ichigo decided now was the time to explain modern economics.


	214. Chapter 214: Instrument

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 214: Instrument**

While Ikakku, Shuhei, and Kira waited at the Kuchiki Manor's front gates, Renji finally got an audience with the family head himself. Renji knelt in submission, head bowed.

"Captain Kuchiki!" he implored. "Squad 6's barracks are occupied, as are those of Squads 3, 9, and 11! And the Firebirds have claimed the local studio for their own rehearsals. So..."

He swallowed.

"May we use the Kuchiki Manor to practice?"

"If," Byakuya said calmly, "you can out-shred me, as I've heard you punks say before."

"Yes, sir!" Renji fired up his electric guitar and let loose an impressive, finger-defying solo. He handed the ax over.

Byakuya closed his eyes and shredded Dragonforce's "Through the Fire and Flames" like a master.

Renji bowed his head again. "Truly, we Skullbangers are not worthy."

Byakuya set down the guitar. " _Now_ you finally get it."


	215. Chapter 215: Reveille

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 215: Reveille**

Shuehei Hisagi grinned to himself as he climbed up the watchtower in the Seireitei and took hold of a short, padded rod. He whacked it on the large gong. _Smash!_ The horrible sound echoed across the thirteen barracks, and irritable Soul Reapers shuffled out.

"Rise and shine!" Shuhei announced. "We gotta get an earlier start to the day for training against the Wandenreich!"

Kenpachi offered one finger in response.

Shuhei kept it up all week, but on the seventh morning, just before he hit the gong, Renji, Ikakku, and Kira tied him up and threw him to the ground.

"Let us rest in peace for once!" Kira roared.

Shuehei sputtered. "But... discipline...!"

"Discipline my butt," Ikakku snapped. "I was dreamin' that I was hangin' out with all the hot babes in the court squads... and you were gonna ruin it!"

Renji gave him a high-five.


	216. Chapter 216: Bait

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 216: Bait**

"This makes _no_ sense," Tetsuzaemon Iba said irritably as he sat on the lake's shore with Captain Ukitake. He twitched his fishing pole as though to attract a big fish. "I'm an exemplary stud! A role model for all! But I can't handle the classic, manly art of fishing?!"

Captain Ukitake gave him a bracing smile as he reeled in another decent-sized bass. "Sorry, Lieutenant, but maybe your technique needs work. Or your patience. I've been fishing for centuries. It takes work."

Iba grumbled and sipped from his sake gourd. He checked his hook; was the worm not appealing enough?

Then Kenpachi happened by, munching on a huge turkey leg. Inspiration hit, and Iba tossed the line, snagged the turkey leg on the hook, and tossed the newly-baited line into the water.

Perfect! Let Kenpachi cry all he wants!


	217. Chapter 217: Medicine

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 217: Medicine**

"L... Lieutenant! H-help me!"

Isane Kotetsu rushed over to yet another injured Soul Reaper's side as the man started coughing blood, his body convulsing. With a quick healing Kido, she had him stable. So many injured from fighting the Wandenreich! It made her heart so heavy, and that of these brave fighters...

But...

Isane smiled and sent a Hell Butterfly with a call for action, and Rukia, Momo, and Rangiku joined her, setting up their guitars, drums, and mic.

"Wh-what's going on?" a Soul Reaper asked feebly.

Isane strummed her bass guitar. "We're the Firebirds, the official rival band to the Skullbangers! Who would like a little concert? Y'know, to take your mind off things?"

The patients all clapped, and the Firebirds fired up their favorite show-opening song. The patients whooped and cheered.

Isane couldn't stop smiling.

 **A/N:** Feel free to submit more reviews! I love hearing what you guys think of these chapters! Lots more to come!


	218. Chapter 218: Escape

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 218: Escape**

Rukia glanced across the meeting hall at Rangiku and nodded, and Rangiku nodded back and gave the signal to Momo and Isane. Meanwhile, Nanao Ise argued loudly with Yachiru over money issues, and Yachiru seemed to be winning, based on her fist-pumping and foot-stomping. A perfect distraction!

Keeping a low profile (which was easy, given her stature), Rukia slipped from her seat and snuck toward the door and toward release, and the other three girls followed suit. Rukia smiled; they were so close to escape!

Nanao Ise suddenly towered over the escapees, her glasses panes glinting angrily. "Going somewhere?"

"N-no!" Rukia squeaked. "We just -"

Nanao bonked her on the head with her book. "I'm locking up the music studio during our meetings from now on! Have your band sessions on your own time!"

"But..." Rukia mumbled, "the Firebirds... gotta play...!"

Nanao would have none of it.


	219. Chapter 219: Van

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 219: Van**

"Floor it, Kira! We gotta move!" Ikakku hollered from the rusty old van's back seat.

Izuru Kira ground his teeth as the shaky, squeaking van rolled over the rough dirt road to the west Rukongai district. "Give the old girl a break, chrome dome. I can't go over forty in this thing."

Renji slammed a fist on the van's wall. "We'll be late to the concert, bro! Floor it!"

"Shut up, man!" Kira snapped.

Shuhei, meanwhile, had enough. He lunged and slammed his foot on the gas.

The van roared like a beast... then ground to a halt, steam blasting from under the hood.

Shuhei winced. "Sorry."

Kira was livid. "Great job, dumbass. Now _you're_ carrying all our instruments to the venue!"

Shuhei hung his head. "Being a punk rocker ain't easy..."


	220. Chapter 220: Nest

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 220: Nest**

She was reluctant to admit it, but Captain Soi Fon actually loved bird-watching sometimes... too bad there weren't many local birds to look out for. Then again...

Soi Fon got an idea, and she leaped out of her office and to Squad 12's main lab.

"Yes?" Captain Kurotsuchi asked briskly.

Soi Fon cleared her throat. "I wish to have some artificial nests built around Squad 2's barracks so I may pursue my hobbies. High quality, to attract many specimens."

Kurotsuchi nodded. "I'll have the job done by tonight."

Evening fell, and Soi Fon prepared to check out all the birds attracted to the nests... but instead, a squeaking swarm of bats enveloped her!

Then she saw them. Kurotsuchi had built _bat_ houses instead!

Soi Fon may have left out one detail...


	221. Chapter 221: Noiseless

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 221: Noiseless**

The Wandenreich was finally defeated! So hadn't Marechiyo Omaeda earned a little... _break..._ by now? Captain Soi Fon didn't seem to think so!

A quick visit to Squad 12's development lab changed that.

That night, Omaeda slipped on a pair of cutting-edge, noise-canceling, soft-soled shoes. He grinned widely as he tip-toed through the barracks and headed right for the pantry. His fingertips were an inch from the handle -

"LIEUTENANT!"

Omaeda jumped out of his skin and whirled around. There stood the Captain. "Y-you caught me?! But these shoes...! How can this be?!"

Soi Fon shook her head. "You buffoon. I could _see_ you!"


	222. Chapter 222: Copy

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 222: Copy**

Shunsui Kyoraku made a hurt face in Squad 1's barracks. "This is totally humiliating, sir! Just so... horrifying!"

Yamamoto tapped the butt of his cane on the floor. "You have made a fool of yourself for the last time, Shunsui!" he barked. "I don't know where you got those bananas or a bucket of grease, but you'll learn your lesson, don't worry! Write those lines!"

"Y-yes, sir." Shunsui waited until the Captain-General left, then muttered the incantation of a replication kido on his chalk piece. Beaming, he started writing his punishment lines on the chalkboard, and twenty duplicate chalk sticks wrote his lines in unison! In ten minutes, he was free!

Until Yamamoto caught him halfway through preparing a prank on Sajin's office.

"Double the lines, Shunsui!" Yamamoto roared. "And this time, _in a room that suppresses kido!"_


	223. Chapter 223: Current

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 223: Current**

"Everybody ready?"

Ichigo hopped into his inflated inner tube and started flowing freely down the creek's rapid currents, and Rukia drafted alongside him, giggling with delight.

"We don't have inner tubes in the Soul Society," she commented. "The human world is more fun!"

Orihime loved it too, but she cried out in alarm when Uryu got caught in rapids and shot down the creek far too fast... and toward a little waterfall! Uryu wailed in terror.

Rukia shot out her arm. _"Bakudo 61: Riku Jokoro!"_

The six gold rods locked Uryu into place, and he hovered right over the terrifying, roaring waterfall. "Thanks," Uryu croaked. "Now, could you please bring me back to shore? _Very carefully_?"

"First Niagara Falls, now this," Orihime noted. "Maybe our next double date should be somewhere dry!"

"Yes, please," Uryu said faintly.


	224. Chapter 224: Moor

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 224: Moor**

Orihime wanted to make some comment or other about seeing a large boat settle at the docks late one evening, but somehow, the words didn't come. Instead, she sat with Uryu on a hilltop in a Scottish town, the scent of salt in the wind and the chime of a church bell in the distance. Down at the pier, dock workers moored the boat into place and shouted commands at each other.

"Orihime," Uryu finally said.

Orihime jolted. "Y-yes?"

Uryu turned to look at her. "This is... really nice. Like I'm living in a postcard."

Orihime smiled. "I know! Scotland is so beautiful! I'm glad you agreed to come here. Even if it's kind of moody sometimes."

Uryu glanced at the boat again. "How about we go jet skiing tomorrow? Would you like that, too?"

Orihime pumped her fists and beamed. "It's not a vacation without a little fun!"

 **A/N:** I started a new drabble collection in the _Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood_ fandom called _**My Fullmetal Drabble Collection**_ **.** Check it out! :)


	225. Chapter 225: Theory

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 225: Theory**

Nemu Kurotsuchi blinked. "Captain, isn't that a little... uh..."

"Patronizing? Rude? Strange? I do not care," Mayuri Kurotsuchi said dismissively. "Follow me, and we'll test my theory."

So, they met Captain Komamura at noon sharp, and once Mayuri offered a plate of well-grilled steak, Nemu casually rang a little bell in her hand. Komamura gratefully accepted the free lunch.

The same experiment carried on for over a week, and finally, Mayuri was ready to see some results. This time, Nemu rang the bell _before_ Mayuri offered the steak lunch to Komamura, but the wolf-headed Captain didn't salivate.

"I want it... so bad..."

Mayuri whirled around. Kenpachi sat like a dog, panting and salivating, his good eye fixed on the steak.

"Nemu, make a note in my experiment log," Mayuri said. "Turns out Captain Zaraki is the dog around here after all."


	226. Chapter 226: Cushion

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 226: Cushion**

"Hey honey, have you seen any of the couch cushions? Or... the chair cushions? Any cushions, _anywhere_?"

Ichigo wandered the Kurosaki clinic, scratching his head. Just where had all the cushions in the house gone?!

Orihime peeked her head around a corner, her gray eyes dancing with amusement. "You might want to check the front lawn."

Apprehensive, Ichigo stepped out... and into the shadow of what looked like a three-story pillow fort of couch cushions!

Kazui poked his head out from the top floor. "Hi, daddy! Look what we made!"

Then Ichika poked her head out a different window. "We gathered all the cushions from every house in the neighborhood! Isn't it great?!"

Ichigo smiled. "Just pray that a strong wind doesn't topple it with you both inside!"

Kazui and Ichika glanced at each other. Then ran for the exit!


	227. Chapter 227: Unhealthy

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 227: Unhealthy**

Momo Hinamori poked her head into the Seireitei Bulletin newspaper's editorial room. "Shuhei, you've gotta eat better than _that_!"

"Mmmmmm? What'd you say?" Shuhei said through a mouthful of cheeseburger, taco, Doritos, and cookies. He lounged back in his swivel chair, with more empty boxes and bags around him.

Momo made a face. "You can't fuel up like that! What if you need to fight a hollow? Or, more importantly, play with the rest of your band at a concert?"

Shuhei merely shrugged. Momo slunk out.

The next morning, Shuhei opened his office door... and an avalanche of salads, banana clusters, bags of rice, pineapples, and watermelons buried him alive!

"Here. I forgot one," Momo said, and she tossed over a ripe red apple.

Shuhei wearily poked out an arm and caught it. "Th-thanks... Momo..."


	228. Chapter 228: Fancy

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 228: Fancy**

"You sure about this, bro?" Shuhei asked as the Skullbangers members met up at Squad 6's barracks that evening.

Renji nodded. "Why not? It's just a casual mixer for the thirteen Court Guard Squads! I'll bet the Firebirds show up in cool punk-girl outfits, after all."

Kira grinned. "Good, 'cause I've got a new leather jacket that totally shows my I-don't-give-a-damn attitude!"

Ikkaku gave him a high-five, and the bros suited up in their best logo tees, parted black leather jackets, torn workman jeans, black boots, and outrageous hair dye. They marched up to the Squad 1 barracks in high spirits for the party...

Only to find _everyone_ in their best kimonos! Even with decorate scarves and fans and stuff!

Rangiku, Momo, Rukia, and Isane joined the Skullbangers. "Nice duds, guys," Rangiku teased them.

Renji winced. "Y-you ladies look wonderful this evening!"

As opposed to them!


	229. Chapter 229: Station

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 229: Station**

Ichigo tried to roll his wheeled suitcase faster through a massive train station in outer Tokyo. "Hurry, guys! These trains wait for no one!"

"I... know!" Uryu panted, red in the face as he tried to keep up. Orihime and Rukia kept pace, and up ahead, their train started to move...

Too late! It slid along its mag-lev rails like a snake and vanished around a bend.

Ichigo collapsed onto an open bench, budging over to let Rukia and the others sit with him. "This sucks! Now how are we gonna get to Kyoto?"

Orihime glanced around, then beamed and held up a finger. "Our double date vacation isn't ruined. I'll take a look through the trains, close my eyes, and choose one at random. It'll be an adventure!"

Rukia returned the smile. "Nothing ever dampens your spirits, huh?"

Uryu hesitated, then smiled, too.


	230. Chapter 230: Carpenter

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 230: Carpenter**

"And it's... _done_!"

Tetsuzaemon wiped his brow, holstered his hammer and saw back onto his tool belt, and stepped away from his creation. Around him, Shuhei, Kira, Renji, and Hanataro stared up in wonder.

"It's kinda... leaning to one side," Kira said, raising his blond eyebrows.

Iba thumped his chest with a fist. "No such thing! I built the Soul Reaper Men's Association headquarters with my own two hands. Now _that's_ in the spirit of the club. You'll thank me later for setting this example!"

Hanataro bowed. "It's lovely, sir!"

"What?" Iba sputtered. His shades glinted. "It's _macho_! Hip! Salt of the earth! Like me." He gave the building's wall a fond pat.

The whole thing creaked dangerously... then collapsed like a house of cards!

Renji held back a laugh. "Might wanna invest your manly ego in something else, Iba."


	231. Chapter 231: Plug

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 231: Plug**

Ichigo had just settled down to the latest _Shonen Jump_ issue when yet again, he heard Nelliel's voice call for him from the bathroom of their motel room.

Ichigo sighed and finally went over to see what the big fuss was. This trip to the American Southwest was turning into a real hassle!

"Come in!" Nelliel invited.

Sighing, Ichigo swung open the door. Nelliel sat happily in the tub, and she held up the drain plug. "I love watching the water spiral away," she said. "Watch me do it again!" She plugged up the tub and cranked on the water.

"We can't waste water!" Ichigo cried, then settled down. "If you keep the water in, I'll, uh..." He went red. "I'll scrub your back, okay?"

Nelliel beamed. "Get the loofah ready!"

Ichigo slouched off. The mortal world had far too many temptations...


	232. Chapter 232: Price

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 232: Price**

"Are you kidding? There's no way I can afford that crap!"

Ikakku scoffed at the Rukongai town's general store when he heard the price for one men's shaving kit. The store clerk shrugged. "Even for Soul Reapers, that's our price."

Renji, Iba, and Kenpachi caught up to him. "Keeping your dome smooth?" Kenpachi grunted.

"Price is crazy," Ikakku snapped.

Renji raised his hand. "10 kan for the kit!"

Iba raised his hand. "20!"

Kenpachi raised his. "100!" he thundered.

Renji narrowed his eyes. "125!"

"150!"

"220!"

Finally, Renji won the makeshift auction and gently pressed the razor to his hair. "Been needing a trim," he said. Then his hands slipped, and he cut away a wide patch of hair! "Noooooo!"

Ikakku grinned. "Looks like you really _paid the price_ for that one!"


	233. Chapter 233: Bury

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 233: Bury**

Rangiku frantically dug random holes in the backyard of her childhood home, dirt piles everywhere. She panted for breath.

Toshiro flash-stepped onto the scene. "What are you doing?" he demanded. "We're on duty!"

"I..." Rangiku sat back helplessly and wiped her brow. "Captain, when I was accepted to the Academy, I buried a little box with a precious necklace here to celebrate when I become a great Soul Reaper. And now... I can't find it."

Toshiro saw his lieutenant's eyes waver and helped dig. No good; the box eluded them, even after the sun set.

Toshiro stood and patted Rangiku's shoulder. "I'll buy you one. With a big amethyst, your favorite gem."

"You remember! And thank you!" Rangiku threw her arms around her Captain. "I'll buy you something too, when it's your birthday."

 _The things I endure for my friends,_ Toshiro thought heavily.


	234. Chapter 234: Pie

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 234: Pie**

Momo hummed happily to herself as she, Rukia, and Omaeda brought their finished pies to the annual Gotei 13 bake-off competition. "I think we all outdid ourselves this year," Momo said happily. She had baked banana creme.

Omaeda chuckled. "We're competing, y'know," he said. "See you at the finish line!"

Rukia grinned. "That's _my_ line, Omaeda!"

For the pastries category, a mysterious "super judge" expertly evaluated every pie in the world.

And, at last -

"I won!" Momo clapped happily. "I still wonder who the judge is, though."

"Me." Captain Tosen appeared with a smile. "Thought I'd congratulate you in person, Momo."

Momo gasped. "Captain Tosen?! Are you a taste expert because, uh... you're blind, so your other senses are stronger...?"

Tosen made a face. "No! It's only because I love pies! That's the _only_ reason!"

He walked off, still muttering under his breath.


	235. Chapter 235: Growth

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 235: Growth**

Kenpachi knelt so he could better face his underlings. "Who d'you maggots think I am?" he roared. "I'm Kenpachi Zaraki! Terror of the Gotei 13! And when I say move, I mean _move_!"

His subjects, a row of tiny two-leaved plants, sat in a comfortable silence.

Kenpachi scratched his head. How could home gardening be such a pain?! He took another breath and pointed. "I ain't playin' games, you worms! Your boss needs a big, flowery garden, and he's gonna get it, dammit!"

A shadow fell and Kenpachi rose to greet Captain Unohana. She smiled.

"Patience, Captain," she said, a hand on his shoulder. "With a delicate touch, the smallest seed can become the greatest blossom, or a towering oak."

"I guess."

"Growth and destruction are opposites," Unohana added. "Remember that." She left.

Kenpachi caught an odd, knowing gleam in her eye.


	236. Chapter 236: Smile

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 236: Smile**

Rangiku, on her morning walk, waved to Izuru Kira as he passed. "Morning!" she said with a smile.

Kira waved back with a grin. "Morning. Just on an errand for Captain Ichimaru. See you later."

Then, Rangiku passed Sajin Komamura and smiled. The towering Captain bared his teeth in a wild smile. "Good morning. You look well," Sajin said.

Further along, Rangiku got lovely smiles and greetings from Isane, Momo, Rukia, and even Tetsuzaemon. But then, Captain-General Yamamoto happened by.

"Good morning!" Rangiku smiled and waved.

Yamamoto merely grunted.

"Can I get a friendly smile and hello? Please?" Rangiku asked nicely.

Yamamoto relented and forced a huge, toothy smile whose radiance blinded Rangiku. She cried out and covered her eyes.

She heard Yamamoto shuffle past. "Young'uns," she heard him mutter.


	237. Chapter 237: Thaw

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 237: Thaw**

"What the heck are you buffoons even _doing_?"

Nanao Ise could hardly believe her eyes when she spotted Ikakku, Tetsuzaemon, Shuhei, and Ichigo sitting in Squad 7's barracks, each on top of a huge block of ice.

"It's a contest," Shuhei told her. "Whoever melts all his ice first gets a free six-pack."

Nanao sighed. "That could take a long time. What about your duties?"

Ikakku glanced away. "Well, uh..."

"Big deal," Ichigo scoffed.

Nanao gasped with inspiration. She returned ten minutes later with a dolled-up Rukia.

"Hel- _lo_ , big boy," Rukia said in her best coquettish voice, batting her lashes. "Ichigo, you look so _divine_ today..." She giggled and delicately wandered off.

Ichigo went red and steam came out of his ears. His ice block melted in two seconds flat.

"Ichigo won! Now get back to work, you clods," Nanao barked.

Ichigo winced. "Cheater."


	238. Chapter 238: Level

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 238: Level**

Ichigo furiously mashed the buttons on his vintage Nintendo Entertainment system, working up a sweat, his eyes fixed on the TV. "Almost... almost...!"

Nelliel and Renji cheered when Ichigo triumphantly cleared the final and hardest stage in the _Mario_ game, and Nelliel wrapped Ichigo in another bone-crushing hug. "Hooray! You won the plumber game!"

"It's _Mario_ ," Renji said with a grin. "C'mon, even I know that. Okay, Ichigo, pass the controller and I'll beat your high score. I can ace any level in this game!"

Nelliel clapped. "Yay! Good luck, Renji!"

The first level materialized -

Ichigo suddenly caught a baseball that had flown through the air. He looked over at Rukia, who had thrown it. "Get moving, couch potatoes," Rukia said cheerily, a bat held over her shoulder. "Time for a different game!"


	239. Chapter 239: Robin

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 239: Robin**

Ichigo made a face at Rukia's crudely-written text message assuring him that she'd meet him at Keigo's Halloween house party in full costume. He sent a snarky reply and threw on his own costume.

"I hope I sewed it up just right, big brother," Yuzu said fondly.

Ichigo fitted on his black gloves, bat cowl, and utility belt. "Thanks, Alfred."

"Who?"

"Uh... never mind. See you later!" Ichigo strode out the door, his awesome cape billowing behind him. _I am the night!_

Until he arrived at the costume party, where everyone clapped and laughed at Rukia, who, in her Robin costume, sat on a huge paper mache nest with an oversized egg.

"Cluck cluck!" Rukia hollered. "I'm Robin! Ichigo, am I doing this right?"

The Caped Crusader wanted to say no... but he couldn't resist the cheery glimmer in Rukia's eyes. "Perfect."


	240. Chapter 240: Calculator

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 240: Calculator**

Ichigo was pretty good at math... heck, he was a whiz! So, at the back of Ms. Misato's algebra class, he fiddled with his advanced-model calculator. Almost... done...

"Hey. Ichigo," Keigo muttered next to him. "How d'you solve that?" He pointed at the chalkboard.

Ichigo shrugged. "No idea," he said vaguely, still working.

"Please?"

"No!" Ichigo said, louder this time.

 _"Please?"_

"NO!" Ichigo erupted.

Ms. Misato glared. "Kurosaki, maybe _you'd_ like to show me what's so interesting on your calculator?"

Ichigo proudly went to the classroom's front and presented his calculator. "I installed _Pokemon_ on it! I learned how on YouTube"

The students stared. Then they clamored over each other to reach Ichigo. "Put _Pokemon_ on mine!" Orihime piped up.

"Me too!" Chizuru added.

"I'd like it, too," Chad muttered.

Ms. Misato looked mortified.


	241. Chapter 241: Alluring

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 241: Alluring**

Shuhei Hisagi narrowed his eyes in irritation Renji sighed. "Damn, Rangiku's really beautiful, ain't she?"

"What about it?" Shuhei snapped.

Renji pointed. "C'mon, man, everyone really likes her. Don't you?"

Shuhei looked. Rangiku smiled and trotted along, waving as every man in sight gave her a bashful hello. "Big deal." But his eyes narrowed further.

The next morning, Shuhei knocked on a door in the Kuchiki manor and Nanao opened it. "What is it?" she said.

"I-I have a message."

Ise let him in.

"L-ladies!" Shuhei said, standing before the entire Soul Reaper Women's Association. "It's ridiculous that every man around here salivates over Rangiku all the time."

"Jealous?" Rangiku teased him.

"No... because of _this_!" Shuhei swallowed and tore off the top of his shihakusho robes, showing his six-pack.

The girls stared, then burst out laughing.

 _Abort mission. Abort!_ Shuhei winced and scampered away.


	242. Chapter 242: Nut

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 242: Nut**

"Hmmmmmm..."

Ichigo looked up as Rukia stepped in through the front door, carrying a bag from the local organic foods shop. "Hi. What's up?"

Rukia drew a walnut from the bag. "I got these nuts, but I can't eat them!"

"But you bought them anyway?"

Rukia went pink. "I thought _you'd_ know what to do."

"Sure. Here." Ichigo tried using the kitchen's nut cracker on it, but the damned walnut didn't yield. So, he decided to ask around. But Keigo, Tatsuki, Orihime, and Uryu were all stumped. Until Ichigo and Rukia stopped by Chad's house.

"Oh, walnuts," Chad said when he answered the door. "This is what _I_ do."

He wedged the walnut between his molars and bit down. _Crack!_

"Uh... th-thanks." Rukia looked distinctly terrified when Chad handed over the liberated nut.


	243. Chapter 243: Stamp

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 243: Stamp**

Izuru Kira gawked. "What? Ikakku, you've never sent a letter before?"

Ikkaku shrugged. "Never had anyone to write to before. Didn't have any family back in the Rukongai District, but I've got a few buddies over there I wanna write to."

So, Kira lent him some envelopes. "Write the address," he said, "and stamp the envelope before you send it."

A week later, Ikakku wandered into Squad 3's barracks. "Izuru!" Ikakku hollered. "My friends didn't write back! Your instructions must've been wrong, man."

"Let me see your stamps," Kira suggested.

So, Ikakku got out a plain envelope, set it down, and stomped his foot on it. "See? I stamped it," Ikakku said.

Kira held back a laugh. "I'm glad you didn't try to mail anything fragile!"


	244. Chapter 244: Trade

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 244: Trade**

"Hey, Giselle... I just _know_ you want this red paper clip!"

Giselle poked her head out her door in Silbern when Candice Catnipp made an offer. "Oooooh, it's pretty! Hey, I'll trade you a pen for it." She handed over a blue-ink pen.

Candice knocked on Bambietta's door. "Like this pen, Bambi? Trade it for your old calculator?"

"Heck, why not?" Bambietta made the swap.

On and on Candice went, subtly trading up each time. Cang Du, Lille Barro, Driscoll Berci, and even As Nodt were fair game, and before Candice knew it...

"Oh my gosh, that's _beautiful!_ " Meninas stared in delight at Candice's new pearl necklace. "How did you...?"

Candice winked. "I just -"

"Stole it?" Haschwalth suddenly appeared.

Candice scoffed. "I traded for it, Jugram! Don't be jealous just 'cause you don't have a flair for business like me!"

"Never mind, never mind..."


	245. Chapter 245: Tedious

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 245: Tedious**

"Ugh. This is so _tedious_..." Rangiku groaned as she stayed up late in Squad 10's barracks, slogging through all the paperwork she'd been putting off. But the scribble of her pen started to sound rhythmic...

 _"Just a workin' girl, makin' it through the world, sufferin' now so I can walk tall lateeeer..."_ Rangiku quietly sang the words to pass the time... then kept going. Was this a hit single in the works about the working life and big dreams of the future?! She brought over Momo, Isane, and Rukia, and the Firebirds set up their instruments.

 _"JUST A WORKIN' GIRL, MAKIN' IT THROUGH THE WOOORRRLLDD!"_ Rangiku sang loud and proud.

Toshiro slammed open the office door, already in his nightwear. "Stop it!" he roared.

"Can't stop a workin' girl," Rangiku teased. "Like it?"

Toshiro reluctantly sat to listen to the rest.


	246. Chapter 246: Futuristic

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 246: Futuristic**

The Soul Reaper Men's Association meeting was a bit slow that day until president Tetsuzaemon Iba got a gleam of inspiration on his shades. "Today, we bring a new uniform to the Gotei 13!" he roared, slamming an open palm on his desk. "We gotta look to the future. Draw your designs and bring a sample uniform next week!"

So, Shuhei showed up with chrome shoulder plates, but Iba shook his head. Next was Kira's laser gun attachment to his zanpakuto, but Iba rejected that, too. Not even Hanataro's cosmonaut helmet (complete with radio antennae) made the cut. Until -

"You will be assimilated!" Renji roared, bursting into the room in a hardcore cyborg costume. He walked stiffly. "Resistance is futile! Assimilate! Assimilate!"

Iba threw his empty sake gourd at Renji's head while everyone laughed. "Abarai, you've _gotta_ stop watchin' that _Star Trek_ crap at Ichigo's house!"


	247. Chapter 247: Flood

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 247: Flood**

Nonstop rains had suspended most of the Court Guard Squads' activities, and things got tense when there were reports of flash floods in the nearby civilian districts. And then -

"I can't believe it! _No!"_ Captain Soi Fon returned from a mission to find the entire Seireitei under several feet of water. She clenched her fists, standing safe and dry on a rooftop.

Then she heard... laughing and shouting?

"Come join us, Captain!" Omaeda swam over in his swim shorts and a snorkel.

"Join who?"

"Come see!"

Soi Fon gasped when she beheld half the Soul Reapers playing water polo, relaxing on inter-tubes, or practicing their swim technique.

"Jump in!" Momo called up from her Skullbangers vs Firebirds polo game. "Just take a day off!"

Soi Fon hesitated, then smiled and hurried off to change. Hell, she _did_ need this! A blessing in disguise...


	248. Chapter 248: Jar

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 248: Jar**

Ever the art-and-crafts type, Momo Hinamori stood during the latest Soul Reaper Women's Association meeting and cleared her throat. "I have a project idea, everyone. It -"

"Involves the local bar? I'm in!" Rangiku hollered.

"No!" Momo shook her head. "I have a collection of old jam jars at my barracks kitchen... why not make use of them? We could put rare insects in them, melt them for glass-blowing, paint them, catch fireflies in them... anything we can imagine!"

Nanao Ise nodded. "Very good, Hinamori! Okay, everyone: jar project!"

So the girls returned next week with their jar projects. Momo had caught a rare and colorful spider in hers, Rukia filled hers with fireflies, and so on... and Nemu brought hers.

"Yuck! What's _that_?!" Nanao cried.

Nemu presented her jar. "Sample of lab-grown eyeballs. The jar is a perfect vessel. Like it?"

Momo swallowed. "S-sure!"


	249. Chapter 249: Drum

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 249: Drum**

Ikakku scoffed when he saw Izuru Kira's latest project. "You call that a drum set?"

"Hey, it's not for the Skullbangers," Kira said defensively. He sat cross-legged, tapping on a pair of bongos. "It helps me relax between shifts!"

"Bah." Ikakku returned with a snare drum, and somehow, they both got a good jam session going! Attracted by the noise, Omaeda joined them next and set up a large taiko drum. Then Yumichika joined them, playing a marching band bass drum. Finally, Renji pitched in with a trio of timpanis. It was a percussion parade!

A rush of flames reduced every drum to ash. Everyone yelped in surprise.

Captain-General Yamamoto hobbled over, sword out, face irritable. "I'm getting a migraine from that racket!" he roared. "No more drums in the Seireitei!" He stormed off.

Kira gave Ikakku a cunning look. Yamamoto didn't say anything about cymbals!


	250. Chapter 250: Wilderness

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 250: Wilderness**

Nelliel sure loved visiting the continental U.S., but this time, Ichigo couldn't keep pace with his arrancar friend's adventurous spirit! Ichigo panted for breath as he hiked up yet another rough hill with Nelliel in the lead, Washington state's massive redwoods surrounding him, giving everything an eerie, green-gold color through their canopy. Squirrels and rabbits and other wildlife rustled in the underbrush.

"I love this place! It's like another world!" Nelliel cheered. She threw out her arms and spun in place atop the hill.

Ichigo couldn't help but smile. If Nelliel was happy, so was he.

Until -

"What's that?!" Nelliel gasped and pointed.

Ichigo saw the monstrous, lurching figure approaching. No way. Bigfoot? It was real?!

Then the figure joined them, and he swept off all the dead branches and leaves. "This place sucks for a vacation spot!" Kenpachi growled.


	251. Chapter 251: Silk

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 251: Silk**

Byakuya set down his teacup. "Rukia, how would you like to see the gardens where the manor staff grow and weave silk? I'm sure you will be fascinated."

Rukia beamed. "Okay! And, uh... could I pick out a new ceremonial robe, too?"

"Anything you like."

Ten minutes later, one of the tailors proudly showed the rows of silkworms hard at work. "Essentially, silk is millions of woven strands of caterpillar saliva!" he explained. "It is delicate work, creating garments from this material... and many silkworms are needed! It's a major full-time job, managing all these caterpillars!"

Rukia clapped a hand over her mouth. "I don't feel so good..."

"Rukia?" Byakuya asked gently. "Are you all right? Would you like to visit the silk tailor now and get that robe?"

Rukia shook her head. "I ch-changed my mind... I think a wool sweater will do just fine!"


	252. Chapter 252: Rare

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 252: Rare**

Ichigo had a pretty good time hanging out with the Skullbangers, plus Kenpachi and Byakuya, at an upscale restaurant to celebrate Sosuke Aizen's downfall. Then the waiter arrived.

"Your finest tossed salad and caviar," Byakuya ordered to the waiter.

Ikkaku snorted. "Please. I'm gonna have a medium rare steak and your strongest sake!"

Shuhei grinned. "Rare steak for me, and your stoutest lager!"

Ichigo felt all eyes on him and he rolled his eyes. "Shrimp fried rice," he said, choosing an item at random.

Then Kenpachi cleared his throat. "Gimme the rarest damn steak you have! Beefy, bloody good!"

Twenty minutes later, the platters arrived, save Kenpachi's. Then -

"What?!" Ichigo gawked when the waiter brought a live cow on a leash!

"Ultra-rare steak for the eyepatch gentleman," the waiter announced.

Byakuya threw down his napkin and fork. "That's it. We're leaving."


	253. Chapter 253: Obsolete

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 253: Obsolete**

Ikakku bowed his head to Captain Kurotsuchi in the Squad 12 lab. "Captain! I need a new weapon!"

Kurotsuchi looked up from his microscope with distaste. "Broke your zanpakuto already, Madarame?"

"No, but... swords feel old! I've been to the human world... I want something new! Please!"

"Very well. Come back in a week."

One week later, Ikakku opened himself to any and all challengers with his new secret weapon. Yumichika stepped up... and Ikakku rolled in with a tank! Yumichika surrendered at once, as did many other challengers.

Then Byakuya stepped up. Just as Ikakku aimed his cannon, Byakuya vanished in a flash step, re-appearing atop the tank's turret. One slash broke off the cannon and machine gun emplacements.

"Not so obsolete, is it?" Byakuya asked, tapping his zanpakuto's tip with a finger.

Ikakku hung his head.


	254. Chapter 254: Unkempt

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 254: Unkempt**

Captain Muguruma pulled Shuhei Hisagi aside. "Hey, Lieutenant," he said gruffly. "Hair's getting a big long. And messy. Ever heard of a comb, boy?"

Shuhei tossed his magnificent locks. "I'm a punk rocker, Captain. It's what I do. And the girls love it." He grinned.

"You -!" Kensei grabbed Shuhei by the robe collar. "Trim it before I put you on latrine duty!"

"Okay, okay!"

So, Shuhei arrived the next day... bald as a hard-boiled egg! Kensei nodded his approval.

Later, away from Kensei's sharp eyes, Shuhei joined Renji, Ikkaku, and Kira for their jam session.

"Did it work?" Kira asked excitedly.

Shuhei tore off his bald cap and let his hair flow freely. "Totally!"


	255. Chapter 255: Appliance

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 255: Appliance**

Jugram Haschwalth, grand master of the Sternritters, threw open the door to Giselle's room, steam issuing from his ears. "Okay, that's _enough_ of this technology fetish!" he roared. "I have been patient with you all! But this is too much!"

Giselle pouted. "Awwwww, but why?"

"Why" was evident: loud cathode ray TVs playing movies or Super Nintendo, radios and record players on max volume, pinball machines, and more all raged in her room, with half the Sternritters goofing off well past midnight.

"But -!" Bazz-B protested.

"Throw it all away!" Jugram demanded, then left.

But the next morning, Jugram woke to breakfast in bed, served by Bazz-B and Bambietta. "We're sorry," Bambi said kindly. "Here's some toast! Made with a toaster, nice and quiet."

"Now _that's_ an appliance you can appreciate," Bazz-B said.

Jugram accepted the tray. "Thank you."


	256. Chapter 256: Float

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 256: Float**

By autumn, Mayuri Kurotsuchi cooked up a cutting-edge way for Soul Reapers to patrol the Seireitei with maximum efficiency!

"This is so fun! I'm glad I asked Captain Kurotsuchi to make these," Rangiku hollered over the wind. She, Momo, and Renji happily patrolled in the air, held by balloons strapped to their backs like personal zeppelins.

"I can see my old neighborhood!" Renji said, pointing to the nearby Rukon district.

Momo smiled. "Liar. You can't see a thing!"

"Can too!" Renji retorted. Then, a gust of wind pushed him into a dry tree's pointy branches. His balloons popped and he fell to the earth.

"Whoops!" Rangiku teased him, until she and Momo drifted into the same tree, and joined Renji on the ground.

Momo rubbed her head and winced. "I'd rather keep my feet on the ground from now on..."


	257. Chapter 257: Arrest

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 257: Arrest**

Rukia gasped as Ichigo seized her wrists and cuffed them together behind her back. "No! I'm innocent, I tell you!" she said with mock drama.

Ichigo tipped his police uniform's hat. "Can't fool me, missy! I know you stole those diamonds! You're goin' away for a long time!"

"Nooooooo!" Rukia wailed as Ichigo escorted her through the house and into the bedroom, where he gently but firmly pinned her to the wall and started making out.

"You've been _bad_ , you cat burglar!" Ichigo said, feeling himself getting aroused -

 _"Justice kick!"_

Isshin appeared from nowhere and booted Ichigo away with a mighty kick. "No way are you gonna arrest my little Rukia, you dirty cop! Wait... _Ichigo_?!"

Ichigo kicked his dad back. "Way to ruin our role-playing, you old freak!"


	258. Chapter 258: Baby

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 258: Baby**

Tatsuki let out a gasp of delight when she visited the Kurosakis, hands clasped under her chin. "Orihime! Your son's the most beautiful baby boy I've ever seen!"

Orihime beamed in the sunlit nursery. "Thank you! I named him after my grandfather... I'm glad you could finally meet him!"

"Aren't you the most _precious_ thing!" Tatsuki easily held the orange-haired infant, bundled in a powder-blue blanket. She glanced across the room. "Gotta say, Orihime, this is the most wonderful baby room I've ever -"

She realized that her arms were empty. "No! I dropped Kazui!"

"What?!" Orihime cried. Both young women scoured the house... and found a giggling Kazui atop the tallest bookshelf!

Orihime stared. "No way!"

"What?"

Orihime clutched her face. "Did my baby... learn to do a flash step already?!"


	259. Chapter 259: Cheese

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 259: Cheese**

"I _do_ say, my good sir, this Swiss is simply... delectable!" Shuhei Hisagi said in his most annoying, pseudo-posh voice as he wandered the court guards area.

Shunsui Kyoraku nodded, a plate of cheeses in hand. "Most indubitably, old chap, certainly for a king's palate!" They both broke out into insufferable laughter, even wearing top hats the whole time.

Ikakku glared at them. "Punks," he muttered.

"Disgraceful," Chojiro Sasakibe agreed.

"I would rather eat a banana," Byakuya stated.

Shuhei sampled another cheese. "Mmmmmmm! Why, I suppose that not even Frederick the Great sampled such a fine selection -"

Finally, Kenpachi stepped forward and threw a cheese wheel like a Frisbee. "Shut up about cheese! You eat it, and it's gone! End of story!" he roared as the cheese wheel knocked Shunsui out.

Shuhei sadly removed his top hat. "I didn't even get a chance to sample the blue cheese..."


	260. Chapter 260: Display

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 260: Display**

Uryu was well acquainted with fabric and tailoring shops, but not Bed, Bath, and Beyond, until his wife Orihime dragged him into one to replace their bed, or, as she put it, "that ratty old thing your stingy dad gave us."

Well, Ryuken _was_ kind of cheap...

"We have a fine selection of queen and king size beds for any price range!" the helpful store associate said. "Please feel free to browse and ask me about anything."

"Oh, this one!" Orihime lay on a king-size.

"Maybe," Uryu said with a smile. "I'll check some more." So he browsed and chatted with the sales associate, then checked on Orihime... who was asleep under the covers!

Uryu ran his hands along the fabric of the display bed. It _was_ really nice... and Orihime was settled in already...

He climbed in and conked out.


	261. Chapter 261: Roomy

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 261: Roomy**

"What?! Since when did we have this awesome spare room?"

Bambietta was leading her gang of Sternritter friends through Silbern, looking for trouble, when they stumbled upon a huge and well-lit room. But what was it for?

"It's auxiliary storage," Giselle said, reading a paper taped to the wall. She shrugged broadly. "Storing what? Air?"

Candice rubbed her hands together. "Let's put it to good use!"

Yhwach stormed through Silbern ten minutes later, drawn by the racket in the spare storage room. All the Sternritters goofed off, whether with hula hoops, toy helicopters, or pinball machines. A toy helicopter nearly hit him on the head.

"Okay, new game!" Yhwach roared. "Your king commands you!"

Finally, he sorted them into two teams and converted the place into a basketball court and got a game underway. Surely, those Sternritters would burn off that energy and finally shut up!


	262. Chapter 262: Sour

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 262: Sour**

"I love the beach here! It's so warm and sunny!" Nelliel spun around with her arms wide, wearing a pink two-piece Rukia had bought for her. Her green-blue hair whipped around her.

Orihime giggled as she sunbathed. "I know, right? Best place in the world!"

Uryu nodded mutely, under his shelter of an extra-wide umbrella, face buried behind a book.

"I'll get us drinks," Ichigo offered.

"No! I'll do it!" Nelliel volunteered.

"Thanks," Ichigo said, smiling. "I'll have a cocktail with a lemon wedge."

Nelliel soon handed over the drink, but Ichigo crossed his eyes from the sour taste. "Nelliel, you mixed up the recipe... the lemon wedge is an _accessory_! This is nothing but squeezed lemon! Mouth... puckering up..."

Uryu turned the page of his book. "That's why I stick with tea most of the time."


	263. Chapter 263: Kittens

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 263: Kittens**

"Oh. My. Gosh! They're so adorable, Rukia!"

Momo was beside herself when Rukia Kuchiki brought a wicker basket of kittens from home. She hopped up and down in glee.

"I found them abandoned," Rukia explained.

Nanao Ise helped Rukia set up a wooden stall, and at once, many Soul Reaper girls, and some boys too, crowded around the simple wooden stall to claim a kitten.

"Only responsible people get a kitten!" Nanao said sternly. "They deserve a good home!"

Rangiku got one, Isane claimed a kitten, and Kiyone Kotetsu got two. Momo kept a calico one for herself, and the basket was empty.

"Wasn't there a sixth?" Rukia wondered.

Sajin Komamura approached, a kitten in hand. "It escaped," he said. "But I'd like to adopt it."

Rukia's jaw dropped. "You? The dog captain?"

Sajin glanced away. "I'm... branching out, that's all."


	264. Chapter 264: Pumping

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 264: Pumping**

"Play the tape, Ichigo! Let's get our workout on!" Ikakku said in the Squad 11 barracks training room.

Ichigo popped the _Pumping Iron_ cassette into the VCR. "Okay, here goes."

On the screen, Arnold Schwarzenegger started lifting weights with a winning smile. "To get results like these, you must stick to a rigorous workout regimen!" he said in his Austrian accent, Japanese subtitles on the screen.

Ichigo and Chad lifted dumbbells while Ikakku bench-pressed crazy huge weights with Yumichika as his spotter. But Yumichika got distracted, and the weighted bar fell on Ikakku's throat, choking him.

Ikakku raised a shaking hand. "G-get to the chopper! Or it's hasta la vista for me, baby!"

Chad came to the rescue. "That's not the part of Arnold you're supposed to emulate, Ikakku."


	265. Chapter 265: Rub

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 265: Rub**

"Ohhhh yeaaahhh, Ichigo. Just like that!"

Ichigo blushed as he kept massaging Nelliel on the living room couch. What had started as a friendly favor for a house guest turned into... this! Nelliel lay nude on her back, except for the white towel draped over her rump, and massage oil was slick between Ichigo's skin and Nelliel's.

"It's just a friendly rub!" Ichigo cried.

"Mmmmmm! Harder, Ichigo! More!"

Ichigo jumped up. "I-I'll be right back!"

Then Nelliel felt Ichigo resume the rubbing, and his hands felt softer this time. "More, Ichigo!" Nelliel squealed. "Make me feel alive! Ohhhhh, _yes_!"

"Ichigo was right. You _do_ need boundaries," came a girl's voice. Girl?!

Nelliel scrambled upright and saw a grinning Rukia Kuchiki. "No fair!"


	266. Chapter 266: Poke

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 266: Poke**

Uryu was still shivering from a long day of skiing with his fiancee, so in the ski cabin that evening, he desperately added another log to the dying fire and jabbed it with the fireplace poker. Sparks and embers burst from the charred logs.

"That was our last log," Uryu said sadly. "Sorry, Orihime. This is the best I can do." Outside the windows, the thick snow started coming down even harder.

Then the fire dimmed even more.

On the couch, Orihime smiled and started humming a song as she gathered more blankets.

"What's that song?" Uryu asked.

Orihime lifted a corner of a blanket. "Join me, and I'll teach you the words."

Uryu climbed in under the blankets and held Orihime close. She whispered the words to him, words about a slowly dying fire, a kiss goodnight, and allowing the snow to fall...

*o*o*o*o*

 **A/N:** Feel free to review! I'd love to know if everyone still enjoys this story. Many more drabbles to come!


	267. Chapter 267: Playground

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 267: Playground**

"Ichika, you stop that!"

Restrained by her mortal gigai, Rukia waved her arms frantically as her daughter scrambled to the top bar of the playground's swing set, with Kazui's GameBoy Color in hand. "Come and get it, sissy boy!" Ichika hollered as the other kids stared in shock.

With a flash step, Kazui joined Ichika atop the swing set as the Kurosakis watched with bated breath. Both youngsters emerged into Soul Reaper form and clashed their little swords in a duel for the ages.

Until Ichika swung hard and knocked Kazui toward the ground far below.

"Kazui!" Ichigo and Orihime rushed to catch their son, but before they could, Kazui threw out a hand and enveloped himself in Bakudo 61: Riku Jokoro. He safely hovered himself to the ground.

Ichigo hung his head. "Your first kido, huh? You kids are full of surprises."


	268. Chapter 268: Drain

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 268: Drain**

Keigo's jaw dropped. "What?! Tatsuki, honey, you _lost_ it?"

Tatsuki went pink. "I-it was an accident, okay? I was just washing out some of our teacups when my ring slid off! It was slick from the soap."

"Uh-oh..." Keigo rushed to the kitchen of his and Tatsuki's rental house and shoved his arm down the food disposal. All kinds of gross stuff was down there... and he couldn't find Tatsuki's engagement ring.

But...

"You called?" An amused Chad showed up a few minutes later and lurched into the kitchen.

"We're sorry to bother you," Tatsuki said meekly, hands clasped under her chin.

"Relax. It's okay." Chad seized the sink, then ripped the whole plumbing assembly free! He snapped off a pipe, caught the grime-coated ring, and handed it into a repulsed Tatsuki's hands.

"Thanks," Tatsuki said, pinching her nose.


	269. Chapter 269: Word

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 269: Word**

Shunsui Kyoraku lounged in a hammock outside Squad 8's barracks, a piece of hay poking from his mouth, a Bahama Mama sitting on a little table next to him. He had the latest _Seireitei Communication_ in hand, a pen poised over the page. He frowned.

"Hey, Kira!" he called out. "This is a challenge crossword puzzle in English. Help me out... what's a four-letter word for 'colloquialism phrasing for nonsense'?"

Kira shrugged and moved on.

"Rangiku!" Shunsui hollered. "Can you figure thsi out?"

"I'm only gonna figure our the best route to the sake bar," Rangiku said with a grin, and she moved on.

Then Yachiru skipped on by. "I know!" she cried. "It's _shi -_ "

Kenpachi clapped a hand over his Lieutenant's mouth. "It's 'crap'," he said, annoyed. "I swear, those goddamn Skullbangers are a bad influence on young minds..."


	270. Chapter 270: Scarecrow

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 270: Scarecrow**

Those blasted birds were chewing up Squad 4's vegetable garden, so Captain Unohana approached Hanataro. "Please find a way to keep the birds away," the Captain said kindly. "I trust you to get the job done."

Hanataro bowed. "I will!"

But he couldn't find a good way, until he teamed up with a rather mischievous-looking Rukia. Together, they set up a charming scarecrow in the gardens, a rather Renji-shaped one.

"Wonderful! Well done," Captain Unohana said once she visited.

"That's not all," Rukia said. "Look!" She whacked the scarecrow with her scabbard, and it came apart... and a bunch of candy spilled out!

Hanataro clutched his face in horror. "No! It was supposed to chase off the crows, not be a pinata!"

Renji, who watched from nearby, raised his eyebrows. It looked like Rukia had _really_ enjoyed hitting his scarecrow twin...


	271. Chapter 271: Worry

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 271: Worry**

Ichigo had chickened out before, but not _this_ time! He held his chin high and strode up the pathway to the Kuchiki manor. He passed through the foyer and toward Byakuya Kuchiki's study.

 _This time, I'll get permission! For sure!_ Ichigo balled his hands into determined fists.

He knocked. No answer. "Byakuya? Sir?"

Still nothing.

Ichigo tentatively slid the door aside and walked in. The office was silent as a mouse, but a note was taped to the desk. Ichigo picked it up, hands trembling.

 _Ichigo Kurosaki, I am currently on family business. But by reading this, you entered my office and showed the courage to ask for what you truly desire: my permission for Rukia's hand. Good. A few more steps like this, and you will succeed._

Ichigo made a face. _I got all worked up over a game?!_

 _Rukia... I'll do whatever it takes!_


	272. Chapter 272: Sofa

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 272: Sofa**

"I still can't believe you guys got dibs on this killer couch," Ichigo panted as he and Chad lugged the huge, red sofa up the sidewalk and into Orihime and Uryu's living room. "It was just sitting there at the curb... why didn't I...?"

"Maybe you secretly wanted them to have it," Chad suggested, and Orihime giggled.

"I appreciate it," Orihime said kindly.

That evening, Orihime and Uryu lazed on the couch together, watching made-for-TV movies until Uryu got up. "I'm heading to bed," he said. "How about you?"

Orihime stretched out. "This thing is comfy... I'll stay here!" And she dozed off.

She woke up again to bright sunlight. "What time is it?"

"Noon," Uryu explained.

"I slept... for fourteen hours?!"

Uryu smiled. "I didn't want to interrupt, so... you slept for three days!"


	273. Chapter 273: Slap

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 273: Slap**

Ichigo felt a little weird when the TV show he and Rukia watched together in his living room involved a crime lord slapping information out of a man bound to a chair in a warehouse.

"Sorry," Ichigo said, wincing. "I'll change the channel."

"Wait!" Rukia sat upright, enraptured. "I've got an idea..."

Ichigo gave his girlfriend a sideways look. "Uh-oh."

Upstairs, Rukia lay on her side on Ichigo's bed, hands tied behind her back. "No! I'll never give away the secrets!" she said dramatically.

"I'll slap you!" Ichigo said, in character.

"Do your worst!"

Ichigo swung his hand... and on sheer impulse, smacked Rukia on the rump! He felt his face warm. "I-I dunno what came over me..."

Rukia's eyes half-closed, her chest heaving. "D-do it again! Harder!"

"Okay!" Ichigo gave her another slap, weirdly aroused. _If Byakuya saw this... he'd do more than slap me!_


	274. Chapter 274: Retire

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 274: Retire**

"Kazui, stop that!" Ichigo pointed at his son. "Grandfather Isshin is retired, you know. He's too tired for this kind of thing."

Kazui hung his head as he picked up his baseball in his mitt. "But we're in a park..."

Isshin, despite his graying hair, beamed and removed his bifocals, tucking them into a pocket. "Nonsense, son! I retired from work... not from life!" He picked up a straight, clean tree branch. "Show me what you got, Kazui! I'll hit a homer for sure!"

Kazui, when he saw Ichigo's approving nod, wound up his arm and pitched.

Orihime wrapped her arms around Ichigo's shoulders as Isshin hit the promised homer and Kazui cheered for his grandfather. "After all this time, Isshin still has a few lessons to teach us, doesn't he?"

Ichigo grinned. "I'm not underestimating that old coot again."


	275. Chapter 275: Tasteless

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 275: Tasteless**

Kukaku Shiba always had the best ideas... and Ichigo was delighted when he arrived at the Shiba manor for the "tasteless costume" party with Rukia in tow.

"Hey, you made it!" Renji shambled over, wearing a torn-up old shihakusho with fake blood. He had painted his skin a horrible, scabby green, black paint around his eyes. "I'm a zombie, see? Even the smell!"

Ichigo wrinkled his nose. "No kidding." He grinned and held up whiskey bottles filled with colored water, and he wore shabby clothes and a fake beard. "I'm a drunkard!"

Rukia twirled around in her "sexy prisoner" costume. "And I'm an escaped convict!"

Ichigo marveled at the other tasteless costumes... then saw his dad show up.

"Whoa. That's the most tasteless one of all!" Shuhei said as he passed, pointing at Isshin.

Ichigo sighed. "Actually, that's his _normal_ party outfit..."

 **A/N:** In response to Guest's review... sorry, but OC's aren't involved in this collection, and that premise sounds too big for a drabble at any rate.


	276. Chapter 276: Riddle

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 276: Riddle**

Tetsuzaemon looked up in surprise when Kenpachi joined him, Ikkaku, and Yumichika under the tree outside Squad 11's barracks. "Captain Zaraki!"

Kenpachi leered. "Slacking off?"

"No. Sharing riddles and sake!" Yumichika tossed a sake gourd to Ikakku. "Okay: what gets wetter as it dries?"

Ikkaku took a sip, and his eyes widened. "Got it! A towel!"

"Yup!"

Ikkaku tossed the gourd to Iba, who tossed it to Kenpachi. "Let's give the Captain one," Iba said. "What has four fingers and a thumb, but isn't living?"

Kenpachi ground his teeth and clenched his fists in frustration as he thought it over. "Uh..."

"Try harder!" Iba told him. "What has four fingers and a thumb but isn't living? Come on! Solve it!"

Kenpachi roared and pointed his zanpakuto right at Iba's face. "At this rate, it'll be _you_!" he roared.


	277. Chapter 277: Temper

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 277: Temper**

Mayuri Kurotsuchi peeked around a corner in Karakura Town as that blue-haired arrancar, Grimmjow, stalked the streets in fury.

"Where are you, Ichigo?!" Grimmjow roared. "We're not finished yet, boy!"

"Nemu. Administer the stimulus," Mayuri muttered.

"Yes, Captain." Nemu flash-stepped into position by a post office, set down a wicker basket, and lifted the lid.

Six kittens sprang out, and Grimmjow stopped. "What the -?"

Then he was laying on his back, chuckling as the kittens gamboled around and on him. "Hey hey, easy, fellas!" he said breathlessly, all anger forgotten.

"Make a note, Nemu," Mayuri said. "Subject responds to kinship."

"Or perhaps, sir," Nemu said, "subject's heart is larger and softer than expected, given course exterior."

Mayuri wrote it down. "Hmmmmmmm. Not impossible..."


	278. Chapter 278: Overachiever

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 278: Overachiever**

"I don't get that guy," Keigo muttered darkly as Uryu walked proudly past, chin lifted, books held under his arm. "Top of the class again?! And he volunteers at the hospital? _And_ the girls love him?!"

"Bummer," Mizuiro said with a shrug. "Some people just achieve a lot."

Ichigo reclined in his chair. "Don't worry about it. I've got an idea."

After class, Ichigo caught up to Uryu down an empty street, already in Soul Reaper robes. "Hey, Uryu!"

"What is it?" Uryu kept walking.

"You've been so busy, man. Let's have a little fun."

"No, I -"

Ichigo already crushed the hollow bait in his hands, and dozens of minor hollows emerged. "We never finished our friendly competition last time. Time to find a winner!"

Uryu manifested his Quincy bow with a grin and took aim. "I suppose you're right. And I'd _never_ lose to you!"

He fired.


	279. Chapter 279: Paint

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 279: Paint**

"Thanks so much for doing this for me," Ichigo said with a grateful bow. "I owe you girls a favor!"

Rukia waved. "Have a good day at work. Nelliel and I can handle this."

Ichigo nodded and headed out. Surely, Rukia and Nelliel together would do a fantastic job repainting the house!

That evening, Ichigo wearily trudged back home... to find the Kurosaki house's walls transformed into insane, abstract modern art!

"What happened here?!" Ichigo seized a paintbrush and saw all the colors of paint mixed on the bristles. He accidentally flicked a few drops onto Nelliel. "Crap... sorry!"

Nelliel smiled. "We, uh... got carried away. Paint fight!" She flicked some paint back at Ichigo, then at Rukia, too! With a yelp, Rukia returned fire, and Nelliel giggled.

Ichigo hesitated, then broke into a smile. "It's on!"

Paint flew everywhere. Ichigo didn't mind at all.


	280. Chapter 280: Pen

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 280: Pen**

"This, Renji," Byakuya said proudly, "is a very rare fountain pen that my grandfather Ginrei bought for me when I was promoted to Captain. I save it only for very special occasions."

Renji nodded in the Captain's study in the Kuchiki manor. "It's exquisite, sir."

As soon as Byakuya left, Rukia slyly came in. "Ready?" she asked.

Rukia and Renji later found Byakuya... with a bunch of elaborate doodles and sketches drawn with... a fountain pen?!

Byakuya squawked when Rukia showed him the dried-up fountain pen. "The ink is all used up?" he cried. "Do you realize what you've done?!"

Renji snapped it in half. "Just a cheap duplicate, Captain. Gotcha!"

Byakuya sighed and headed for his study.

"What's wrong, big brother?" Rukia asked tentatively.

"I'm going to use my _real_ fountain pen," Byakuya muttered, "and list all the reasons you two monkeys drive me nuts."


	281. Chapter 281: Industrious

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 281: Industrious**

"Can you _believe_ Captain Zaraki, sir?" Sentaro said in a rage when he and Kiyone brought Captain Ukitake breakfast in bed. "He said that you're a lazy drain on the Court Guards' resources! Grrrrrr, the nerve!"

"He's out of line!" Kiyone added.

Ukitake took a sip of tea, set the cup down, and smiled. "Don't worry about what he said."

Sentaro blinked. "Why not?!"

Ukitake soon joined Squad 11 at their shabby barracks. "Whoa, what a dump!" Ukitake said dramatically. "I'll help you guys out."

Kenpachi and his men chuckled... until Ukitake raced around the place at super speed, hammering in nails, sawing new boards, repainting, and installing insulation and air conditioning. Ukitake gave the thumbs-up. "And I lazy _now_?"

"Well sumbitch," Kenpachi said. "You're one industrious, salt-of-the-earth guy!"

"Thanks..." Ukitake gasped, then collapsed. "S-sorry... I'll have to rest for the remainder of the year... such a drain..."


	282. Chapter 282: Moldy

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 282: Moldy**

Orihime opened the fridge and gasped. "Uryu, honey! Look!"

Uryu joined her and stared. "Uh-oh..."

"All our food got moldy during our vacation," Orihime lamented. Then she brightened. "Wait... this is a chance to -"

Uryu caught on. "Start fresh," he said with her. "Let's go!"

Breadsticks, sushi, rice, hamburgers, crepes, pretzels, Greek salads, and much more piled up in the fridge after a hard day at the grocer's. "It's an awful lot," Orihime commented.

"Then we'll get some help eating it," Uryu offered, and he got out his phone. Tatsuki, Ichigo, Chad, Rukia, Keigo, and Mizuho were all happy to help that evening at dinner, and everyone later lay on the couches, too stuffed to move.

"We should do this... more often," Keigo said woozily.

Uryu groaned. "It tasted great... but I think I'll take it easy for the next few days."

Chad wearily gave the thumbs-up.


	283. Chapter 283: Omniscient

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 283: Omniscient**

"We finally made it," Ichigo said with a relieved sigh as he ansd Rukia spread out a checkered blanket atop a hill. "One nice getaway _without_ your brother nosing in on everything!"

Rukia giggled as she sat with Ichigo and got out rice balls from the picnic basket. "It's not _that_ bad," she said.

"Is too," Ichigo insisted. "Leaving us notes, calling you _four_ times a day, paying off your credit cards... it's like he's omniscient, and trying to fix all our problems. Kinda nosy."

"He just cares," Rukia said lightly. She frowned. "I forgot to pack the wasabi!"

Byakuya flash-stepped onto the scene and dropped about a thousand packets of wasabi onto Rukia's lap. Then he was gone.

"I see Byakuya developed a whimsical side," Ichigo commented. "Not sure I like it..."


	284. Chapter 284: Historical

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 284: Historical**

Kisuke Urahara looked up from his shop office's desk when Yoruichi flash-stepped inside. Without knocking, as usual. "Hey, Kisuke," she said, leaning on the door frame, "the annual historical fair is next week! Wanna go?"

"Well, I might be busy..."

"Come on!" Yoruichi twirled in place. "We're all supposed to dress up to celebrate Japan's history! I'm gonna have a costume... you'd better, too!"

Kisuke grinned. "Sure, sure."

The big festival launched, and Kisuke showed up... and drew a lot of gasps and stares. Yoruichi found him, dressed as a gorgeous feudal princess. "Hey there, I - what the?!"

Kisuke showed off his tiger-skin caveman costume, complete with animal bones and a wooden club. "I'm historical, see?"

Yoruichi stomped her foot down. "Not _that_ historical!"


	285. Chapter 285: Addicted

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 285: Addicted**

Shuhei Hisagi scowled at Renji during the Skullbangers' latest jam session. "You're screwin' it up, man," he complained.

"It's nothing," Renji said too quickly, glancing away.

Ikakku pointed at Renji with a drumstick. "You've been off lately, man. What's up with you?"

"Nothing!" Renji barked.

Kira gasped. "Are you... _addicted_ to something?"

Renji slowly backed away like a cornered animal... then fled!

Shuhei, Kira, and Ikakku scampered off after him and cornered Renji in his room at the Squad 6 barracks. "Where's the stash, bro?" Kira demanded. Then he saw it: Renji's game console with a hardcore erotic dating sim playing!

"I was right! You're an addict!" Kira seized the game machine and threw it out the window. "Now for your rehab!"

Renji burst into tears. "I just couldn't stop! I'm sorry, guys!"


	286. Chapter 286: Ear

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 286: Ear**

Halfway through the latest jam session, Rangiku shook her head. "Girls, stop! Rukia, what was _that_?"

Rukia glanced down at her electric guitar. "What?"

"You were way off!" Rangiku cried. "D'you have no ear for music? And Momo, your bass ruined the mood!"

Momo bristled. "Fine, then what would _you_ do?"

So, they tried Rangiku's ideas, but something still seemed... off. "It hurts my ears!" Isane said from behind her drum set. "How about _this_..."

But still no luck, not even with Rukia's or Momo's ideas. The girls exhausted themselves trying every combination until they lounged on the barracks porch, taking in the sunshine and fresh air.

"Okay, we should meet next week," Rukia announced, "and _all_ clean our ears out before then!"

"Squeaky clean!" Momo agreed.

"For perfect audible art!" Isane added. "Ran?"

Rangiku chewed her lower lip, then smiled. "Okay!"


	287. Chapter 287: Include

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 287: Include**

Momo had many hobbies... and of her newest was exploring the word of thread and fabrics! Every week, she, Nanao Ise, Kiyone Kotetsu, Captain Ukitake, and Captain "Rose" Ohtoribashi met at the Squad 13 barracks to chat, have some tea, catch up on life, and weave some fabric.

"This is a celebration of peace, isn't it?" Momo asked one day.

Captain Ukitake looked up from his sewing machine and smiled. "It sure is. Helps me relax."

"But... what about Ichigo's friends?" Momo insisted. "They helped defeat Captain Aizen. They're one of _us_."

"Well, we can hardly invite them," Rose said with a shrug. "They have their own lives."

"Then _I'll_ extend an invite," Momo said.

The door slammed open, and a breathless Uryu Ishida stepped in. "Finally!" he cried. "Thank you for the invitation! I've been waiting for so long..."


	288. Chapter 288: Peaceful

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 288: Peaceful**

Orihime looked up from the bridal catalogue in Tatsuki's living room and beamed. "You never cease to amaze me, Tatsuki. All this work and stress planning your big wedding, and you're cool as a cucumber!"

Tatsuki returned her smile. "Keigo's been a big help. And I know what I like. Speeds things along."

"Well, _I_ still think the bridesmaids should wear bright purple with gold trim," Nelliel put in cheerily.

Tatsuki got up. "Maybe. I'll be back in a sec, okay?" She wandered into her training room and unleashed a flurry of kicks, punches, and jabs, burning all her stress and energy away. She wiped her brow and returned to her friends to keep working.

 _That_ was how she stayed so tranquil!


	289. Chapter 289: Fairies

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 289: Fairies**

Renji threw back his head and laughed. "What! Are you kidding me, bro? People _believed_ that crap?"

Ichigo grinned as they cruised around the Seireitei. "No joke. People used to think that fairies were real, and had these photographs to 'prove' it. Look at this..."

He got out his smartphone and showed Renji some samples from an image search. Renji laughed harder and set off for a patrol.

Later, Ichigo approached Renji with a big grin. "Hey, I took this nice photo of Rukia," he said slyly. "Wanna see?"

"Yeah." Renji accepted the print photo... and stared in shock! There was Rukia, posing happily... with fairies all around her! Renji cried out in shock and scampered off, probably to hide under his bed.

Ichigo pocketed the photo. He ought to thank Orihime for disguising her spirit fairies and lending them for the photo shoot...

*o*o*o*o*

 **A/N:** This drabble was inspired by the real-life "Cottingley Fairies" hoax from the early 1900s.


	290. Chapter 290: Cheap

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 290: Cheap**

Rangiku sighed as she settled in to another dinner of plain ramen, rice, and tea at the Squad 10 barracks' mess hall. "Captain!" she cried over the general babble. "Why can't we have something _nice_ to eat?"

Hitsugaya went red. "The budget is tight," he said edgily. "Don't complain."

But complaining was Rangiku's specialty, and finally, she had had enough. She threw open Hitsugaya's office door. "Okay, we're going shopping, Captain!"

"But -"

Rangiku pointed. "Like they say: _treat yourself_."

So Hitsugaya did... and he swaggered out of a Gap store in Karakura Town, bedazzled in designer clothes, a sombrero, a huge gold necklace with a dollar sign, and a monocle and fake moustache.

"I must say, my dear, I feel much better!" Hitsugaya said in a horrible false accent.

Rangiku clutched her face in horror. _I've created a monster!_


	291. Chapter 291: Resist

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 291: Resist**

Keigo raised his beer. "Hell of a bachelor party you threw, guys. Thanks! Whoo hoo!"

He, Ichigo, Uryu, Chad, and Mizuiro had just finished their night of poker, betting on the baseball game on TV, beer and snacks, and swapping stories of Keigo's bachelor times. A perfect night, right?

"One more thing, bro," Ichigo said with a grin. "Here they come now!"

Three strippers threw open the front door and strutted in. "So, who's the bachelor?" one of them cooed.

Keigo scrambled back. "No strippers! No way! Tatsuki's the only girl for me now!"

Uryu nodded. "Excellent. Tatsuki will be pleased."

"Huh?"

"She asked me to check on this potential problem," Uryu explained. He thumped Keigo on the back. "You're all set! I'll call off the strippers."

Keigo sighed with relief. "Sure."


	292. Chapter 292: Indulge

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 292: Indulge**

"Wow! I've never been to this part of the Soul Society before," Tatsuki said in awe as her gal-pals led her to Squad 8's barracks for the bachelorette party.

Rukia smiled. "The Soul Reaper Women's Association set it up. We'll have a great time!"

Tatsuki rolled her shoulders. "Let's get this party started, then!"

But when Rukia threw open the barracks' front door, everyone was already assembled... for what looked like a kid's birthday party!

"I couldn't stop her," Nanao Ise lamented as Yachiru gamboled around, her mouth stuffed with candy. Apparently, neither could Orihime or Nelliel, who looked frightened to Yachiru's potential wrath.

"This is so much fun!" Yachiru said through the candy as circus music played. "Happy marriage, Tatsuki! Or whatever it is!"

Rukia patted Tatsuki's back. "Yachiru always gets her way, unfortunately. We'll arrange a different party without her knowing, okay?"


	293. Chapter 293: Symptomatic

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 293: Symptomatic**

"Captain Zaraki! Come with me at once!"

Kenpachi whirled around to face Captain Kurotsuchi during an outdoor training exercise with his officers. "What the hell d'you want?!"

"You're about to be symptomatic of a common malady," Kurotsuchi said. "You must be quarantined. Come along!"

"Get your ass outta here!"

"First: the coughs."

Kenpachi hid his wet cough in the crook of his elbow.

"Second: dizziness."

Kenpachi swayed on the spot.

"Third: ear and nose twitching."

Indeed!

"Fourth: loss of motor control."

Kenpachi staggered to Kurotsuchi like a zombie... and fell flat on his face.

Kurotsuchi snapped his fingers, and Nemu dragged Kenpachi away like he was a sack of bricks.

"Some patients are so stubborn," Kurotsuchi commented. "He will _not_ get a lollipop after he recovers!"


	294. Chapter 294: Pail

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 294: Pail**

Rukia scowled and pointed. "Honey, we came here to relax and get away from it all! Stop that!"

"It's fine, Rukia," Ichigo placated her. "Even in a little town like this, we can have some fun!" He was supposed to carry water from this tiny town's well to the vacation house, but instead, he and Isshin wore two pails like helmets, whacking each other on the head with wooden rods like dueling samurai.

Rukia folded her arms. "This is setting a bad example for Kazui..."

Then she saw a third pail, lying there, and a rake...

The pressure mounted...

"Yaaaaaah!" Rukia vaulted through the air and brought her rake down on her husband's armored head. She smiled from under her own pail helmet. "How d'you like that?"

Ichigo stumbled back. "Whoa!"

Isshin threw open his arms. "Great job, Rukia! I -"

Rukia whacked him good, too.


	295. Chapter 295: Canvas

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 295: Canvas**

Byakuya approached his new son-in-law after the expensive, traditional wedding ceremony on the Kuchiki manor estate. "Remember, Renji," he said. "Your new life with Rukia is a blank canvas onto which you will paint many things." Then he turned and left.

Rukia rejoined her new husband. "What did big brother say?"

Renji grinned. "He gave me an idea, hon."

Seasons passed. Years. A single, square canvas that Rukia had bought gathered not just paint, but everyday grime, food bits, Ichika's finger painting, mementos from the world of the living... no embellishments, only scraps of honesty.

Eventually, during a visit, Renji and Rukia proudly presented the truly chaotic and colorful collage.

Byakuya stared. "What is _that_?"

Renji and Rukia smiled. "What you suggested," Renji told him.


	296. Chapter 296: Ants

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 296: Ants**

Nanao Ise yelped in shock when she stepped into the Squad 8 barracks kitchen and found huge, black ants all over the place! She desperately whacked them with a rolled up copy of the _Seireitei Bulletin_ , but the little bastards were unstoppable. But why -?

Then she spied the pile of dirty dishes that drew the ants... the dishes her Captain had left there! For days!

"Sir!" Nanao caught up with Shunsui on his way to the local sake bar. "We have a pest problem! Ants!"

Shunsui chuckled. "They'll be gone soon, I'm sure."

But he did nothing.

One morning, Shunsui woke up... into a tangle of spider webs! He thrashed about and fell onto the floor, with spiders all over, leering at him.

Nanao entered. "I got them to eat all the ants," she explained.

Shunsui groaned. "Nanao, my dear... spiders don't prey on ants!"

"Uh-oh..."


	297. Chapter 297: Bulb

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 297: Bulb**

Mayuri Kurotsuchi carefully screwed in the 40-watt bulb into its socket before the awed crowd, and it glowed to life. The crowd clapped.

"Lightbulbs will be available to all who wish to purchase them," Nemu announced. "From Captain Kurotsuchi, the... uh, Wizard of the Seireitei."

Everyone bought some for their barracks, especially Lieutenant Omaeda. But Rangiku somehow convinced Toshiro to buy about ten thousand of them all over Squad 10's barracks. Finally, after the endless complaints of light pollution both inside and outside the barracks, Toshiro summoned Byakuya.

"Please convince Captain Kurotsuchi to refund me," Toshiro requested.

Byakuya narrowed his eyes. "These ugly things... must be wiped out. Scatter, Senbonzakura!"

Toshiro winced as the thousand petal-like blades swept like a storm over the lightbulb arrays and shattered everything.

So much for that refund!


	298. Chapter 298: Joke

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 298: Joke**

"Man, this is great," Keigo said happily as the wedding rehearsal dinner entered its second hour. "I'm feelin' good about my big day! _Our_ big day," he added, giving Tatsuki a fond look.

Chad gave his practice speech (200 words, very verbose for him), then Uryu (he used a lot of five-dollar words no-one understood), Ichigo gave his (too many instances of the word "dude"), and Rukia (way too many references to hitting people in hers). Everyone got polite applause, but then Keigo, for some reason, took a turn.

"I prepared a few jokes to lighten things up," he announced to collective groans.

"So, first one!" Keigo said cheerily. "What's the difference between a blonde chick and a mosquito? A mosqui -"

Ichigo bolted to his feet. "I've heard this one," he interrupted. "Cut it from your stand-up act!"


	299. Chapter 299: Stressed

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 299: Stressed**

Ichigo met Rukia for tea at a local outdoor cafe to take a break from the duties of a best man. "Whew, it's been a tough few weeks," he said, taking a sip. "Keigo's panic attacks are getting fewer and farther between, and he didn't even hyperventilate today. I'll be glad once this wedding stuff is settled tomorrow."

Rukia smiled and toyed with her teacup. "You think that's bad? She's been breaking things left and right, shrieking about nonexistent problems with her dress, freaking out that no one will make it, that the cake will be stale, that there won't be doves..."

"Whoa." Ichigo gawked. "I had no idea that Tatsuki was so stressed!"

Rukia blinked. "Huh? Not her." She took a sip. "I was talking about one of the bridesmaids. Nelliel!"

"I should have known..."


	300. Chapter 300: Nuptials

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 300: Nuptials**

"... and all these things, my dear Keigo, are why I love you forever," Tatsuki said at the altar. She folded up her notes.

The official turned to Keigo. "Do you have vows prepared?"

Keigo had some in his pocket... then changed his mind. "Tatsuki, my beloved, I'll show you once a day, for all our days, why I love you. With everything I say, every kind thing I do for you, everything I cook for you, the amazing parts of the world I visit with you... I'll make our marriage one big vow."

Tatsuki blinked back tears. "Thank you."

"I now pronounce you man and wife," the official said. "You may kiss the bride."

Keigo sure did, and it felt like hours. Sweet, intoxicating hours. He only vaguely heard his friends and family clapping.

He couldn't wait to give his first example of his vow.

*o*o*o*o*

 **A/N:** Happy 300 drabbles, everyone! It felt appropriate to make the 300th drabble something big and fancy like this, the culmination of my Keigo/Tatsuki pairing. They will still appear, though, such as at their honeymoon or something. The drabble collection continues!


	301. Chapter 301: Admirer

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 301: Admirer**

Momo definitely felt herself get into the groove as the Firebirds kept jamming and rehearsing in Squad 5's barracks that evening. She smiled and bobbed her head to the rhythm, strumming her bass all the while.

But then the music stopped. "What's wrong?" Momo yelped. "D-did I get off track?"

For some reason, Rukia and Isane were giggling and glancing at the doorway. _"What?"_ Momo insisted, annoyed.

Rangiku pointed. "See for yourself."

Momo looked. Captain Hitsugaya leaned casually against the door frame, arms folded. He must have looked cool... but now he was red as a cherry. "I-I wasn't -!" he yelped.

Momo blinked. "Huh?"

Toshiro glanced away. "I just wanted to hear you play, Momo. You're pretty good. Well... have fun." He slunk off.

The girls all rounded on Momo. She blushed, too, when she got the unspoken message.


	302. Chapter 302: Develop

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 302: Develop**

While Tatsuki was away on her honeymoon with Keigo, Orihime hummed happily in her dark room, hanging up the old-fashioned photos on the cables. So many subjects to capture!

She collected her finished photos and stepped out.

That arrancar... Ulquiorra, was his name? He sat at her living room table, then sprang to his feet.

"I did not mean to startle you," he said quickly.

Orihime managed a smile. "I think you were more scared than me just now!"

"Perhaps. What are you holding, may I ask?"

Orihime showed him. "Photos. Cameras let me capture moments in time forever. Even if memory can't hold them."

Ulquiorra accepted them, his green eyes wide. "Fascinating. These..."

Orihime toyed with her hair. "Tangible enough for you?"

"I cannot imagine anything better. I will return tomorrow to see more..."


	303. Chapter 303: Haircut

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 303: Haircut**

Rangiku sighed. "Izuru, I had no idea you were such a great barber!"

Kira carefully trimmed and managed Rangiku's wavy locks. "It's nothing," he said shyly. "Just until your regular barber comes back from her vacation..."

He finished and handed over a mirror. Rangiku whooped.

"Perfect! You've got fancy fingers."

"Th-thanks."

Rangiku stood. "I want you as my new barber."

Kira blinked. "What? But the Skullbangers are goin' on tour soon..."

Rangiku smiled coyly and took hold of Kira's shoulders. "Please? _Please_? Be my roadie for the Firebirds! It'll be so much fun to have you with me as my stylist. And I'll get you free drinks anytime!"

"Well..." Kira cracked a smile. "I'm OK for a test run."

"Thank you so much!" Rangiku kissed his cheek, then waltzed off.

Kira watched her go. _I'll have to get a substitute bassist for the Skullbangers, too..._


	304. Chapter 304: Uptight

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 304: Uptight**

Rukia sighed with amusement as she and Byakuya patrolled the Seireitei together. "Big brother, you're scaring everyone off!"

Byakuya's eyebrows met. "Untrue."

"Is too!" Rukia pointed as a few unseated Soul Reapers scurried away as Byakuya approached. "You're so uptight and mean to everyone... it hurts your image!"

Even Momo and Isane, who chatted together, screamed and fled before the Squad 6 Captain.

Byakuya chuckled. "Counterpoint: _that_."

"Hey! Come back here with that! It's worth a fortune!" Captain Hirako chased after Yachiru until they collapsed together in an awkward heap, where Yachiru held Shinji's expensive gold watch. They wrangled with each other, fighting and yelling, until Shunsui jumped in to score a free watch.

Rukia giggled. "Okay, brother, you win."


	305. Chapter 305: Uninterested

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 305: Uninterested**

Renji paced in the spare room of Squad 6's barracks. "We've gotta do something, bros," he said darkly. "With Izuru runnin' off to hang out with Matsumoto and the Firebirds, we need a new bassist."

Ikakku shrugged. "Yeah, but who's gonna do it? I asked Yumuchika, but he said no. Jerk."

"Captain Muguruma won't, either," Shuhei added. "He said that it would be time taken from his workout routine."

"Byakuya, maybe...?" Renji winced at the very thought. "He _did_ play my guitar once..."

With a wooden rasp, the door slid aside. "Hey, um... is this where the tryouts are being held?"

Renji whirled around. "So. Hanataro Yamada."

Hanataro timidly pressed his index fingers together. "I-I think I can be punk, too... I'll try my best!"


	306. Chapter 306: Skate

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 306: Skate**

"Don't _worry_ , Ichigo. I've done something like this before!" Nelliel tossed her green hair confidently. "Well, kind of... maybe... maybe not..."

Ichigo finished lacing up his skates. "Why don't you watch me and Rukia first, and see if it's your kind of thing."

He smiled and took Rukia's hand, and they both glided across the ice. Nearby ice rink patrons gasped in delight and clapped as the pair spun in rapid circles and did all kinds of poses and stunts.

"Me, too!" Nelliel laced up her skates and blazed a trail across the ice, and she did all the same stunts with grace and finesse. Everyone clapped.

Nelliel pulled up to Rukia, hands on her hips. "Watch your back, Kuchiki," she said smugly.

Rukia pouted. "What did you say, missy?!"

"Uh... how about I get us some snacks," Ichigo offered timidly. "Okay?"

No one was listening.


	307. Chapter 307: Rustic

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 307: Rustic**

Keigo could hardly believe the sight of a rare, prehistoric beast on the tiny island off the coast of Kyushu. He stopped and stared.

"Keigo, honey, c'mon," Tatsuki urged him. She tugged on her husband's arm. "We're gonna be late for our massage on the beach! Don't tell me you don't wanna go..."

Keigo pointed with a shaking finger. "A _pay phone_! With a circular dial! We went back in time!"

Tatsuki giggled. "It won't bite. Let's go. This place is so old-fashioned and charming, separate from the crazy modern world..."

Keigo had to agree. Tatsuki had forbidden cell phones, so when he reached into his pocket to take a stylish selfie during the massage, he found empty pockets.

 _I'll just preserve this memory the old-fashioned way, then_. He also noted Tatsuki's blissful face during her massage. _The old ways ain't so bad, are they?_


	308. Chapter 308: Announce

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 308: Announce**

Rangiku was in a particularly bouncy mood as the horse-drawn carriage pulled up at a large town in the West Rukongai district. "I'm so glad you signed up as our publicist, Shiro!" she exclaimed, patting his head. "The Firebirds owe you!"

Toshiro scowled and straightened out his hair. "Right. Sure. Let's get set up."

While the four Firebirds settled in their motel room that evening, Toshiro drew a crowd at the town square. "Good evening!" he cried. "This evening only, the Gotei 13's premiere punk rock band, the Firebirds, will play a show! You will be delighted!"

But once he got back to the hotel, Toshiro found all four punk girls chasing each other in the lobby, shouting and throwing things!

"Sh-shiro! There's an open bar, so we helped ourselves!" Rangiku hollered. "How'd the announcement go?"

Toshiro sighed. "I think I oversold you four."

*o*o*o*o*

 **A/N:** Speaking of announcements, I have posted a poll on my profile page where you can vote for up to three of your favorite pairings in **_My Big Fat Drabble Collection_**.


	309. Chapter 309: Plain

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 309: Plain**

Ulquiorra didn't see what the big deal was when Orihime helped him rent an apartment down the street from hers.

"It is perfect," Ulquiorra said, pacing around the place, with its bare walls and lack of furniture. "What's the matter?"

Orihime put on a stern look and raised a finger. "What else, silly? This isn't a home yet. Make it _yours_! Your taste in art, a couch, a TV, a bookshelf... and if you're anything like Ichigo or Keigo, an Xbox and _Star Trek_ models, too."

Ulquiorra sat cross-legged on the living room floor. "I will see. Thank you for this."

But when Orihime came back a week later, the place was still empty!

"Okay," Orihime huffed. "You're coming with me to Bed, Bath, and Beyond."

"I -"

Orihime snapped her finger. "Now, buster!"

Ulquiorra sprang to his feet.

*o*o*o*o*

 **A/N:** I have posted a poll on my profile page where you can vote for up to three of your favorite pairings in **_My Big Fat Drabble Collection_**.


	310. Chapter 310: Nostalgic

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 310: Nostalgic**

Izuru Kira shuffled glumly around Squad 5's barracks. "I dunno, Momo," he said. "I'm glad to help out around here, but I still miss jammin' with the guys."

Momo opened up her bass guitar case. "Our tour will be over soon, and you'll be back with them. Until then..." She strummed the bass. "Let's play."

Kira grinned. They passed the bass back and forth, playing their favorite parts from different songs. Then, Rangiku burst in.

"Izuru!" she cried happily. "My favorite stylist. Having a good time?"

"Yeah, I -"

"Let me try!" Ignoring Momo's indignant protests, Rangiku swiped the bass and tried to play it. Badly. But she smiled and laughed, trying to strum the Firebirds' usual songs.

"You stink, Ran!" Momo said, pouting.

Rangiku giggled. "Well it's fun! How d'you like it, Izuru?"

Kira couldn't help it. He grinned, too. "Glad to be here."

*o*o*o*o*

 **A/N:** I have posted a poll on my profile page where you can vote for up to three of your favorite pairings in **_My Big Fat Drabble Collection_**.


	311. Chapter 311: Mismanage

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 311: Mismanage**

Shuhei ran his hands over his face and sighed. "We can't even book a decent gig," he moaned. "What are the Skullbangers coming to?"

"Guys, we just have to do our best, okay?" Hanataro said shakily, while tuning his bass guitar (which was nearly as big as him).

Ikakku grunted. "Stop saying that all the time, Hantaro! We -"

The door banged open and Isshin Kurosaki marched right in. "I'm your new manager, fellas!" he boomed. "Let's get started!"

But...

"What the...? This is _glam_ metal stuff!" Renji cried when Isshin brought in horrible new outfits. "We're punk! Not early '70s crap!"

"Whatever. And here's your new schedule!" Isshin showed them the paper.

Shuhei scowled. "This conflicts with our Soul Reaper work schedules, Mr. Kurosaki!"

Isshin grinned widely. "Get used to it. You're stuck with me forever!"


	312. Chapter 312: Mellow

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 312: Mellow**

Momo had just emerged from Squad 5's barracks when she found Toshiro lounging under a fruit tree, his carefree eyes watching the clouds.

"Shiro!" Momo joined him. "I just finished my paperwork... how are you?"

Toshiro cracked a grin. "Join me, Momo. The shade feels great on a hot afternoon like this."

Her eyes wide with amazement, Momo sat next to him, and she smiled awkwardly and rubbed her shoulder against Toshiro's. "I've never seen you so mellow."

"Being your publicist for the Firebirds gave me new perspective," Toshiro said warmly. "And I just love having more time to hang out with you."

Momo blushed. "R-really?!"

Rangiku chose that moment to waltz down the street, singing nonsense.

Toshiro bolted to his feet. "You're not done with your paperwork, Lieutenant!" he roared. "Get back to the barracks!"

Momo sighed. She _almost_ had a real moment with Toshiro just now...


	313. Chapter 313: Seed

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 313: Seed**

"Okay, _this_ time we'll do it right!" Rukia gently shoved a seed packet into her husband's hands. "Let's do it!"

Ichigo nodded and got to work with her in their home garden. Just once, they wanted to have lovely blooms like Orihime did, and show off. But alas, their garden crapped out yet again, and the weather was only partly to blame.

"So... try again?" Ichigo offered next spring. "I'm thinking we'll try petunias or -"

Rukia shook her head. "Let me make a phone call."

Ichigo stared as construction men installed a pretty cool backyard pool, complete with a diving board.

"Hooray! Pool!" Little Kazui took a running leap into the water.

Rukia smiled as water splashed Ichigo all over. "Admit it, this is more fun than a flowerbed."

"... flowers wouldn't have soaked this expensive shirt..."


	314. Chapter 314: Wake

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 314: Wake**

"Tatsuki, honey! Look! _Look_!"

Keigo could hardly contain his excitement. His wife joined him at the stern of the large pontoon boat, and they marveled at the dolphins that leaped and splashed in the boat's wake.

"Yeah, there's a lot of dolphins 'round here!" the pilot shouted over the motor's roar. "Just don't fall into the water, okay?"

Keigo leaned further over the rail -

 _"Keigo!"_ Tatsuki cried.

"Crap!" The pilot rushed over to help, but to his and Tatsuki's shock, Keigo waved as he happily rode a dolphin like a master.

Tatsuki sighed with relief. "That's my husband, all right."


	315. Chapter 315: Heat

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 315: Heat**

Kenpachi lounged in the spa and grinned. "Damn, this is great. How come you sumbitches never invited me before?"

Iba shrugged, a white towel draped over his lap. "Beats me. But you're here now. Great, isn't it?"

Ukitake beamed. "I come here every day, Captain Zaraki. It's good therapy. Helps me stay ahead of my ailments."

Iba waved a hand. "Eh, call him Kenpachi. We're all bros in here."

The door slammed open, and Captain-General Yamamoto shuffled in, wearing only his towel. He took a seat.

"Mmmmmmm. Been looking forward to this all day," he grunted, and he flared up his spiritual pressure.

The temperature spiked from "pleasant heat" to "an industrial furnace's sweaty armpit".

Iba sprang to his feet. "Run!"


	316. Chapter 316: Toothsome

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 316: Toothsome**

Momo Hinamori came staggering back to the Kuchiki estate, her robes torn, her face scratched, her hair disheveled. "Rukia!" she cried. "I can't do this anymore!"

Rukia hurried over and scowled at her daughter, who ran from Momo's hands and to her mom. "Did you beat up the babysitter again?" she demanded.

Ichika pouted. "She's lame!"

"Your godmother isn't _lame_!" Rukia snapped.

Momo ran her hands over her face. "Who's gonna look after Ichika now? She bites everything!"

Rukia's violet eyes widened. "I know who else does..."

The young women watched as Ichika giggled and played with Goro the dog at Squad 7's barracks. Both of them were an even match in their play fight. "Should it concern me that a Kuchiki noble is on par with a dog?" Rukia wondered.

Momo patted her shoulder and turned to leave. "She's not my problem anymore, sweetheart."


	317. Chapter 317: Wriggle

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 317: Wriggle**

Soi Fon could hardly _believe_ it when Lieutenant Omaeda accidentally locked all of Squad 2 outside their own barracks! So, the Captain broke off a grate and slipped into the ventilation system and wriggled her way through, scowling at the dust that gathered on her shihakusho.

 _Almost there,_ she thought while navigating the tight confines. _To the key room!_ The vents seemed to be closing in around her. With a grunt, she slid back another grate and dropped into the key room. She got the right key and brought it to the front doors... but they were already open!

"Oops." Omaeda looked sheepish as he held up another key. "I forgot that we keep this spare one under the welcome mat!"


	318. Chapter 318: Cactus

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 318: Cactus**

Renji stared at the newest abomination to grace the halls of Squad 6's barracks. "Captain, where did _that_ come from?"

"Hmmmm? Oh, that." Byakuya came striding along, slate-gray eyes fixed on the large cactus. "Captain Kurotsuchi gave one to each squad as a symbol of goodwill. Bred from a species from the American Southwest."

"Uh... sure, but... it's pointy! And ugly! Like Kenpachi's hair!" Renji whined. "In fact, I think the spines are growing longer..."

But soon, Renji found a new use for the cactus and spread the word. Now, Squad 6 Soul Reapers could hang up their robes on it like a living coat rack, nice and convenient.

Goodwill, indeed!

The cactus was still ugly.


	319. Chapter 319: Unused

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 319: Unused**

Orihime paid another visit to her new friend. But...

"This is getting silly, Ulquiorra!" she cried, sweeping an arm around the living room. "You haven't touched a thing!"

"Certainly, I have," Ulquiorra said, seated tidily at the kitchen table.

"Everything is still in plastic wrap or boxes," Orihime pointed out. "You live here now! Act like it!"

Ulquiorra's green eyes studied the boxes. "Can you show me?"

Orihime sighed. "Let's start with the fun stuff. And food."

Half an hour later, they sat together on the couch, sharing a bowl of popcorn, watching Gordon Ramsay berate a trainee chef on the TV they had just unpacked (and with the cable access they had just set up).

"I like Mr. Ramsay's attitude," Ulquiorra commented. "He keeps his inferiors in line."

"Well, look at that," Orihime said fondly. "Your first role model!"


	320. Chapter 320: Plant

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 320: Plant**

"Shiro! Come on, we're almost there. Hurry up!"

Toshiro made a face as Momo led him through his childhood town by the hand. "I'm _Captain_ Hitsugaya! And slow down, will you?"

Momo giggled. "As the Firebirds' publicist, you're 'Shiro' to me. Don't you wanna see the apple tree we planted all those years back?" She smiled.

Toshiro relaxed and smiled back. "Yes, I do. Lead the way."

But at Toshiro's house's backyard, there was no giant apple tree waiting for them. Instead, a dozen saplings grew.

"Momo! Toshiro?" One of the villagers stopped by.

"Hi!" Momo waved. "We planted an apple tree here years ago. Where is it?"

"It was killed in a lightning strike," the villager admitted, "but we had enough of its apples to plant the seeds. See the saplings?"

Toshiro ran his fingers along a sapling. "Somehow, this is even better."

Momo nodded. "Yeah!"


	321. Chapter 321: Umbrella

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 321: Umbrella**

Ichigo made an indignant yelp when Nelliel arrived on his doorstep that evening to visit. "You're soaked!" he cried. "Why didn't you bring an umbrella?"

Nelliel stood there, the newspaper she'd use to shield herself from the rain falling apart. "I, uh... don't have one?"

"I can't allow that." Ichigo handed her one. "Use this when you head back to Orihime's place, all right?" Then he saw the grateful smile on Nelliel's face, and he smiled, too. "Actually, keep it as long as you like. Come in..."

Months later, on a sunny afternoon, Nelliel knocked and let herelf in. "Ichigoooooooo!" she hollered. "I brought back your umbrillo!"

"It's _umbrella_. And thanks - whoa!" Ichigo made a face. His poor umbrella was worn down to the metal frame, with sad, tiny scraps of fabric left clinging to the metal.

Just where had she been with that umbrella, a hurricane?!


	322. Chapter 322: Murder

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 322: Murder**

"I've never done one of these before," Rukia admitted when she and Renji joined the murder mystery dinner party at the Kurosaki household.

Orihime set out the last few hot plates of entrees and beamed. "It'll be fun!" she told her many guests. "Is everyone here?"

She counted Renji and Rukia Abarai, plus Keigo and Tatsuki Asano, plus Uryu, but there was an empty seat.

The front door slammed open. "I'm here, I'm here!" Isshin cried. "I'm ready for the dinner party!"

"Not just that... there's been a _murder_!" Ichigo said dramatically.

 _"Whaaaaat?!"_ Isshin looked stricken, and he ran around in a panic until he plowed into a stuffed bookshelf. Heavy volumes buried him in a paper avalanche.

Uryu sighed. "He never listens."


	323. Chapter 323: Secretive

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 323: Secretive**

Nanao Ise rolled her eyes. "Captain Soi Fon, that's not what we practiced at all."

Soi Fon blushed yet again, looking stunning but also self-conscious in heels and her silky, knee-length evening dress. "But... I know a lot of classified intel!" she cried. "What if I let something slip -"

"You won't, madam." Nanao took hold of Soi Fon's shoulders and smiled. "You haven't been on a date in years, right? Let yourself have some fun! You deserve it."

Nanao steered the trembling Captain out of Squad 8's barracks door. "He's from a noble family too. He'll understand - oh! Hi!"

A gentleman in a navy yukata arrived and took Soi Fon's hand. "Good evening, m'lady. Shall we go?"

Soi Fon made a hysterical laugh. "Yes! Away we go! I-I don't have any classified intel, so don't try anything... I think..."

Nanao sighed. What a clammed-up lady that Soi Fon was!


	324. Chapter 324: Bridge

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 324: Bridge**

Keigo threw his arms around Ichigo and Rukia to welcome them into his and Tatsuki's house. "Glad to have you over! We're gonna have a great couple's night!"

Rukia smiled and held up a glass bottle. "I brought champagne, too."

After some snacks and champagne, Tatsuki gathered everyone at the kitchen table with playing cards. "We're gonna play Bridge!" she announced happily. "It's what adults play. I feel so grown up..."

Keigo took a hand of five. "Hey, full house!" he cried.

Ichigo took a few cards, too. "Keigo, do you have any fives?"

"Go fish."

Tatsuki winced. "That's now how you play Bridge!"

"Then how _do_ you play?" Rukia asked.

Tatsuki's wince deepened. "Actually... I dunno. Okay, let's just mess with the cards."

Rukia smiled. "Game on!" She took two cards. "Blackjack! I win this round!"

They all had a great game of Bridge-Go-Fish-Blackjack-Poker (copyright pending).


	325. Chapter 325: Brush

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 325: Brush**

Ulquiorra tentatively knocked on Orihime's front door early one morning. "Greetings," he said when she opened the door.

Orihime blinked, still brushing her teeth in her sleepwear, her orange hair a tangle. "Mmm-hmmm-hmmm?" she asked from around the toothbrush.

"I... I'm sorry. This visit is obviously too early." Ulquiorra turned to go.

Orihime rushed away to finish with her toothbrush, then skipped back. "It's okay!" she said. "How about you brush my hair?"

"Oh... yes." Ulquiorra sure tried, but he couldn't get the hang of it, and he sighed. "I don't have enough _heart_ to do this," he lamented.

Orihime giggled. "Silly. You'll get used to mortal life. Why don't you start small, by getting the morning paper for me?"

Ulquiorra hurried to the door. "Yes! The paper! As you command, mistress!"

 _Goodness,_ Orihime thought. _You can't take the Espada out of the arrancar!_


	326. Chapter 326: Compare

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 326: Compare**

Renji nearly had a heart attack when he saw Izuru Kira helping the Firebirds prepare their equipment for the rock band face-off show. "Kira!" he hollered.

Kira froze as he helped Isane and Rangiku unpack their instruments. "What?"

"Man, you _were_ a Skullbanger," Renji taunted. "But we replaced you! See?"

Hanataro hurried over, waving. "Good evening, Kira! I'm a Skullbanger! It's so delightful!"

Renji scowled. "You're punk now, flower-boy! You're makin' us look dumb in front of the competition!"

Indeed, not even Hanataro's leather jacket, logo tee, ripped jeans, and streaks of red in his hair dampened his cheery, un-punk aura.

Momo giggled as she strummed her bass. "Hanataro's a cutie. He fits your band's image perfectly!"

Ikakku and Shuhei growled, but things got worse when Isshin, their manager, joined them in his absurd, glittery glam-rock outfit.

 _We used to be so cool,_ Renji lamented.


	327. Chapter 327: Simplistic

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 327: Simplistic**

"I'm sorry, I'm gonna be late again, Kazui's soccer practice is going late," Ichigo said tensely, wandering around in tight circles in his living room, his eyes bloodshot. "I - hang on. Got another call." He answered. "I know I'm behind on my payment. I'll manage it, okay?"

He hung up and noticed Nelliel still sitting on his couch. "Ichigo," she said. "Are you unhappy?"

Ichigo sighed. "No, I just... got a lot on my plate." He trembled.

Nelliel stood and took hold of his shoulders. "Let's get some ice cream."

"No, I'm busy. Look, Nelliel, mortal life is complicated, there's looking after your kids, and bills, and car repairs, and -"

"Ichigo." Nelliel smiled. "Let's just make things simple for one evening, okay? What's your favorite flavor?"

Ichigo managed a smile. "Raspberry. With chopped nuts."

So they went. And Ichigo appreciated the earthly wisdom of it all.


	328. Chapter 328: Wink

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 328: Wink**

All those years ago, Soi Fon remembered that oddly playful look in Lady Yoruichi's yellow eyes as they trained together, and half the time, it seemed more like play than work. Lady Shihoin had that odd effect; was the rest of her family like that?

"Just relax, and believe," Yoruichi had told her on the last day of training with a wink.

"What does that mean?" Soi Fon had asked.

Yoruichi had responded by disappearing for a century.

Now the treacherous Sosuke Aizen was sealed away. Heroes had been made over the false Karakura Town, and Yoruichi was back. But she hadn't yet visited Soi Fon or said a word.

So... believe _what_?

That Captain Soi Fon could stand up to ultimate evil and prevail? That she needed no more training?

She imagined Yoruichi winking at her again now. It seemed appropriate.


	329. Chapter 329: Hypnotic

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 329: Hypnotic**

Such horror... the freakish arrancars, the mighty Espadas, the traitorous Sosuke Aizen... and Kaname Tosen. Sajin Komamura thought he'd never replace the hole where his friendship with Kaname had stood. How... how could Kaname be gone? Captain Tosen...

He delved into meditation... maybe too deeply! He amused himself with watching bamboo fountains move in the gardens, he played with a Newton's Cradle (how those steel spheres moved!), and yo-yos going up and down... gentle, tedious motion... so hypnotic...

Sajin jolted himself awake after playing with a Newton's Cradle, curled up like a lapdog. Such hypnotic power! Wait...

The next time Yachiru Kusajishi invaded Squad 7's barracks to pester Goro the dog, Sajin gave her a Newton's Cradle instead.

Yachiru was asleep in a snap!

Finally, some peace...


	330. Chapter 330: Late

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 330: Late**

Ryuken Ishida looked up from his _Karakura Times_ newspaper at the dining room table when he heard the front door open. Uryu slunk into the house with his backpack, clearly exhausted with his mind elsewhere.

"You were supposed to be back by 10:00 PM sharp," Ryuken said in his best icy tone. "It's nearly midnight."

Uryu nodded, glancing away. "I know. Uh... errands."

"You can't fool me, boy." Ryuken stood. "Consorting with the Kurosaki kid? And maybe his Soul Reaper friends? You remember our agreement."

"I know," Uryu bit back, then he calmed down. "We of the Quincies stand against evil... but not always alone."

"Are you saying that you _did_ visit Ichigo Kurosaki?"

"I'm saying," Uryu said, heading up the stairs, "that I know how to tell an enemy from a friend."

Ryuken opened his mouth to object, then closed it.

He'd play this by ear.


	331. Chapter 331: Mail

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 331: Mail**

Kisuke reclined in his office chair with a box of pocky sticks. "Jinta, could you get the mail?"

"No way!" the kid retorted. "Make Ururu get it!"

Kisuke pointed with a pocky stick. "I was askin' you."

"Fine..." Jinta wandered outside, opened the mailbox, and cursed as a heavy load of letters and parcels buried him. He returned with an armload of paper. "You oughta... get the mail more often, boss!" he panted. "This is a month's worth!"

Kisuke shrugged it off.

Until everyone else was on vacation.

Kisuke crept outside, the breeze tossing his green robe. He cracked open the mailbox -

Kon the stuffed lion burst out. "This one's from Jinta and Ururu and Rukia!" the mod-soul hollered. "Get your own mail, boss-man!"

Kisuke peeled Kon off his face. "All right, all right! _Twice_ a month, then!"


	332. Chapter 332: Kettle

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 332: Kettle**

Orihime felt pretty darn good about Ulquiorra's progress living in Karakura Town. Why, he even had a whopping _two_ pieces of framed art in his living room! And this evening, he'd even invited her for _dinner_!

So, Orihime skipped her way from the bus stop to Ulquiorra's little apartment and jogged up the front steps. She knocked.

Ulquiorra answered, wearing a frilly blue apron and a chef's hat. "Good evening," he said plainly. "Please come in. I tried a basic recipe of yours. Are you hungry?"

"Yeah! Thanks!" Orihime sat at the table, drumming her fingers on the wood, humming to herself. Such progress!

Ulquiorra brought over an antique kettle Orihime had givern him... and he poured spicy chicken ramen from its spout into Orihime's bowl. Orihime stared.

"That is the correct use for a kettle, isn't it?" Ulquiorra asked.

Orihime picked up her chopsticks. "Close enough."


	333. Chapter 333: Stitch

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 333: Stitch**

"Izuru, you did such a great job!" Rangiku spread her arms and twirled, marveling at how Kira had stitched her leather punk jacket. "Where would the Firebirds be without you?"

Kira felt himself flush. "It's nothing, I just stitched it up -"

Momo and Rukia burst in, and they giggled at the scene. Momo picked up a shirt and tore the sleeve on purpose. "Oh, _no_!" she said. "Izuru, could you stitch this up for me?"

Rukia tore the hem of her spare jean skirt. "What do you know? I need stitching, too!"

Kira sighed and accepted the garments. "I'll happily do this for Rangiku, but you two -"

"Ooooooooh!" Rukia elbowed Rangiku. "Special favors from Kira, huh? That says a lot..."

Rangiku conked Rukia on the head, her face red. "Butt out, punk!"

But Rukia and Momo both still shared a knowing smile.


	334. Chapter 334: Stick

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 334: Stick**

"Hey, Ichigo. Look at _that_!" Nelliel raced ahead of Ichigo in the park and picked up a two-foot-long, straight tree branch from the grass and snapped off the twigs. She smiled and waved it around. "It's like my old Zanpakuto!"

Ichigo caught up and smiled. "Sure, but I thought you didn't like to fight."

"Well, not without very good reason." Nelliel jabbed the air, like the stick was a rapier. "En garde!"

Ichigo borrowed the stick and waved it. "Expectro Patronum!"

Nelliel borrowed it back and twirled it. "Now it's a baton! Like I'm in a parade!"

"Nice one." Ichigo held the stick again. "I'm a medieval jouster, fighting for my princess!"

"Can I be the princess?"

"Sure thing!"

They both ignored curious onlookers as they passed the stick back and forth. Funny what the imagination can superimpose on the mundane.


	335. Chapter 335: Faded

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 335: Faded**

"Hey, Ichigo. Who are these people?"

Rukia stopped halfway through spring cleaning to draw a tattered old family photograph from an old scrapbook. She wrinkled her nose at all the dust.

Ichigo carefully took the photo and checked the back. He could barely read the characters. "Whoa. This was taken in 1938! It's my mom's side of the family, I think. Maybe one of the kids is her grandparent."

"Not even one hundred years..." Rukia gave her husband a funny look. "Sometimes I forget how time is different for mortals. Around 1938, Byakuya was promoted to head of the Kuchiki family. He was young for that title, but still..."

Ichigo nodded. "I guess some photographs fade faster than memories."


	336. Chapter 336: Roast

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 336: Roast**

The Soul Reaper Men's Association bros finally converged after a long day of manly hunting and survival training under president Kenpachi Zaraki, but the president scowled when Renji, Kira, and Hanataro only brought back a few squirrels and wild berries for dinner.

"What a goddamn waste," Kenpachi said, leering down at his underlings. "You'd starve in the wild without _my_ guidance!"

Shuhei lost all patience as he threw aside his meager handful of berries. "Fine, then what did _you_ bring?" He was muddy and scratched just from getting that snack, too...

Kenpachi motioned. "Iba!"

Tetsuzaemon Iba dragged over a slaughtered wild boar, a massive specimen.

"I'm gonna roast this beauty over the fire," Kenpachi said, "and eat it all myself! Take a lesson from this, bros!"

Iba twitched. "Hey, what about me? I helped catch it!"

Kenpachi grinned. "I said, _by myself_!"

Worst camping trip ever!


	337. Chapter 337: Shiny

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 337: Shiny**

In true Halloween fashion, the local crow population was getting out of control in the Seireitei! Everyone's expensive jewelry was picked clean off by the mad birds.

"Hey... did you know that a group of crows is called a 'murder' of crows?" Nanao Ise mentioned at random, but this hardly cheered anyone up. So she got a new idea: set up scarecrows with shiny jewelry, and capture the birds.

Unseated officers made the scarecrows, and Nanao and Captain Kurotsuchi watched as all those horrible crows gathered onto the scarecrows... and the huge kido net flared to life! Everything was trapped.

"Help! Help!" came a voice in the net.

Nanao hurried over. "President Kusajishi?"

Yachiru struggled in the net. "I saw all this pretty jewelry so I came over... does this make me as dumb as a crow?"

Nanao tried not to give her honest answer.


	338. Chapter 338: Balance

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 338: Balance**

With the Firebirds' newest tour over, Momo wanted something new to focus her mind on. So, while Rukia and Rangiku goofed off, she bought herself a leotard and practiced gymnastics. She closed her eyes in total peace as she slowly walked across a narrow beam, arms wide for balance.

"Whoo! Go, girl!" Rangiku hollered.

"Hush!" Momo cried. "I need peace!"

"Do a backflip!" Rukia teased loudly.

Momo scowled with her eyes shut. "Knock it off! Jeez!"

"Hey, Toshiro's here!" Rangiku taunted her.

"Zip it!" Momo cried, a vein throbbing on her forehead.

"Really, he's watching! I think he's proud of you!" Rangiku hooted. "Maybe he wants to kiss you!"

"Rangiku!" Momo cried, and she heard another voice join her. She opened her eyes... and there stood a red-faced Captain Hitsugaya!

Momo tumbled right off the beam in shock. Olympic training would have to wait!


	339. Chapter 339: Frightening

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 339: Frightening**

The Halloween mixer party was coming along great at Squad 1's barracks, but Toshiro sighed when Renji, Shuhei, Ikakku, and Hanataro showed up as... the Skullbangers.

"I'm having a wonderful time, Toshiro," Momo said brightly, finishing off her fourth glass of punch. "You like my costume, right?"

Toshiro smiled. "I love it. It's the best Amaterasu costume I've seen. Kira sewed it up?"

"Yeah." Momo twirled. "Though I still wonder what would have happened if I dressed up as something scary..." Nearby, Rangiku was a zombie, Isane a murderous psycho nurse, and Rukia, gender-bender Freddy Krueger.

Toshiro got an idea. "I'll scare Rangiku like never before!" He approached her half an hour later and set a thick stack of paper into her arms. "Your paperwork is late! You won't eat again 'till it's done!"

Rangiku gave a shriek and ran off.

She'd be back soon enough, though...!


	340. Chapter 340: Sheep

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 340: Sheep**

It was splendid to have Orihime Inoue stay for the night, but Ulquiorra was used to prowling around at night. It was tough getting to sleep, even in his expensive queen-size bed with all the frilly pillows and comforters that Orihime had bought.

Ulquiorra watched the shadows creep across the ceiling and remembered a trick Orihime had explained: count imaginary sheep. Repetition to soothe the mind. He pictured it: one white sheep bound over a fence. Two, three, four, five, six...

He blinked. No. They weren't real sheep. He couldn't see them with his real eyes.

Ulquiorra listened to Orihime snore gently in the guest room, and he lay back down on his side. He re-imagined the sheep pasture. She'd like that.

One...

Two...

Three...

*o*o*o*o*

 **A/N:** I haven't heard much from you guys in a while. How do you like the collection at this point? Let me know what you think!


	341. Chapter 341: Tent

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 341: Tent**

Ichigo rolled his eyes and sat up in his sleeping bag when he heard Nelliel unzip his camping tent and sneak in. "I know you're there," he told her. "Sorry, but I don't wanna roast any more marshmallows. It's probably past midnight."

"I know," Nelliel said, clearly amused. "I'll just have some for breakfast. But my sleeping bag feels funny. And the wind keeps moving my tent. It's scary."

"Not as scary as tent intruders."

"Sorry. But camping is, uh..."

Ichigo got up. "Okay, okay... we'll go to that cozy motel down the street. I'll start the car."

At the motel, Ichigo barely settled into the king-size bed when Nelliel promptly glomped him sideways and held him tight. She nuzzled his neck. "Mmmmmmmm! You're warm, Ichigo!"

"Too tight, Nelliel!"

"I was just _waiting_ for a chance to do this..."

Ichigo longed for the privacy of his tent.


	342. Chapter 342: Film

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 342: Film**

Ichigo was sure he had good odds when he contributed his material to the Soul Society's First Annual Film Festival, sponsored by Squad 9. All amateur films... only the one with the most vision, style, integrity, worldly themes, and emotional resonance would win!

Ichigo joined the crowd and watched all the short films. Kenpachi's was a barbecue instruction video, Captain Unohana remade _The Sound of Music_ , Shuhei made a noir existential film, and Shunsui made something along the lines of The Three Stooges.

Then Byakuya's film came up: himself, sitting at a table before the camera, and nodding once. "My name is Byakuya Kuchiki, Captain of Squad 6. Everyone in the Gotei 13 is my friend." Then he tossed his hair, gave a wink, and the film ended. All the girls, and some dudes, in the crowd cheered.

Hardly a surprise when Byakuya's lousy film placed first!


	343. Chapter 343: Subdued

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 343: Subdued**

Ikakku thumped Hanataro on the back after the Skullbangers' latest jam session at the Squad 6 barracks. "Why so glum, new kid?"

Hanataro sighed and hung his head. "I love being punk... but the manager won't let me blossom into who I can be!"

Renji snorted. "Cut the flower jokes, bro."

"But...!" Hanataro made a face and waved his fists, unbecoming of a punk bassist. "I just want to... shine, that's all! I'm being suffocated! This isn't what the Skullbangers can be!"

Isshin Kurosaki swaggered in, still dressed in glam rock nonsense. "Say what?"

Hanataro got a reassuring nod from Shuhei and puffed out his chest. "I won't be a sissy anymore! I want the Skullbangers to blossom into what it can be! I have vision, Mr. Kurosaki!" He panted for breath.

Isshin stared, then clapped. "Congrats, kiddo. You're my new assistant manager!"

Hanataro choked. "Wh-what?!"


	344. Chapter 344: Bubble

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 344: Bubble**

Rukia peeked from around a hedge and blinked. "Madam president, what are you doing?"

Yachiru Kusajishi giggled as she waved her huge bubble wand around, and elegant, filmy bubbles floated everywhere, colorful in the sunlight. "Join me! I have more wands!" she cried.

"I'm in." Rukia picked up a wand and twirled about, marveling at the wiggling bubbles in the air before they popped. Before long, Hanataro, Kiyone Kotetsu, Yoruichi, and even Yumichika joined them, bubbles going everywhere.

Until -

"What the hell's all this?!" Kenpachi stormed onto the scene. "You ran off to do _this_ crap, Yumichika? Why, I oughta -!"

Yumichika blew a big bubble that enveloped Kenpachi's head perfectly, like an old-fashioned diver helmet. The Captain freaked and ran off!

Yumichika sighed fondly and lowered his bubble wand. "I created something beautiful."

Rukia shivered. "Remind me not to get on your bad side!"


	345. Chapter 345: Questionable

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 345: Questionable**

The crowd cheered and everyone pumped their fists to the beat as the Skullbangers rocked out, but Hanataro got a funny feeling as he kept strumming his bass, listening to Renji's super-filthy lyrics. The Skullbangers already played their crowd-pleaser songs like "Pound the Pavement", "Skate for Your Life", "Knuckle Smacker", and "Ain't No Time to be Nice."

However...

Hanataro scrunched up his face as Renji moved on to their new hit, "Shove the Hole". The young man bared his teeth in frustration, his brow breaking out in a sweat -

"Stop the song!" he cried, waving his arms. Everyone booed him, and he winced.

Shuhei glared. "What the hell, bro!"

"Yeah! We were gettin' dirty!" Ikakku added.

Hanataro puffed out his chest. "From now on, we do covers of _nice_ songs! First up: some Jimmy Buffet!"

The crowd seemed to just _vanish_ after that.


	346. Chapter 346: Pricey

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 346: Pricey**

Rukia could hardly believe her eyes when she saw Ichigo's newest "collectible" item.

"A _stamp_?" Rukia wrinkled her nose when her boyfriend burst into their living room, with the stamp in a small display case. "What good is _that_?"

Ichigo's face fell. "Hey, Orihime suggested I collect something, y'know. And this sucker is _rare_! And expensive!"

Rukia couldn't help but smile at Ichigo's enthusiasm. "Well, okay. It _is_ a lovely little stamp..."

Ichigo couldn't resist showing it off to everyone, too, even leaving it at Isshin's house overnight. But the next morning-

"Where's my stamp?!" Ichigo roared that morning.

Isshin blinked. "I needed to mail the electric bill, and it was on hand... wait, was it really expensive...?"

Ichigo made an incomprehensible noise.


	347. Chapter 347: Shocking

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 347: Shocking**

Orihime frowned when Ulquiorra didn't answer his door like usual, so she used her spare key... and found him sprawled on the kitchen floor, a butter knife in hand, his clothes charred!

"What happened?!" Orihime knelt by her friend and helped him up.

Ulquiorra brushed soot off his clothes. "My toast was stuck in the toaster, so I tried to pry it free." He held up the knife.

Orihime swiped it away. "Maybe Hueco Mundo didn't have utilities, but you do now! Please be careful!"

"I see. Most shocking." Ulquiorra got a long pair of metal tongs. "Then I will extract the toast with _this_. Better?"

"No!" Orihime swiped the tongs away, too. Then she relaxed and smiled. "Why don't I make some English muffins, and we can experiment with yummy jams and flavors, okay?"

"I'd like that."


	348. Chapter 348: Fluffy

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 348: Fluffy**

Momo smiled and patted Sajin Komamura's elbow, the highest part of his body she could reach. "Captain Komamura! Your fur is getting so long... is it time for a trim?"

Komamura twitched his ears. "Not so, Hinamori. I like it this way."

"But..." Momo giggled. "Your fur is so fluffy and shaggy! You're like Chewbacca!"

"Who?"

"Uh... this furry guy from a human-world movie Rukia showed me." She patted his elbow again. "But really, get a fancy trim!"

Komamura shrugged. "I'm fine."

Until he woke up one morning, with Momo and Nanao Ise finishing up their trimming and shampooing job on him! Komamura bolted to his feet... and realized how luxurious this trimmed and washed fur was!

"Better?" Nanao asked kindly.

Komamura hung his head. "I apologize, Hinamori. I shall have a trim once every three months. You're quite wise..."


	349. Chapter 349: Tip

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 349: Tip**

Ichigo always felt a little... intimidated... when Rukia invited him to a fancy Soul Society restaurant with Byakuya, and this time was no different.

"I shall pay," Byakuya offered when the server returned. "And here... this is for the excellent service." He offered more notes of cash than Ichigo thought was humanly possible!

"Y'know," Ichigo said, "Byakuya, I'm gonna be part of the family soon. Shouldn't I help out with this?"

Rukia elbowed him. "Ichigo, honey, don't..."

Ichigo stood. "I shall pay for this meal tonight! Including the tip! For I am a proper gentleman!"

Byakuya handed over the bill. "As you wish."

Ichigo took one look at it, then the server. "Uh... do you accept tips in the form of black market-worthy organs?"


	350. Chapter 350: Notebook

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 350: Notebook**

"Whew! Great job, Toshiro. Our tour is finally done." Momo sat gratefully next to Toshiro at Squad 10's front porch, still panting after the Firebirds' latest show. "I'll miss having you as our agent." She patted her parted leather jacket, her ripped fishnet leggings, plaid skirt, and heavy black leather boots.

Toshiro nodded, going pink. "It was an honor, Momo. Really."

Momo giggled. "Thank you! I -" She stared at the spiral-back notebook laying next to Toshiro, and she swiped it. She opened up the pages.

"Hey! Wait -" Toshiro tried to grab it back.

"This is..." Momo made a squeal of delight at the expert drawings of her and Toshiro together under an umbrella, sipping from the same milkshake, and more!

Toshiro made a run for it.

Momo ran after him, arms outstretched like a zombie. "You can't outrun me, Lil Shiro!" she hollered. "Or your feelings!"


	351. Chapter 351: Quicksand

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 351: Quicksand**

Ikakku held out his hand in alarm. "Captain, wait! Don't step -!"

Too late: Kenpachi stepped right onto a patch of damp-looking sand, and he sunk right in, the quicksand sucking up his whole leg!

"Dammit! What the hell!" Kenpachi slashed everywhere with his sealed Nozarashi, but he sank to his waist.

"I'll do a bakudo! Hang on!" Yumichika prepared his hands.

Kenpachi snarled. "I won't owe my life to kido!" But then he sank to his neck, then his head except his mouth and chin, poking out from the quicksand's surface.

Yumichika and Ikakku couldn't help but have a good chuckle. "You're like a turtle, Captain!" Ikakku hooted.

"Is quicksand the new fashion?" Yumichika taunted.

"If I get outta here," Kenpachi's mouth warned, "you'll wish _you_ got sucked into this quicksand instead!"


	352. Chapter 352: Quirky

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 352: Quirky**

"I'm having a really nice time tonight, Uryu," Orihime said cheerily as she and her boyfriend trotted down Karakura Town's downtown that evening. "It's been forever since we went out!"

Uryu adjusted his glasses with a smile. "I'm glad. So, first we have a dinner reservation, then seats at a theater, and I'll be sure to buy you flowers!"

Orihime cocked her head. "Ulquiorra told me he'd do the same things for me."

"What? He did?" Uryu looked dismayed. "Am I a boring boyfriend?"

"No no, you're just -" Orihime took hold of Uryu's arm.

Uryu straightened his back. "I, too, can be fun! We'll go to a rodeo clown show! Then that laser tag place down the road! Then get our faces painted!"

Orihime giggled. "You're so funny when you try to have a quirky side. Keigo's the master. Learn from him."

"I shall!"


	353. Chapter 353: Mailbox

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 353: Mailbox**

Rangiku opened the Squad 10 mailbox, eagerly hoping for a certain letter... but the box was empty! She pouted and slouched off, back to the barracks. Maybe to get a drink?

"Oh! _There_ you are!" Rangiku waved and smiled as Izuru Kira appeared, a letter in his hands, a blush on his face.

"I-I was going to mail this to you," he mumbled, "but I w-wanted to deliver it... in p-person..." He shakily offered the letter.

Rangiku motioned. "You're a nervous wreck! Why don't you drop it off and I'll read it later?"

Kira hastily did so and scampered off.

Rangiku waited 'till he was gone and finally opened the letter.

 _My contract with the Firebirds is over, so... how'd you like to go out, Rangiku?_

 _-Izuru_


	354. Chapter 354: Secondhanded

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 354: Secondhanded**

Keigo and Tatsuki Asano waved good-bye to Orihime, Uryu, Ichigo, and Rukia. Then, Tatsuki rounded on Keigo. "Okay, I _know_ I saw pity in their eyes."

Keigo twitched. "Wh-what d'you mean, darling?"

"I mean this!" Tatsuki patted Keigo's shabby, grungy clothes. "Why do you always look like a Dumpster is your wardrobe? All these old, secondhanded clothes..."

"B-but money is tight, Tatsuki, and I..." Keigo broke off, embarrassed.

"I won't make a big deal out of it," his wife promised. "Now let's see what's good on TV..."

The next day, a package of fresh new polo shirts, slacks, ties, and a suit showed up on the doorstep, courtesy of Keigo's friends! Keigo made a mortified face. "Tatsuki, you -!"

Tatsuki smiled. "I just made a _little_ deal of it. It's just a friendly favor, that's all."

Keigo tried on a shirt. "Thanks."


	355. Chapter 355: Stone

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 355: Stone**

Ichigo could hardly believe his eyes when Nelliel returned home from a trip with Rukia to Karakura Town's downtown. "Don't tell me you bought that thing?"

"Why not? It's cute!" Nelliel proudly held out... her new pet rock! A smooth, gray spotted stone the size of a flattened baseball.

"But... that kind of thing was popular in the '70s! It's uncool," Ichigo protested.

"Oh, come on. Unlike this rock, you can be flexible." Nelliel made a sweetly pleading face, and Ichigo relented.

"As long as you get your money's worth," Ichigo said kindly.

That evening, Nelliel invited him to a walk in the neighborhood... with her rock on a leash! Ichigo stared. "It didn't exactly learn to walk, did it?"

"No. I've got this!" Nelliel showed him a tiny home-made cart, put her rock on it, and dragged it along.


	356. Chapter 356: Necessary

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 356: Necessary**

This was a _long_ time coming. Years of slobs like Renji and the other officers cluttering up the Squad 6 barracks had gone too far! Byakuya set aside a whole afternoon to clearing out the place. He even mopped and scrubbed the place himself, just to set an example. No one was too good for perfection!

"We hardly have anything left, Captain!" Renji complained.

"We only have what is necessary for Squad 6 to function," Byakuya countered. He handed over a crate of stuff. "Get rid of all this."

Renji sorted through the stuff. "But what about -"

"Discard it all," Byakuya insisted.

Renji produced a wrinkled, yellowed sheet of decorative paper with cranes, flowers, and the characters for "My Beloved Big Brother, the Great New Captain!" written on them.

Byakuya recognized Rukia's gift to him for his promotion. "That particular item will be necessary to keep."


	357. Chapter 357: Cherry

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 357: Cherry**

Ichigo slouched in through the front door late that evening and tossed aside his briefcase. "Ugh, what a _day_ ," he groaned.

Rukia embraced him. "Long day at the office?"

"First, I was late 'cause of a killer traffic jam," Ichigo grouched. "Then my boss screamed at me for not finishing my report on time. Then I missed lunch 'cause a conference call went on way too long. And the cherry on top... some jerk spilled blistering hot coffee on me and my expensive suit!"

"Cherry... I see." Rukia smiled.

The next day, Ichigo's day off, Rukia woke him up with a homemade ice cream sundae with a cherry on top. "This should help you get over your bad day," she said kindly.

"Thanks. You're the best."

Ichigo had a sundae ready when it was Rukia's turn to have a horrible day.


	358. Chapter 358: Toothpaste

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 358: Toothpaste**

Having Nelliel live at your house was a new challenge every day.

"Ichigo! We're out of toothpaste again!" Nelliel wailed from the bathroom.

Ichigo joined her, frowning. "How did you use it up so fast?!"

"I just cleaned my teeth like you told me," Nelliel said meekly.

"Okay. I'll buy more."

Two days later, the fresh tube was nearly out! Ichigo waited until after dinner, when Nelliel skipped off to brush her teeth. He peeked through the crack of the door.

"No!" Ichigo burst in when Nelliel squeezed all the toothpaste into her mouth and ate it. "Don't _eat_ it!"

Nelliel made a sad-puppy face. "But it tastes so good!"


	359. Chapter 359: Scent

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 359: Scent**

Silbern, capital of the Wandenreich, home of the rising Quincy resistance.

It was far too drab!

Candice Catnipp hummed to herself as she brought armloads of goodies from Bed, Bath and Beyond, and some of her fellows joined her.

"What're those?" Bazz-B asked.

Candice beamed and held out some scented candles. "Spread these around! It's time we make Silbern a _home_!"

So, Bazz-B, Robert, Meninas, Cang Du, Bambietta, and Askin happily jazzed up the place, and it looked beautiful! And smelled great! Until the candles started vanishing.

Candice searched Silbern up and down until she found Giselle Gewelle reach for a cherry-scented candle. "Wait, Gigi!" Candice cried.

Too late: Giselle took a big bite out of it!

"Thanks for all the candy bars, Candi," Giselle said through her full mouth. "They taste great!"

Candice was at a loss for words.


	360. Chapter 360: Crowded

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 360: Crowded**

The Gotei 13 mixer party was coming along great, and the party's host, Retsu Unohana, sipped her cocktail as she watched everyone chatter and have a good time. Except...

Unohana watched from over the rim of her glass as Captain Soi Fon edged away from the crowd and to a secluded corner, scowling.

Unohana brushed past Momo and Toshiro, then a rowdy Renji, and approached Soi Fon. "What's the matter?"

Soi Fon glanced away. "I-I don't like crowds."

"No?"

"It reminds me of a singles meet party that Rangiku dragged me to," Soi Fon said with a shudder.

Unohana wasn't tall, but she towered over the other Captain, putting on her sternest mom glare. "Get back out there, young lady! I worked hard on this party!"

Soi Fon jumped. "Yes, ma'am!" And she scampered off.

Unohana smiled to herself. One day, that lady would meet someone... surely...!


	361. Chapter 361: Hospitality

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 361: Hospitality**

Having the Kuchiki manor _and_ the Squad 6 barracks rennovated at the same time was... well...

Rangiku Matsumoto slid open the door to the Squad 10 barracks too hard, her face pink from drink. "Heeeeeeey, Captain Sugar Daddy!"

 _I regret this already._ Byakuya took a breath. "May I stay here the night? Rukia suggested it." _For some reason._

"Heck yeah!" Rangiku seized Byakuya's expensive scarf and whisked him inside, where she tried to force sake, spin the bottle with Squad 10 girls, and way too much junk food. Byakuya retreated to the guest room and slammed the door.

Rangiku creaked the door open a bit. "Captain Kuchiki? I'm sorry. But I really _do_ wanna be a good host. Give a girl another chance?"

Byakuya rose from his meditative position. "All right."

"Hooray! You're the best!"

Byakuya could hardly believe he found himself smiling, just a bit, at Rangiku's joy.


	362. Chapter 362: Men

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 362: Men**

Soi Fon made a whiny noise deep in her throat as she left the meet and greet party with Yoruichi. "I've never felt more..." Soi Fon fought for the words. Awkward? Confused? Irritated? Exasperated?

Yoruichi chuckled and made a sagely expression in the evening sunlight. "Oh, Soi Fon, still the stubborn girl I trained back in the old days."

"Wh-what does _that_ mean?"

"I'm sure you'll figure this whole thing out." Yoruichi smiled.

Soi Fon pouted. "Not likely! There's no man who can replace you, miss Yoruichi. They're all so..."

Lieutenant Omaeda happened by, munching on snacks. "Captain! Good evening! Are you well?" He waved and walked on.

Soi Fon caught the new look in Yoruichi's eye. "Well... I suppose even the scruffy ones have something good buried in them."

"Now you're talking! We'll try the party again tomorrow!"

"I... yes, ma'am!"


	363. Chapter 363: Jeans

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 363: Jeans**

"Whoa. My man Ichigo, these are _great_!"

Captain-General Shunsui Kyoraku hooted with delight as he skipped back and forth at the Squad 1 barracks, trying out his new boot-cut jeans.

Ichigo shrugged. "I had a spare pair, and Renji thought you might wanna try out human clothes."

Shunsui mimed a skateboard and playing an Xbox. "Whoo hoo! I'm a cool teenager now! I have a messy bedroom and bad attitude and my mom can't tell me what to do! Oh, yeah!"

Ichigo rolled his eyes as Nanao Ise came along. She bopped her commander on the head with a thick book. "Your office really _is_ a mess, Captain-General! Please clean it!"

Shunsui shoved his hands into his beloved new jeans and slouched off. "Yes, mom."


	364. Chapter 364: Kawaii

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 364: Kawaii**

Izuru Kira grinned confidently as he finished his audition for rejoining the Skullbangers. He plucked the last note on his bass and nodded to the beat.

Renji clapped. "Better than ever, Izuru!"

"Bang-on job," Shuhei added, and Ikakku nodded.

Then Isshin arrived, still wearing a glam rock outfit. "No, no! We can't have him!"

"He used to play for us! We had a good sound!" Ikakku argued.

Isshin made a pose. "Sure, but... Hanataro is cuddly! He brings in the girls with sympathy and the kawaii factor!"

"Punks don't say 'kawaii'," Shuhei muttered.

Hanataro poked his head in. "Um, Mr. Kurosaki... I can step down so Kira can rejoin if -"

Isshin raised a fist. "Flower-boy stays in! Sorry, Kira!"

Kira packed up his bass and shuffled off. "This isn't over..."


	365. Chapter 365: Mole

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 365: Mole**

Ichigo was pretty sure that bringing Kenpachi along to the carnival in Karakura Town would be a bad idea. And soon enough -

"Get outta the way, redhead!" Kenpachi shoved Renji aside and picked up the soft mallet at the whack-a-mole game. "I'll kill those little bastards for you!"

Ichigo made a face and waved a hand. "Hey hey, Kenpachi, that's not how -"

"Yaaaaaah!" Kenpachi slammed his mallet on the plastic moles with vicious speed, and with a final blow, split the machine in half!

Kenpachi lowered his mallet. "What? I thought I'd find the rest of 'em and take 'em out."

Renji shoved a stuffed bear prize into Captain Zaraki's hands. "You won. Now let's _move on_!"


	366. Chapter 366: Mouse

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 366: Mouse**

"Ichigo! There's a mouse!"

Rukia burst out of the bathroom and pointed at the offending rodent. So, Ichigo borrowed the neighbor's cat, and it chased the mouse away. But the cat stayed, and sat on Ichigo's pillow and refused to move.

"Wait, darling. I've got this." Rukia hurried into a senkaimon gate, and returned with Goro the dog, who chased off the cat. But then Goro sat on the couch.

"Let me try something..." Ichigo let in a wild raccoon that chased Goro back through the senkaimon gate, but then it sat on Ichigo's favorite armchair.

A badger, a wolverine, a cobra, a hawk, and more chased each other through the house until Ichigo and Rukia, exhausted, sat and leaned against the newest animal. "We've got a new pet," Ichigo panted.

"Sure do." Rukia patted the skin of the elephant calf. "Uh...How do you raise these things, anyway?"


	367. Chapter 367: Jam

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 367: Jam**

Momo spread some raspberry jam on her breakfast muffin and ate. But it wasn't the same as...

She knocked on Squad 10's barracks door and Captain Hitsugaya answered. "Oh. Good morning," the Captain said.

"Toshiro!" Momo smiled and bowed slightly. "I think we should have breakfasts together for old time's sake. Including that recipe..."

Hitsugaya's teal eyes widened and he nodded. For a month, they both borrowed from Hitsugaya's grandother's pantry in the Rukongai, until they emptied the last jar.

"What a shame." Hitsugaya set down the empty jar. "Hers was the best. Now it's gone."

"Don't worry." Momo licked her lips. "I figured out the recipe just from tasting it. I'll make some more... like your grandma used to."

Hitsugaya felt his heart race. "Th... thank you, Momo."


	368. Chapter 368: Coil

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 368: Coil**

"Oh. My. Gosh! This thing is amazing! And so bouncy, for a metal thingy!"

Nelliel watched Ichigo's old Slinky walk its way down the steps for the hundredth time, crouched at the top of the stairs, eyes wide with delight.

Ichigo squeezed his way past her. "Gotta get to class. See you later, okay?"

"Wait!" Nelliel grabbed Ichigo's pant leg. "Your turn with the Slinky!"

"I gotta go. Feel free to mess with it 'till I'm back, though." Ichigo waved good-bye and headed out.

But when Ichigo returned, he stepped into the living room and sprawled on the carpet! "What the?!"

Then he saw the tripwire. Where did that come from?

"You fell for my trap!" Nelliel waltzed over, all smiles. "I outsmarted you!"

"But what's that wire?"

Nelliel twanged the wire with her fingers. "It's Mr. Slinky. I gave him a new job!"

Ichigo groaned.


	369. Chapter 369: Channel

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 369: Channel**

"But books are _boring_!" Captain Shinji Hirako made a face when Momo offered him a storybook from her personal library.

Momo pouted. "Captains are supposed to be well-informed!"

"Meh." Shinji sank onto the couch and turned on "the tube", as some people called TV. That was hip, right?

Those annoying Skullbangers appeared on the tube, jamming away with their awful music. Shinji scowled and changed the channel... to a lame talk show with the Captain-General about "the art of simple living". Next was a cheap cooking show with Captain Komamura, then a horrible reality TV show about Squad 10 where Rangiku pestered everyone...

Shinji switched off the tube and, without looking, offered a hand. "I'm ready for that book."


	370. Chapter 370: Pocket

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 370: Pocket**

"Crap! No room?" Rukia scowled as she tried to cram her Soul Candy dispenser in her gigai's school uniform pocket. All the cool human gadgets and trinkets she gathered bulged in her pockets! What to do?

The next day, Rukia swaggered in to school with a coat, its pockets packed with tape measures, spinning tops, laser pointers, lollipops, harmonicas, and traditional paper fans. "What the heck?" Ichigo asked, his orange eyebrows going up.

Rukia went pink. "Human stuff is fun, okay? The 13 Court Guards don't allow a lot of personal effects."

"Whatever..."

But it wasn't enough. Rukia showed up again with a bigger coat and a backpack loaded with stuff, and finally, she dragged herself into school, her coats loaded with junk. She panted for breath, stuck in the hallway.

Ichigo knelt by her. "Traveling light has its merits, y'know."

"I'm... starting to see your point!"


	371. Chapter 371: Value

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 371: Value**

Captain Kuchiki was long since used to some of Renji's personal... oddities? Patterns? Preferences? Whatever the word, Byakuya raised his eyebrows when he got an eyeful of Renji's office in the Squad 6 barracks one afternoon.

"Where did these come from, Abarai?" Byakuya demanded, picking up an item from the shelf.

Renji sprang to his feet. "C-Captain! Don't touch that!"

Byakuya froze. "I beg your pardon?"

"It, uh..." Renji went red. "It's a vintage _Star Trek_ action figure from 1974! I spent 120,000 yen on it!"

"Yen?"

"Human money. I spent it on all my collectibles. See?" Renji nodded at all his _Star Trek_ antiques, from Spock figurines to model _Enterprise_ s on pedestals.

Byakuya nodded. "You spent a lot of money. I'll accept this... as long as you derive great _value_ from these items as well."

Cryptically as ever, he left.


	372. Chapter 372: Privacy

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 372: Privacy**

Uryu didn't mind going with Tatsuki and Keigo on a double date with Orihime, but when they got to the movie theater and sat down to watch, Uryu got a rude awakening. In the dark theater, Keigo and Tatsuki didn't care about the movie; they just made out, thrashing like two college-age eels, getting pretty hot and heavy over there.

Uryu pushed up his glasses. "Gee, I think they play movies here. Just saying."

"Mmmmmmm... whatever, man!" Keigo said.

Orihime giggled and rubbed Uryu's shoulder. "Don't worry about them. It's a movie date tradition!"

"I see..." Uryu smiled, then leaned over and kissed Orihime, tenderly and sweetly... until Orihime pounced on him!

A burly theater employee grabbed Uryu and Orihime and tossed them out of the movie. "Get a room!" he told them, and shut the door.

Uryu hung his head. How did Keigo get away with this nonsense?!


	373. Chapter 373: Vegetable

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 373: Vegetable**

"Are you kidding? I don't need this!" Bambietta Basterbine pouted when Jugram delivered her dinner to her room.

Jugram made a face. "Salads are good for you. Eat up." He left.

Bambietta grumpily took her "dinner" to the other girls. "Look!" she cried. "Where's the beef? Or some decent ribs? I don't wanna eat this!"

"Oooooooh, somebody's having a tantrum," Giselle teased her, and Bambietta bopped her on the head with a fist.

Then, Cang Du happened by, munching on a carrot. "Just eat it," he told Bambietta.

Bambi got an idea. "Hey... updock."

Cang Du raised his eyebrows. "What's updock?"

Bambi and Candice burst out laughing. "What's up, doc! You're a talking rabbit!" Candice hooted.

Cang Du rolled his eyes and walked on, carrot and all.


	374. Chapter 374: Coupon

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 374: Coupon**

"Is... is this for real?" Hanataro asked himself yet again as he stood before the Rukon District's most luxurious bath house/massage parlor/awesome hangout place. The coupon trembled in his hand, the paper given by "Mr. X."

Five minutes later, Hanataro let out a groan of delight as masseurs relieved and kneaded his muscles as he lay down, and the baths... whoa! The perfumes made the bath smell good enouygh to drink! And the complimentary grape bunches and sake... fantastic!

It wasn't until Hanataro reclined for a pedicure that he noticed the hand-written note on the coupon. _"By using this coupon, you agree to give me my old position back in the Skullbangers as bassist. -Mr. X."_

Hanataro gently slapped the side of his head. Darn it! It was Kira!

That wily old goat won the battle for Skullbangers glory.

But this place... totally worth it!


	375. Chapter 375: Settle

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 375: Settle**

"Orihime? I wasn't expecting you tonight," Ulquiorra admitted when he creaked open his apartment door.

Orihime was radiant as she held up a picnic basket. "That's what makes it a surprise, silly. What say we have a mini-picnic here? Just for fun. Let's make use of your DVR!"

Ulquiorra stepped back. "I'd like that."

At first, Ulquiorra didn't know what the heck to expect... but gradually, he felt himself settle into it, with Orihime's rice balls and chocolates, and the comedy shows she made him watch. She lay across his lap... and fell asleep! She didn't budge.

Soon, there was a knock. "Delivery of oven-baked cookies for a miss Orihime Inoue," the delivery boy said through the door.

Orihime sprang to her feet and rushed to the door. "What a coincidence!"

Ulquiorra took his chance to massage his asleep legs. "Indeed." He smiled slyly and pocketed his phone.


	376. Chapter 376: Assorted

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 376: Assorted**

"Ichigo, what's this?" Rukia knelt by her boyfriend and wrapped her arms around him in their bedroom.

Ichigo beamed. "Making a personal time capsule."

"Huh?"

"I'm gonna put something here every new year's day, and on each of our birthdays," Ichigo explained. "Plus some childhood stuff. My _Star Trek_ collectibles, the first VHS movie my mom bought me, my first paycheck, first driver's license..."

Rukia kissed his cheek. "It's a lovely idea."

Many years later, Captain Rukia watched the leaves fall outside her window. A sealed wooden box, scratched and pitted with time, sat on her desk, labeled with the characters of "Ichigo Kurosaki."

She got this box out every anniversary of Ichigo's passing for the whole day, but never opened it. Every assorted human... thing... in there, was arranged by Ichigo's hands.

Best to leave them be.


	377. Chapter 377: Passenger

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 377: Passenger**

Nelliel had begged and cried all week to go on a proper human vacation, so finally, she and Ichigo packed their bags for Hawaii... but Nelliel wasn't counting on the marathon flight across the Pacific Ocean!

"Ichigo!" Nelliel whined yet again, sometime around midnight. "People keep coughing. It's gross! And this is boring! And there's crying babies! And the snacks are bad! And I think the flight attendants hate me..."

Ichigo winced. "This is how humans travel."

Nelliel groaned. "I'd rather ride on Bawabawa's back across the dunes. Way more fun. This airplane is stupid."

"Well, there's _one_ feature you might like..." Ichigo brought down Nelliel's food tray on the back of the seat in front of hers.

Nelliel gasped in delight. "I had no idea!" Then she lay her head on it and started snoring.

Ichigo scratched his head. _That_ part of the plane interested her most?!


	378. Chapter 378: Wash

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 378: Wash**

The crowd was still cheering when Rukia, Rangiku, Momo, and Isane met backstage after the Firebirds' hottest performance yet... in this summer night heat! Rukia fanned herself. "Ugh. I'm sweaty enough to water a garden."

"Gross," Momo said, wincing. Then she nodded. "Okay, me too."

"And me!" Rangiku shrugged off her studded leather jacket. "Let's get these old rags washed up... wait..."

Isane blinked. "Got an idea?"

Rangiku held up her jacket. "This was the last show of our best tour ever. Let's just keep them as a memento to our success, and get new outfits for the next tour!"

Momo beamed. "That's great! But where will we put these smelly old things?"

Later that night, Captain Hitsugaya stared in horror at he smelly leather jackets, fishnet stockings, fingerless gloves, biker girl boots, and logo tees piled up on his desk. He took a deep breath. "FIREBIRDS...!"


	379. Chapter 379: Heartbreaking

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 379: Heartbreaking**

During the Skullbangers' newest concert outside Squad 6's barracks, Renji wiped his brow. "Okay, people, it's time to hear the tragic, heartbreaking new song of mine," he said solemnly. "We all wrote and practiced this thing last night. Get your tissues ready!"

The eager crowd muttered as Renji nodded to his bros, and Ikakku hit his drumsticks together four times to mark time. He started drumming, and Shuhei and Kira blasted nasty, loud, angry guitar chords!

 _"Can't be punk no more, Captain said it's bad, I can't live the punk life, the Captain doesn't think it's rad!"_ Renji howled as he started headbanging. _"Dry old Captain, keeping my punk spirit down, dumb old Captain, took the punk awaaaaaaaay!"_

The most tragic thought imaginable!


	380. Chapter 380: Greasy

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 380: Greasy**

Kisuke Urahara just wanted a nice, hot dinner at his office after a long day at his candy shop, but...

"Ugh! This is the last time I order from that stupid place!" Kisuke lamented his greasy fingers and wrists after finishing his take-out dinner of ribs. After that, he only had box lunches and delicate, light dinners eaten with chopsticks. Neat! Clean! Tidy!

One evening, Yoruichi happened by, and she doubled over, laughing. "You're eating like some lame old man! Since when do you skip on red meat?"

"It gets me so greasy," Kisuke complained.

Yoruichi turned and dashed away. She soon returned with two take-out boxes from the rib place. She opened hers and started eating, already messy. "Relax. It's fun! And tastes great." She smiled, her lips and chin greasy, too.

Kisuke took a rib and ate. "Here's to us."


	381. Chapter 381: Literate

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 381: Literate**

Keigo made a sour face when Ichigo offered him his copy of the Japanese-translated _Pride and Prejudice_. "What the heck do I have to read that for?" Keigo whined.

"It's for the foreign literature part of class, remember?" Ichigo said, rolling his eyes. "Read up, buddy."

But when Keigo read it, Ichigo found the comic book Keigo had stuffed into it. So he sent that illiterate sucker straight to Uryu's house.

Uryu came swaggering out the door with a book under each arm, like a librarian cowboy. "I heard some fella 'round here needs to study," Uryu said in his best (as in worst) tough guy voice.

Ichigo could have sworn he heard cheesy Clint Eastwood Western music in his head. "Just get him to study, will you?"

"Fine." Uryu put on a straight face and dragged Keigo inside by the ear.

Mission accomplished!


	382. Chapter 382: Chemical

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 382: Chemical**

Tetsuzaemon Iba ground his teeth when Captain Kurotsuchi told him "no" yet again. "We've got a tough fight ahead of us against the Sternritters!" he barked. "Captain, you _still_ won't give me performance-enhancing... y'know..."

Captain Kurotsuchi looked up from his microscope. "Risky prototypes," he said briskly. "I wouldn't advise using them just yet. Could do more harm than good. Learn your lesson already."

Iba stomped a foot. "I'm not leaving 'till I get the good stuff!"

"Fine." Kurotsuchi ordered Nemu to hand over a vial of blue liquid.

Later, Iba drank the concoction. Here comes super strength! But instead, he gasped as his skin turned green with yellow dots, his voice grew high-pitched, and he started doing a jerky, shuffling dance step over and over. "S-someone help!"

Captain Kurotsuchi happened by. "Learned your lesson yet?"

"Sh-shut up!"


	383. Chapter 383: Bicycles

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 383: Bicycles**

One thing was for sure... exercise and enjoying the great outdoors was _way_ more fun in the human world!

"Come on! I can't wait to go!" Rukia cheered as she strapped on her bike helmet. "I wonder how fast I can go?"

"We'll see." Ichigo grinned and mounted his bicycle. "Go!"

Rukia pedaled hard... but fell way behind, and she had to quit after ten minutes. The next day, she went again, but still fell short.

"Just you wait!" Rukia told Ichigo.

A week later, Ichigo went on another bike ride... and Rukia raced ahead, and started doing tricks, like doing a hand-stand on the bike seat or doing flips!

Ichigo panted as he pedaled. "What the heck?"

"I practiced in the Soul Society!" Rukia hooted. "They all laughed at me... but now look!"

"Well... done!" Ichigo couldn't keep up with _that_!


	384. Chapter 384: Thick

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 384: Thick**

Izuru Kira bared his teeth with frustration. "I... can't get this... to work!"

Rangiku patted him on the back. "It's okay. I had fun cooking with you anyway." She smiled.

Kira pointed at his way-too-thick cake batter. "No one could eat that! I failed as a chef!"

But the next day, someone in Squad 11 knocked a hole in a brick wall... and Kira's thick cake batter made for the perfect mortar! Then Captain Unohana dropped a vase... and Kira's batter made the ideal glue! And before long, every construction worker wanted the recipe to Kira's magical adhesive.

"Uh..." Kira gave Rangiku an embarrassed smile. "Blessing in disguise?"

Rangiku kissed his cheek. "Next time I need to glue something together, I'll ask you to bake brownies or something."


	385. Chapter 385: Develop

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 385: Develop**

Renji turned over the old-fashioned camera in his hands. "What the hell is _this_ thing?"

Ichigo gave the thumbs-up. "It's a traditional camera, a good one. It used to be my mom's. Take some photos! See what happens!"

So, Renji got to work, photographing whatever was handy. He even photographed the rest of the Hitsugaya Advance Team, and finally, Ichigo showed Renji how to develop photos. Renji took great pride in showing the others his masterpieces... until Rangiku shuddered.

"Who is that?" she said in terror, pointing at a vague figure in the background.

"A ghost!" Ikakku yelped in horror.

"No way!" Yumichika cried.

" _We're_ ghosts," Hitsugaya reminded them. Then he squinted at the scary mystery figure. "Wait... is that Captain Kyoraku making funny faces?!"

"BOO!" Shunsui Kyoraku cried, appearing right behind Hitsugaya.

This time, Hitsugaya was the one to scream in terror!

*o*o*o*o*

 **A/N:** This makes for one solid year of drabbles! When I started, I couldn't have imagined writing so many. It was definitely worth the work and patience to write them all. And yes, there's still a few more left to go.


	386. Chapter 386: Horses

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 386: Horses**

Captain Kuchiki glanced over his shoulder as he rode a chestnut-colored horse in the open field. "Lieutenant, horses can sense fear, or so I've heard."

Renji scrambled to stay upright on his horse, but got tangled in the saddle and tumbled onto the grass. "This is harder than I thought!" he cried.

Soi Fon trotted past him on her horse. "Something wrong, pineapple head?" she teased him. Momo, Rukia, and Chojiro Sasakibe had no problem with the horses, though.

Then Renji got an idea. He took them all to the cowboy-style bar in the Rukon District, and the crowd jeered as Momo, Rukia, and Soi Fon were thrown off the mechanical bull. Then Byakuya took a turn, but he, too, was flung off!

Byakuya reached out. _"Hado 4: Byaku Rai!"_

He blew the bull's head clean off.

"I believe I won," Byakuya said simply, exiting the stunned bar.


	387. Chapter 387: Amount

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 387: Amount**

Rangiku couldn't keep the smile off her face as she counted the paper bills in her office. "That makes... 560,000 kan!" she cried, and Momo, Isane, and Rukia cheered with her.

"We're rich!" Momo declared.

"I know!" Rangiku toyed with the cash bundles. "So, girls... how will we indulge our whims?"

"We could try that new spa palace down the street!" Momo offered.

"No! The biggest casino, and we could sip martinis!" Rukia put in.

"We could buy out the Skullbangers!" Isane joked.

"Or," Nanao Ise said, stomping into the room, "you pay off your debt to your respective Squads _and_ the Women's Association! This should cover it..." She took everything except a 10-kan bill, and left.

Rangiku held up the measly bill. "Who wants ice cream?"

She got a resounding yes.


	388. Chapter 388: Seat

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 388: Seat**

By now, Shuhei Hisagi was more than a little jealous of Tetsuzaemon Iba's awesome armchair in the Men's Association meeting room, compared to the old wooden stools everyone else had to use. So for the next meetup, Shuhei brought a computer desk swivel chair, with padded leather. Now everyone else was jealous!

But in the next meeting, Izuru Kira swaggered in with a padded armchair worthy of a James Bond villain, complete with a cigar, full wineglass, and a white cat.

Next came Renji, relaxed on an expensive couch while unseated Soul Reapers fanned him and fed him grape bunches.

"Yaaaaaaah!" Kenpachi swung his sword and sliced everyone's chairs apart. He sat on an old stool. "Now my chair is the best, being the only one! I rule!"


	389. Chapter 389: Scarf

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 389: Scarf**

Things were getting a bit chilly in Silbern, and stingy old Jugram Haschwalth refused to turn up the thermostat, even when everyone begged him to!

"This is dumb," Candice complained, seeing her breath in the air. "Allow me to innovate..." And she returned with a lovely wool scarf!

"Oooooooh! Me next!" Bambietta dug up an even longer, plaid scarf, and she tossed it over her shoulder like a fashion model. "Nice and cozy!"

Cang Du quietly put on a boring white scarf, earning him some boos. He ignored them. Even Masc de Masculine and As Nodt joined the scarf bonanza to see who could get warmest. Until...

"Guys! I'm stuck!" On the floor, Giselle Gewelle rolled into the room, her body wrapped up in a huge scarf like a living burrito.

Candice stuck out her tongue. "Enjoy being warm down there!"


	390. Chapter 390: Wrist

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 390: Wrist**

Try as he might, Keigo couldn't get the hang of this self-defense thing, even when his wife drilled him with it every evening.

"It's a basic escape, honey," Tatsuki told him, seizing Keigo's wrist. "Remember the movement I showed you!"

"Argh!" Keigo tried it, but couldn't get loose. He couldn't escape Tatsuki's bear-hug grab, either, or her fake neck throttle. Those karate-punchin' hands were too strong! Her wrists were like pistons!

"Surprise!" Keigo took his chance between exercises. He grabbed Tatsuki's wrists and gently pinned her to the wall, his face close to hers.

Tatsuki's eyes widened. "What are you - aaahhhh..." She relaxed as Keigo started kissing her cheek, down to her neck, his grip on her wrists now much more tender.

Enough exercises for now!


	391. Chapter 391: Mug

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 391: Mug**

Rukia was baffled when, at her and Ichigo's wedding, Isshin gave them an old, chipped red mug as a wedding present.

"Thanks, dad," Ichigo said. "Rukia, this was my great-grandfather's on my mother's side. He'd have tea with it every day and lived to be 92."

Rukia smiled. "Family heirloom, huh?"

She poured Ichigo tea every week, and every time, a different type was poured. Once the common types were gone, Ichigo took his wife exploring around the globe, pouring her exotic local teas that they discovered. One day, at home, the mug finally crumbled apart.

"I guess it's the end of an era," Ichigo lamented, sweeping up the pieces. "I'm gonna miss that old thing."

Rukia ran a finger over her lips, remembering all the flavors. "May it rest in peace."


	392. Chapter 392: Report

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 392: Report**

Nowadays, patrolling in the world of the living involved a lot of paperwork. But one day, when Rangiku came back with Momo...

"Hey. Did you finish the joint report?" Momo asked.

Rangiku blinked. "I thought you had it!"

"Uh, no..."

Totally gone! All that work, and Toshiro was expecting that lengthy report...

"So then I was all like _this_ -" Rangiku mimed swinging her zanpakuto, and Momo dramatically acted like a hollow being struck down, "and then I was all like, what? There's more of them? So I slew those hollows too, and then one of Ichigo's friends saw me, and we went out for ice cream, and..."

Rangiku and Momo faltered as Hitsugaya motioned. "Okay, that's enough of that!" he cried. "You've been going for almost an hour!"

Rangiku smiled. "This is way more fun than paperwork, right?" She high-fived Momo.

Hitsugaya turned to leave. "Maybe for some..."


	393. Chapter 393: Secretary

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 393: Secretary**

Nanao Ise rolled her eyes when she saw a blizzard of paperwork burst out of Squad 11's barracks door. She went in.

"Stupid papers! Taking up all my sparring time!" Kenpachi roared. No one dared defy him, except one petite Lieutenant.

"The Gotei 13 needs this work done," Nanao told him, eyeglasses glinting. "If you'd like some help..."

A vein stood out on Kenpachi's forehead. "Huh? The great Kenpachi needs no help!"

That evening, the door to Nanao's office slid open and Kenpachi peeked inside. "That was just a show for my officers," he admitted. "Can I get a secretary?"

Nanao fought a smile. "You'd better pay your secretary well."

"Fine."

"Plus employer's benefits."

"Fine!"

"And constant emotional support..."

"FINE! JEEZ!" Kenpachi retreated and slammed the door.

Nanao resumed work, humming to herself.


	394. Chapter 394: Automatic

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 394: Automatic**

Rangiku wasn't above doing a few chores now and then... but sweeping the Squad 10 barracks, watering the garden, delivering paperwork, patrolling, and much more really ate up her time! She consulted Captain Kurotsuchi, and soon, Hitsugaya found an odd... contraption... sweeping the floor.

"What is _that_?" Hitsugaya watched the wheels, ropes, springs, and wooden arms of the machine.

"A present from Squad 12!" Rangiku said fondly. "Be right back..."

Before long, every wall and ceiling was covered with one giant, multi-room machine, doing every chore imaginable! Everyone was getting lazy around here!

Finally, Hitsugaya said "oops!" and pulled a screw loose. That made a heavy set of pistons fall, which toppled a mechanical arm, which brought some pulleys down... and the whole thing fell apart!

"Funny how _one_ loose part brings the entire thing down," Hitsugaya commented to a dismayed Rangiku. "Just saying..."

He waltzed off in victory.


	395. Chapter 395: Check

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 395: Check**

Once every month, the Skullbangers and Firebirds set aside their differences to meet at a high-end restaurant and have a good time... until the check arrived.

Renji went white as a ghost. "Hey! They jacked the prices up again!"

"Let me see." Kira took the check, went a nauseous shade of green, and dumped it in Shuhei's lap. Shuhei tried to sneak it into Momo's lap when she sipped her tea, but she shot him a dirty look and passed it to Rukia, who passed it to Rangiku and then hid under the table.

Ikakku slammed his open palms on the table. "Someone's gotta pay the damn thing, right?!"

"But..." Isane Kotetsu cringed. "It's like a billion kan! Let's get ready to run, and -"

The doors swung open and Captain-General Yamamoto came in, along with Lieutenant Sasakibe.

Isane waved. "Good evening, sir!" Then she muttered, "We're done for..."


	396. Chapter 396: Animals

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 396: Animals**

Ulquiorra loved visiting the park with Orihime, but when he tried tossing bits of bread for the ducks to eat, Orihime held him back.

"Lots of people do that," she said, "but it's actually bad for them."

"Oh." Ulquiorra looked downcast, until Orihime led him along the nature path, checking out all kinds of critters. Ulquiorra even got a bird to land on his finger.

"You've got a gift for animals!" Orihime said.

"I... yes, I do," Ulquiorra realized. "Perhaps even a responsibility to them..."

Next week, Orihime knocked on Ulquiorra's door to visit, and he swung open the door... and a herd of stray cats, dogs, birds, and tortoises filled the place! So loud! And smelly!

"What is this?!" Orihime cried.

"I'm good with animals. I had to do something about it," Ulquiorra said.

Orihime shooed away a pair of cats. "I think it's time to downsize..."


	397. Chapter 397: Jumpy

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 397: Jumpy**

Kisuke Urahara, ex-Captain of Squad 12, brilliant scientist... and terrified of dark alleys!

"There's nothing there... just your imagination..." Kisuke nervously told himself, walking back to his shop late one night after going out on the town. Didn't hoodlums and scary stray dogs live around here...?

"Gotcha!"

Kisuke shrieked when Yoruichi hugged him from behind. "You scared me!"

"Scaredy-cat!" Yoruichi teased him. "Learn some self-defense, if you like!"

The next evening, Kisuke trotted down the same scary street at night, images of knife-wielding junkies in his head. He felt a hand on his shoulder -

"Take THAT!" Kisuke threw a punch... and flattened Yoruichi!

Yoruichi beamed and got back up, rubbing her sore jaw. "Now that's how to do it!"

"Sorry about your cheek."

"It's okay. I'll get you back in a sparring match or something!"

Kisuke had no doubt.


	398. Chapter 398: Thunder

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 398: Thunder**

Tetsuzaemon simply loved the Men's Association campouts in the woods, and he was neck-deep in his favorite ghost story during an approaching thunderstorm. "... so the teenagers heard the rumble of thunder, and the creak of floorboards as something walked into the house! But those weren't mortal feet... they were the feet of the living _dead_! Ha ha ha ha!"

Iba spread his arms wide, hoping for a thunderclap to punctuate his horrifying climax... but nothing, just the gentle patter of light rain.

Renji finished toasting his marshmallow. "Bro, I heard scarier stories from little kids in the Rukongai District!"

"No big deal," Shuhei said, shrugging by the campfire.

"I've got a _real_ story!" Kenpachi declared, standing up. "It goes like -"

 _BOOM!_ The heavens let out a mighty thunderclap, and Kenpachi hid inside a tent, tightening it around himself and trembling like a leaf. "Make it go away!"


	399. Chapter 399: Buzz

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 399: Buzz**

Byakuya Kuchiki could sit for hours at a time to concentrate on, well, anything! One afternoon, he sat at the Kuchiki Manor in everyday robes, meditating in a well-lit room, totally at peace.

 _Buzz... buzz..._ Byakuya opened one eye and spotted a fly making lazy circles around him. How bothersome. He whipped a hand through the air and squashed it mid-flight.

Later, at his office, he was finishing the report for financial allocations when he heard a bee buzz into his office. He swiped Senbonzakura through the air and split it. How annoying!

Then a wasp at dinner. And a hornet during his bath. And a mosquito when he tried to sleep!

Everyone stared in shock as Byakuya ran down the street, red-faced and raving, after the offending mosquito. "Why can't I get some peace and quiet around here?!" he roared. He chased that bug all night!


	400. Chapter 400: Common

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 400: Common**

Uryu knelt on the sunlit beach and held up a shell. "Here's a nice shell. It's a common type, but it's something. Want to start a collection?"

Orihime smiled. "Thank you!"

The next year, they vacationed in South Korea, and Uryu found a more exotic, and beautiful, shell.

The next year, Uryu took her to Puerto Rico, and found a rare shell. Then, they visited Australia, Spain, China, anywhere with a beach. Rarer and more exotic shells each time.

Uryu was going on eighty when he declined Orihime's offer to visit Kyushu. "My old bones can't handle another trip," he said. Then he smiled. "But you know, honey... if I could, I'd go out there with my walker and find you a one-of-a-kind seashell, just to see the look on your face."

That thought stayed in his mind for months.

The next year, Uryu took Orihime to the beach.

*o*o*o*o*

 **A/N:** Happy 400 drabbles, everyone! I honestly didn't think I'd get this far. After 300, I doubted I could write another hundred, but I managed, somehow. For now, I'll be taking a break from this collection to focus on other stories. Sometime in the future, though, I may resume updating chapters for this collection! Thanks for reading!


	401. Chapter 401: Clowns

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 401: Clowns**

Shunsui Kyoraku had done a bang-on job organizing the Gotei 13 Super Carnival, welcoming boys and girls of all ages. Rides, popcorn and corn dogs, games, and fun music all around! Ichigo brought Rukia as his date, and after all the recent fighting, he sure needed a break like this.

"Captain-General Kyoraku really outdid himself," Rukia said brightly as they passed the merry-go-round (Yachiru rode it fifteen times already). She finished her popcorn box. "Best day ever!"

"Oh ho ho! Welcome, little missy, to the carnival!" A clown with green and yellow hair ambushed them, his face terrifying with white and red face paint. "Here, smell my flower!"

"Eeeeeek!" Rukia sucker-punched the clown and he fell into the goldfish pool. He re-emerged with the paint off, revealing... Kisuke Urahara?!

Rukia gasped. "You're Kisuke?! That's even scarier!" She bolted.

Ichigo met Kisuke's eyes and merely shrugged.

 ***** o*o*o*o *****

 **A/N:** Surprise! After a long break, I decided to contribute some new material to this collection. A bunch of recent reviews from **The Glittery Ninja Espada** reminded me of how much some readers love this collection, so it's time to pick it back up! Glad to be back!


	402. Chapter 402: Score

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 402: Score**

After the Wanrenreich's fall, there weren't any good enemies to fight, as Kenpachi loudly whined about every day. So, Ichigo and Renji set up the Gotei 13's first annual basketball tournament. Called, uh... June Madness? It was already summer, after all...

"This is easy-peasy!" Tetsuzaemon Iba boasted on the court as he dribbled the ball past Squad 4's meek defenders and scored another easy, nothing-but-net score, making it 1,454-2 in Squad 7's favor.

Hanataro panted for breath and wiped his face with his blue jersey. "Can we... please... stop?"

"Gotta impress me first, boy!" Iba roared.

Hanataro seized the ball and, wailing like a madman, raged past Squad 7's whole team, leaped, and scored a killer slam dunk.

Iba cheered. "Hell of a shot!"

"Yes... it... ooooooh..." Hanataro turned pale and crumpled. "Can we have a Gatorade break...?"


	403. Chapter 403: Forsaken

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 403: Forsaken**

"Ooooooh, I don't like this part of town," Momo said with a shudder as she and Toshiro passed a neglected street in the Rukongai. "It creeps me out. Like a ghost town!"

Toshiro studied the rundown buildings, tall weeds, and collapsed roofs. "Hmmmmm..."

Next time Momo passed by on errands, the weeds were gone... and new grass growing. She found Toshiro sprinkling fertilizer on the front lawns. "I see where you're going with this," Momo said with a smile.

"Thanks, Momo. Wanna visit the hardware store?"

Weeks passed, and no one else took notice. Until Momo and Toshiro hung a red banner announcing the renovated low-income housing area's opening! A whole crowd of everyday people gathered, eager to live in this lovely new place.

Momo clapped Toshiro's back. "Ghost town no more!"

Toshiro snorted. "Heck, now _I_ want to live here too... I'd get a break from Rangiku..."


	404. Chapter 404: Bone

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 404: Bone**

"What the hell is _that_?" Renji cried when Ichigo brought him and some friends into a natural history museum.

Ichigo grinned. "Ever seen a T-Rex skeleton?"

Renji stared up in awe. "That thing is _real_?"

"Was, in the Cretaceous Period." Ichigo gestured. "Why not stop at the museum cafe? They have great sandwiches..."

But Renji's mind was clearly still on that skeleton. And when Ichigo visited the Soul Society to see Rukia, a massive bone beast was on the rampage! What kind of hollow was that?!

"I had Squad 12 replicate that skeleton and animate it for fun," Renji explained as people ran screaming from the devastation. "But it got out of control!"

Ichigo whacked Renji on the head. "No kidding, genius!"


	405. Chapter 405: Dawn

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 405: Dawn**

Shuhei Hisagi was barely up at dawn when he heard a dog whining outside Squad 9's barracks. By the time he checked outside, nothing was there.

The next morning, Hisagi heard it again, and this time, he found the dog as it walked past. It saw Shuhei, then scampered away toward a nearby hill.

On the third morning, Shuhei heard it again, and when the dog ran off, he followed it, and didn't stop until the dog sat atop a hill, watching the sun rise. Shuhei realized that he had heard of this place.

"Didn't recognize you, Sajin Komamura," Shuhei said, sitting by the dog. He watched the sun too. "I forgot that you reverted to a hound after exhausting yourself against the Sternritters. You used to watch this sunrise for Captain Tosen because he couldn't, right?"

The dog couldn't answer. It didn't have to.


	406. Chapter 406: Verbose

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 406: Verbose**

"...and then, I followed the Menos down that street in Karakura Town, and when it tried to use those tentacle-thingies, I slashed at it like _whoosh!_ But it wasn't dead yet, so it got up and tried to -"

Kenpachi had suffered Yachiru's endless babbling all week. "Quit following me!" he snapped. "Just keep a diary or something, okay?"

Yachiru raised a hand in agreement. "Okay!"

Finally, some peace and quiet. Until Kenpachi found a crowd of Soul Reapers at the nearest bookstore. Since when were books fun?

Then he saw the new item: _Recollections of a Little Soul Reaper_ , by Yachiru Kusajishi! She published her diary?!

"Try it, Captain," Ikakku said, offering a copy.

"No thanks," Kenpachi said. "I heard it all before it was cool."


	407. Chapter 407: Power

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 407: Power**

It was the boys' favorite time of the school year: the Power Lift competition! Chad, and all the other beefy bros, gathered in the gym while the gym coach oversaw it... and there was a huge false-gold trophy waiting for the winner!

"You're not competing?" Mizuiro asked Ichigo on the bleachers as the competition got underway.

Ichigo grunted. "No, I'm fine."

Chad easily lifted some massive weights, showing off his bare chest in the process. Other guys tried too, but no one beat his record. Then Keigo Asano took his turn... even bigger and more manly than Chad!

Mizuiro made a choking noise. "What... how?!"

Keigo tried to lift the weights... and totally failed. He awkwardly cried "Just kidding!" and ran off.

Ichigo's eyes widened. "Wait... that's a muscle suit! That poser!"


	408. Chapter 408: Ravine

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 408: Ravine**

"You think I will go across _that_?" Uryu cried during the group's latest adventure: walking on a tightrope drawn across a small but very deep ravine!

"Come on!" Tatsuki urged him. "Get some exercise."

"I'd rather just keep hiking..."

"Let me try!" Keigo went ahead, but took two steps across the chasm before he scampered back. "Uh... never mind."

Ichigo shook his head. "I'd rather fight ten Vasto Lordes."

"Rukia?" Tatsuki asked.

Rukia went pale. "That ravine's a million miles deep!"

Then Nel showed them _all_ up: with her unicycle! She pedaled across the rope with her arms wide. "This is great!" she cried. "You're a bunch of scaredy-cats!"

Ichigo whistled. "That girl has no fear."


	409. Chapter 409: Stone

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 409: Stone**

"Landscaping? What a lovely idea!"

Orihime clapped her hands together when Ulquiorra suggested upgrading her backyard as a token of friendship.

"Perhaps a monument," Ulquiorra said shyly, "commemorating us, and our life together? A big one, with a pedestal, and a plaque -"

"That's a little expensive," Orihime said with a giggle. "If you like stone, how about a stone wall for my garden? It'll be really cute."

So they explored nearby parks and gathered stones, washed them off, and made low stone walls for the garden. Orihime was satisfied, but next week...

"Good morning," Ulquiorra said in the backyard, as he inserted a tray of raw bread dough into the stone oven he had built. "Care for breakfast?"

The bread smelled pretty good. "I guess rocks really do _rock_!" Orihime decided.


	410. Chapter 410: Circle

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 410: Circle**

"Big brother, what is that?" Rukia asked once day when she visited the Kuchiki Manor.

Byakuya hastily hid the paper he had drawn on. "Nothing at all."

"Uh... big brother?"

"All right." Byakuya, seated at a low table, produced the paper. Drawn on it was a single circle in black ink. "Do you know what Enso is?"

Rukia took a seat by the Captain. "Nuh-uh."

"Its is the Zen concept of perfection and universality, captured in a single stroke, a self-contained moment in time," Byakuya said. He glanced down. "Hisana, she.. she loved it. I draw one every year on our wedding anniversary. I was never quite satisfied with how they turned out."

Rukia picked up the paper and was struck by how the circle was very simple... and also contained an infinity. "I'm sure she'd love it."


	411. Chapter 411: Salt

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 411: Salt**

A dreadful ice storm raged through Karakura Town, and by the time it was over, all the roads and sidewalks were slick like ice rinks! Rukia had never seen such a thing.

"Woo hooo! I'm skating!" She glided down the sidewalk, arms out, going pretty fast.

"Whoa, slow down!" Ichigo cried, chasing after her. "You'll - crap!"

He slipped and slid right into Rukia, and they both crashed into a tree.

Rukia rubbed her head. "Isn't there anything we can do?"

"I'll put salt down for traction," Ichigo promised. He got it done by next morning, but as Rukia walked safely with Ichigo, she sighed.

"I miss the fun."

Ichigo smiled. "Hey, there's _one_ sidewalk I haven't salted yet..."


	412. Chapter 412: Facade

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 412: Facade**

Rangiku thought it would be fun to borrow a fun European tradition and throw a masquerade ball for the 13 court guard companies. Ichigo went with Rukia in fine robes, each with a fancy mask.

"This is so cool," Rukia said brightly as the party got underway in Squad 10's barracks. With the dancing crowd, good food, and fancy chandeliers all in place, Rangiku had really outdone herself. Ichigo couldn't even recognize most of the officers here behind their masks, but one attendee did.

"I can tell that's you, Kenpachi," Ichigo teased as a man with pointy hair and bells wandered around.

Kenpachi threw his mask away. "Useless."

"Try something more... thorough," Rukia suggested.

So Kenpachi came back... draped in a white sheet with eyeholes! "Better?" he asked.

Not exactly the life of the party.


	413. Chapter 413: Ranch

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 413: Ranch**

"You never told me you had an uncle out in the country!" Orihime said brightly when Ichigo brought all his friends to a ranch out in Hokkaido for vacation.

"I don't," Ichigo said with a grin. "But he's an old friend of my dad, kind of like an uncle. He taught me a lot."

"Such as what?" Uryu asked, before a tough old farmer arrived.

"Git yerselves moving!" he barked. "Chop chop! Plow the fields, tend to the goats, and help me fix that darn fence. Cows nearly escaped again. Gotta work for yer dinner. Move!"

Rukia gave Ichigo an alarmed look. "What is this place?"

"Where I learned to work hard." Ichigo patted her back. "Welcome to the unofficial Kurosaki Ranch!"

Chad and Orihime sure liked it more than Uryu did!


	414. Chapter 414: Spill

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 414: Spill**

"I can't get this to work!" Renji whined. He had volunteered at the Squad 12 lab to find a new strength-enhancing drug, but no luck. "This is stupid!"

Captain Kurotsuchi slapped a hand on the table. "Enough whining! Get those samples into the centrifuge, you buffoon!" he snapped. "Do I look like I have all day?"

Renji sighed and got moving. But his white lab coat was too long, and he stepped on it and tripped! He spilled the entire tray of samples in one sizzling pool of chemicals, and he lay there in a heap, twitching and foaming at the mouth. Getting... dizzy...

"Fascinating." Captain Kurotsuchi towered over him. "I never would have guessed such a reaction would result from this improvised solution. It seems to have a paralyzing effect, including on the throat muscles... I finally found a way to shut you up!"

 _You're welcome,_ Renji thought bitterly.


	415. Chapter 415: Fire

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 415: Fire**

Ichigo Kurosaki was around here _somewhere_. Grimmjow just needed a little more time to find him. Yeah. Karakura Town wasn't _that_ big.

But it was getting cold, and the disgraced Espada had no roof. Instead, he camped out in an alley again, huddled up next to his improvised fire in the late November night. He heard a distant train go by.

Revenge. He needed it, more than anything. Under Aizen's command, or alone... it was a bonfire in him, the burning need for battle. It kept his legs moving past the point of exhaustion. Where was Kurosaki? It was eating him alive!

Stray cats wandered over, drawn by the heat and light. Grimmjow tensed, then let them come near. They needed the warmth, too. Just gentle, nourishing warmth. Somehow, Grimmjow envied them.


	416. Chapter 416: Last

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 416: Last**

As Isshin Shiba, he never would have imagined entering the twilight of his life so soon. Mortal life had its baggage... depending on your outlook.

Ichigo had long since moved out and started his own family, and Isshin, being old and frail, felt his many years in him. But still...

"It's been another good one, Masaki," Isshin quietly told his old wife's shrine. He offered an expensive mochi treat from out of town, from a little shop now closed. It had been Masaki's favorite, and this was the last. "Here, a sweet treat. Hope you like it."

He told her more things, and promised to talk again next year.

He didn't make it. But until then, he liked to think that Masaki made the most of that last chat, and the last mochi treat. It was probably the sweetest one.


	417. Chapter 417: Optical

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 417: Optical**

"Whoa, what is _that_?" Rukia stared in awe at a page in a hardback art book at the bookstore, and Ichigo peeked over her shoulder.

"That's an optical illusion," he said. "Called 'the Devil's pitchfork.' It looks solid, but it's actually an impossible shape. See how the lines trick you?"

Rukia blinked a few times. "Whoa, that's making my head hurt."

She brought the book to school and showed it off, and Uryu, Chad, Orihime, and Keigo, who found it really cool. And after wood workshop class, Keigo rushed over to his friends.

"Guys! I made it!" he cried with glee.

"Made what?" Uryu asked.

Keigo showed his creation: a real Devil's pitchfork! How?

Ichigo felt his head spin. Just what kind of crazy magician had Keigo turned out to be?!


	418. Chapter 418: Beast

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 418: Beast**

"Nel, I thought you'd enjoy kendo," Ichigo commented when he brought her along to his class. "Being an old Espada and all?"

Nelliel shook her head. "Sorry, Ichigo. I was a restrained warrior as an Espada, and became a semi-official pacifist after that. I can't harm another being."

"Okay, that's understandable." Ichigo went on with his lesson, and at home, he watched Nel practice calligraphy and drawing, watercolors, pottery, anything gentle to occupy herself. But one day, she joined him at kendo and put on the armor and took up the sword.

"I knew an Espada who was a beast. Someone who tainted the Espada uniform," she told Ichigo. "I swore to distance myself from that however possible. But today, I'll give it a try. Do your best."

Ichigo stood opposite her, sword raised. He knew exactly what she meant.


	419. Chapter 419: Maid

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 419: Maid**

Captain-General Shunsui Kyoraku scratched his head in the Squad 1 barracks. "Place is getting messy. Nanao, darling, shouldn't we hire a maid? A beautiful one, with stunning eyes and a sassy temper like a dragon -"

Nanao snorted. "Isn't that rather cliche, Captain-General?"

"But..." Kyoraku hung his head. "Sorry. No feisty maid girls."

But the mess kept building up, so Shunsui secretly hired a new staff member... and the place was spotless! It practically shone like a mirror!

"Did you do all this, sir?" Nanao asked.

"Nuh-uh. I hired someone!"

Nanao scowled. "I said no maids!"

"Meet our new staff." Shunsui slid open the door to reveal... Ikakku Madarame?!

"I need the cash real bad," Ikakku said with comical tears, dressed up as a butler. Anything for a buck!


	420. Chapter 420: Cannon

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 420: Cannon**

Some Gotei 13 weapons of war hadn't found any use against the Wandenreich, so Squad 12 sold them off. One of them was a powerful cannon with adjustable projectile velocity and trajectory, and everyone had fun shooting stuff out of it.

"Here's one!" Renji crammed a watermelon into it, and Tetsuzaemon Iba cranked up the cannon and fired it into a cliff face. Splat!

"Try this!" Rukia stuffed a lit box of fireworks into it and fired. A dazzling fireworks display!

"Rangiku! Finish your paperwork!" Toshiro cried nearby, chasing his Lieutenant. "Now!"

Rangiku hurried over and climbed into the cannon. "To the Rukongai!" she cried.

Iba got her meaning, and _BOOM!_ launched her far away, into the urban sprawl.

"Great," Toshiro whined. "I won't find her again 'till next summer or so..."


	421. Chapter 421: Absent

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 421: Absent**

Nanao Ise got a little more than irritated when Rangiku, Rukia, Momo, and the others failed to show up for the weekly Soul Reaper Women's Association. Why bother if she showed up to an empty room?!

Ads were surely the solution! Nanao put up papers promising trays of doughnuts and cookies at the next WA meeting, and sure enough, next week, everyone was there! Except the promised sugary treats.

"You trickster, you!" Rukia wailed.

"Now that you're all here," Nanao said, "we can begin."

"I'm gonna go find _real_ doughnuts," Momo declared, dashing off. "Who's with me?" All the other girls joined her.

Next week, Nanao actually brought the goods, and the succulent scent wafted on the breeze and brought everyone back.

"Fine. Get your sugar highs first," Nanao sighed as everyone ate. "Then we can _finally_ try to get something done..."


	422. Chapter 422: Falcon

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 422: Falcon**

"Watch this, Momo!" Izuru Kira showed off his new falcon pet, which sat on his thickly-gloved arm. He had plenty of space, here at Squad 3 barrack's back yard. "I got into falconry, the sport of kings."

"That's so cool!" Momo clapped. "How does it work?"

"Like this." Izuru grinned. "Okay, birdie... fly!"

Momo watched eagerly, but the majestic bird lazily flapped a few times... then settled right on Izuru's head, tucked its head under its wing, and fell asleep.

"No! I gotta impress all the girls with you!" Izuru cried. "Lazy bum..."

Momo giggled. "Sorry, Izuru. Maybe you should call him Turkey."

Izuru sighed. "I knew I should have gotten a dog..."


	423. Chapter 423: Bear

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 423: Bear**

"Whoa. That thing is really scary," Nelliel commented as she watched National Geographic on TV with Ichigo one evening. She shivered under her blanket. "What is _that_?"

"It's a brown bear. They live all over Eurasia and North America. They're kind of cool," Ichigo said casually. "But you've seen Menos before. How's a little bear scary?"

"But it's got teeth. And big paws!" Nel winced. "Can we watch something else?"

"Okay, okay..." Ichigo treated Nel to a new bear: Winnie the Pooh, all cuddly with his red shirt and honey pots.

"I like this one," Nel said happily. "I wanna hug him."

"Just don't make Piglet jealous," Ichigo muttered.


	424. Chapter 424: Jaguar

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 424: Jaguar**

"Where did you get _that_?" Candice Catnipp demanded when Masc de Masculine brought a new pet to Silbern.

"I visited the human world for exotic beasts," Masc boasted. "This is a jaguar, a most fearsome predator!"

But the spotted cat looked sad in its cage, so Candice zapped the lock... and the cat burst free! Yhwach intervened; he gently knocked it out, then returned it to the Brazilian jungle.

"That was irresponsible," Yhwach scolded Masc.

"But I wanted a jaguar," Masc complained.

So, the next day, Bazz-B went on a trip... and returned with a shiny black sports car! He slowly drove into Silbern with cool sunglasses. "Hey, guys," he said. "Now _this_ is a Jaguar! The F-type!"

Even Yhwach was in awe!


	425. Chapter 425: Wolf

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 425: Wolf**

Visiting Yellowstone National Park was pretty awesome, even for the grouchy Ichigo. He and his friends celebrated graduating high school with a trip, and they marveled at Old Faithful and all the wild species here. But that afternoon, a wolf wandered over, its ears perked up.

"Get behind me," Ichigo warned the others, arms spread wide protectively. He could handle hollows, but this felt different.

The wolf, meanwhile, wandered in a wide circle, then approached Orihime. Chad and Uryu tensed for combat, but instead, the wolf sniffed Orihime's leg, licked her hand, then bound away.

"What just happened?" Uryu wondered in awe.

Orihime smiled. "I'd never hurt a living thing. Maybe that wolf knew it, and just wanted to say hi."

Ichigo relaxed. "You continue to amaze."


	426. Chapter 426: Sweater

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 426: Sweater**

"This was _such_ a bad idea," Ichigo muttered as he attended class in January wearing a wacky red sweater Yuzu had made for him. He kept his head down to avoid funny looks, but instead...

"It looks so nice," a girl said brightly. "Did someone knit it for you?"

"My little sister."

"It looks comfortable," Chad commented.

"Sure."

"It's so cute!" Orihime declared.

"Uh-huh."

Uryu gave Ichigo a funny look and glanced away quickly, avoiding eye contact. Next week, he came into school... with a bright blue sweater with the Quincy cross on it!

"Did you knit that?" Rukia asked.

"No, it was this charming girl who..." Uryu sighed. "Yeah, I knitted it for myself..."


	427. Chapter 427: Statuesque

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 427: Statuesque**

Becoming Squad 13's Lieutenant felt great, but Rukia wasn't prepared for Kiyone Kotetsu to break out the hammer and chisel.

"This calls for commemoration!" she declared.

"How, carve a statue?" Sentaro scoffed.

"Exactly!"

"Uh..."

Kiyone got to work day and night like a Renaissance master, chiseling away. "It's rumored that Michelangelo took a block of rock, then carved away everything that wasn't _David_ ," she said one day. "I read it in a book."

"That's very nice," Rukia said kindly. "Keep up the good work, okay?"

Finally, Kiyone brought over everyone and unveiled... a cheap rabbit statue?!

"I... carved away the wrong stuff," Kiyone admitted, blushing. "So I remade it..."

"It's art, all right," Captain Ukitake said kindly.

Rukia embraced her rabbit statue. " _David_ has nothing on this!"


	428. Chapter 428: Legal

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 428: Legal**

Rangiku got a taste for Karakura Town after serving in the Hitsugaya Advance Team, and invited herself in Ichigo's house at random to watch _Law and Order_.

"I love their fancy suits and papers and those cool lawyer words they use," she said one afternoon on the couch, after eating Ichigo's snacks without permission. "It's a whole new kind of fighting."

"Hmmmmm. Good point," Ichigo said.

But he wasn't prepared to visit the Gotei 13 and find everyone watching Rangiku try and put Hitsugaya on trial for making her work too much.

"If it pleases the court, I have prepared a testimony witness after the recess to cross-examine the defendant -" Rangiku started.

Toshiro Hitsugaya rolled his eyes. "Objection," he said.

"On what grounds, good sir?"

"On the grounds of _this is dumb_! Get back to work!" Hitsugaya snapped, and stormed off.

Rangiku shrugged. "The prosecution rests."

Ichigo groaned.


	429. Chapter 429: Fry

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 429: Fry**

"Mmmmmmm! This is the damned best!" Kenpachi declared when he tried out some spicy fried chicken at Tetsuzaemon's brand-new food stand. "I'll never eat a plant again!"

"I want some, too!" Ikakku said, coming over and slapping some bills onto the counter. Renji, Iba's backup cook, fried it up. Soon, Izuru Kira and Shunsui Kyoraku came over, then Rangiku and even Nemu Kurotsuchi.

"Bah," Byakuya scoffed when he was offered some. "Fried meats? That is crude slop. Allow me."

He set up a food cart for fine gourmet like sushi rolls and ramen bowls and salads. Kenpachi threatened to tear it down out of spite... until he tried some.

"It moves my soul like a gentle, soothing rain!" Kenpachi cried tearfully after trying a salad.

Iba slammed his head against the wall in despair.


	430. Chapter 430: Measure

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 430: Measure**

"On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you like motchi?" Momo asked Rangiku one evening at the Squad 10 barracks. She had a clipboard in hand.

"Mmmmmm! 11!" Rangiku said fondly with her mouth full. Momo wrote it down.

"How long is Zabimaru?" Momo asked Renji as he practiced zanjutsu.

"Uh... I think it's 72 centimeters while sealed," Renji said. Momo wrote it down.

"How many times a day do you brush Goro's fur?" Momo asked Captain Komamura as he brushed his dog's fur coat.

"Twice," he said.

Momo took note after note until Izuru took notice. "What's all that for?" he asked.

"I never saw Captain Aizen's betrayal. I didn't understand a thing," Momo told him.

Izuru clapped her on the back. "It's all right. One thing's important: the rest of us love and trust you. 10/10."

Momo wrote that down, too.


	431. Chapter 431: Smoke

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 431: Smoke**

"Where did you get _that_?" Jushiro Ukitake asked when Captain-General Kyoraku visited with both a gourd of sake and a fancy smoking pipe.

"It was the old man's," Kyoraku said fondly. "Something to remember him by."

Both men sat on the Squad 13 back porch and tried the pipe with expensive tobacco. A mellow, smooth taste!

"I can see why old man Yama did this," Kyoraku said. He tried to blow a smoke ring, but it messed up. Ukitake tried, but he couldn't do it, either.

Marechiyo Omaeda happened by and offered to try. He blew a huge, perfect smoke ring!

"How'd you do that, Lieutenant?" Ukitake asked, stunned.

Omaeda saluted. "I know all kinds of tricks. And this pipe... I miss the old man, too." He wandered off.

"I think the Gotei 13 is left in good hands," Kyoraku commented after a moment. "Lots of hands."


	432. Chapter 432: Envious

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 432: Envious**

Kiyone Kotetsu watched as her big sister, Isane, politely laughed and chatted with a group of girlfriends, and later, heard Isane practicing her guitar at the Squad 4 barracks. Kiyone felt resentment building as she also saw Isane practice advanced kido and give a guest lecture at the academy.

"Why d'you gotta make me look bad?!" Kiyone snapped one day. "Honestly!"

Isane looked up from the textbook she was studying. "Huh?"

Kiyone pouted. "You're taller than me, you outrank me, you're in a band, you know great kido..."

"Why don't you shadow me?"

So Kiyone did everything Isane did, and by 10:00 PM, Isane collapsed in bed and groaned. "Gotta be up early, too," she moaned.

Kiyone smiled humbly. "I take it back, big sister. Look at you, all worn out... you earned all that stuff, didn't you?"

Isane nodded into her pillow.

"I'll remember that. Good night."


	433. Chapter 433: Dogs

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 433: Dogs**

"Oh my gosh, Ulquiorra!" Orihime cried in glee one day. "I just found a bulletin from my landlord... we can have pets now!"

Ulquiorra peeked at her from his bedroom's door frame. "Pets? Like sentries?"

"Well... more like a cat, or birds, or a dog! Or two!" Orihime said. "I just wanna browse the pet shop..."

They checked out the local pet shop but didn't buy anything. Ulquiorra went by himself the next day, and the next.

"German shepherd, Pomeranian, Labrador, Malamute, Schnauzer..." Ulquiorra muttered over dinner.

"Can't decide?" Orihime asked.

"Not yet."

The next day, Ulquiorra returned with a kennel and opened it. "Our new pet," he declared. Out stepped... a fox?!

Orihime gasped. "Put that back where you found it! That's not a dog!"

"But it's furry like one, and has four legs..."

Orihime seized her head in dismay. "Just release it before it shreds everything!"


	434. Chapter 434: Wine

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 434: Wine**

Bazz-B could hardly believe it when Jugram brought a new treat to the Sternritters' usual evening dinner together. "This is fine wine, aged perfectly," Sternritter B declared. "Cang Du, get the glasses. I'll pour it."

Everyone loved it, but the bottle was already empty. "More!" Bambietta cried, waving her empty glass.

"Sorry, we're out," Jugram said.

The Sternritter girls took a trip and came back with more, and cheaper, wine. "A bottle for everyone!" Candice cheered, handing them out. But the collective hangover the next morning changed some minds.

"Why... did we drink it _all_ in one night?" Bazz-B groaned on the couch.

"I'm gonna be sick," Gerard Valkyrie grumbled.

Then Meninas McAllon arrived with sparking grape juice. "How about this?" she offered.

Everyone cheered.


	435. Chapter 435: Mailbox

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 435: Mailbox**

The Skullbangers were on hiatus, alas, but Renji kept the spirit of things alive when he built a mailbox outside the Squad 6 barracks, complete with a little red flag.

"So we can get out fan mail in one place," Renji explained to Izuru, Ikakku, and Shuhei. Next week, Renji checked it, and a torrent of letters came pouring out! All four bandmates had a great time opening it all, mostly from adoring girls from near and far.

"This is great," Shuhei said with a wide grin. "At least five girls wanna go out with me."

"What, just five?" Izuru teased.

The next week, there was even more! Great! But on the third week, Renji opened the mail box... and a small explosion knocked him flat!

"A letter bomb?!" he cried.

Rukia waved hello. "Special greetings from the Firebirds!" she cried, then ran off giggling.

Renji uninstalled the mailbox.


	436. Chapter 436: Arid

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 436: Arid**

"You're about to see something amazing, Rukia," Ichigo promised as he brought his girlfriend along on a guided tour in northern Chile.

"It's so _dry_ ," Rukia groaned. "Why are we in a desert?!"

"The Atacama is the world's driest," Ichigo admitted. "But it's also home to something amazing."

It was a cool evening as Ichigo and Rukia toured the Atacama Large Millimeter Array observatory, where 66 radio telescopes peered into the early universe. Only somewhere this dry and calm could the complex machines work.

Rukia was speechless as the tour guide showed everyone the astronomers' recent findings. "The universe is so much bigger and prettier than I ever thought," she finally said later that evening. "I can't believe it. Thanks for showing me this, Ichigo."


	437. Chapter 437: Verdant

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 437: Verdant**

"Not bad, Omaeda," Soi Fon said, hands on her hips as she checked out her Lieutenant's new greenhouse at the Squad 2 barracks. "This is part of your... um..."

"I wanna sell fruits and vegetables at a farmer's market," Omaeda said brightly. "Or even start my own store! Only the finest ingredients!"

But what he _didn't_ tell her was about the "help" Squad 12 provided! Captain Kutotsuchi offered some secret injections and kido-based plant therapy and demanded that it be kept secret, or Omaeda would end up as his nex text subject.

Next week, Soi Fon awoke to find her bedroom overrun with vines and plants! She was practically bound into her futon!

"OMAEDA!" she roared.

The Lieutenant meekly stepped in and offered a tomato and ear of corn. "B... breakfast, Captain?"


	438. Chapter 438: Scalding

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 438: Scalding**

Momo liked to join the annual food drive in the 75th Rukongai district, and this year, she gathered up spare ingredients to make soup for the residents. It was a big hit; the charity always drew a large crowd, but this time, Momo had a blast experimenting with different ingredients to make whimsical soups. She had a huge cauldron and kept refilling it with hot water to cook in.

"Hey, the Captain-General made me help out," Kenpachi said, slouching over. "Tell me what I gotta do."

"Here, stir this," Momo said with a smile, and she let him prepare the soup.

"Smells great," Kenpachi muttered. "The water's so hot..."

It was hard work, and that evening, Kenpachi prepared another huge cauldron of hot water... and settled right in!

"It's the perfect hot tub," he told Momo.

Momo gasped. "Isn't that dangerous?!"

"It's scalding, little lady... so it's perfect!"


	439. Chapter 439: Misty

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 439: Misty**

Ulquiorra was simply astounded when, one Saturday morning, he went outside to get the newspaper and he was lightly soaked. "I'm wet," he said blankly.

Orihime hurried over with an umbrella. "Silly. It's a misting rain! Here." She let him join her under the umbrella and they got the daily mail.

"I've seen thunderstorms," Ulquiorra said. "It's the opposite of Hueco Mundo. Water like bullets and lightning... but that was so gentle, like a blanket I can't touch."

Orihime beamed. "I'm glad you find something new to love every day."

"Yes..."

Orihime later busied herself with bills, and Ulquiorra pressed his face to the window, watching the misting rain in a gently gray morning. It seemed so innocent, somehow...


	440. Chapter 440: Rhyme

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 440: Rhyme**

"Captain, I... I decided to try haiku," Renji said humbly when he knocked and entered his Captain's office. "Being a nobleman, I thought...?"

"Of course." Byakuya took it and read it. He handed it back. "This doesn't rhyme, Lieutenant."

So Renji brought a new one, but Byakuya said it didn't rhyme enough. Nor did the next one, or the next, or the next!

"Could you show me how it's done, Captain?" Renji asked. Byakuya nodded and wrote his own and handed it over:

 _Rhyme rhyme rhyme rhyme rhyme_

 _Rhyme rhyme rhyme rhyme rhyme rhyme rhyme_

 _Rhyme rhyme rhyme rhyme rhyme._

"That's _too_ much rhyming!" Renji cried.

"Your own haiku seems better now, doesn't it? Don't overthink things, Renji," Byakuya said with a sly smile. "Your haiku was fine."

"... yes, Captain."


	441. Chapter 441: Free

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 441: Free**

Kisuke waved as his last customer of the day wandered off, and he counted his cash. Weekly quota met! Time for vacation!

He let Tessai run the store the next day as he waltzed all around Karakura Town, free as a bird. He tried a spin class (met some nice ladies), a pottery class (quit after a few minutes), tried some ultra-spicy sushi rolls (instant regret and amusement as people watched), fed pigeons (and actually got his picture taken) and took a wistful walk along the river's banks that evening.

Captain of Squad 12, the Aizen and Visored incident, the arrancars... all that was behind him. Even at work, he was free now. And today, he was a leaf on the wind. Almost... lost.

He didn't mind going back to work the next day.


	442. Chapter 442: Cable

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 442: Cable**

"Crap! Busted again?" Isshin stared at the TV as his soap opera went out. Then he groaned and slapped a hand over his face. He'd forgotten to pay the cable bill again!

So, he went outside and watered the garden, then dusted the house, and bought stuff to help Yuzu cook later that evening for dinner. But he still forgot the bill.

A week went by and the TV stayed off, and Isshin read a great biography, started lifting weights, and gave away some old clothes to a charity drive.

"What's on TV tonight, dad?" Karin asked at dinner one night.

Isshin glanced up. "I actually don't know."

"That's a first."

"Probably not the last, at this rate!" Isshin beamed.

Karin rolled her eyes.

Isshin realized he was on to something...


	443. Chapter 443: Rice

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 443: Rice**

Rangiku had wasted all her money on booze, so her food budget only allowed plain white rice for the next two weeks. But she wanted more...

"Let's play a game," Rangiku offered to Renji. "Here's a chessboard. Put one grain of rice on the first square."

Renji did it.

The next day, Rangiku made him double it: two on the second square. Then four on the third square, and eight on the next...

"This is hardly anything," Renji said after a week. But soon, exponents took over, and eventually, he was bringing over huge sacks of rice to keep up!

Rangiku picked up the bags with a smile. "Thanks for the free food!"

Renji hung his head. "Math was never my strong suit..."

*o*o*o*o*

 **A/N:** As I recall, there is an old Hindi story about a hero who uses this method to trick a villain into giving back all the rice stolen from a village.


	444. Chapter 444: Painful

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 444: Painful**

"Yowch! Tetsuzaemon, I can't do this!" Izuru Kira yelped as he sprang to his feet, his back stinging and bloody.

"Come on, I barely started," Iba protested, still holding his traditional tattooing needle. "I have to draw the whole dragon. Come on, Renji has great tattoos from his time in Squad 11. He makes you look like the wimpy one in the Skullbangers."

Izuru made a grouchy face. "Well sorry if I'm not tough like you! I changed my mind. No tattoo! It hurts!"

"The pain is worth it when the art is done," Iba retorted. He sobbed. "You think _that_ hurts... I just filled my sake gourd this morning... then spilled it! All gone!"

Izuru winced. "The agony!"


	445. Chapter 445: Obese

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 445: Obese**

Yoruichi decided that it was time to adopt a cat, now that peace had returned to the Soul Society and Karakura Town. She visited the shelter, but only one cat was left: a very fat tabby named Porkchop. "Fitting name," she muttered, and adopted it anyway.

Porkchop just lay on Yoruichi's windowsill, so she "accidentally" let a few mice into the house. But as she watched, Porkchop just let them be, and at some point, offered some of his milk from his saucer!

"You're a cat, not a slug!" Yoruichi cried, and she tried to get Porkchop moving. But he just lay on his side, happy, and Yoruichi gave in and rubbed his expansive belly. "Okay, this isn't so bad..."


	446. Chapter 446: Elderly

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 446: Elderly**

Orihime was halfway through her family photo album with Ulquiorra on her living room couch when she found photos of her great-grandparents. "Look, those are the Saikos, family from my mom's side," she said, pointing. "See how it's black and white? It's dated 1946! Just after the war."

Ulquiorra examined the beaming man and woman in the photo. They were on a pier. "What came next?"

"Here, this is them with my mom and dad in 1978," Orihime said, showing another photo. "They passed in '85, but were so happy all their lives, I was told."

"They look withered... old..." Ulquiorra clenched his knees. "Orihime, will you also turn old one day? Even if I won't?"

Orihime nodded. "Yeah, but don't worry about it. It's not about how many years you live, but how much living you do in each one."


	447. Chapter 447: Snakes

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 447: Snakes**

"Chad! What the hell, man?!"

Keigo nearly jumped out of his skin in terror when Chad invited his friends over to see his pets, and the massive Chad held up a rattlesnake.

"He's tame," Chad said. "I call him Lucky."

Tatsuki hid behind Keigo. "Lucky? It's a snake! Not a dog!"

Chad looked disappointed. "But I've had him since I was a kid in Mexico. He's my friend."

Lucky the rattlesnake flicked out his tongue. The Asanos were not impressed... but Nel was! She borrowed Lucky and let him coil around her arms and neck, gently.

"Whoa, you're not scared?" Ichigo asked.

"Nope!" Nel said happily. She petted Lucky's head. "Now I want one, too! Which way is Mexico?"

"Uh..."


	448. Chapter 448: Slimy

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 448: Slimy**

Shuhei Hisagi scowled and folded his arms in Squad 12's main lab. "I don't care how many favors my old Captain owed you. I'm _not_ gonna check your specimen jars for defects!"

Captain Mauyri Kurotsuchi pointed at the jars on his display shelf. "Nonsense, Lieutenant. Kaname Tosen would do anything his job required. He based Squad 9's pride on that ethic."

"Fine, fine..."

But after handling just two slimy horrors in those jars, Shuhei sighed. "Forget it! I'm outta here! Do your own work."

"Would you rather end up as a specimen yourself, boy?"

"Huh?"

Nemu brought over a huge display jar... already labeled "Shuhei Hisagi"!

Shuhei swallowed tightly and got back to work _very_ reluctantly!


	449. Chapter 449: Power

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 449: Power**

Captain Sosuke Aizen always subscribed to the balance of strength and gentleness. For every sword move he mastered, a haiku. For every devastating kido learned, a painting. For every mission completed, a lecture on the finer arts and good living.

But the undercurrents of ambition that he held pulsed stronger in him every day, and he found the balance getting muddled. He spent longer researching forbidden kido or hollowfication, and when he finally got back to calligraphy, his favorite pastime, he pressed too hard on the brush and snapped it.

He stood, looking at the ink splot from his mistake, his heart racing. An omen? Or a warning? He chose to take it at face value, and left to make some tea.

He was up late that night researching, much later than usual.


	450. Chapter 450: Cellar

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 450: Cellar**

The Wandenreich's war of vengeance against the Soul Society was long over, and as the decades passed, Uryu grew up and had his own family, and one evening, Ryuken Ishida passed. All of Uryu's friends attended the funeral, but afterwards, Uryu took a private trip to the cellar of Ryuken's old house, flashlight in hand.

Weapons, old combat manuals, private writings... Uryu sat and examined them, his shock deepening with each reading. Ryuken had claimed to be indifferent to the fate of the Quincies, but this... this painted a different picture. Something ugly, unlike the gentle joy Soken Ishida had shared with his grandson.

Uryu had the house cleaned out, and with it, any memory of his Quincy heritage. That was all over. He'd turn a deaf ear to the vengeful Quincy ghosts.


	451. Chapter 451: Picture

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 451: Picture**

Izuru Kira looked up from his _Seireitei Bulletin_ and frowned at the odd new painting that Captain Ohtoribashi had just hung up in the barracks. "Captain, what's with the ugly painting?"

Captain Ohtoribashi squawked. "How dare you! It's a marvelous piece!"

"Piece of _what_?"

"Uh... it's kind of ambiguous..." The Captain studied it, but got no answer.

To settle this nonsense, the next day Kira brought over Momo, Renji, Rukia, and Nanao Ise, but no one really go it. Then Renji accidentally knocked it down.

"Let me get that..." Kira hung the picture back up,.. upside down. And now everyone saw what it really was!

"Whoa. That's really..." Rukia started.

"It's evocative," Renji said.

Kira took it back down. "I knew this thing was a bad idea."


	452. Chapter 452: Attack

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 452: Attack**

"This is a terrific new attack technique I developed for my Shikai," Renji explained to Ikakku Madarame at the Squad 11 practice grounds. "What do you say? Spar with me?"

"Damn straight." Ikakku activated Hozukimaru's Shikai and prepared his defenses.

"Here comes!" Renji charged and swung Zabimaru in a complex, fluid attack pattern, and sparks flew as Ikakku blocked the blows. The attack's pressure was enormous!

Renji broke off and prepared another charge. "No mercy this time," he warned. "Here I c - no!"

He sprawled face-first, and Ikakku hurried over. "I see your problem," Ikakku said, holding back a laugh. He pointed at Renji's ankles, bound by a thin rope.

Then Renji spotted Yachiru Kusajishi waving and giggling, and the pink-haired girl raced off.

"Gotta be careful around Squad 11, bud," Ikakku told him.


	453. Chapter 453: Famous

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 453: Famous**

Shuhei Hisagi had a lot on his plate recently, serving under Captain Kensei Muguruma and his editorial work at _Seireitei Bulletin_ , not to mention training. He saw his own haggard reflection one morning and decided to give himself a day off.

He bathed, shaved, and played his guitar under a tree outside while the weather was good. He barely started when Momo happened by. "Looking good, Shuhei!" she said cheerily, and left. Then Rukia happened by and said the same thing. Then Isane Kotetsu, Nanao Ise, and soon, he had a chattering crowd of fangirls.

"I wanted a day off," he told them. "I'm exhausted."

"Just one more song?" a girl said eagerly.

Shuhei strummed one more song, then found Renji, Kira, and Ikakku. "I've outgrown the Skullbangers," he announced. "I'm just too darn popular. See you guys around!" He walked off, leaving a dumbfounded silence behind him. Success!


	454. Chapter 454: Dusty

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 454: Dusty**

Shunsui Kyoraku sneezed yet again in his Squad 1 office, and blinked his irritated eyes. Enough was enough; it was time to clean!

He broke out his colorful pink and yellow duster and swept it across every surface, humming a fun song as he went. Every surface seemed brighter and shinier, even the ceiling. Then he dusted Nanao's office, and when she returned, she smiled.

"It's so nice in here," she said. "I'll tell the other Captains to do spring cleaning."

Everyone else joined the program, but being a new neat-freak, Shunsui kept rummaging through other people's stuff to find any dirt or dust. "Gotta be thorough," he cheerily told all the exasperated officers. He slid open Rangiku's underwear drawer -

Nanao Ise shoved him away with her feather duster. "The only dirty thing left around here is you, Captain!"


	455. Chapter 455: Title

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 455: Title**

Joining Squad 9 meant being associated with the _Seireitei Bulletin_ , and newcomer Shuhei Hisagi felt a little intimidated. "I want to write something to prove myself," he told Captain Kaname Tosen, "but I don't know what."

"It will come to you in time," Tosen told him. "I promise."

Shuhei got out a sheet of paper at the barracks and prepared to write an essay, but didn't even have a title. He sat there until evening, paralyzed. He gave up and went to bed. Captain Tosen would be so disappointed!

The next morning, Shuhei finished his breakfast and found a surprise: loosely-written characters on his paper. "Title goes here. Just write," it said.

Shuhei grinned and got his pen. Only one Captain had penmanship that bad and advice that good!


	456. Chapter 456: Square

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 456: Square**

"Oh, it's no good," Orihime groaned when she came back home one evening. She set aside her purse and collapsed on the couch, an arm draped over her forehead.

Ulquiorra peeked from the kitchen where he was preparing a simple dinner. "What's wrong?"

"I can't land a second interview for a job," Orihime told him. "It's like I don't quite fit where I apply... a square peg in a round hole."

Ulquiorra found that wording fascinating, and the next day he visited a hardware store and bought some supplies. When Orihime returned home, he tried to fit a square peg in a round hole. Then he sawed at the hole until it was a square, and slid the peg inside.

"Maybe _they_ should change for _you_ ," he said.

Orihime smiled. "It's not that easy... but thank you."


	457. Chapter 457: Sturdy

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 457: Sturdy**

"Darn it!"

Uryu was finally living on his own, but once the ceiling light in his living room burned out, he couldn't even reach it to install a new one. His rickety wooden chair nearly split when he stood on it like a stool, and he didn't have a convenient ladder, either! Would he spend his days in darkness?!

"Hi. Do you have a small ladder I could use?" Uryu asked his neighbor, and he got one, but the rusty old thing split apart, even under his modest weight! Uryu toppled to the floor, cursing. Not even his other neighbor's wooden stool could handle him, so he visited Chad down the street and explained himself.

"I'll do it for you," Chad offered. "I'm tall."

But Uryu's Quincy pride demanded that he do it himself! The solution: sit on Chad's shoulders and finally screw in that bulb. It glowed with success.


	458. Chapter 458: Curtain

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 458: Curtain**

For added security, Toshiro Hitsugaya volunteered to join a night patrol around all the Gotei 13 barracks, but between that and his regular duties, he found himself exhausted, toppling into bed in the early morning. He installed a thick, black curtain to keep the sun out.

But the next morning, there was a tapping on the window, and Hitsugaya groggily opened the curtain to find Rangiku making a funny face. He slid the curtain back into place.

Every morning, she kept doing that, until a week later, Hitsugaya yanked back the curtain. "Lieutenant - EEEEK!"

This time, it was Kenpachi... in realistic, bloody, rotted, maggot-covered zombie face paint, making a scary face!

"Good morning, sunshine! Ha ha!" Kenpachi taunted.

Hitsugaya hastily quit the night patrol.


	459. Chapter 459: Soggy

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 459: Soggy**

It was the darnest luck! Kisuke had just walked out of the movie theater that afternoon when a cold rainstorm started, and by the time he jogged back to Urahara Shoten, he was drenched and shivering! And no one else was here to comfort him...

He was wrong; Yoruichi showed up for a visit, and she made a sympathetic face. "Got caught in the rain? Here." She helped peel off Kisuke's drenched clothes and hung them over a heater.

"Thanks," Kisuke said. "How come you're not wet? I don't see an umbrella."

"I'm too fast for rain," Yoruichi teased. She smiled. "Anyway, Kisuke... we're all alone, and you don't have a change of clothes..."

Kisuke's heart skipped a beat. "Yeah?"

"So... let's play cards!" Yoruichi got out a deck and shuffled.

"Oh. Right..."

Yoruichi's smile widened. "You sound disappointed."

"N-no..."


	460. Chapter 460: Coach

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 460: Coach**

Orihime loved to play on the Karakura High girl's soccer team, getting exercise, having fun, all that... but the coach caught a nasty flu just a week before the season's first big game!

"What a shame," Orihime said sadly to Rukia and Chizuru as the prepared for practice after school. "Now we'll never be ready... huh?"

A new coach waited for them: a petite young woman with short blonde hair.

"Hey, that's Kiyone Kotetsu. I know her," Rukia said. "Why did _she_ come here to coach us?"

Kiyone blew her whistle. "Get in formation, girls! Go, go, go! You wanna win? Well, you'd better bust your humps out here today or you might as well go home to your mommies! Fall in!"

Chizuru stared in shock as Rukia made an apologetic face. "I just remembered," Rukia said. "Her rival, Sentaro, is coaching the boys' team. It's a rivalry!"

No kidding!


	461. Chapter 461: Sail

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 461: Sail**

Ichigo had a great idea: borrow Isshin's old sailboat and have a sort of double date with him, Nelliel, Orihime, and Ulquiorra when they all had a free weekend together. They took a train to the coast, where Isshin's boat was docked with some others, and they all got on board with snacks and good cheer.

"Away we go, mateys!" Ichigo joked as he got the boat moving. There was a strong wind, and Ulquiorra and Nelliel were astounded by the endless water, and Orihime shoved snacks into everyone's mouths.

"Crap! I can't get us back," Ichigo cursed as the boat fought against him. "We're stuck out here!"

The sun fell and they were still out there. "It's like camping on water," Nel said cheerily. She lay on the floor and curled up. "Good night!"

Ichigo didn't quite share her perspective, though...


	462. Chapter 462: Pump

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 462: Pump**

The main well that provided water for the Gotei 13 ran dry, so Tetsuzaemon Iba unearthed an older water pump, but there was a catch: it was a real sumbitch to work! It was almost rusted in place and barely moved when Iba tried it.

"We gotta get some water," Iba panted as he sat by it, wiping his brow. "Renji, Shuhei, Kira, find someone who can work this thing! I'm thirsty!"

Renji tried to talk Kenpachi into it, but the Captain scoffed. So did Byakuya, until Captain Ukitake had another solution: "Just pump."

"But we already tried," Shuhei complained, until he caught Ukitake's meaning! Renji and the others found him pumping iron at the Squad 11 barracks.

"Gotta get pumped to pump," he told them. It sounded lame, but at least it would work!


	463. Chapter 463: Paper

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 463: Paper**

Captain-General Kyoraku made a clerical error and ordered too much paper for the 13 squads, and each Captain had their office buried in blank white sheets of it! It took Toshiro three hours to climb free and breathe fresh air\\.

"This is driving me crazy," Soi Fon said impatiently, sweeping loose papers off her robes and hair.

Shinji Hirako rolled his eyes... then froze. "Wait! I got it!"

"Got a bright idea, kiddo?" Kenpachi challenged him.

He sure did: a Gotei-wide paper airplane contest! Whoever threw their plane the furthest got a "prize." Everyone threw their best planes, and Momo won. "What do I get?" she asked eagerly.

Shunsui Kyoraku checked his shipping order. "You'll get..." He smacked his forehead. "I messed it up again! You got a box of paper!"

Momo beamed. "Then we'll have another contest. No sweat!"

But she was secretly sick of paper already!


	464. Chapter 464: Dinner

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 464: Dinner**

"It's really cool of you to invited me here again, Captain," Ichigo said politely when he sat with the Kuchikis for dinner at the family estate. It was always classy, and tonight was no different.

"It is no trouble," Byakuya told him.

"More than that: an honor, to have a remarkable boy like him with us," Ginrei said fondly, and Sojun and Rukia agreed.

The next night, Ichigo had dinner with his family. Tried, that is! Between Isshin yelling at the soccer game on the TV to Karin yelling at _him_ , and Yuzu trying to restore the peace, and the phone ringing, Ichigo beat a hasty retreat back to the Soul Society and knocked on the Kuchiki estate's front door.

Rukia answered. "Hi. Uh, we weren't expecting you, Ichigo."

"Sorry. But I miss the peace and quiet here."

Rukia knew exactly what he meant.


	465. Chapter 465: Powder

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 465: Powder**

"Captain, what is that?" Izuru Kira asked with distaste when Captain Ohtoribashi returned with various, cheap-looking jars of powders from his grocery trip.

"The budget is tight, due to the post-war rebuilding," Rose said. "Powdered milk, soup broth, sauces, even toothpaste. It's time to tighten our belts, Lieutenant. Sorry."

But Kira couldn't take more than three days of cheap., powdered crap before he longed for real food! He found a grocer in the Rukongai who gave him powder that was promised to make anything taste great. He barely brought it back when the Captain swiped it.

"Kira! No!" Rose cried. "That's actually... um..."

Kira froze. "What was it?!"

"Just... go to your room, buster!"

Bewildered, and wary, Kira complied.


	466. Chapter 466: License

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 466: License**

"I've finally got one of these," Ichigo said proudly when he swaggered into his bedroom that afternoon. "Look! A driver's license!"

Rukia gasped. "What?! For real? I want one, too!"

Ichigo hesitated. "Can't you use senkaimon gates to get around?"

"I insist!"

"Okay, okay..."

So he drove her up to the testing center, where Rukia gave him several near-heart attacks with her maniacal steering and speeds. Totally failed the test. But Rukia spread the word, and Renji, Momo, Hitsugaya, and Yumichika applied for a license and totaled seven smashed headlights, four fender-benders, six scrapes, and two busted axles among them.

"Oop! We kinda suck, Ichigo!" Rangiku said with a giggle.

"Damn things are hell to operate," Renji muttered.

Ichigo threw up his arms. "Just go back to the Soul Society and drive a nice horse-drawn carriage!"

"Actually, I wrecked one of those, too, Renji muttered. "Somehow..."


	467. Chapter 467: Floor

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 467: Floor**

"That does it!" Captain Soi Fon barked, and her subordinates all jumped in terror. "Omaeda!"

The Lieutenant poked his fearful face out of his office door. "Y-yes?"

"Enough crumbs and soup droplets on the floor! Get mopping!"

Omaeda sighed and got to work. It was tough, so a few other Soul Reapers helped out. "She really gives you hell," one guy commented.

"I was asking for it," Omaeda admitted, wiping his brow. "This is gonna take forever..."

When Soi Fon returned, she found a mirror-like wooden floor, mopped to a sheen! It was blinding!

"Incredible," Soi Fon said. "Good work."

Omaeda rubbed his hands. "I can do all the toilets, too!"

"That won't be necessary."

He still did it.


	468. Chapter 468: Experimental

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 468: Experimental**

Shuhei already had his cool-guy sunglasses, vintage jacket, skinny jeans, and ironic pipe of an experimental guitar player, and the girls couldn't get enough of it. Just a few performances into his tour, though, Shuhei sighed and stopped playing.

"What's wrong?" a girl asked in the audience.

"This ain't right," Shuhei said. He twanged the strings. "Um... well..."

Chojuro Sasakibe leaped on stage and started playing a saloon-style piano, and Shuhei strummed along, nodding. "That's better," Shuhei said.

Then Shinji Hirako joined them and started playing a pair of congo drums. "Even better," Shuhei said with a grin.

Finally, Tetsuzaemon Iba came on board with the tambourine, and the band was complete!

"This is our new band!" Shuhei announced to adoring cheers. "We're... uh..."

"We don't even need a name! We're that experimental and out-there!" Shinji hollered.

Good enough!


	469. Chapter 469: Ask

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 469: Ask**

"I had such a fun time, Ulquiorra," Orihime said as she finished her ice cream cone (fifth for the night). She and her roommate wandered around Karakura's trendy part of town, where college students often hung out. "We should go out more often."

"Yes, we should," Ulquiorra said automatically. He always wanted to please Orihime and keep that smile on her face. But this time, he took it to heart, and his study sessions of psychology books were about to pay off.

Ulquiorra stopped and gently put his hands on Orihime's shoulders. "Orihime Inoue, I have a question. Will you be my girlfriend?"

"Huh?" Orihime blinked, going pink in the face. "I... I dunno what to say..."

Ulquiorra withdrew his hands. "I'm sorry."

"I'll think about it," Orihime said, leading him along the sidewalk. "Thanks for asking, though!"


	470. Chapter 470: Subtract

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 470: Subtract**

Math class at Karakura high was always a drag, but this time, the old man professor made things extra lame while showing advanced mathematics on the chalkboard. Half the class was attempting to nap or just studying something else.

"Now, we subtract this variable from here," the prof said, pointing. "Who can tell me what the next step is?"

Metaphorical crickets.

"Anyone?"

Still nothing. Not even Uryu tried to raise his hand. _That_ was a first.

The prof pointed at Keigo. "You, Asano. Please subtract."

"You got it." Keigo made a sly face and stood up. "I'll just subtract myself from this class... and hit up the arcade!" He sprinted out the door, hooting and hollering.

Now that was some innovative math!


	471. Chapter 471: Clover

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 471: Clover**

"It's finally spring, guys," Orihime said as she and her friends walked home from school. "Everything's in bloom."

"It's so pretty," Rukia said brightly. "Hey, what's _that_?"

She rushed over to someone's front lawn and picked... a four-leaf clover!

"The Irish think it's good luck to have one," Ichigo said. "Lucky you, Rukia."

Just for fun, Rukia entered a drawing the next day at a concert, and won a free laptop! (Uryu explained how to use it). Then she found a 1,000-yen note on the ground. Then she sank five slam dunks in a row during gym class. Then she got an A+ on a really hard test!

"I'm jealous," Ichigo admitted.

"Yeah, all thanks to -" Rukia tried to find her clover, but it was gone!

The next day, Rukia slipped and fell on a banana peel in the cafeteria.

"Yeah, that figures..." Rukia grumbled.


	472. Chapter 472: Peep

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 472: Peep**

Giselle got a bright idea one night at Silbern. "Hey, girls," she told her friends. "What d'you think Jugram does in his alone time?"

"Smoke a pipe?" Bambietta suggested.

"Yoga?" Candice wondered.

"Look at nudie magazines?" Lilotto casually put in.

"Well, it's time to find out!" Giselle declared. "Come on!"

She led the others right to Jugram's private quarters, and through the door, they heard him talking. Was someone in there? But there wasn't another voice...

Giselle peeped through the keyhole and found Sternritter B pacing around, a small book in hand, reciting dramatic lines to an unseen audience.

"What's he doing?" Meninas hissed.

Giselle giggled. "Practicing for a really crappy play!"

They'd be the first to throw tomatoes at him for sure!


	473. Chapter 473: Tasty

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 473: Tasty**

It was time for the Gotei 13 Annual Cook-Off, and officers from every squad assembled at their ovens, grills, chopping boards, and more to make this year's winning dish! Huge cash prize and a trophy!

"Watch this, Ichigo," Rukia said as she got to work at her station. "I'll make the best souffle on the planet!"

"Yeah, well it won't beat my pasta! It's zesty!" Renji challenged her. Nearby, Momo was already whipping batter in a bowl.

Then the impartial judges assembled to test everything. "Bah. Pedestrian," Byakuya said, rejecting Izuru Kira's deli subs. He and Shunsui Kyoraku also rejected Renji, Rukia, Momo, and Shuhei's creations... and gave first place to Yachiru Kusajishi's chocolate cake!

"Wait!" Shinji Hirako cried, holding up a box. "It was a mix! Just add water!"

"You cheater!" Yumichika hollered at his Lieutenant.

"Darn. I hoped that would work," Yachiru said. "Oh well!"


	474. Chapter 474: Advice

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 474: Advice**

"What? Ulquiorra wants to date you?" Tatsuki cried in surprise while the girlfriends chatted at an outdoor cafe.

Orihime shrugged. "Yeah, but I dunno what to do."

"Does he?" Rukia wondered.

Tatsuki held up a finger. "Do something personal to you, to show your _heart_."

"No. Make out on the couch to sexy jazz music!" Chizuru cried.

"Take him on a Ferris wheel," Rukia urged her, "to show him how colorful our world is!"

"No! Take things slow, and see what base you reach," Tatsuki suggested.

Orihime held her head. "Too... many ideas...!"

Later, she slipped into a fine evening gown and met Ulquiorra, who wore a deep red tux. "What comes first?" Ulquiorra asked. "M'lady."

Five minutes later, it was time for Netflix and Popcorn... black-tie style.


	475. Chapter 475: Painstaking

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 475: Painstaking**

"Okay, just a little more. Focus!" Sentaro of Squad 13 knelt on the barracks floor and put another piece in place.

"I know!" Kiyone snapped. "You're the one who's gonna knock them over!" She set down another piece.

"You don't know that, shrimp!"

"Wanna bet?"

Captain Ukitake walked in, fresh from a nap. "Hey there, what's all the fuss?" he asked. He stared in awe at the thousands of dominos arranged in cool patterns on the floor, like sunbursts, flowers, and waves.

"Our masterpiece! Been working on it all morning," Sentaro said proudly.

"Ah _-choo_!" Kiyone let out a big sneeze right at the dominoes and Sentaro flinched in horror. At once, all the dominoes started falling in pre-determined patterns.

"He knocked them over!" Kiyone cried.

"No! You blew them over!" Sentaro barked.

Ukitake held his head. "Thanks a lot, my headache's back..."


	476. Chapter 476: Split

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 476: Split**

Ticket sales for the Firebirds band were getting pretty low, and Rangiku was sure that the band's lack of new material was to blame. Covering other bands was fun, too, but their last album, _Urban Smashers_ , had come out a while ago, and the other girls weren't feeling it.

"I kinda want to move on," Momo said, seated on a stool and picking at her bass guitar. "Maybe I could get into... the harp?"

"Harp?!" Rukia cried. "But..." She started daydreaming. "Actually, that would be kind of cool. The harp sounds so pretty..."

"I could do a one-woman act!" Momo said brightly. "Or be in a symphony!"

"Oh! And I've always wanted to try new kinds of drums, like exotic ones," Isane said. "This old drumset is getting worn out..."

Rangiku put her hands on her hips. "Then I declare the Firebirds... disbanded! Chase your dreams, girls!"


	477. Chapter 477: Cards

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 477: Cards**

"All right, Orihime... pick a card."

Keigo grinned widely with his friends as Orihime chose from his deck of cards, and once Orihime gave it back, he shuffled the deck and held out... her card! Nine of spades!

Orihime clapped. "That's so cool!"

Tatsuki went next. She looked confident that her husband would mess it up, but he presented the four of diamonds... exactly right! Ichigo and Rukia's cards were also picked out, but after Uryu had his queen of clubs revealed, the Quincy squinted at the deck.

"I've got it," he said. "I can see how you shuffle the deck to find the chosen cards. I can even write down the formulas."

Keigo made a face. "You... you _nerd_!"


	478. Chapter 478: Shade

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 478: Shade**

Lieutenant Tetsuzaemon Iba couldn't find Ikakku anywhere, so he settled under a tree that afternoon and had some sake, and even brought a few snacks. But Rangiku took notice and waved.

"Invite me to your picnic!" she cried.

Iba shook his head. "Private party."

"I knew it! A party!" Rangiku ignored Iba's protests and skipped off, and brought back her Captain, Momo, Rukia, Isane and Kiyone Kotetsu, Renji, Izuru, and even Chojiro Sasakibe... all with food! And laughter! And goofing off!

Iba felt himself getting crushed under all the party-goers in his precious shade. "Th-this was my alone time!" he wheezed.

"Not anymore!" Momo teased him.

Iba needed a new vacation spot pronto...


	479. Chapter 479: Hapless

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 479: Hapless**

"I... can't keep doing this, honey," Keigo wheezed after karate practice with Tatsuki. "I'm sore! And karate is too hard!"

Tatsuki made a sympathetic noise. "Have you tried other sports with the guys? It could be fun."

Keigo sure as heck did: soccer, rugby (ouch), tennis, swimming, basketball, even American football (double ouch). All he got was a bruised ego and body. But that last sport caught his attention...

"Look!" Keigo declared at home, seated at his computer. "I've been playing the Madden games! I'm on a winning streak!"

Tatsuki checked out the screen... just as Keigo lost the game in humiliating fashion!

Keigo huddled under the bed's blankets in tearful despair. "I'll never be an athlete or even manage digital ones..."

Tatsuki patted his head. "One day, honey. I'm sure of it."


	480. Chapter 480: Rate

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 480: Rate**

Shuhei Hisagi made a huge public sign where anyone could put written reviews of their favorite articles and serialized stories in the _Seireitei Bulletin_. Lots of people came by to put up their responses and rate story chapters 1-10. Brilliant!

Shunsui Kyoraku saw his own story's reviews and sighed. "No one likes it? That can't be right."

"As a reluctant test-reader, I must say that these _are_ right," Nanao Ise said gently. "Sorry, sir."

Shunsui snapped his fingers. "I'll work harder! And get a 10!"

The next day, he checked back and found a simple review: "10/10 - Mayuri Kurotsuchi."

Shunsui spent days and nights agonizing over why he got such a great score out of nowhere! But when Nanao asked Captain Kurotsuchi, the Captain shrugged. "I want to see how long he agonizes over it."

"Why?"

"Why? Standard curiosity..."


	481. Chapter 481: Melodic

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 481: Melodic**

Hanging out at Orihime and Ulquiorra's place was always fun for the gang, but this evening, the gentle rain turned vicious and lightning flashed outside. Then the power went out!

"Eeeeeek!" one of the girls cried, until Ichigo realized it was Keigo.

"Relax, guys," Orihime said cheerily. "It'll come back on. And this is so cozy."

In a way, it was. Ichigo sat on the couch and listened to the rain, the random thunder, cars passing outside, the tree leaves rustling in the wet wind... it was chaos, but somehow cohesive. He said so out loud.

"That's kinda smart," Rukia commented. "Write a poem about it."

"Or don't," Uryu muttered.

"I know, right?" Orihime said. "You know what, I think there's something strangely musical about noise. I could put it on a bumper sticker!"

Ulquiorra nodded. "Now I just need a car."


	482. Chapter 482: VIP

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 482: VIP**

"Whoa, this place is happening," Shuhei Hisagi said brightly as he and his friends joined the line for a nightclub in Karakura Town. Everyone was in their gigai bodies, ready to party.

Rukia snorted. "No one says that anymore." From here, she could hear the thrumming music.

"I'll get in for sure!" Marechiyo Omaeda said.

"And right back out," Izuru Kira muttered.

Rukia, Shuhei, Kira, and Momo got right in, but they couldn't find all of Ichigo's friends.

"Uryu's in the bathroom. Again," Ichigo explained at the bar. "And Ulquiorra.. well..."

Just then, Shuhei spotted Ulquiorra being gently dragged along by five happy girls. "Tell us more about the desert!" one said.

"Yeah! And how lonely and hurt you are!" another added.

"Orihime doesn't mind," Ichigo told a thunderstruck Rukia. "She's glad her friend ended up as the surprise VIP. It's good for his social skills. I hope..."


	483. Chapter 483: Boot

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 483: Boot**

"These were my grandfather's old boots," Chad told his friends when they visited his house that afternoon. "He wore them everywhere. So, they're sort of like biographers. He was very down to earth."

Ichigo found that less than fascinating, but Orihime and Keigo seemed impressed enough. Then, Keigo got great work boots as a birthday gift from Chad, and later, Orihime got rain boots from him, too.

Years passed, and the boots eventually wore out, so Chad bought them new ones. Keigo and Tatsuki saw the world together and hiked everywhere, and Orihime wore her new boots in the rain, walking her child to the bus stop. Every time they got new boots, they had new stories to share from the old pair.

Finally, Ichigo asked for some, too.


	484. Chapter 484: Adhesive

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 484: Adhesive**

"What, again?" Ichigo muttered when a framed photo in his and Rukia's house fell from the wall. They couldn't seem to keep any hung or glued item together, and they'd cracked a few photo frames already.

"I guess we gotta head up to the hardware store," Rukia said, grabbing her purse. There, she and Ichigo found not just glue and tape and nails, but Ultra Deluxe Adhesive! Guaranteed to stick anything to anything, forever!

"Now that's better!" Ichigo glued large, heavy frames to the walls and they stuck. His friends tried it too, but when Ichigo visited Orihime, he found her stuck to the wall!

"It's like a spider got you in its web," Ichigo said as he carefully peeled her off the wall.

Orihime giggled. "Oops. I'll stick to Scotch tape for now."


	485. Chapter 485: Songs

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 485: Songs**

"What's up, Kisuke?" Yoruichi asked casually as she swaggered into Urahara Shoten one rainy afternoon. She shook water out of her purple ponytail.

Kisuke looked up from his paper-covered desk. "I... I can't figure this thing out."

"Rocket science?"

"No... my first folk album!" Kisuke strummed his guitar and made a face. "I'm stuck."

"Let me try." Yoruichi strummed different chords and made up lyrics, but they didn't quite work. Kisuke tried too, but he didn't have better luck, so he passed the guitar and sheet music back.

It was late when the rain stopped and Yoruichi stepped out. "I gotta go," she said over her shoulder.

"Shame about the album," Kisuke groaned.

Yoruichi smiled. "Wrong. It was a day well spent."


	486. Chapter 486: Stew

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 486: Stew**

Rangiku Matsumoto was getting pretty tired of the Squad 10 mess hall menu, so she launched a group project!

"I'm starting my recipe with chicken broth," she announced to the Gotei 13. "A huge pot will be available. Everyone can add one ingredient and write it on my recipe to make the ultimate lunch!"

Rangiku finally did her overdue paperwork, so in the meantime, Rukia added diced tomatoes to the stew-in-progress. Then, Ikakku added roast beef chunks. Next, Yumichika added oregano. Momo added carrots, Renji put in pepper flakes, Izuru Kira added onion greens...

"Let's try it!" Rangiku served everyone a bowl of stew later, and when they took a bite, they spewed out the chaotic culinary mess!

"Next time," Toshiro wheezed, "we try Campbell Soup."


	487. Chapter 487: Shave

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 487: Shave**

"You make it look so easy," Renji told Sentaro one day.

"What?"

"This." Renji massaged his smooth jaw. "I bet you get a lot of girls with that great beard. How do you do it?"

"According to Kiyone, I look like a chimp's sad cousin," Sentaro admitted. "But listen... _believe_ that it can happen, and never touch a bad razor!"

Renji got to work. Every morning, he abstained from his usual shave, and a week in, he felt ready to show off and get some attention!

Momo, Rangiku, and Isane Kotetsu didn't even notice anything different, until Rukia saw him and hid a laugh behind her hand.

"Renji!" she spluttered. "You look like a bunch of sad, hairy caterpillars died on your face!"

The next morning, Renji reached for his razor.


	488. Chapter 488: Glasses

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 488: Glass**

Ichigo brought some friends to a local artisan exhibit, including glassblowers.

"That's crazy," Rukia said with awe as a man blew glass into shape. "My lungs would give out if I tried that."

"But look! These are so pretty!" Rangiku held up some finished blown glass. "I can't believe humans made these."

"Of course. Glassblowing goes back centuries, possibly back to the Romans," Uryu said. "I've read about the topic -"

"I wanna buy one!" Rangiku cried, and handed over the cash for the most colorful creation. Rukia looked jealous.

The next day, Ichigo found Rukia in the garage... passed out next to fire-heated glass!

"I tried to blow glass," Rukia said woozily. "Lungs... to small... glass is too hard..."

"No pun intended, I'm sure," Ichigo commented.


	489. Chapter 489: Fade

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 489: Fade**

"Hey, look at these," Tatsuki said one rainy afternoon as she came back down from the attic. She carried a box. "My old family stuff! Let's look."

She and Keigo found journals, gloves, lockets, and photographs going back to the 1920s in there, including heavily faded photos of her great-grandparents.

Tatsuki sighed. "I can't even recognize them. Like my family is gone."

Keigo kissed his wife's cheek. "It's okay. We're gonna have our own family one day and remember everyone."

"Okay." Tatsuki smiled. She didn't forget that promise; when their first and second-borns arrived, she took many photos of them, from the first years to when they graduated college. And decades later, their grandkids held still just long enough for their own photos, and Tatsuki carefully preserved them all in albums.

Even with digital photos being more convenient, Tatsuki took pride in keeping those photographs alive and well.


	490. Chapter 490: Picnic

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 490: Picnic**

Captain Shunsui Kyoraku rounded up his fellows for the annual Squad 8 summer picnic and everyone was ready to go, but for some reason, Nanao Ise was not exasperated by the festivities, but looked... somber, maybe?

The morning of the picnic, Shunsui knocked on the door and entered Nanao's office. "What's the matter?" he asked.

"I..." Nanao glanced away. "It's nothing."

"Nanao, dear..."

"Summer reminds of a hard time in my life," Nanao told him. "I... lost someone dear to me. He used to take out on picnics, too."

"I see. I promise I won't pry." Instead, Shunsui canceled the squad's picnic, and instead sent a basket of fruit to Nanao's office with a kind note.

Shunsui didn't host the picnic the next year, either, but Nanao looked much happier.


	491. Chapter 491: Acceptable

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 491: Acceptable**

Uryu Ishida, once he graduated high school, was ready to become a college man! But once he got his entrance exam results, he frowned at the label: "acceptable scores."

"That can't be right," Uryu complained to Chad, Tatsuki, and Orihime over the next few days. "I was sure I got a perfect score!"

"You should've eaten more brain-boosting snacks," Orihime said.

"You should've crammed 15 more minutes each night," Tatsuki said.

"You should start lifting weights," Chad said, totally off-topic.

Uryu negotiated with the college and took the test again... and got a score one whole point higher. He threw the papers into the sky in joy. "I DID IT!"


	492. Chapter 492: Boundary

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 492: Boundary**

"That does it!" Captain Kurostuchi roared when pranksters messed up his lab again. "I am drawing a boundary around Squad 12's barracks. Anyone outside Squad 12 who crosses it will pay!"

Everyone else carefully avoided the line Kurotsuchi had drawn, and the Captain calmed down. But then Renji spotted Rangiku at the line, nearly stepping over it.

"Almost there!" Rangiku teased Kurostuchi out loud, her toes an inch from the ground.

"Step away," Kurotsuchi snapped.

"I'm not crossing it yet!"

"You're such a pain!"

"I'm not - oof!"

Out of nowhere, Yachiru shoved Rangiku over the line!

"As punishment," Kurotsuchi declared, "I will confiscate all your sake and replace it with mineral water."

"No!" Rangiku cried. "Make me a lab test subject for gruesome experiments instead!"

"Too late!"


	493. Chapter 493: Poem

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 493: Poem**

After days of hard labor, several energy bars, and several pep talks in the mirror, Orihime Inoue had finished... her first sophisticated poem! She had Tatsuki over and eagerly showed it to her.

"It's so great, isn't it?" Orihime cheered.

Tatsuki's eyes widened. "You... wrote this?"

"Yeah!"

"O-Orihime... this is..." Tatsuki put a hand over her mouth. "Don't show anyone else, for goodness' sake."

Orihime was too proud not to; she showed Chad (he threw up), Uryu (fainted), Ichigo (ran away), and Rukia (made incomprehensible squeaking sounds). Undaunted, she submitted it to the library's poetry board, and the next day, the library closed and everyone put up "the library is stupid" signs around it.

"What did you _do_?" Keigo asked Orihime.

"I wrote a poem."

"About _what_?"

"Oh, you know..."


	494. Chapter 494: Aim

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 494: Aim**

Nanao Ise launched the first annual kido target practice festival, and Captain Kurotsuchi made hundreds of clay targets that Sajin flung into the air one by one. Anyone capable of decent kido lined up to shoot them down and enjoy the barbecue. Rukia racked up a decent score, her sleeves rolled up as she nailed most of her targets.

"Here, let me." Renji went next, but the crowd booed him when he missed everything. Isane Kotetsu scored a few points, and Hanataro amazed everyone with his good aim.

"Allow me," Byakuya Kuchiki said, stepping forward. He went into a frenzy and shot down a hundred targets in ten seconds! But then he accidentally fried the barbecue grill with a stray shot! Lunch was ruined.

"Pardon me." Byakuya cleared his throat. "I will pay for fine catering for everyone here. Lunch is on me."

Everyone cheered.


	495. Chapter 495: Dime

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 495: Dime**

Uryu sighed as he saw another group of kids all on their smartphones downtown. "If I saw a dime..."

"A dime for what?" Ichigo asked.

"For whenever people don't get engaged in the world around them," Uryu said bitterly.

"Here." Orihime smiled and gave him a dime.

She kept doing this whenever Uryu metaphorically asked for a dime for any common thing, and his other friends started doing it, just to cheer him up. Before long, Uryu invited everyone to brunch... on him!

"Have a seat," he said, beaming. "While the food's still hot."

"I'm so hungry I could literally eat a horse," Tatsuki commented.

"If I had a dime every time someone misused 'literally'..." Uryu started. Then he smiled, too. "Forget it. This is thanks to all the dimes. No more loose change needed."


	496. Chapter 496: Well

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 496: Well**

"Holy _crud_!" Isshin cried when he dug into his backyard to make a koi pond (of all things). "Kids! Come and check this out!"

Ichigo hurried over with Karin and Yuzu, and found a very old well that Isshin had unearthed during his digging. "That thing's gotta be centuries old," Ichigo commented.

"It's like a national treasure, or dinosaur bones," Isshin said proudly.

"No, it's not," Karin muttered.

"I'll try and dredge up some water!" Isshin got a bucket and rope, but all he got from the well was dirt and a whole bunch of worms.

"Not even buried treasure," Isshin complained. "Karin, Yuzu, you try! Or even climb down there and look for stuff!"

Karin rolled her eyes. "I'd rather stuff you down there and put a lid on it."

"So mean..." Isshin blubbered.


	497. Chapter 497: Cough

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 497: Cough**

Captain Ukitake was coming down with a fever and a constant cough, bedridden and grateful for the help of Kiyone and Sentaro day and night. He beamed as he accepted a tray of tea, snacks, and medicine that Kiyone held in her gloved hands. "Thank you so much. You're a real dear, Kiyone."

"You're welcome, Captain!" Kiyone cried, going cherry-red.

"You've been even more helpful than ever lately," Ukitake said. He coughed. "I appreciate it."

"Yes... it's because..." Kiyone worked up the courage. "It's because I love you, sir!"

Sentaro burst onto the scene with a fresh ice pack. "What a coincidence! Captain, I love you, man! So much!" He knelt and gave Ukitake a big hug, the ice pack forgotten.

"Y-you stole my thunder!" Kiyone protested.

"I love you both," Ukitake said. "Sentaro, this hug is rather tight... oof..."


	498. Chapter 498: Spooky

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 498: Spooky**

Ichigo thought Halloween was kind of cool, so he decided to share that passion with all his friends at the haunted house attraction downtown. But Rukia wasn't having it.

"Eeeeek!" she cried as actors leaped at her, dressed as zombies or vampires. "What the hell!"

"It's just pretend," Orihime assured her. But the haunted piano, cobwebs, Dracula's coffin, bloody paintings, and poltergeist sent Rukia packing, so everyone left with her, back to Orihime's house.

"Okay." Rukia shut off the lights, and it was pitch black except for her flashlight. She held it under her chin. "Here's a good ghost story I once heard..."

Ichigo's mind went numb with terror as Rukia told her spooky story. Totally scary! She didn't mind horror, as long as _she_ was the one inflicting it!


	499. Chapter 499: Lazy

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 499: Lazy**

Rangiku Matsumoto sighed at the huge stack of paperwork on her desk. She glanced outside and weighed the odds. Would Captain Hitsugaya catch her at her usual drinking spot under a certain tree? What about a nap at her other hiding spot? This paperwork could wait...

Then she remembered the Captain's endless hard work after the Quincies had killed Yamamoto, and he seemed so weary...

"I'm about to start my paperwork. I'll be busy today," Rangiku told Toshiro at the barracks dojo.

"Then do it."

"I will. But first..." Rangiku held Hitsugaya's shoulders and steered him to her nap spot and had him lay down in the shade. "Toshiro, _you_ be the lazy one today. Enjoy this spot. It's treated me well."

She didn't leave until the Captain was fast asleep.


	500. Chapter 500: Celebrate

**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**

 **by Ulquiorra9000**

 **Chapter 500: Celebrate**

Rukia sometimes teased Ichigo and the others for being merely human, but all that teasing was forgotten when she joined her friends thirty years after Yhwach's defeat at Ichigo and Orihime's house.

"Kazui's teaching kendo in Australia right now," Ichigo said brightly as the reunion party went into its second hour. "He's having a blast."

"Ichika could stand to learn kendo," Rukia commented. "Then she'd learn some discipline!"

Chad shared stories of helping poor communities in Central America and Mexico, and Keigo and Tatsuki shared news of their daughter's upcoming wedding, and Uryu's success as a doctor, and Orihime's fun career as a photographer.

"So..." Ichigo raised his glass. "We've come a long way, guys. Sosuke Aizen, the Quincies, all of it... and we're doing great. Here's to all of us."

"To us!" Everyone raised their glasses, too, and drank. It was a long time coming.

*o*o*o*o*

 **A/N:** And that, everyone, concludes _**My Big Fat Drabble Collection**_. Early on, I thought I'd run out of ideas by 50 drabbles, but more ideas and inspiration kept coming, and now we've hit the big 500. This time, I'm ready to put the story to rest, and pursue other projects sometime. Which pairings were your favorite? Do you think Nelliel finally has a good grasp on the human world? Did Ulquiorra find a friend in Orihime? Will the Sternritters ever figure out the right way to use a VCR? Anyway, thanks to everyone for reading, reviewing, and following!


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